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Ouroboros Book One
Confronting the Past

Confronting the Past

It was still about another two hours till the next meal was available according to Kala. I think the waiting was almost just as bad as diving right in and getting it over with. It allowed me to think about what I would have to go through, how I would be treated trying to just get something to eat. It was all just fuel for my anxiety.

We decided to wait out the two hours back in our room. Kala did her best to try to distract me from the impending trudge through camp, which I was only partly convinced wouldn’t end in a lynching. She was asking all kinds of questions just to keep my mind off it. Some of them were a bit nonsensical, but I appreciated the effort.

Those two hours passed by simultaneously way too fast, and agonizingly slow. Such a feeling of warped time made me question if there was in fact a time god in this world, and whether or not they hated me as well. Nothing I could do about it though, not until I somehow figured out how to punch a god.

Kala had made a trip out to the entrance of the cave to confirm the time. Waiting for news on whether we were heading out right now was like waiting for the doctor to come back with your test results. She came back into the room with an uncomfortable expression on her face.

“They’re serving it up now.” She stated plainly.

I just sighed heavily and got up. There was no need for additional words, we both knew approximately how this would play out. Didn’t stop it from being a pain in the ass though.

Kala stayed close to my side, trying to provide a little bit of comfort and support as we made our way forward. Every ladened step felt heavier than the last. I could feel the knot stuck in my chest as I willingly walked towards pain and ridicule, just so I could have lunch.

The sight of the camp put a pit in my stomach. Each of the off-white tents felt as foreboding as a live bomb that could explode at any moment. It was a minefield, primed to blow if I made a single misstep. Another sigh escaped me. I just want something to eat, could you not fuck with me for ten minutes. I already knew that was too much to ask, but it didn't hurt to try anyway.

I let Kala take the lead as I didn’t know exactly where to pick up food. We bobbed and weaved through the tents, occasionally running into someone who would either glare or make some sort of derogatory comment in passing. After a minute of navigating the less populated areas, we came upon our destination.

I saw the line before I saw where they were picking up any food. There were probably a solid fifty mixed species of people in line, waiting for their chance to get some grub. At the far end of the line was a row of tables where they handed out bowls of food. Behind the tables was a set of fires that were keeping cauldrons of what was probably soup hot. A large animal that looked sort of like a cross between a deer and a bison was on a spit, being roasted and occasionally cut up before tossed into another cauldron.

More people were showing up and stepping into the back of the line. I figured we might as well try to get a place while there was still food, so we started our approach with a great amount of trepidation. As we got closer, a couple of people noticed us and started to sneer and murmur to whoever was next to them. It was only a few moments before most of the line was staring at us.

I did my best to ignore them, hoping that they wouldn’t find any interest in me right now and were more concerned with food. The satyr I stepped behind to get into line looked at me with disgust and inched away from me. The slight gap it created was allowed to remain, no need to aggravate.

We advanced a few steps in line before a trio of orcs came over to get in as well. Instead of flanking me, they just walked in front of me, lead orc giving me a hard shove out of the way as he did. The shove sent me stumbling backwards into Kala who caught me. I caught a glimpse of a nasty smile, followed by a huff of amusement as the three cut in front of me. Kala growled angrily and stepped around me, probably with the intent of maiming someone. I grabbed onto her shoulder to stop her, giving a little shake of my head. She looked back and forth between me and the three assholes before slumping her shoulders with a sigh. There was nothing to be gained from fighting, especially when we were so vastly outnumbered.

Luckily, no one else had the bright idea to just simply cut in front of us. A couple more people took up position behind us, and the hairs on my neck couldn’t have been unhappier. It was like pins and needles being driven into the back of my head, sending shivers and tingles running rampant. I just picked out some random other location to suddenly find extremely interesting. There was a feeling that if I looked it would start something that wouldn’t be pleasant.

We were getting closer to the front of the line, the smell of cooked food wafting along on the breeze. Seems like food is a good enough distraction as most of the eyes left me and instead focused on the meal to come. I was next in line, the last of the rude trio having been served.

I stepped in front of the orc server who probably doubled as chef. He looked me up and down with a decidedly unfriendly gaze. “What do you want?” He growled out at me.

Should I spell it out for you? Asshole. The words that actually came out of my mouth were a little more levelheaded. “Just something to eat.” I kept my face as expressionless as possible.

“That so.” He grew a disgusting smirk.

Fucking hell, here it comes. I would have rolled my eyes but that would have just made it worse.

He went over to a cauldron with a bowl. He scooped out a serving in a ladle full of the soup but barely put any of it in the bowl. He returned and held out the bowl for me with that same smirk on his face. The bowl was less than half full.

“Special Thrainian portion, you all seem to think this is enough to get by on.” There was some chuckling from the line behind me, and I could practically feel the burning anger of Kala as she hovered behind me. Frankly, my desire to argue about my species was nonexistent after so many fruitless attempts. I just exhaled through my nose and took the bowl without any expression. While turning to leave, I gave Kala a look that said calm down. It would serve no purpose for her to lose out on food because she got angry with the chef.

I walked away from the line to a secluded area where I could wait a few seconds for Kala to show up with her portions. It was a relief to see that she kept her cool and got a full bowl. Even if she restrained herself long enough to get her meal, her expression now read seething rage. She stopped in front of me, eyes glued to my mostly empty bowl. If her jaw clenched any tighter, I was afraid she would crack her teeth.

I put a hand on her shoulder to take her attention away from the bowl. “Take a breath, you're going to give yourself an aneurysm.”

She took a single breath before responding. “I have no idea what that is, but I imagine it's not good, so I'll try.”

I gave a weak chuckle. “Yeah, it’s not good, so do calm down a little if you can.”

She shook her head and looked at the ground. “It’s just... They’re just...”

“I know. Let’s just find a place away from them and eat.” The tension in her body died down a little and she nodded. We made our way out of the main part of the camp to a more secluded area to sit and eat. We found a slightly elevated location near the rock walls that surrounded us. It had some flat rocks that made for good seats.

Before I could start eating Kala presented her bowl in front of me. “You can have some of mine if you want.”

I considered the bowl for a second before smiling at her. “Kala, you’ve lived with this for a year, I can live with this for a few days.” It was a little hopeful on my part to think that the whole thing would get boring for them that fast, but I held out for it just in case.

She looked between her full bowl and my mostly empty one then back up to me. My smile remained, showing true gratitude towards her for her consideration. She slowly retracted her bowl seeing as I was not faltering on my convictions in this matter.

We both ate our portions in relative silence. The soup tasted good, just enough seasoning to keep the tastebuds interested without drowning out the natural flavor of the ingredients. It could also just be a limitation of supplies that prevented over seasoning, but I had a feeling the chef knew what he was doing.

I finished first, naturally. After which I simply enjoyed the quiet and soft sounds of a lively camp at a distance. The smell of a campfire was always a pleasant one as well. The slightly smokey and acrid scent of burning wood was relaxing. It was in my observation of the surrounding area that I spied a lone green lizardman walking up the hill in our direction. Welp, there goes the quiet.

I steeled myself for whatever bullshit was heading my way. Kala noticed the approach of the lone lizardman and glared at him as he got closer. He either didn’t notice or didn’t care as he was approaching with his sights set firmly on me. I noticed he was carrying a bowl of food as well, so he must have picked it up recently.

My stare was as impassive as I could make it when he stopped just a few feet from me. So, what are you going to do? Insult me? Throw your food in my face? Maybe you’re feeling bold and want to take a swing? As I was thinking about the possible actions he might take, I was surprised when he simply held out his bowl of food towards me.

Uhm, okay? I raised an eyebrow at the action while trying to think about how this was somehow designed to fuck with me. “What, did you piss in it?” I asked the suspicious individual.

His brow furrowed a little. “No, it’s... I just, wanted to apologize.” He almost mumbled that last part.

“Err, what?” I stared in disbelief at this lizardman who was acting out of character from what I've come to expect. Amid my astonishment a realization came that I recognized him. “Wait, you’re the one who showed up in my cell that last day.” His eyes turned downcast, and he nodded in affirmation.

I was surprised for a couple of reasons. One, that this was even happening in the first place, and two, why this one out of all of them was apologizing. “I recall you didn’t actually do anything.”

“Yes, but... I thought about it, I was going to, then I saw you in the dark of that cell. You looked just like my friend did, when we were enslaved to nobles. They would beat us for everything, every slight mistake, every little thing not in order, sometimes just because they were upset about something else unrelated to us. One day, my friend made a mistake, one that was apparently expensive, and they... I saw him in the cellar we slept in after they were done. He didn’t even look like himself anymore.”

“He died that night, succumbed to the wounds inflicted upon him. He looked so scared before he faded away. I was thinking about doing that, doing the exact same thing those nobles did to him, and I didn’t even question it, didn’t even think twice. It disgusts me that I would even remotely imitate them, that there are so many here that do imitate them. My anger consumed me like many others, but I don’t want that. I want to be better than them, otherwise there’s no point in what we’re doing here. I don’t expect your forgiveness, I don’t deserve it, but please, accept this little repentance of mine.”

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The sadness and regret registered in his eyes as he spoke. Oddly enough, I felt a little bit of respect for him. Not only did he turn away from an opportunity to vent his anger, but he also realized that it was wrong, and is trying to make amends. It takes its own kind of courage to admit your faults and more so to apologize for them.

There weren’t any words that I could say about this situation. In leu of any attempt at verbal communication, I just reached out and took the offered bowl from him. He responded with a slight smile and bowed his head to me. After he was seemingly finished with his apology, he righted himself and walked back down into the camp again, leaving us with the extra food and our thoughts about what just transpired.

I was deep in contemplation while staring into the soup. Something was stirring inside of me, a strange feeling that was all but alien to me in the last month and a half. It was hope, hope that maybe not everyone in this world is irredeemable, that there were a few who actually had compassion. It was a fleeting feeling as I remembered the reality of the situation, and how these rare, good people were vastly outnumbered.

In the end, I decided it would do no good to ruminate on such things. This world was still out to get me at every turn. I would take the first bus that presents itself out of here and back home. This reality could fester on its own, my presence wasn’t required for that.

I started to eat the extra food with caution, taking small pulls from it at first to see if it had been tampered with in any way. It tasted just like the portion I had already eaten, so at least there were no obvious changes that had been made to it. I mentally shrugged. If it tasted just like normal food then whatever, if it’s poisoned and it kills me, no big deal. Depending on the poison I would just take a ten to fifteen second nap.

Kala and I just continued eating for a minute before she gave her thoughts on what transpired. “That was nice of him, kind of refreshing not to have to be angry at someone.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I can respect his integrity at the very least.”

“Maybe you could make friends with him too?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, you’re already a handful, don’t think I could survive two of you being around.” I said with a smirk.

“Hey, we’re not all the same you know.”

“So you admit you’re uniquely troublesome?”

“I’m uniquely amazing! If anyone is troublesome it has to be you. You seem to have a knack for finding yourself in dangerous situations.”

“Won’t argue that, but I will say that none of them have been of my own making. I just exist and shit tends to fall on me.”

“I guess that’s fair.” She conceded.

We turned back to our respective meals. Kala finished her bowl before I was done with the second helping that was gifted to me. It was nice to have a full meal, but I couldn’t expect that guy to give up his food every day for me. I’d still probably have to get used to half rations for a while.

I finished up the last of the soup with a satisfied sigh, probably the last one that would be released for the next few days, or weeks. Now that we were done with our meals, we started back into the camp to return the bowls. Along the way a couple of residents decided to fuck with me a little more. I was purposely and forcefully bumped into a couple times. A Naga had conveniently stuck their tail out in my path causing me to stumble a little bit to avoid it. It seemed that while physical violence had been reduced, it didn’t stop the bullying aspect that made this place feel like a cutthroat high school, complete with immature dick heads.

I could only groan quietly to myself as I weaved around some attempts to hamper my progress through the camp. We came back to the chef to drop the bowls off. He smirked as I came up to the tables.

“Well, I hope my cooking didn’t offend the delicate sensibilities of your oh so cultured tongue. Would be a shame if that refined palate of yours was soiled.” The sarcasm was practically oozing out.

I did not rise to his provocations, as unfounded as they were, and simply placed the bowls down on the table. “It was good.” I stated flatly.

I saw him recoil slightly and a look of befuddlement crossed his face for a split second. He quickly recovered from my reply and made a tsk sound with his teeth before scooping up the bowls to be washed. I turned away from the interaction and let myself have a small smile. Being polite does indeed annoy angry people.

I could really only get petty revenge like that as any other course would most likely amplify my own problems. Kala stepped up beside me as we started walking. “So, what do you want to do now?” She asked.

“Now, I want to relax and heal some of these bruises. I swear, I'm going to be purple in a few places.”

She looked slightly concerned. “Does it hurt much?”

“Not very, just when they’re touched.”

“That’s good. Let’s get you back to the room then, hopefully you won't fall apart before we make it.”

“I’ll hold up, I promise.” I said with an amused huff.

We walked through the camp, diverting to avoid large clusters of people here and there. We made good progress, being mostly unmolested by individuals who crossed our path. It was all going as well as it could, until we rounded a corner and I collided with a blue scaled lizardman. We both bounced off each other and he shot me a deathly glare. Ahh shit, I was hoping to avoid a brawl.

I prepared to throw up my defenses but maintained a relaxed pose for the moment in an attempt to not escalate things. The attack I predicted did not come to pass, however. I noticed that the lizardman furrowed his brow as he looked at me, then, after a moment of inspection, his eyes slowly widened until he looked like he had just seen a ghost.

He took a step back from me, then two, and three, all the while his breathing was elevated like he was scared. I was greatly confused as to why this was the reaction I was getting. I quickly shot a glance behind me to see if there was some scary individual who was lurking there. No one was present behind me, so my confusion only grew.

When I turned back to the lizardman he was already running away, red tipped tail swinging behind him. Someone was ringing a very loud annoying bell in my head with frantic urgency. This person really should have held a sign up as well because I couldn’t immediately figure out why the alarms were sounding.

I wracked my memory for a moment, trying to dig up the reason why I seemed to find him familiar. Slowly, oh so painfully slowly, the memories came to me. My first ten minutes in this world seemed like an eternity ago, yet they came flooding back to me all at once. Specifically, I recalled the second time I died here. A lizardman stabbed me in the chest and said lizardman had a red tipped tail as well.

“Oh fuck!” I immediately started running after the retreating lizardman, only just catching which way he was turning before losing sight of him. Kala started protesting behind me, but I didn’t make out anything she said as I was too busy chasing down this potentially fatal problem.

I sprinted through the camp, ignoring the surprised and angry shouting of those around me while speeding by. My gaze was locked onto that red tail, picking it out of the crowd as it weaved its way through the tents, taking shortcuts between them and generally trying its best to lose me. At one point the tail’s owner saw me charging after him and his frantic escape doubled in intensity.

He cut behind some tents, throwing a few stacked crates in the path behind him. In my best cross-country hurdle, I leapt over the obstacles strewn in my path, barely losing any momentum. He was evidently in a panicked state of mind as he made quite a few mistakes trying to escape from me. This worked to my advantage as the distance between us was slowly closed. As he attempted to make another detour by squeezing between a couple of tents, I finally got close enough to end this little chase scene.

With a lunging tackle I wrapped my arms around his waist and brought him down to the ground hard. It was a good thing we were out of view of most others in the camp, as that move might have gotten me mobbed out in the open. I rolled him over and he stared at me in terror while shielding himself with his hands.

“Please! Don't take my soul to the pits, I'm sorry! I’m sorry!” He frantically started begging me, probably thinking I was a ghost or some spirit that was haunting him. Amusing, but I wasn’t in any mood for that.

“I’m not the fucking reaper, I'm worse because I'm real, and I will make you suffer if you don’t answer my questions. Got it?” He nodded very quickly. “Good. Now, I take it you recognize me then? Care to tell me where from so I can confirm some things.”

“Y... you were on the battlefield outside Carnock. I saw you and engaged you in battle before I... I... I killed you.” He almost squeaked out that last part.

“So, you are the one I was thinking about. Fucking damnit, why did you have to be in this camp, and why did you recognize me out of everyone that was there?”

“Y... you were the only one without armor, or weapons, and that look on your face when I stabbed you... oh gods, please, don’t damn me to the pits.”

I gave a firm press on his chest. “I already told you I’m not a fucking ghost, I'm still alive asshole.”

“What? But how? You shouldn’t have been able to survive that wound, especially in that situation.”

“I’m complicated like that, so if you don’t want to try your luck at surviving me this time, then you will do one simple thing for me. Keep, your, mouth, shut! You will not breathe a word about me to anyone. If I hear so much as a rumor about what happened back then, I will personally make it my mission to make sure you die in such a painful way that you will beg me to kill you by the end. I am extremely difficult to kill, as you no doubt know already, so it doesn’t matter how long it takes. I will hunt you down if I have to. Understand?” I menaced him as intensely as I could with both my gaze and words. It seemed to have the desired effect.

“Ye... Yes, I won’t say a word.” I didn’t really trust him, but in this situation, I couldn’t do shit. If he was found dead, then everyone would turn their attention to me, rightfully so in this instance. I’m pretty sure a few people had seen me running after him as well. I could only threaten him with a fate worse than death and hope that was enough.

“Good.” I got off him and let him prop himself up. He looked shaken, but not as terrified as he once was.

“Wh... Why are you here? What are you planning?”

“I’m not planning shit! I just want to survive and go home so I don’t have to deal with all you assholes being around every corner. Yet it’s always one fucking thing after the next here, all of it designed to fuck me over. So, if you don’t want to end up as stress relief for me you best hold to your end of the deal.” He just nodded vigorously, and I gave him a dismissive hand wave.

He cautiously got to his feet again, eyes locked on me the whole time as he backed away slowly. After he got a few steps in, he turned and started power walking away, shooting glances over his shoulder at me as he did. I was really hoping that I could get through this without anyone knowing my secret, but that was apparently too much to fucking ask for.

He disappeared from my line of sight, and I couldn’t help the feeling of foreboding that said this wasn’t over. An exit strategy started to form in my head, just in case. If there was even a whisper that more than two people were aware of what was going on with me, I was gone.

I stepped out from behind the tents I caught that lizardman behind. Some new transient individuals gave me dirty looks, but it didn’t seem anyone was aware of what went on. The sound of someone calling my name off in the distance caught my ear, undoubtedly it was Kala trying to find out where I had gone.

My path took me in the direction of the voice. A minute later I found Kala walking quickly around while calling my name. I whistled at her to get her attention and she snapped her head in my direction. A simple wave at her summoned her to my side with a very irate look.

“Why did you just take off running? I lost you for a bit.”

“Sorry, but we have a problem.”

Her look changed to concern. “What?”

“Let’s talk somewhere quiet.” She looked around and then nodded. We exited the general area of the camp to a place where we could talk without fear of anyone listening.

We stopped and Kala renewed her question. “So, what’s the problem?”

I cut right to it. “Someone else knows I'm immortal.”

“What!” She said loudly before becoming conscious of her volume again. “How did they find out?”

“Well, they kind of killed me already. When I first got dumped into this world it was in the middle of a battlefield. In that battle I was killed a couple of times, one of them being at the hands of this individual.”

“Who is he?”

“Don’t know his name, but he’s a blue scaled lizardman with a red tipped tail.”

“Lizardman?” She questioned.

“Oh right, one of your people, I don’t know your word for it.”

“It’s Trelnval, I wouldn’t recommend calling anyone else a ‘lizard’ to their face.”

“Right, sorry.”

She shook her head a little. “Is he still alive?”

I sighed. “Yeah, he’s still alive, and that’s the problem. Can’t kill him when I'm surrounded by an army that will tear me apart for doing so. I also can’t just abduct him because someone will eventually want to know where he is. Had to settle with threatening him with a very painful death should he speak a word about it.”

“Should we do something else? Maybe try to win him over?”

My hands were thrown into the air. “I have no fucking idea. We can try, but he’s terrified of me. You may be able to do something, but right now, I’m the fist in this situation.”

She scratched the back of her neck and let out an exasperated sigh. “Like I said, you’re the troublemaker here.”

I couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. “True, true, but I think we need to focus on navigating this new bit of trouble above all the others. Let’s talk about it behind closed doors, I don’t like speaking about these things in the open.” Kala nodded and we started heading off back to the room for a strategy meeting. Another layer of bullshit upon the pile.