Walking through the camp we found everything, and everyone, as they normally were. Plenty of angry glares and menacing postures to go around. While they were normally ignored, today I was particularly impervious to their stares. I proceeded with the single-minded goal of getting food as my stomach continuously cried out for something.
We were slightly later today than we had been before, so the line for food was shorter. We took our positions at the back and only had two more people flank us before we reached the head of the line. The chef was there, like always, and while he didn’t have much to say anymore due to my non-reactions to his prodding, I still only got about a half bowl of soup every time.
Today was a little different though. The bowl came with a bit of bread too, pre-cut slices so he couldn’t tamper with the size beforehand. My stomach appreciated the planned out and prepared meal that made sure I got a little extra today. We retreated with the food, all the while smiling as I felt like I got away with a robbery.
Once back in our quiet corner of the camp we enjoyed the meal. I stuffed my face with some soup-soaked bread, finding the taste to be enhanced that way. Relief from my rapidly filling stomach came quickly. By the end of the meal, it felt content, but desired more.
As we watched the camp go about its business, a thought occurred to me. I already committed a slight cultural faux pas when I called Kala’s people lizardmen. If I was going to be around these people for a while it was probably a good idea to learn about them, or at least how not to provoke them.
“Hey Kala, what can you tell me about your people?”
She was in the middle of a bite and quickly finished it before answering. “Where did that question come from?”
“One part curiosity one part trying to avoid provoking people, so I don’t accidentally start a fight.”
“Hmm, well, my people, Trelnval, are generally river folk, though some are partial to lakes. We excel at swimming and generally get by with what we can catch from the bodies of water we tend to live around. Other than that, we have a strong sense of community and will support each other in lean times or defend each other from threats.”
“Anything I should avoid saying about a Trelnval?”
“Other than calling them a lizard you mean.” She said with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, other than calling them a lizard.”
“Well, some general insults that should be avoided are mudsucker, pond scum, dull scale, and tailless. You also shouldn’t say that anyone is bad at swimming, that’s usually taken as a challenge where the offended must prove the accuser wrong.”
“Noted, anything else of concern?”
“Nothing too pressing, just avoid cursing at people if you don’t want them to be overly angry at you.”
“Right, how about any of the other species, you got any nuggets of wisdom of how to handle them?”
“Let’s see, Ulgors are a very militant race, they...”
“Wait, wait, wait, which one is the Ulgor?”
“Oh, uhm, big, green, muscled...”
“Alright, got it, continue.”
“Anyway, they are very militant, they respect strength and prowess in combat above most things. To call one weak, cowardly, or ineffective in combat is a grave insult to them. You should also avoid brawn brain, leaf skin and rock muncher.”
After the Ulgor, she didn’t really know enough about the other races to provide any sort of warning about what I should or should not say. She gave me their proper names at the very least. Minotaur were called Droln, goblins were called Nactren, Naga were called Valus, and satyrs were apparently a very artsy people, so their name was something along the lines of ‘they who stride the mountains and touch the sky,’ though probably more poetic in their language. I decided they would remain satyrs until someone informed me of a nickname.
After committing all their names to memory, I thanked Kala for helping me with this. It was very informative and would probably help me avoid some fights due to ignorance. She picked up on my gratitude and decided to get repaid immediately.
“I’ll trade knowledge for knowledge, teach me more of that addition stuff, and I want to know what multiplication is.”
I laughed. “You know, you have a very one-track mind when it comes to certain things.”
“What’s wrong with trying to learn?”
“Nothing at all, you just have a particular hunger for it that is rare even in my world.”
“Really? I assumed that your people were highly educated since you know so much.”
“While general education level is higher than this world, not everyone is what you would call ‘intelligent.’ We have our own idiots. Besides, even amongst those who do well in academics, there is a general feeling of tediousness that plagues those who try to learn, especially with subjects they don’t care for.”
“What? But learning is such a luxury, why wouldn’t they enjoy it while they can?”
“Actually, in my world a basic education is common practice. We have schools dedicated to teaching children the fundamentals of what they would need to get by in life, such as reading, writing, math, history, and science. Basically, all the core principles.”
Kala stared mouth agape at me. “That’s amazing! How do you afford to hire so many teachers?”
“A little bit of our taxes goes towards paying for teachers. With everyone pitching in, it's easy to afford a public education.”
“Wow, your world sounds more amazing every time I hear about it.”
I gave a strained chuckle. “Yeah...” My thoughts descended into memories of my old life, happy little lights that seemed to shine from so far away.
I think Kala noticed me reminiscing about the past and drew my attention away from the melancholy musings. “Anyway, more of that addition, I want to know everything you do.”
I blinked a few times as she pulled me out of my own mind. Smirking, I replied to her. “That might take a little while, I learned over the course of years everything I know.”
“I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll just keep pestering you until I know it all.”
“Guess I better get started before we turn old and grey then.” A thought flashed in my head as I said that. While it was known I was immortal in the way I couldn’t be killed by any physical means, what if I also had the longevity that immortality is said to bring as well. What would happen if I ended up living forever? Even if I found a way home, it would just mean watching everything and everyone I knew turn to dust. Centuries could pass and I would still be alive, disconnected from a world that would rot around me.
That thought put a pit in my stomach, but there was no way to know if it would ever come to pass. I just hoped that I wouldn’t be around for the heat death of the universe at the very least. The idea was shaken out of my head. It would do no good to think about things like this when I couldn’t be certain of them.
Turning back to the subject at hand, I started repaying Kala for her offered knowledge with the requested mathematics lesson. We started off with some simple addition as a warmup, three plus six, nine plus four, things like that. After she had a few of those to get her started we moved into double digits. She was getting pretty good with her basic addition, adding up numbers that pushed their way into the hundreds.
It was all going well enough, until I got that feeling of being watched again. I immediately became hyper aware of my surroundings, scanning around for the source of the disturbance. Kala was momentarily baffled by my change in demeanor, but upon seeing me look around she knew that something was wrong and helped me locate the source of this unease as well.
It was then I spied some movement just behind a tent that was near us. They quickly ducked back into cover as soon as my gaze fell over them, so I didn’t get a very good look. Even from this distance we could hear some loud whisper talking but couldn’t make out any of the words that were being said.
I continued watching to see if they would show themselves, and after a minute one did. A very small green head poked out from around the corner of the tent before quickly darting back into hiding upon seeing that I was still watching. It wasn’t a goblin, or rather a Nactren, didn’t have any features that matched. The only other explanation would be a child, an Ulgor one.
“They have kids here? I thought this was a military camp.” I said to Kala.
“Hmm, well, it wouldn’t surprise me. Some people lose their homes in raids and have to make do with what they can, even if that means traveling with an army as a refugee.”
“Damn, I take it it’s not very easy to just start over again, is it?”
“Yes, and it’s not even a matter of rebuilding, you would have to move to a completely different area. Villages are marked once found, if you try to move back in it would only be inviting another attack.”
I just sighed and shook my head. These kids lost their home and were forced into a life of nomadism just to survive. This is probably one of the few semi-permanent places that they could stay. That life was definitely not healthy for a child, or an adult for that matter. People need something solid to fall back on in their life, and to lack that will often drive them to desperation.
“I’m not a coward!” Came a voice from behind the tent that was loud enough for us to hear. Apparently, the kids were having an argument about something that drove the volume of their conversation up. Most of the words were still incomprehensible, but I got the feeling this was a ‘I dare you’ kind of situation, and most likely involved me somehow.
It seemed that this would be confirmed when the little Ulgor stepped out from their hiding place. The young man, I assumed such due to lack of shirt, was standing stalk straight, looking very nervous with their small balled up hands. His friends peeked out as well, and I got a look at the rest of the party.
There was a Valus, a Nactren, and a Droln present with the Ulgor, all watching expectingly as their friend slowly approached. Despite the approaching Ulgor child, my vision kept going back to the young Droln. They looked so fluffy, like a highland calf, and I couldn’t help but want to pet them.
I managed to pry my gaze away from the fluffy one and back to the approaching child. As they got closer, I noticed that they were looking more at Kala than they were at me, but their gaze still flickered to me nervously every now and then. The young man stopped before us, and we waited expectingly for what he had to say.
He gathered the last little bit of his courage and directed a question at Kala. “Are you a pet?”
Both Kala and I were shocked into silence, each staring wide eyed at the child, trying to comprehend if he had really just said that. “I’m sorry, what?” Kala said, not entirely hiding her disapproval of what he just said.
“I... uhm, I heard my dad say you were a pet. Can Trelnval be pets?”
Ahh, the old ‘I heard it from my dad.’ Usually, this kind of thing happens with swear words and kids just using them casually, not understanding exactly what they meant. That was indeed an insult that was thrown around at Kala, and this kid probably didn’t understand why.
“No, I am not a pet, and no, we cannot be pets.” She was clearly irate and trying to hide it. This kid did appear to be ignorant, and despite being very insulting to her, she understood that there was no offense intended by the little one.
I decided to chime in and admonish the kid a little bit. “That is also a very rude thing to say, and you shouldn’t repeat it again.” I said in a stern voice.
He looked back and forth between us and seemed to realize that we were both looking serious. Now he looked like a kid who realized he was about to be in trouble. “I... I... my dad...”
Kala raised her hand to silence him with a sigh. “Look kid, I'm not angry at you this time because you didn’t know. Your dad was being rude, and you shouldn’t copy him.”
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He looked down at the ground, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I-I’m sorry.” His eyes drifted over to me for a second before going back to Kala. “Why do you follow him around everywhere then? Everyone says that Thrainians are bad.”
“Well, it’s a good thing he’s not a Thrainian then.” She said matter-of-factly.
“He’s not?”
“Nope, notice the ears, Thrainians have pointed ears, he has round ones. See?” She reached over a grabbed me by the ear, tugging me over so the kid could get a better look.
“Hey, easy!” I protested as she smirked, clearly doing this on purpose. The kid reached up and started feeling my ear, a look of curiosity plain on his face. I couldn’t help the small smile that spread onto my face at the pure innocence of children.
“Not scary at all, right? He’s very nice and very smart, he’s even teaching me a lot of things.”
“Like what?” He asked with genuine interest.
“Well, I'm learning my numbers from him right now and how to count really high up.”
“You can count?” He asked while looking between us with awe.
“Yep, thanks to him I can. What about you, can you count?”
“No.” He said while looking downcast.
“Oh.” Kala responded dryly. After a moment she looked at me and started doing those puppy eyes again. I furrowed my brow at her, and she just stared at me harder. I sighed and rolled my eyes, prompting her to adopt a victorious smile.
“Would you like to learn your numbers too?” I asked him.
The kid immediately brightened up. “You’ll teach me too?” I nodded and he beamed further. He shot a glance at the rest of the group before whipping back to me. “Can you teach my friends as well?”
I mentally shrugged. Not much difference between teaching one or four. I waved a gesture at them. “Sure.” I was afraid the kid might explode from excitement as he went running back towards his friends. He started talking to them in a frenzy, probably explaining everything he had learned and the offer he just received.
Once he got to the part about learning numbers all the kids suddenly looked a lot more energetic. They came back over to us as a group and sat down in front of me, with the Valus coiling up their lower half in a resting manner. All of them, even Kala, eagerly waited for me to begin.
“Well, uhm, I think this will be easier if I get something physical for you guys to work with.” I got up a collected some pebbles for use. Once I sat down again, I started to set up piles of stones as evenly spread out as possible. Once I had piles numbering one through ten, I started teaching.
I pointed to each pile in order and explained that they represented a specific number. After showing them what numbers they represented, I quizzed them on it, pointing to a random pile and asking what number was there. They all responded in sync whenever my finger shifted to another pile, and it was adorable to hear the small voices echoing one another.
Once I was sure they had a firm grasp on each number, I mixed it up a bit. Pushing the stones into a single large pile, they were instructed to pull out five rocks each. They completed the task with only a little hesitation. I complimented them on a job well done then told them to pair up and combine their rocks with someone else’s. After which they were to tell me the new number that was there.
They all took their time to count out the rocks one by one, and eventually came back with ten as the answer. I kept instructing them in a similar manner to how I had done so with Kala, all the while trying to resist the urge to pet the young Droln every time they answered a question correctly and looked happy about it. It would probably be rude if I did so, and maybe they would take offense to it as well.
The goal was to make sure the kids knew their numbers up to forty at the very least, and we went through various exercises to achieve that. They were just getting the hang of things and starting to figure out how to count without my guidance through every step when we were interrupted.
“Barus!” Everyone turned to see a large Droln woman running in our direction.
“Mom?” The little Droln said questioningly. There was some real fear that I was about to be trampled by the seven-foot wall of flesh and fur. Fortunately, she simply scooped up her offspring and then started moving hastily away, all the while the little one was protesting. “But mom, we were learning to count and I...” I couldn’t catch what else was said as they moved outside my hearing range.
I sighed. Well, that’s probably not going to be good. Deciding that it was better to dismiss everyone before an angry mob of parents came after me, I broke the news to the kids. “Sorry guys, you should probably go back to your parents now.”
There were some disappointed faces being thrown around when the Valus asked a question. “Are we in trouble?” There was concern written on their face that spread to the other kids.
“No, you shouldn’t be in much trouble, I think I'm the one in trouble right now.”
“Why?” The Nactren asked.
Because your parents hate me. That probably wasn’t an answer that would go over well with kids, so a half-truth was made up. “Well, I didn’t ask permission to teach you, so they’re probably upset about that.” They seemed content with the answer I gave and got up to leave, saying their goodbyes along the way. I waved to them as they dispersed back into the camp and vanished from sight.
Once they were all gone, I deflated significantly. I could only imagine that the parents would be quite irate at me being around their kids. Whatever, their treatment probably won't change that much. It’s not like they haven’t already ostracized me and treat me like I'm some kind of plague upon them.
Kala and I returned our bowls and went back to the room where she was introduced to multiplication at her request. The smaller numbers were easy for her to comprehend once she understood the basic idea of multiples of a number. The larger numbers were a little more difficult, not only because you had to do more work for them, but because we didn’t really have any way to write or use some sort of physical material to work with.
She was stubborn about it and tried to force out the numbers while keeping track of everything in her head. Eventually I stopped her and reasoned that she didn’t need to know multiplication right now and we could work on something else. Begrudgingly, she agreed to focus on other things for the time being and we continued with the basics.
I worked with her for a couple hours until dinner rolled around. Putting a pause on things, we went out to get something to eat before night fell. The mood of the camp seemed normal, relatively, so we proceeded as planned and got our food. It was on our way back from acquiring our meals that we ran into the problem I predicted.
“Thrainian!” An obviously angry voice called out from behind me.
Ahh great, here we go again. I turned to see a seven and a half foot tall Droln stomping his way towards me. He was flanked on either side by a Valus and a Nactren, who looked extremely small compared to his compatriots. The Droln was wearing a lot more armor than was typical for the residents of the camp. I don’t know if that was to intimidate me or just because he was expected to, but it was an oddity in and of itself.
He marched his way up to me and then gave me a shove with his large hand, sending me back a few steps just to keep from falling. “Stay away from our children! We will not allow you to poison their minds with your fetid words!” The shouting started to draw a crowd that circled the area slightly, half of them probably hoping that this devolved into a fight.
I didn’t know if it was because I was hungry, tired, or just fed up with every action I took being somehow deemed evil, but I felt a little snippy at the moment.
“Yes, teaching kids how to count, I'm a fucking monster. I wonder what that would make you then who refuse to let their kids learn a basic life skill?”
They were taken aback by my retort before quickly becoming angry again. “I will not be lectured to by a Thrainian! You would sooner see our children in chains than...” I rolled my eyes and turned to walk away. I didn’t have to listen to this shit. “Hey! I’m not done talking!” He said, taking a step after me.
“You’re free to run your mouth and I'm free to ignore you.” I kept walking and the rage being directed at me was palpable. It was pretty satisfying to tell him to essentially shove it, but then he did something I wasn’t expecting.
“Kretsarln!”
The moment that word left his mouth it felt like someone had stabbed a dozen red hot knives into my neck. I dropped to the ground and writhed in pain as it felt like the collar was trying to burn my head off. Kala immediately started trying to tear the collar off, but the lock wasn’t coming undone that easily.
As I spasmed on the ground, officer asshat came over to gloat. “Not so fun being on the other side of one, is it?”
“Stop it! He did nothing wrong!” Kala yelled at him.
“The pet defends her master, heel like a good girl. The effect is on a timer, and I'll renew it unless he apologizes for being so rude.”
My face became a pained snarl as I felt my anger rising at his words. Throw all the shit you want at me but leave her out of it! Against the tremors of pain that ran through my body, I planted my arms underneath me and started to push myself back up. My body threatened to collapse with every move, but I had been through worse, and eventually made it back to my feet.
I stood defiantly against him, glaring at them all as they looked unsure now that I had managed to get to my feet even through the pain. My body twitched involuntarily but stood tall, challenging them. “That all you got?” I growled out from between clenched teeth.
He glared back at me, but before he could do anything else a voice came from somewhere in the crowd. “What is the meaning of this?” Everyone turned to the voice to reveal Durdan emerging from the ring of people who parted to allow him access.
My three aggressors snapped to attention. “General, the Thrainian was becoming aggressive, so we attempted to subdue him.”
I would have called them out on their bullshit if I wasn’t trying to focus on remaining standing. Luckily, Kala was there to do it for me. “That’s a lie! They tried to start a fight and James tried to walk away. They just activated his collar because their egos were too fragile.” She spat venom practically with every word.
“That true?” Durdan asked. Just then the effects of the collar ended, and I was released from the pain as I gasped for breath. Kala came to help prop me up, looking very concerned.
“No sir, she is obviously biased.” To his credit, Durdan did look skeptically at officer asshat.
Durdan turned to the rest of the crowd, scanning through it for a moment before walking up to a Nactren in front of the onlookers. Durdan stared down at the poor fellow, gazing intently into their eyes. “Is what he claims true? Know that liars will also receive punishment.”
You could practically smell the shit in their pants as they shrunk under the withering gaze of the general. “N-no sir, the Thrainian did not do anything overtly aggressive.”
“I thought so.” Durdan stated simply before shooting a glare back at the trio. It was now officer asshat’s turn to look like he was ready to shit himself. “You abuse your authority and trust given to you by the council and lie to my face. You have some balls on you captain, I'll give you that. Should I tear them off and mount them on a wall?” I could have sworn I saw asses clench with that threat.
Durdan started tearing into them with the intensity you would expect from a superior officer who found out they had been lied to by their subordinates. I didn’t bother sticking around for all of it. As pleasing as it was to watch officer asshat get chewed out, I was fuming and needed to get out of there before I did something stupid.
I recovered enough to move on my own and stomped off back to our room. My food was dropped when all that shit went down, so that was just salt added to the wound. Kala was trying to keep up with me as I power walked my way through camp, probably sporting a very dark look on my face if the wary gazes from others were anything to go by.
As soon as I reached the room, the door was thrown open in a fit of rage, slamming against the wall. It sounded like something splintered from the impact, but I didn’t care. I started pacing circles around the room angrily. Every time I try to do something even half decent, I end up suffering for it. I was sick of it. The knots were twisting and turning in my chest as my rage built and threatened to spill over.
Eventually it burst, and I screamed at the top of my lungs as it echoed off the stone walls, magnifying it. Everything that I had suppressed in my time here came to the surface all at once. My voice strained as all my anger was released in the form of a continuous roar. Eventually, I ran out of breath and had to stop screaming. The shout left me panting in the middle of the room as I suddenly felt extremely exhausted. Shuffling over, I dropped onto my bed and began what could only be described as brooding.
I realized Kala had to bear witness to my outburst as she slowly came over and sat across from me. “James, are you okay?” She asked softly.
I didn’t answer immediately, continuing to stare off into the distance. There was a lump form in my throat as I replied to her. “I don’t want to be here Kala.”
She looked sad and turned her gaze downward. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have suggested...”
“No, not here specifically, I don’t want to be in this world, I never did. I was happy with the life I had, I was trying to be a good person, but I was ripped away, not even given a choice! I never did anything wrong in my entire life and now I'm suffering in a place as far from home as I could possibly be. This fucking world made a murderer out of me! I killed people!” I could feel my anger turn to misery, despair, and sadness as the tears started to build in my eyes.
“I’m stuck here, and all this time I've been wondering why? Why me? Out of everyone in the entire world, all the people who could have been infinitely more prepared for this than I was, why was my life destroyed again? Am I just destined to suffer? Does it not matter how hard I try to be better? Why am I not allowed to be happy!?” I could feel hot tears running down my face as my jaw clenched shut. I didn’t expect any answer from Kala, there was no answer that could be given. I just wanted to yell, to curse, to have some outlet for my pain.
Kala sat silent for a moment longer, staring at me with soft empathetic eyes. She suddenly stood and made the short trip across the gap to sit on my bed next to me. Nothing was said, she just reached out and wrapped her arms around me, pulling my head down until it was resting against her chest.
My breath caught, my eyes went wide and every thought in my head vanished. Kala had no words to give, she just held me close, lightly stroking a hand through my hair. I broke, snapped like a dry twig. My emotional dam had burst and I cried, bawled really, into her chest. My arms reached around and hugged her back, pulling us closer as the waterworks continued to flow. My breath was ragged and shuddering as my pain was released. All the burdens and restrictions came off, it felt like I had cried my own weight in tears by the end of it.
I sniffled while listening to her heart beating. A steady rhythm that reassured me that I wasn’t completely alone. My head felt light, listless as she continued to stroke my hair while I worked to steady my breathing. I sat up off her, staring into her soft blue eyes as she smiled warmly at me. Something came over me, I felt a compulsion, a desire, and had to act on it.
I closed my eyes and kissed her.
Her body went ridged, evidently as surprised as I was that I did that. It was an awkward kiss; she did not have a conventional mouth for such a thing. That wasn’t a concern right now, in fact, I wasn’t concerned about much of anything anymore as I became lost in the moment, feeling the warmth blossoming in my chest as my heart began to race.
The kiss was held for a while, probably a little too long for a good kiss, but I was also starting to feel confused. Kala had not softened her posture throughout the entire duration of the kiss. Curious, I opened my eyes again to see Kala staring wide eyed at me, unflinchingly so. I could feel my heart drop into my stomach as my blood went cold.
I broke the kiss and moved my head away slightly. She continued to stare, and each second she did felt like an eternity of torment. Eventually, she blinked and came out of her dead gaze. Her eyes started flittering around, seemingly trying to look at anything but me. I thought the reaper himself was squeezing my heart.
“I... uhm... I’ll let you have some time to collect yourself.” She said before standing and walking out the door, closing it gently.
My gaze was fixed on the door, quietly hoping that this was all just a nightmare, that I would wake up, and she would be sleeping right across from me, just waiting to be grumpy in the morning. The door remained closed, I was not waking up, this was not going away. My posture slowly hunched over, hands running through my hair before grabbing a fistful, threatening to tear it out. I could feel myself shaking for a new reason now as my mind tried desperately to fully comprehend the situation.
“Wha... what the fuck did I just do?”