Both of the cafeterias at the Motherlobe were… only okay. They served both breakfast and lunch, opening at 8AM and closing at 2PM. It served both breakfast and lunch foods with a diner-style kitchen that composed of mostly three flat top griddles and a single commercial stove and, as of this year, a conveyor belt style pizza oven. Between the two kitchens, four cooks and an equal number of cleaners served the thousand-ish employees of the Motherlobe between them, which was only practical because of the rather large percentage of the workforce that just took the tram back to their on-base apartments and ate food they had at home for meals.
They used to also go to the Lumberstack Diner, but it was closed last month for health code violations and the new owner hasn’t gotten around to fixing it back up yet.
Lili had a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, and Tanya just had some french toast, as she wasn’t hungry enough for an entree.
Oddly, Razputin ordered a single strip of bacon that was in a box to go, and instead ate the soup of the day along with a roast beef sandwich. Tanya knew he was up to something… but she couldn’t figure out what. Was he planning on bribing Visha to make a distraction for her so she can’t watch him? Good luck with that, Visha hates black pepper, even on bacon.
“...Are you sure you’re an adult?” Razputin asked her as she drizzled maple syrup on her french toast, which was already covered in powdered sugar. “If Mom saw me ordering just that…” He shuddered.
Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Has anyone ever told you that you should enjoy being young?” She asked rhetorically. Razputin nodded. “That’s because when you get older you learn that there’s a difference between being responsible and acting adult. Unlike you, I had breakfast, so I’m just having a snack. This isn’t any worse for me than a donut or a scone.”
Lili hummed. “Dad says that Tanya’s going to have so many cavities when she gets older.”
Tanya huffed. “I take measures to prevent that.” She insisted, patting one of the many pockets on her jumpsuit. Seeing only a few bites were left, she wolfed down the remainder of her sweet treat and, after she could no longer taste the syrup in her mouth, took a small bottle of mouthwash out of that pocket and hydrokinetically cleaned her teeth with it. “See?”
“Mom said you’re gonna get fat, too.” Lili added.
“That’s what the brain-piloted gynoid design is for. I have years to work out the kinks.” Tanya replied offhandedly. “Also, I do exercise. Both dental hygiene and general health is just a matter of discipline.”
“What’s a gyonid?” Razputing cut in.
“Did you know the word android specifically refers to a robot that’s made to look like a man? As in, male?” Tanya asked him. He shook his head. “A Gynoid is a robot made to look like a woman.”
“Ah, I get it.” Razputin said, taking another bite out of his sandwich. “Why is there a different word for that?”
“Because English is three languages hiding in a trench coat that tracks other languages down dark alleys and mugs them for spare words.” Tanya replied bluntly.
“Which languages?” Lili asked immediately.
“Greek, Latin, and Anglo-Saxon.” Tanya replied just as quickly. “The French are the most common victim of English’s unending thirst for words.”
“Wow…” Both children said, impressed at her trivia knowledge.
In short order, the meal was finished. “Okay Lili, let’s see what Mom has to say about your father’s condition.” Tanya said, walking towards the tram system.
“Ah… I’ll catch up.” Razputin said, glancing at the pocket he put the bacon in. “Where’s the bathroom, by the way?”
Tanya stared at him. Okay, she knows he’s up to something…
“Come on Tanya!” Lili half-shouted insistently, pulling at her hand.
“Over there.” Tanya replied, pointing in the proper direction. “Come to think of it, Hollis should be teaching the interns something soon.” She checked her watch. The mental connection lesson was supposed to be at eleven, so with the rather early lunch/late breakfast… “Go straight to the classroom after you’re done. Go anywhere else and I’ll drag you back to the circus.” She gave him one of her drill sergeant glares as she gave her instructions.
Razputin swallowed thickly at the threat. “Ah, got it! Straight to learning!”
Hopefully that’s enough to keep him out of trouble.
---------------------------------
“It’s very strange, darlings.” Mom said as she looked worriedly at the comatose Grand Head. “I’d really like to get permission to take a look inside, his readings are not promising.” She furrowed her brow as she thought about what she was and was not allowed to say. “The real issue is that the symptoms don’t match any known consequence of psilirium poisoning. That doesn’t mean much, because of how little we’ve studied the subject. Given how the device we found him in… Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to actually examine it, so we're assuming the worst: it could be that he was given a concentrated dose of the psycho-deleritous radiation. It’s unprecedented.”
“What are the effects on the readings?” Tanya asked, rubbing Lili on the back as she cried at the news.
“Well, his psi levels are so low as to be difficult to distinguish from a non-psychic readout, or a minor talent at the very least.” Mom said, pointing to the appropriate part of his medical chart. “That isn’t to say that there isn’t mental activity, though.” She said, backpedaling a bit. “It’s difficult to properly distinguish, but he’s not dreaming, that’s for sure. He still has some level of mental defense keeping his thoughts from broadcasting, so it’s difficult to tell what’s going on in there.”
“What kind of other possible explanation is there for these readings?” Tanya asked, prompting her mother to think deeply on the question.
“Well… it kind of reminds me of a form of waking meditation.” Mom said, “It’s a counter-interrogation technique. You go into a meditative trance that’s barely aware of your surroundings, making it very difficult to mentally penetrate the mind of the user. It can be used by non-psychics, which is why you see politicians and diplomats knowing the more advanced version.”
Hm. Interesting. “Why haven’t I heard of that before?” Well, she has heard that there are methods to protect one’s mind that are usable by non-psychics…
“It’s basically useless against the psychoportal, and only a little more effective against ordinary astral projection.” Mom said bluntly. “It’s not nothing, but it’s very simple. It’ll buy you a minute or two at most. Even a novice like Razputin could get past it in short order.”
“I see. Did you know that Truman knew the technique?” Tanya asked.
“I didn’t.” Mom admitted, “He’s only ten years older than me, so might have learned it when he was young from Bob. When the Psychonauts were just the Psychic Seven,” Lili’s sobs had largely subsided, but she was roused from her light dozing on Tanya’s shoulder. “-it was likely one of the best methods they could teach their families to help protect them.”
“So if we assume that his captors attempted to interrogate him, he could have slipped into this state to protect Psychonauts secrets, and their captors assumed that draining or damaging his psychic abilities would disrupt what he was doing.” Tanya said, proposing a logical scenario.
Mom seemed to understand where she was going with that. “So the fact that Truman was using a non-psychic method meant that he could keep it up!” Her posture drooped as she realized the issue, “But he can’t seem to respond to any kind of outside stimulus, and his mind’s presence is so diminished compared to normal, and he’s not responding to the usual infusion therapies. His mental energy inflows are possibly damaged…”
That was a horrible prognosis. “So even if he does wake up, he could have lost his psychic abilities…” Tanya said grimly. Lili gasped in shock.
“It’s a possibility.” Mom admitted sadly. “But that’s speculation. There could still be an alternative explanation, but with Truman’s classification level, Hollis is the only one cleared to proceed to more invasive investigations…”
“-and she already ruled that what he needs is rest.” Tanya finished.
“Well, once she learns that he’s still not improving, I’m sure she’ll clear her schedule.” Mom said optimistically, “Or find someone else she’s willing to give the proper clearances to.”
“I’ll do it!” Lili immediately volunteered. “I know all kinds of stuff I’m not supposed to!”
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
“You don’t have the training, darling.” Mom said gently. “While we were willing to let you tag along when we were investigating Dr. Loboto’s head, this problem would require only the most experienced and knowledgeable minds we have.”
“Perhaps Compton?” Tanya offered.
“Yes, he would be perfect.” Mom immediately agreed. “But he’s called in sick today, and checked himself into his psychoisolation room.”
“What about Cassie?” Tanya asked.
“I don’t know the details, but apparently Bob and Helmut noticed something wrong after she didn’t show up for work this morning and tried to get Compton to come help.” Ah, drat. It’s ten times harder to help those two if they end up with issues at the same time. “With him indisposed, they went to tend to it themselves.”
“So we have a crisis and all available members of the Psychic Six are busy or indisposed?” Tanya asked, “This reeks of enemy action.”
“Apparently there was psilirium cache left in the on-base housing along with Truman’s abduction.” Mom explained, “So Medical is kind of overwhelmed right now, and Otto’s dealing with the disposal.” Oh right, they could have theoretically called him to help. She forgets sometimes that he can do more than deal with mechanical problems. “I would assume there’s some in Green Needle Gulch too if Cassie was affected, but I didn’t hear about that.”
“That explains far too much.” Tanya deadpanned. “Why did we even let the interns show up?”
“You know how Hollis is.” Mom said instead of answering. Damn it, she did. Hollis should have just sent them all home. Then again, keeping the interns where they can be watched does have some merit, she just should have delegated the lesson to someone else. Like Olea- wait… What about… no…
“I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt.” Tanya said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She glanced around the room. Okay, no one’s disturbed his package yet… “...What’s this?” Tanya asked, picking up what appeared to be a psychically insulative high durability carrying case.
“It was chained to his hand.” Mom explained, “I got it off of him and set it to the side, I can’t get it open, and I’m honestly leery to try, it might be booby trapped.”
Tanya had experience making these things. They were designed to be air-tight, water-tight, durable enough to survive a fall at terminal velocity, and with the ability to be reinforced in various ways by internal psitanium devices. The default loadout made it psycho-islolative, with enough telekinetic inertial dampening to make an egg survive the aforementioned terminal drop, with enough wiggle room to add one more feature. They had several spares in the warehouse and two on each jet setup for secure emergency brain transport, with that last space set up to hypnotically lull the brain into a hibernation to extend the thing’s shelf life to about two weeks before the nutrient fluid becomes stagnant and too toxic of an environment for safe transport.
Actually… “This has a serial number, it’s one of ours.” Tanya announced, “I’m going to go check the files on whether this is set for classified materials.” Normally there was some kind of mark for that, but it wasn’t a guarantee. Protocol dictated that potentially classified materials, and anything in Truman’s possession definitely counts as potentially classified, are to be treated as if they were classified, so she had to look it up just in case.
“Actually, I think this is Dad’s lunchbox.” Lili said after looking it over. “I remember Mom getting annoyed with him that he was misusing it. I recognize the lock.” It did have a distinctive scuff on it…
Tanya brought back the archetype she had split off to look up the serial number in Otto’s head. “Yeah, it was checked out by Truman, so it’s classified at his level, because he didn’t specify a different one.” She sighed, “We need to get Hollis to unlock it.” Well, if they wanted to unlock it without getting in big trouble. “Do you know where Truman keeps his key?” She asked Lili.
“Yeah.” Lili said, reaching into his batrhrobe pocket and retrieving a ring of keys. “The lunchbox was…” She went through the keys, muttering to herself about which key went to where. “...this one?” She said, unsure.
Tanya tested the key, successfully unlocking the box before locking it again without looking inside. “Okay, I’ll go report to Hollis.” Tanya said, separating the lunchbox key from the rest of the keyring and pocketing it. “Hopefully she’ll come around.” She immediately got out of the office and went straight for Hollis’ office.
Whatever objective that’s trying to be accomplished by causing all of this chaos, Tanya hoped that it wasn’t happening, because the whole place is on the back foot.
…Was that Ford Cruller working that floor buffer? Shit.
---------------------------------
“...You’ve all been assigned to corral Ford?” Tanya asked, skeptically.
“Is it really so surprising?” Adam Joseph Gette, age eighteen, asked. He had grown, and was now significantly taller than her. He was still flirting with her, but it didn’t carry the same revulsion that it used to. Just disinterest. “We’re an available group of blokes, and you can’t manage someone like Ford Cruller with just one agent.”
“Yeah!” Razputin said, “Hollis said that with all those other agents out sick, it was time for us to step up to the plate!” That didn’t sound remotely like Hollis Forscythe.
“Yep, it was completely her idea.” Samantha Boole, age seventeen, added. Tanya’s eyes narrowed at her suspicious assertion. Lizzie Natividad, age seventeen elbowed her discreetly, confirming that they were hiding something.
“...On an unrelated note, what did Agent Forscythe teach you all today?” Tanya asked. Please don’t be mental connection, please don’t be mental connection.
“Mental connection!” Razputin said proudly. Damn it Hollis. This was not the time to test your mental defenses against the ingenuity of children. Damned reckless… This was much worse than last year when she suddenly decided that Father wearing socks with sandals was suddenly a travesty bad enough that she had to take corrective action. It was weird.
“I have one important question.” Tanya said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Did she make you sign anything?” At them shaking their heads, Tanya sighed in relief. “Okay, this isn’t too bad then. Legal will stop her from doing anything too crazy.”
“Whatever do you mean? It was a rational decision.” Norma Natividad, age sixteen, said, adjusting her glasses in a nervous tic.
“Completely reasonable.” Added the power-frame wearing Morris Martinez, age fifteen.
“We’re all cool, we just need to spread out and lock him down.” Gisu Nerumen, age seventeen, said.
How to handle this disaster… “Do any of you have a psychoportal?” She asked.
“Yes!” Razputin said, brandishing one. Tanya took it away from him. “Hey!”
“Speaking as someone who’s been inside that…” Suicidal bastard? Masochistic flagellant? Paranoid nutter? Cracked headcase? “-old fool’s head, I’m taking this away for your own safety.”
“What?” Razputin said, surprised. “You mean, you couldn’t fix him?”
“I did fix him.” Tanya said, “Before I put my own brain through that wood-chipper of a head he was a danger to everyone around him.” She looked Razputin straight in the eye. “You’ve seen exactly what happens to minds that go too deep into Ford Cruller’s head.”
It took Razputin several seconds to digest that warning before his eyes widened. He remembered. “You mean you- that long ago? He did that to you?”
“Yes.” Tanya replied, “So let me be clear: manage him however you wish, but do not enter his head. You will find only grief and anguish if you succeed.” Him in particular, now that she thought about it.
Razputin seemed dismayed at the news, but firmed up his resolve and walked off towards the Ford that was waxing the floors, followed by his fellow interns. As expected, those interns clamored for Razputin to tell them what he knew, but while she didn’t fully remember what happened in that time, she did have enough of an idea to know that Razputin didn’t know enough to be damaging. Original Visha’s memory was helpful like that.
Now, to find Hollis.
---------------------------------
“Hollis, you’ve been mentally influenced.” Tanya warned her. She had found the Acting Grand Head poring over the active psychic database, where profiles on all known psychics were kept. “Expanding the intern program to save on payroll is not financially sound.”
“Tanya, our Agent training course is only six months.” Hollis deadpanned. “A ten year old could do the job on most days if they had psychic powers.”
“Granted.” Tanya said. Razputin did kind of prove that. “But there are laws that would be annoying to work around, and more importantly, expensive.”
“But imagine the True Psychic Tales stories we could make!” Hollis counter-argued. “You're literally the most popular character, specifically because of your youth! If we expanded that…” Stop making sense!
“You know damn well that I’m not a real child.” Tanya replied drily. “The liability issues alone would cripple the attempt.”
“We don’t need to send them to the dangerous missions for real.” Hollis replied, noting down more and more targets for her recruitment program. “A few milk runs so we can properly say they work for us and do missions, then we write them into the high stakes ones. They’ll get to fight commies on the pages, they’ll love it.”
“You’re endorsing child soldiers.” Tanya pointed out, her expression darkening. “You’ve read my report on the Empire. You know where that goes.”
“The Russians have been employing child psychics for decades.” Hollis said in response, annoyed at Tanya’s points. “We’re just evening the playing field.”
“You mean sinking to their level.” Tanya shot back. “Commies doing evil fucked up things, what else is new?” Admittedly, American doing fucked up things was also not really news, but Americans get really pissy if you point that out.
“Our funding has been diminishing for years, Tanya.” Hollis said bluntly. “Your inventions has been saving us some money and your image has been bringing a lot of income, but we need to take drastic action.”
“Your proposal is too drastic.” Tanya insisted, “Think of the image, we’d get more funding pulled than we’d save or generate.”
Her words finally seemed to penetrate the hypnotic daze that Hollis had ended up inviting on herself. “...Perhaps I am being a little too hasty.” She admitted, “While I maintain that this is a potential solution for our financial issues….”
“You need to delegate the implementation.” Tanya finished for her. “We’re in the middle of an emergency, our financial issues are secondary to the current crisis. Truman’s condition is not improving as you predicted, we need an authorized party to do some exploratory projection.”
“Damn.” Hollis cursed, “I hate going in people’s heads. Can’t Compt- no, he’s sick. Cassie’s a no-show today, Bob was sent to investigate…” She thought for a moment. “What’s Otto doing right now?”
“Dealing with the psilirium that the saboteurs placed.” Tanya replied.
“Damn.” Hollis cursed again, thinking hard on how to handle this problem. “You know what? How about you do it?” She eventually decided. “You’re young, but you’re competent enough.”
What? Tanya’s eyes narrowed. “I’m afraid I must return to my previous point about your mentality being compromised.” She said, “You’ve let the interns influence you with your mental connection lesson again. If I’m competent enough to handle Truman, how about I handle your problem first.”
Hollis paused, digesting Tanya’s logic. “Sounds reasonable.” She said after a moment. “Stay out of the classified sections.” Okay, she was definitely influenced by her new mental connection if that was enough to work.
Okay, she just needs to clean up Razputin’s mess. “Understood.” She said seriously, taking out the Psychoportal she confiscated from the boy.
---------------------------------
[Razputin Aquato]
Okay, think like a Psychonaut. How are they supposed to get Maligula’s location from Ford? The small amount of time he had inside his head before getting kicked out was only enough to get him Maligula’s real name: Lucrecia Mux. Now Ford’s all broken up again, splitting himself up a bunch. There were the same four personalities from the camp, in slightly different roles, but then there were three new ones: a barber, a mailroom clerk, and a guy in the bowling alley.
Everyone kept their distance from Ford, for the most part. From asking around, they learned that Ford was pretty mean to anyone else who worked wherever he was working, claiming to be the boss and firing them.
The Bowling Alley was closed down so the ‘senior bowling team’ could have their designated practice slot, and no one was allowed to interfere or observe. Sam said she could get her grandfather’s senior bowling team ID and went off to find him.
The hair salon was the easiest place to access him, while he was the only barber there due to him chasing out all of the others, he did still work, and didn’t bother locking the doors when he was with a customer if they didn’t disturb him. Morris volunteered to sit around and watch him.
The janitor was also pretty easy to find, and Norma lost the paper scissors rock tourney to follow him around to keep an eye on him.
The Admiral was in the parking garage, washing cars. Adam “liked the cut of his jib” and volunteered to help him out.
The groundskeeper was difficult to track, but Gisu was cool about it, she boldly claimed that she could keep up and assigned herself to the task.
The cook was in the other cafeteria than the one Razputin knew about, and Lizzie gladly took a table to watch the man and eat food.
The mail room clerk was inaccessible, as only ‘senior mail room staff’ could access the place, and not even the thinkerprint ID thingy that Truman gave him could get past… although Tanya could get in, from what Razputin remembered from the morning. So that leaves him to Raz.
So… he needs to go find Tanya. He wished he could just tell her about the secret mission Truman assigned him, but he was very clear that Razputin was to tell no one. Not even her or Hollis.
This was so cool!