“Hey I think he’s back” someone spoke from behind him as Kyle slowly opened his eyes to be met with an array of notifications
{Classification trial complete}
{You have earned the [{Lord of Slimes}] unique class}
{Title unlocked [{Void}] as unique}
{Class [{Lord of Slimes}] Passive skill [Slime Body] unlocked}
{Class [{Lord of Slimes}] Passive skill [Slime Shift] unlocked}
{Class [{Lord of Slimes}] Active skill [Core Overload] unlocked}
{Title [{Void}] Active skill [{Named}] unlocked}
{Class [{Lord of Slimes}] has unlocked hidden attributes of skill [Ooze]}
Kyle glanced around himself “Where am I?” he asked in confusion as he looked around the Generalmart’s second floor, he was still sitting on his chair while resting on the table.
“General store second floor, looks like you’re back. Sure gave us a fright there” Birse sighed as he sat down to his left, Skill and Sly were already sitting down to his right.
“What…uhh” he groaned as he held onto his forehead “What happened?”, he somehow earned himself a splitting headache.
“You straight up passed out and hit the table face first, was entertaining to watch honestly” Skill answered a bit too honestly.
“Wait so time continued to pass? How long was I out?” Kyle ignored Skill and continued to ask as he glanced around.
“Meh couple minutes, Death and Seren are already off to gather the recruits” Sly answered from atop his direwolf who lay on the ground sleeping, a red paint job of claw marks on it’s face, sides, ears and tail.
“What did I miss?” Kyle asked as he opened his skill books and read through his new skills and title.
{Title [{Void}]: Ghosts of the past have deemed you worthy of a small fraction their power, this name symbolizes your existence;
Void resistance + 50%
Active skill [{Named}]
{Title [{Void}] Active skill [{Named}] (Set Skill Stats): Call upon your given improving the bond between you and your companion no matter the distance in between
All companion stats + 10,000%
Uses: 2 (Maximum of 2 uses)
Stack recharge rate: +1 Use per 2,678,400 seconds (44,650 minutes/ 744 hours/ 31 days/ 1 month)
{Class [{Lord of Slimes}] Active skill [Core Overload] ((EXP 0%) Level 1 – Tier 1): Send your monster core into an overload eating away all your mana and summoning twice the amount of slime [Ooze] would have created;
Mana regeneration is disabled for 120 seconds
Mana regen effects are nullified for 120 seconds
Slime control upkeep cost is disabled for 60 seconds
Mana exhaustion effect is postponed for 90 seconds
{Active}[Ooze(Frost)] ((EXP 41%) Level 1 – Tier 1): Ooze out slime through your skin that can be controlled by your will and mana
Activation Cost: 0.03 mana per millilitre
Upkeep Cost: (2 mana per 0.5 Litres) per second
Current slime type: (Ice) variation (Frost)
(Frost effect): Causes attacks to cast [Frostbite] debuff
[Frostbite]: 0.5% of targets cHP per 2 seconds for 10 seconds (Stacks up to 1 times)
{Class [{Lord of Slimes}] Passive skill [Slime Shift] ((EXP 0%) Level 1 – Tier 1): Shift your body to slime on contact with deadly attacks, your body is then slowly regenerated;
Passive is disabled if [Monster Core] is damaged
Maximum health is reduced (1% mHP per 30 millilitres of slime created from [Slime Shift])
Regeneration speed: (0.8 seconds per 1% of missing cHP)
{Class [{Lord of Slimes}] Passive skill [Slime Body] ((EXP 0%) Level 1 – Tier 1): All slime property magic cast increases your maximum Health;
0.5% mHP per 100 millilitres of slime created (Slime from skill [Slime Shift] is counted)
Kyle paid Sly no attention what so ever as he read through his new and improved skills “This…” his mouth fell open as he fought to find the words.
“You reading through your new skills?” Sly guessed as he chuckled “Yeah mine are insane as well, mobility wise I’m more of an assassin but my fucking AOE range is mind blowing” he explained.
“Birse’s class is just as insane though, you should of seen him tanking that Yeti” Skill joined in.
“Let’s get back on topic guys, Kyll did you gain any valuable information?” Birse chided before asking.
Kyle regained his composure and straightened up “Tell me what you know first so we don’t have repeated information, I’m guessing most of what I know you already do too” he took a guess that Oberon’s failure was common knowledge.
They went over their information “This continent is a joined kingdom of the different races” Birse began recounting “Separate from the other kingdoms which are the Elven empire, Orc horde, Ogre dynasty, Avian alliance and Mer nation. This kingdom is known as the Esfelt Dominion whose allies are the Avian alliance, Mer nation and Jalran human tribes, each that live around the continent of Barik who’s original people were the Half-Beasts. The Mer live in the sea around it while the Avians live on their flying kingdom of Ouroboros, as for the Jalran they live on their tropical islands to the south of Barik called the Spire Isles.
Thankfully any player that selected Jalran as their main human race started out down in Kaledd with the other humans, same goes for the Kalak human players. The Kalak human tribe on the other hand is a hostile tribe that live on an island offshore of the Elven Empire, from the description I’d say they are similar to the Vikings of ancient Earth”.
Birse sighed as he laid back into the chair “That’s the geographical information I could obtain…as for history through Death and Seren we know about the Demon war that happened around forty years ago, the demons appeared out of nowhere on the continent of Ruk where the Dwarves and Fae races use to be situated. The Fae king and god Oberon abandoned the continent along with his daughter, people and the Dwarves after the main Fae city fell to the appearance of the Devil Kings along with the death of his Queen and Goddess of Blades Titania in battle.
They sailed to Barik where the Esfelt Dominion was already situated and gathered five of their military commanders to back them up with the pretence of defending the continent, five who are now known as the Heroes of Blade, Spear, Arrow, Frost and Darkness. Oberon and his new army readied their defences for the shores of Barik, along with the dwarves they built magical artillery and waited four years for the demons to cross the ocean. The defending army grew lax within this time period, wondering if the demons would even cross.
The demons sent their main legion lead by two Devil kings to attack the shores of Barik, nobody knows how they crossed the ocean as they simply appeared around the area now called the cursed land, where Oberon built his primary fort and gathered his magical defences. The Devil kings and their legion crushed the defending army and captured Oberon due to the betrayal of his daughter Lilliana who summoned the portal for the Devil kings to enter the fort directly, it seems Oberon was taken back to Ruk by one of the Devil kings and his daughter. The remaining Devil king took over the fort and it’s defences with the remaining legion and prepared to take over the whole continent, the five heroes gathered their forces and with assistance from the Mage Guilds from the Tower of Mana they built the mana wall that separates the cursed land from the rest while the Mer nation’s military defends the waters around it.
Seeing that they had been surrounded the Devil king and his legion fully set up shop and rebuilt the fort which is now known as the Devil’s Eye, an island fort surrounded by a powerful magical barrier that occasionally spawns demons.” Birse grimaced “The Mage Guilds frequently bombard the cursed land with powerful holy magic to cleanse the demons but the barrier remains unaffected and the Devil King never leaves his fort while nobody knows the exact numbers of the legion that resides in there with him”.
Birse sighed “We have an incoming unknown army, an army hidden in our land and unknown amount of support…we don’t know when they will come, we don’t know what the enemies on Barik will do and we do not know what the kingdoms will respond with. Too many unknowns for me, how about you guys?” he raises his right hand “It’s good thing we have a strategist for leader right?” he grins as he points his thumb at himself.
“I don’t like where this is going…” Sly rests his arms onto the table and holds onto his head.
“What do you have for us cap?” Skill asks as he plays around with his knives.
“First I’d like to hear what Kyll’s got for me, who was that soldier you were speaking with earlier?” Birse asks him as the others turned to also listen in.
Kyle sighed before answering “Draxxer Blade military officer of Esfelt and Hero of the Blade”.
Sly’s interest peaks as he straightens himself to listen, Skill cuts himself from the surprise and Birse simply stares at Kyle “And you didn’t think to tell me about it?” he asks bluntly.
“I didn’t know when I was speaking to him, I inspected him as he left and when I rushed out to find him he was already gone. He said he came from the capital so I imagine he either has a teleportation ability or some sort of high speed travel capabilities, with how quickly he arrived he’s probably back at the capital already” Kyle explained the event that transpired and gave his thoughts.
Birse shook his head “That would have been too good a source of information, we’ll keep an eye out for him here. As for you three, I need you all to form a party and travel down to Kaledd where the rest of the player base is settled. We’ll need all the help we can get and more than half the players are over there, including Soren and Silvaragon due to the races they picked. Regroup with them and recruit anybody you can along with any large guilds that have control of that area, then bring them up here to me” he glanced at all three of them “Can I ask you three to do this?” they all immediately nodded in agreement.
“Good, now let’s go check on the recruits. Being guild leader my notifications are being spammed with them, I really wish the chat still worked but we’ll have to make due” Birse sighed as he stood up.
“How many so far?” Sly asks as the others also leave their seats.
Birse stares off at his guild window momentarily “Not including us six we have 238 members already, Death and Cross have their hands more than full right now”.
Skill whistled “Our boy’s got a way with words” he slapped Sly’s shoulder.
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“Nothing pumps a crowd of gamers more than calling them useless and weak, I knew they’d stand back up but that’s still quite the number so soon” Sly exclaims in amazement.
They leave the table and walk to the staircase “What else did you expect from a VRMMORPG? Even if many couldn’t afford the equipment they worked their asses off to purchase it, we don’t have the player base of your average MMORPG release but it still goes over the thousands easily.” Birse explains as they move towards the exit.
“Split up the player base due to the racial starting areas and drop the numbers we know of other large guilds and the amount of guild-less players is still very high, I expect us to be the size of a zerg guild by the time you three arrive at Kaledd. As for the other guilds we’ll deal with the ones here and I’ll be leaving Sly in-charge of your party. Sly I don’t need to mention how to deal with unruly brats right?” Birse ends his sentence grimly and glances at Sly.
He responds with just as grim a tone “All loose ends will be taken care of, they either side with us or be fed to the wolf” he pets his direwolf’s back as it growls in response. They end their conversation there as all four exit the Generalmart and silently find their way through the town’s streets.
---
Kyle had been playing around with his Ooze skill as they made their way through the streets and was rewarded with a pleasant surprise as he figured out more of his Frost attribute’s effects.
{Through further testing you have unlocked the [Freeze] effect for the [Ooze(Frost)] skill!}
{Through training the skill [Ooze(Frost)] has reached mid-tier 1 level 5! Attribute upgrade is available!]
He opened his skill book to receive a prompt window with multiple choices, he studied the choices as they approached the west gate.
{Attribute effects of (Frost) are kept, further attribute upgrades progress through each attribute owned meaning that all upgrades for (Frost) can be earned later on.}
{Warning skills tier cap is 15 therefore you are limited to 30 attribute upgrades.}
{(Frost) (Ice) Effects: [Packed Ice]; Condense rapidly through more slime generation, [Fracturing]; Rapidly condense, fracture and explode}
{(Frost) (Cold) Effects: [Cold Mist]; Turn into a freezing mist, [Cold Puddle]; Turn to sticky liquid while retaining temperature}
{(Frost) (Snow) Effects: [Blizzard]; Turn into a flurry of snow flakes, [Snow Touch]; Physical contact causes a spread of [Frostbite] which spreads on further contact}
(“So no matter which I pick I’ll be able to get the rest later…how many attributes does each element have? Frost, ice, cold, snow and what else could this one have? Guess I’ll take Ice for now, Packed Ice will help with my previous Idea…Fracturing is a welcomed bonus”) he made his selection but before he could go back to playing with his skills they walked through the west gate.
“Yo!” Skill exclaimed as he laughed in amazement, Kyle closed his windows and looked forward. Hundreds of players stood or sat around outside the west gate almost filling the opening between the walls and trees, heads turned as the group stepped out of town. Kyle searched the crowd to find Death and Seren arguing with some Eternium members.
“On me” Birse commanded as he walked towards the heating up disturbance, Death’s arms were on fire and Seren’s staff was glowing.
“What do you want Zeeke?” Birse asked as he stepped through between Death and Seren who stepped back, the Eternium guild leader glared at Birse as his guild mates stood behind him.
“Your mass recruitment is taking in my members Birse, I cannot allow that” he explained bluntly.
Birse smirked “And how is that my problem? Get your shit together then, don’t come bitching to me”.
Zeeke slammed his shield down in frustration “You’re here recruiting and building up an army when we should be retreating to Kaledd with everyone to join up with the rest of the players!” he continued to raise his voice “You’re dividing our numbers where as we have no contact with the others! We need to regroup quickly instead of defending some back water town!”.
Birse chuckled in amusement “And give more ground to the enemy? Give up a respawn point?” he stepped closer to Zeeke “Let the enemy have a free landing zone? Leave prospective allies to die on their own?” Birse gestured to the town.
Zeeke’s arm moved to his sword as his officers unsheathed their weapons, Nakano moved to grab Zeeke’s shoulder.
Suddenly multiple bursts of power made them all take a step back as the Serenity members moved first, Death burst into flames as he blasted two Eternium warriors into ashes, Skill locked down Nakano with two arrows per shoulder disabling her arms, Sly burst forth engulfed in a violet aura throwing three of their members off into the forest, Seren began chanting magic as a thin layer of orange and green glimmering aura covered the other’s bodies, Kyle surged forward his arms covered in blue slime that quickly froze over into two spikes which he then used to impale two of what he guessed to be their mages.
Zeeke glanced around his defeated officers as he quickly unsheathed his sword and raised his giant shield, Birse’s arms burst into pitch black energy as demon-like gauntlets appeared. Zeeke’s expression was one of rage as he lunged forward, Birse sidestepped the sword opposite to the shield and quickly stepped forwards as shadows oozed out of his body. He grabbed hold of Zeeke’s sword arm and pulled it off as flesh tore, armour cracked and bones broke.
Zeeke screamed in agony as Birse grabbed onto his neck with one shadowy claw, Zeeke let go of his shield making it fall onto the snow as he was raised up from it. “Unlike you who focuses on numbers and mass combat, we’re always ready to slit your throat. Taking us on was stupid” Birse chuckled coldly “I don’t care how many times it has to be until it gets through your thick skull, I’ll crack it over and over until you understand” he clenched his hand and Zeeke began to choke unable to breathe.
The remaining Eternium members watched in shock unable to move or speak, the other players watched in horror not knowing how to react. “End this foolishness!” A mana infused voice echoed through the crowd as the town guards rushed out to surround the skirmish, “I will not permit such combat outside my walls” a grizzled guard walked up to them, unarmed and only wearing white leather armour lined with silver. Kyle glanced his way as the mages died from frostbite in his arms, he inspected the guard.
City Guard Captain [Jonathan Rainer Lis’colt] Level ???
The guard captain was an old grizzled Half-beast with snow white cat ears but no visible tail, dirty blonde hair and moustache streaked with grey. (“A connection…Should come in useful”) Kyle thought as he grinned, (“At the very least…blackmail”) ending his line of thought Kyle dissipated his magic letting the dying players drop to the ground as he turned to face their new obstacle.
Birse turned to face Jonathan while still holding onto the choking Zeeke.
Jonathan grimaced “Release him” he ordered.
“Ah guard captain, we’re only taking out the trash” Birse threw Zeeke sideways making him crash and roll on the ground, he walked up to Jonathan and forwarded his hand “I do not believe in first impressions, do you?” Birse asked him.
Jonathan studied Birse’s claw like hand as the shadows quickly engulfed the gauntlets and dissipated, the gauntlets completely gone. “And who might you be adventurer?” Jonathan asked as he took Birse’s hand to shake.
“I am Birse, Leader of the Serenity guild. I’ve been wondering if I should come to meet you first” Birse smiled.
Jonathan frowned “For what reason?” he asked letting go of the shake.
Birse opened his arms wide gesturing all around him “I’m building an army of adventurers to defend this town, isn’t it obvious that I would work with said town’s guards?” his smile grew into a grin “Or do you not require our assistance? Will the capital be sending reinforcements?”.
Jonathan’s grimace returned as he answered “No, not yet. Frosthold is at the very edge of the dominion’s territory, reinforcements from the other side will take weeks to arrive even by sea”.
“Well then how about this guard captain?” Birse walked up to him and grabbed his shoulder as he stood by him “You leave us adventurers to choose our own leadership, we’ll assist you in the defence. The trash wanted us to fall back to Kaledd but I have different plans, what about it Captain? Who will you support?” he gestured at Zeeke who began standing up while coughing.
Jonathan squinted his eyes in thought momentarily, “Men withdraw weapons, the town guard will no longer act against the guild Serenity as by war decree of alliance” he glanced at Zeeke before staring at Kyle who walked up to him and Birse.
Kyle whispered “Thank you for your assistance in this matter Guard Captain Lis’colt…” he smirked as he continued to whisper “Your daughter must be proud”.
Jonathan’s eyes went wide with fury before he quickly regained his composure. He clenched his fists as he stared at Kyle reading his expression, “How do you-” he began to ask before Kyle cut him off .
“It is a simple formula of appearance, name, position and facts” Kyle glanced at Zeeke “I hope you make…the right decisions here Captain”.
“You will tell me what you know after this” Jonathan whispered back before turning to look at Zeeke, he raised his right arm towards him “By decree of state war laws, you are charged of working against the Esfelt Dominion and hereby branded a rebel. Men arrest him” he ordered his men.
The surviving Eternium and ex-Eternium members stood up to run to their leader but where blocked by the guards, other guards grabbed hold of Zeeke as he tried to fight back but was eventually tied up. Zeeke glared hatred at the Serenity members and Guard captain as he was escorted back into Frosthold, Jonathan glanced away from the escort and at a group of adventurers walking towards them.
Karnage grinned at them as she approached with her guild “Well that didn’t turn out quiet like I intended it to” she laughed awkwardly.
Kyle looked her up and down, a cat Half-beast with black cat ears, tail and long braided hair along violet eyes (“How is she leader…”) he thought to himself.
Jonathan stooped slightly “Thank you for calling us over to stop this incident miss adventurer”.
Karnage waved her arms in front of herself “I just didn’t want the war to start out early!” she exclaimed.
Birse chuckled “What about you Apok? What will you do?” he crossed his arms and stared at them, one of the other players in their group stepped forward.
“We’re with you Serenity, we agree with your stratagem of staying albeit your…methods” the player had short green hair and golden eyes, he was tall with long elven ears and wearing chain armour with leather underneath “I am Apok’s war chief, Zaahr” he introduced himself.
Kyle eyed the large book under Zaahr’s arm and decided to inspect both of them.
Karnage [BladeDancer] (Mad woman) Level 41
Zaahr [BattleMage] (Studious) Level 42
“If you all don’t mind I’d like to speak with you all in private” Jonathan gestured to the town “The guard quarters at the gate here will suffice”, everyone nodded in agreement and followed him towards town.
“Wait” Kyle suddenly called out as he remained standing where he stood “Give me a moment” he said as he turned around and walked off, blue slime oozed out of his hands as he walked up to Nakano. She was kneeling due to the pain as an arrow jutted out of each of her shoulders, her expression confused and afraid as she watched him approach.
He stood in front of her glaring down coldly “You’re just going to lay there trembling?” he suddenly grabbed an arrow per hand as the slime rushed inside the wound, she screamed in pain as he kicked her back pulling the arrows out. Nakano fell on her back as she groaned in pain and rolled onto her side.
“Fuck! Wh-” she cursed but he cut her off.
“Stand up, you’re in charge of your people now whether you like it or not. Stop standing around, stop whining about the pain, stop wasting your tears” he continued to glare down at her as she stared up in shock. “Will you abandon them? Or will you scheme to use them as meat shields as you hide just like your leader?” Kyle raised his voice “Act, do something, anything but standing there and watching everything transpire”. He turned around giving her his back “It’s your choice, hide and lick your wounds or show off your scars to move the rest” he walked away leaving her laying on the ground.
Nakano stared at his back as he followed the others back into town.
Jonathan lead them into a room inside the town walls, another door took to the wall’s long corridors. Kyle, Birse, Sly, Karnage and Zaahr had followed and began taking seats around the wooden table in the room.
“You, I need to speak with you alone” he called out to Kyle as he walked into the wall’s corridors.
“Birse will come as well” Kyle responded as they both made their way to the doorway.
Jonathan nodded “Very well” he said as they closed the door behind them. Jonathan stared out of one of the many holes that lay in the wall’s wall as he held onto the stone with one arm, “How do you know about my daughter? Where is she right now?” he asked as a sudden pleading tone came with the words he spoke.
Kyle’s body stiffened as he noticed the man’s saddened tone, something he couldn’t believe this old warrior could show. “Your daughter is safe and sound, I met her by accident while helping her aunt with a certain mission” he responded truthfully as he saw to gain nothing from lying now.
Jonathan clenched his fist on the stone wall “Aunt? Is that what she’s calling herself now? Damn you Fiurj’a…”. His gaze fell down momentarily before he spoke “I never got to meet my daughter, she was taken away from me before birth by her mother. She…was never supposed to exist…all because of a stupid mistake I made…” he sighed “Twenty four years ago before I gained my post as guard captain-” he began to tell his tale but was cut off.
Birse spoke out in amusement “Captain, we do not need to listen to your life’s fuck ups. We’re here for business and that is the end of it” he declared.
Jonathan’s mouth closed and reopened multiple times before he turned around and spoke “It seems my age is getting the better of me, excuse me for my improfessionality guild leader. Adventurer I only ask of you this one thing, what can you tell me of her? How does she live? Has she found someone? What does she work as?“ he stared at Kyle as he plead his questions.
Kyle glanced at Birse who rolled his eyes then looked back at Jonathan. “Shirley is a master thief, commander of the Dusk Blades bandits. She works for her au-mother unbeknownst to her, she steals, fights and kills to survive and as far as I know she’s alone” Kyle glared at Jonathan, not the cold glare he gave Nakano…no this glare was full of resentment for the man.
“I see…” Jonathan closed his eyes as he held his emotions back before looking back at the two in front of him “Shall we?” he gestured to the door.
---
“Commander you can’t possibly be-” Nakano stomped through the town gate as her officers followed her healing her injury and pestering her.
“Shut it Silent, we have no choice but to listen to them. Zeeke made his choice and failed, I won’t make the same mistake and doom the rest of the guild” she stopped in front of the room she saw them enter, a wooden door in the side of the gate’s entrance.
“So we’re just giving up on him?...” the armoured Elf she called Silent asked as he clenched his fists and looked down
“No we aren’t, we won’t but that doesn’t mean that we should side with him. He needs to reflect on himself, you saw how he acted. We cannot trust him to lead anymore” she explained bluntly. She knocked on the door “Stay here” she ordered them as the door suddenly opened.
Zaahr looked back at her as he opened the door fully “Come on in” he told her. She nodded and stepped inside, Zaahr closed the door behind them before taking a seat.
“Sit down” Karnage offered as she gestured to a chair next to her, Nakano silently sat down and glanced around “Where..” she wanted to ask where Kyle, Birse and the guard captain where but her voice failed her.
“Speaking in private” Sly responded as he played around with a violet aura in his right hand, “So you made your decision?” he looked up at her as she stared down at the wooden table.
She stayed silent and did not answer for several moments before Karnage tried to break the ice “So Na-” but was cut off by her.
“How do you do it?” Nakano asked.
“Do what?” Karnage asked as she looked at her in confusion.
Nakano clenched her fists under the table “Be so calm…with everything that is happening…I don’t…understand…” she spoke in almost a whisper.
“Calm huh?” Zaahr spoke as he stared down at his open palm “Who says we’re calm?” it was trembling.
Nakano looked up at him in confusion before glancing at Karnage who didn’t meet her gaze either “You’re..” she didn’t continue her words.
“We have a duty to our community, to our friends” Karnage spoke up as she sighed and stared up at the ceiling, “We cannot afford to look weak or contemplate on why or how” she looked back down at Nakano and beamed her a smile “Anyway isn’t it better to smile than sulk?”.
Nakano felt out of place as she glanced from Karnage’s smile, Zaahr’s calm gaze and over to Sly grinning as he formed a blade of aura. “What about you purple? How do you deal with it?” Sly glanced up in annoyance as he looked at Karnage who asked him the question.
“Deal with what?” he raised his arm in front of himself engulfing it with aura “What should I be dealing with? I enjoy this world, I enjoy this life” Sly answered truthfully.
“You don’t want to go back home? To see your family? Friends?” Nakano asked him shocked by his response, she immediately regretting it as he glared towards her.
“Yes, I do. I want to see my parents again, I want to speak with my sister again and I want to tell them and my friends goodbye” he answered bluntly, “That world isn’t for me, I was never cut out for it but still dealt with it” he looked away and stared off at some corner in the room deep in thought.
“Hmph” Zaahr whispered “Being socially awkward is no excuse to abandon your life”.
A burst of aura filled the room with pressure as everyone inside tried to resist it's effects, everyone except the caster. Sly gave Zaahr a death glare as he stood up “Do you want to continue that line of thought broccoli bastard?”.