I felt so happy, happier than it felt like I had any right to be. Kala returned my feelings, she wanted to be in a relationship with me. I had precisely zero idea of what that would entail, what kind of hurdles we would have to overcome, but that didn’t matter. She chose to be here with me, despite all the problems that come with me, how fucked up in the head I was, she wanted to be with me.
We stayed in the embrace for a while longer. I gently ran a hand along her back, feeling the smooth scales under my fingers, while she practically draped herself over my shoulders. I don’t know if it was the high that came with such feelings, but everything about her was amazing. Her scales, her eyes, her heartbeat, the way she snuggled into me and how her tail happily swished away behind her. She was absolutely incredible.
I could have stayed there hugging her for the rest of the day, but she decided to break out of the embrace. She pulled back a little, to where she could still have her hands on my shoulders yet look me directly in the eye now.
“So, uhm, what do we do now?” She asked with an awkward smile.
I returned a similar smile. “Like relationship wise, or...”
“Yeah, I mean, I've never really been in one before, and I never expected I would be in one with someone from another world. Are there like, different rules where you come from or what?”
“You know, that’s actually a pretty good question. I can’t really claim to be all that experienced with the whole dating thing either, so why don’t you tell me what is normal for your people, and we can compare and contrast from there.”
“Okay, let’s see, usually a man starts the courtship process by demonstrating his interest and that he can provide. After that, the new couple will go through several weeks of living together to see if their pairing will survive such close contact with one another. If they make it through that part, then they may become a bonded pair, and begin trying for a child with the village’s blessing.”
“Huh, sounds rather formal.”
“So it is not the same for you?” She asked with a slight tilt of the head.
“There are some similarities I can see between us. My people put more of an emphasis on whether or not you are compatible with one another over your ability to provide in most cases. Not to say that that’s not a contributing factor for some people, but even the poorest person can still find someone to spend their life with. There’s also no blessing of the village part, as soon as you’re of age you can get hitched to whoever you please.”
“Sounds rather romantic, like a story of the handsome outcast running away with the chief's daughter.” She said with a slightly dreamy look.
“Can’t say I'm familiar with that one. It also might not be a great idea to simply jump into marriage like that, usually ends with a lot of unforeseen problems.”
“You just made every young Trelnval girl out there cry. Don’t kill the dream!”
“What, am I not good enough for you now?” I said in a feigned hurt tone.
“Oh, come on, everyone has a fantasy they wish for, but that’s all they ever will be, a fantasy. You’re kind, smart, strong, you don’t mind when I tease you, and you’re warm, I’d say I'm pretty lucky to have someone like that interested in me.”
I smiled and wrapped my arms around her a little more. “And I'm lucky I found someone who not only treats me like a normal person but supports me even at my lowest.”
She smiled back and we simply enjoyed another quiet moment in each other's company. “Okay, back to the subject.” She said, cutting through the moment. “What should we do now that we’re uhm...”
“Dating?” I offered.
“That’s what you call your process of courtship, right?” I nodded to affirm as such. “Then yes, what should we do?”
I thought about it for a moment. “Well, I suppose we could start off small, get used to the idea and to seeing each other in that way. This is a rather new experience for the both of us in more ways than one, so going slow and feeling it out would probably be best.”
“Where do we start then?”
“I guess we can start with holding hands.”
Both of us immediately turned to our respective hands, prying them loose from the other’s body where they had been placed for the hugs. We brought them together and entwined our fingers. I could feel my face turn warm and I was probably blushing a little bit. Kala’s fingers explored my hand as much as they could while being bound with mine, and she grew a very content smile on her face.
“I think I like this, a lot.” She said as she continued to play with my hand, humming every now and then. After a minute of this her smile suddenly dropped and she looked like she was concerned about something.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her, my own worry building slightly.
“James... do you need to talk to someone, about what happened before I mean. I don’t think it’s good for you to just hold all that in until you eventually explode like you did. If you want, you can talk to me about it, I don’t know how much help I can give you, but I'll do whatever I can.”
I hummed quietly and gave her a slight smile. “I don’t know, you’re already doing a lot for me. Besides, I don’t think they would have anyone that could help me like that in the camp.”
“What about Velshi, she’s a healer right?”
“Don’t think she’s that kind of healer.”
“We can still try.” She was really pushing this hard as she tried to direct me towards getting help.
A small sigh escaped me. If I was being honest, I really was messed up in the head. Shutting off my emotions to not cause problems around here would probably not be recommended by an actual psychologist. Maybe Velshi could help me, maybe she couldn’t, but what I was doing now was not going to work in the long run.
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to ask, plus I need to let her know we resolved our situation.”
Kala cocked her head slightly. “What do you mean?”
“She kind of kicked me out of the lesson because I was too distracted by what was happening between us.”
“Oh, is that why you went in and then left in a flurry after a minute?”
“Yeah, she saw right through... Wait, how did you know that?”
She started looking rather embarrassed. “I, sort of, followed you around at a distance, just to make sure you were going to be okay while we were both taking our time to think about things.”
I blinked a couple of times while thinking about that reveal. Eventually another smile graced my face. I was really being silly if, even while thinking I was being left alone, she had no intention of letting me be.
“You’re not mad, are you?” She said with a sheepish smile.
I broke off the hand hold to pull her into a hug again. “No, the opposite in fact. I really am lucky to have you.”
She absorbed my words for a second, then leaned into my hug with one of her own. After we had our fill of close contact, we started getting ready to head out again. Kala was sticking a lot closer to me now than she had before, an obvious consequence of changing our relationship in that way.
As we made our way to Velshi’s tent to ask her for help and inform her of our resolved ‘issues,’ I felt Kala grab hold of my hand again. That stopped me in my tracks. I looked at her and saw her smiling gently at me. My head swiveled around to make sure that no one else saw this as my first thought was of how badly she would be attacked for doing such a thing. Her other hand came up and grabbed me by the chin, forcing me to look back at her and see her unphased and unbothered smile again.
I let out a sigh and relaxed. She looked determined, and there was no stopping her once she got like that. Not that I truly wanted to stop this, and since she didn’t care, neither did I. If someone had a problem with it, they could go to hell. Emboldened, we started walking again, hand in hand.
As we went around the outskirts of the camp, we came across a few people there. While initially they looked at me like they always had, the look quickly morphed to confusion, surprise, or even curiosity when they noticed that we were holding hands. Amazingly enough, I didn’t really see any disgust or outrage directed at us, though I figured the novelty of the situation probably just caught them off guard. Give it another day, I'm sure they’ll be back to normal by then.
We made it to Velshi’s room, and I led the way through the cloth divider. Velshi was there, writing in a book, and she finished her sentence before putting the quill down and turning to see the two of us.
“Well, I take it you took my advice and worked it out?” She seemingly just noticed that we were holding hands and raised an eyebrow quite high up on her face. “And then some. What in the frigid pits happened with you two? First James comes in looking so sullen you would have thought someone died, then you both show up not two hours later apparently even closer than before? I’m going to need an explanation before anything else can be done.”
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
Kala and I looked at each other and she just gave a shrug like she didn’t care. Since Kala didn’t mind, I started a brief summary of the events that transpired over the last day. Velshi listened with rapt attention and an expression like she was hearing an interesting drama show.
When I finished my retelling of events, Velshi remained quiet for a minute, apparently processing everything. A moment after that, she gave a huff, which then evolved into a chuckle before proceeding into full on laughter. After she was done with her one-sided mirth, she let out a sigh.
“You two are simultaneously a wreck and adorable. I wouldn’t mind hearing your side of things as well Kala, if we can have a moment alone that is.”
She didn’t really strike me as one that would enjoy some good old fashioned girl talk considering that my opinion of her personality thus far was somewhere between wizened sage and Full Metal Jacket drill instructor. I decided to segue into the topic we came here to discuss before we got off track any more.
“Actually, being a wreck is kind of why we’re here. We... I was kind of hoping to ask you a favor.”
“I don’t do relationship advice and I don’t officiate marriages.” She said with a slight smile.
Kala looked extremely flustered at the mention of marriage and I could feel myself heat up around the ears as well. “No, not that!” I quickly corrected. “It’s more of a... traumatic therapy issue.”
Velshi immediately became much more serious. “Oh, would you mind elaborating, if you can that is.”
I had already sort of talked about this before with Holdrem, but this was probably going to be a lot more intimate if it did turn out she had some ability to actually treat me. Kala squeezed my hand which drew my attention to her. She gave me a reassuring smile and a nod of encouragement. I took one more breath before trying to explain while keeping my secret hidden.
“I... I was tortured, by Alathos and those under his command. They would inflict painful and often mortal wounds on me, but then they would heal me afterwards, just to start again. The one responsible for this was very creative, so there was no end to the new ways they found to torment me.” My body was starting to become tense as the memories were dragged up from the depths they had been pushed to. “I can still feel it, when I'm sleeping, when I don’t have any defense from my own mind, they come back to torture me again.”
Velshi waited for a moment after I fell silent before she let out a sigh. “Animals, using a gift of healing just to prolong someone's torment. It is an affront to what such a power is supposed to be used for.”
I nodded; glad that she bought my little twist on the story. “There was also another event that apparently is not letting itself fade from memory easily. On our way here, we ran into a patrol that recognized me and tried to seize us. I ended up killing most of them, including one who could no longer fight or resist me. They were just some random patrol, wrong place wrong time, at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I can’t get it out of my head that I ended their lives, particularly the one that I could have just left and ran, but the excuse I came up with was that leaving a dangerous loose end wouldn’t be smart. As you may have surmised, the excuse didn’t really work all that well.”
Velshi looked pensively at me for a moment. “I see. I’m not sure I'm qualified to help with the torture aspect all that much, but I understand the guilt of killing someone you believe didn’t deserve it.” Her gaze became distant for a moment before she snapped back to reality and faced me with determination. “I will help you as much as I can with this, I know how it feels, and no one should have to go through that alone.”
“Thanks Velshi, I appreciate whatever help you can give. Where do we start with this then?”
“I think we should start with a more detailed explanation of what happened between you and this patrol. Please be as honest as you can and don’t spare me your feelings on the matter, I found that it helps to speak your mind with these things.”
I took a quick breath before beginning a recounting of the situation as it played out. During the retelling, I made sure to make mention of my intention, what was going through my head at the time, and that I was really concerned that they might have just killed Kala if they managed to apprehend me. Velshi listened to me talk only interrupting for an occasional clarification. Once I had finished with reliving everything that came to mind, she offered her perspective on the matter.
“I’ve known a few people who have fallen into a battle rage and committed acts that they later regretted or that changed them in some way, me being one of them. While you cannot undo what has been done, and some part of what happened will always be there, you can at least make an effort to see to it that those people who died did not do so pointlessly. You were defending yourself, and Kala, you had more justification than most would in that situation. I want you to imagine what might have been if you did nothing, if they captured you and Kala.”
I did so, imagining just how things might have gone. The best case for me was being dragged right back to the capital to be tortured endlessly again. Kala, though, would have been put back into slavery, and at worst, would have been executed on the spot. Sitting here, holding hands with her now, such a thought sent a chill deep into my heart as I squeezed her hand a little tighter.
Kala took notice and gave me a sly smile. “Easy on the grip strength there James.” I realized I was putting a bit too much pressure into it and eased up.
There was an amused chuckle from Velshi. “I imagine you just thought of her being subjected to a very cruel fate, did you not?” I just nodded in response. “You probably saved her life, either from a slow painful death, or an abrupt one at the side of the road. It need not end with her either, you can go on to save many more lives through your actions, all it takes is for you to find someone in need and do something to alleviate their pain.”
I considered that. Was it really so easy as to just try to help others to make up for it? Did I even have anything good left in me to give? And finally, did this world even deserve my efforts in the first place? I would do anything for Kala, but almost everyone else has shown themselves to be undeserving.
Kala got my attention. “James, I know that people haven’t been the best to you, but if you can just show them that you aren’t what they think of you, you can get them to see you the same way I do. Well, maybe not exactly the same.” She added on to the end with a grin.
Sometimes it feels like she could read my mind. I gave a slight huff in amusement towards her before sighing. While the general consensus was that most of the people in this camp didn’t really treat me that much better than Thrainians, I really wasn’t making much of an effort to change their minds on that. Going full blown saint out of nowhere probably wasn’t going to happen, but perhaps a few little things might be a start. Maybe some people could be convinced to meet me halfway. This entire time I've been on the defense, making myself as small as possible, perhaps being a bit more proactive could yield some results. Still, this would really stretch the limits of what was left of my goodwill.
“I can... try.” I finally said.
Velshi gave a slight nod. “That will do. It’s best to start small, a few good deeds here and there, but just a little bit of effort can go a long way. Of course, these are methods that worked for me, if you truly feel like they are having no effect, we can think of something else. As for your other trauma, I'm afraid I cannot offer my personal insight into the matter. For now, let’s try some self-assurance. Whenever you have an episode or think of what happened to you, I want you to say, ‘it’s in the past, they cannot hurt me now.’”
That seemed slightly ridiculous, but I suppose when it came to the mind, things tend to get a bit ridiculous. There was also the slight issue that I was also worried about this place putting me on a table as well. I decided to give it a go as this was just a best guess of what to do for either of us. Doing something was better than doing nothing and letting the problem fester at least.
Velshi continued with some closing statements. “Well, I believe that you have a lot to think about and I should conduct some research of my own as well, see if we have any loose books or scrolls around that can help. I do expect you to show up for regular lessons tomorrow, but perhaps we can add some time after for a talk. Do take care of yourself in the meantime and take care of each other as well.”
Kala and I nodded and then got up to leave. We had nothing to do for a while, so we went back to our room to just take a breather. It had been a very turbulent day thus far, and it seemed like we would be in for some interesting times ahead. We received some more curious and befuddled looks from those around us as Kala had yet to relinquish control of my hand. I was starting to fear that it was no longer mine.
I also took notice of an Ulgor matching our pace from a distance. That was a little disconcerting, being followed, but hopefully it was one of the officers that Durdan had appointed to be our chaperone from now on. There wasn't any hostility radiating from them, and it certainly looked like they were more bored than anything, so I just kept on with my day.
As we approached our room, I noticed an Ulgor lady sitting on a rock near the entrance, with a familiar kid messing with some stones nearby. She noticed our approach and stood up, waving a hand at her kid to summon him to her side. She had a hand on her kids' shoulder and stood straight, looking serious, yet impassive. Angry parent that missed out on the initial lynching? Whatever, hopefully our shadow will do something about them if this turns sour.
Her stone-like expression broke momentarily as her eyes went down to our hands, but she recovered quickly and brought her focus back as we came up to her. “You’re the Thrainian, James, I think, right? You’re the one who was teaching my kid?”
I sighed through my nose. “Yeah, human, but whatever, you have a complaint to lodge too or is this going to get physical?”
“No... I was... I am here to ask if you would consider continuing to teach my child.”
That threw me for a loop, and my brain had to be reprogramed for a moment to get it to run again. After that moment passed, I furrowed my brow skeptically at her. “If I recall, your kid mentioned that your husband does not hold a high opinion of me, or Kala for that matter. Apparently, he refers to her by a very rude term that your son picked up on, so why should I do anything for you?”
She noticeably tensed up a little bit before she started speaking again. “I’m... sorry for that. I have noticed some troubling things with my husband over the last few years. Every time he gets deployed and returns, I can only thank the gods for keeping him safe, but he has become... different, than when I first met him. I can see it in his eyes, I can feel it in the way he holds me in the night, it’s as if he loses a little bit of himself every time he fights. I don’t know what happened to him out there, he won’t tell me, but it makes me afraid. I don’t want that to happen to my son, I want him to be better than we were, to have a brighter future waiting for him, and at one time I thought my husband wished the same, which is why we started fighting this war in the first place.” She looked very sad now, clearly distraught at the thought of what was happening to her significant other.
“He does not know I am doing this; I do not think he would allow it. Lately it seems that he is more interested in fighting than he is in making sure our son has a future. If I have to get on my knees and beg you to teach my son, then I will do so. Our children deserve a better life than we had, and it is the duty of a parent to make sure that they get it. I do not believe you are as bad as I hear. You have done nothing condemnable in your time here, and your... friend? Seems to trust you quite explicitly, so you must have some good qualities about you.” She looked rather determined, and it wasn’t out of the question that she would indeed beg me if necessary.
I sighed and rubbed my neck. “What if your husband finds out? I don’t like the idea of suddenly getting sucker punched in the middle of camp by a disgruntled parent.”
“If he does find out, then I will do what is needed to stop him, even if it means getting him tossed in a cell for a while to cool his head. All I want is a better future for my child, and if he can’t agree with that, then he has truly become a stranger to me.”
She seemed genuine; at least to the point where any falsehoods couldn’t be detected in what she said. I did say that I would try to do something to change their opinion of me, maybe this could be a start. With one last sigh, she received my answer. “I really hope that it does not come to that... After lunch, if you want, I will teach your son again. Just come back to my room.”
She smiled and took a relieved breath. “Thank you.” She said with a bow, pushing her son down into a bow as well. “We will return as instructed.” She assumed an upright posture again and strode off back into camp.
As we watched her leave, Kala gave my hand a squeeze to draw my attention. She was smiling at me and gave my shoulder a little bump of encouragement. I gave an amused huff and bumped her back. It was certainly going to get very interesting around here, and I could only hope that this wouldn’t blow up in my face like everything else.