In the AV room, Ben sat in front of the radio, flanked by Anna and Cooper. Kennedy and Stephen sat to one side and Sean was pacing around the red armchairs. He stopped when I came in.
“Is she gone? What happened?” They were all staring at me, but I made my way to Ben.
“Tell me what’s happening?”
“Last we heard from them, they were still being pursued, but they were headed here. That was ten minutes ago. We might be in for a fight when they get back.”
It was what I had expected to hear. “Can you get him on the radio, Ben?”
“I don’t really think now is the time for a heart to heart. Did you get rid of that agent? What did you…”
“GET HIM ON THE RADIO!” He looked shocked, but did as I asked without further questions. He handed me the headset.
“Nate. It’s Jemma. Are they still following you?”
“I don’t know. We dumped the truck, but we didn’t want to risk going back to the SUV. We’ve got another car now. I haven’t seen them for a while, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still following us.”
“Did they see Colin? Is there any way they can tie what happened there to him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. It got kind of crazy, but we were able to get to them without much contact.”
“Ok, listen to me Nate. This is important. You can’t come back here.”
Everyone started talking at once.
“Are you crazy…”
“They have to come here…”
“Colin is hurt…”
I ignored them. “Is there somewhere else you can go? Somewhere safe? Just for a day. You should be able to come back here tomorrow night. Nate, I know this is a lot to ask, but you know I wouldn’t if it wasn’t important.”
“Yeah. I guess. Ok. I can probably get us to Stacy’s. It’s closer to here anyway.”
“Thank you, Nate. Please be careful.”
“I’ll call you back when we get there. Maybe you can explain what is going on then. I need to work on finding my way now.”
I sat down and rested my head in my hands. I may well be handing myself over to the enemy and I just asked my friends to put themselves in more danger than they already were. The room was full of noise. I looked around at them. It was for this, for these people, that’s what I was doing it for. Because if this worked, we would all be safe. I waited for them to finish. Ben was next to me, looking like he was about to take a swing.
“What the hell are you doing?” He ground out. “Why can’t they come back here? What did you do with that woman?”
“I made a deal that might save us all.” I told them what I had done, what I hoped to do. When I finished, no one spoke for a very long time. Ben found his voice first.
“But that doesn’t explain why Colin and the others can’t come back here. They’re hurt and they might still have a tail of feds…”
“And that is exactly why we can’t risk it. If they are still being followed and they come here, they’ll know I was involved with what they did. It’ll blow any chance I have of making this deal. And if I can get them to agree, Colin and the others can come back here safely.”
Sean stormed over. “And who the hell asked you to make this deal? I’m not fucking working for the fucking government. That was an idiot thing to do.”
“You heard what I said. There are changers out there hurting people. If it doesn’t stop, people will be calling for our death instead of just arrests. Do you think we can survive that? We are strong, but we are outnumbered. The only reason they haven’t stormed this place is because they are not sure they can win. They don’t know what we are capable of. How long do you think it will be before they decide they’re willing to chance it?
“Then we fight! We can keep them out…”
“Is that what you want? Any of you? To be stuck here, our lives nothing but one long siege, giving up all hope of having a normal life again? I don’t. We’ve got this one chance to prove we are not what they think we are. It’s not a perfect plan and you’re right, I made it without you. I’m sorry for that. Anyone who doesn’t want to be a part of this say so now. I’ll make it clear you do not agree. But even if you all say no, I will still try. I have to.”
Kennedy cleared his throat. “Do you really think they will even listen to you? How do you know they won’t just pick you up and lock you away?”
My shoulders slumped. “I don’t, but I trust Agent Knoll. And it’s a risk I will take.”
Sean laughed bitterly. “And you just expect the rest of us to take that risk because you say we should?”
“No. I told you, you say the word and I will make it clear you are not included in this deal…”
“So we can be hunted down for not following orders? If we don’t agree to this deal of yours, do you really think they will let us walk free? No, we'll be worse off than we were before.”
“Do you think they will let any of us walk free without this? At least this is a chance.”
“I agree with Jemma.” It was the first time Anna had spoken since I entered the room. “I don’t want to be stuck here forever. I want a chance at being normal, free.” She looked embarrassed.
“I’m sorry.” I looked around the room at them. “To all of you. I should have talked to you first. But there was no time.”
Kennedy put his hand on my shoulder. “No, Jemma. We gave you this responsibility because we trusted you.” He sighed. “And you were right. This deal may not be perfect, it may not be everything we want, but it is the best we could hope for. Right now, at least. I’m in.” I looked at him gratefully. Stephen nodded his agreement.
“It seems this is the only avenue now, so we might as well take it and make the best of it,” Cooper said.
Ben was still staring at the monitors. I couldn’t see his face but his voice sounded strained. “Ok, but if you can’t make this deal by the end of the day tomorrow, we tell the other to come back to hell with what we have to do. And Mel is going to be pissed.”
“Alright. We’ll know one way or another by then, I’m sure. Sean?”
He threw up his hands. “What do you want me to say Jemma? This is stupid. You want us to submit to the people who have us locked up like animals? For what? So the “normal” people stop hating us? I don’t care what they think. They will come here and take you and we will never see you again and this will all be for nothing.” He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Kennedy moved to follow him, but I put out a hand to stop him. “I’ll talk to him. This is my mess. I should be the one to fix it.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he whispered. “None of us could have done half what you did.”
I was torn between wanting to stay and wait for Nate to call and going after Sean. My nerves were frayed, and I was wound so tight I didn’t think I could stay still, but I was desperate to know they were safe, especially since I may have put them in more danger. But what I’d said to Kennedy was true. Sean was my problem, and I needed to convince him. I had to make him see doing something rash now would ruin everything. I asked Ben to let me know if anything happened and left.
Sean wasn’t in the library or at the bar. I went up the stairs, but I didn’t know which room was his. I had to find him. I felt like I was so full of energy I might explode. I started knocking on doors until I found the right one. He scowled when he answered, but let me in. There was a pile of clothes beside his dresser and he went back to pulling things out as I shut the door.
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“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Leaving.”
“You can’t Sean.”
“The hell I can’t. You all want to bow down to these assholes and beg them to forgive you, beg them to let us live pretty insignificant lives under their fingers like it’s a goddamn gift.”
“It’s not like that…”
He threw the clothes down. “That is exactly what it’s like, Jemma! Your plan is no better than just letting them lock us up. It’s not freedom.” He moved closer. “We could have freedom. No deals, no working for the devil, if we just fought! But you’re all too scared. Too scared someone might get hurt. They deserve it. People are going to get hurt your way. You’re going to go with them tomorrow and they’ll kill you, or worse.”
“You think that’s freedom, Sean? Having the world against us, seeing us as monsters? Constantly hunted, hated. I don’t want to live that way and I am willing to take that risk if there’s any chance, no matter how small, that I can fix this.”
“We are monsters, Jemma. And you don’t need to fix everything. The world isn’t your problem. If we showed them what we can do together, they would be too scared to hunt us.”
“If you mean that, you are no better than them,” I said quietly.
He came at me so suddenly I didn’t have time to react. He grabbed me by the wrists and pinned me to the wall, pressing his body against mine. I struggled against him. His face was so close our mouths almost touched.
“Do you know why people don’t like me, Jemma? Because I say what they want to, because I tell the truth everyone is afraid of.”
“Let me go, Sean!” I was breathing hard, trying to close out the feeling of his body against mine. I could feel every inch of him as I struggled. I wanted to be away from him, and this room, and the heat pooling in my middle that felt like my body betraying me.
“You like the power you have, Jemma,” he whispered. “All you have to do is let go, forget talking and act. Don’t you feel it? We could take what we want. You and me.” He put his cheek against mine. I felt his breath on my neck. “Tell me I’m wrong, Jemma.”
I stopped struggling. “Please, Sean.” I wasn’t sure if it was a plea for him to let go or not to, and I hated myself for not knowing. There was truth in what he said and I felt ashamed and thrilled by it. I felt his lips brush against my jaw and fire exploded through me.
“Do you want me to stop?” His voice was low and rough. He moved his mouth back to mine, just brushing my lips. If he stepped away now, my legs wouldn’t hold me up. A part of me screamed that this was wrong, but... He let go of my arms and tangled his hands in my hair, pulling me closer and into his kiss and then everything else was gone. It was hard, passionate, almost painful, and I clung to him. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn't think, and I didn’t care. Suddenly, my world was beautifully simple. All the pain and confusion, the horrible people, fear, and expectations were all gone. There was nothing but him; his lips against mine, his hands touching me, no demands, no emotion but my need to feel him. He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He buried his face in my neck and moved against me. It was everything I could do to keep from crying out.
Come back…I didn’t recognize that thought and then it came again and I didn’t want to hear it. I fought to keep it out. I wanted to stay here. But I knew what it was, what it meant.
I pulled away and Sean looked surprised. “What? What’s wrong?”
I struggled away from him, still breathing hard. “I...something’s happened...downstairs.” He looked confused. He reached out, but I backed toward the door. I knew if I let him touch me again, I wouldn’t leave.
“I’m sorry. I have to go see what’s wrong.” I ran for the door before I changed my mind and I didn’t stop running until I burst through the door of the AV room. Everyone turned when I rushed in.
“What is it? What happened?” I panted.
Everyone looked confused. Everyone but Ben who just said calmly, “nothing Jemma. I think you’re a bit too wound up. Come sit down.” I looked around the room in confusion.
“But...you said…”
‘Sit down!’ Ben looked at me. I came and sat next to him, but stayed quiet until the others went back to their own conversations.
“What do you mean, nothing?” I hissed. “You told me to come back. I thought…”
“I wasn’t talking about to this room.” He rolled his eyes and turned back to the monitors.
“What do you…You didn’t...you felt…” I was too humiliated to finish the thought.
He turned to me and grinned. “What you two were putting off would have come across, even without our special connection.” He glanced around the room and lowered his voice. “I nearly had to excuse myself to avoid embarrassment.”
I wanted to smack him. I wanted to scream at him to stay out of my head. I also wanted to thank him for bringing me back to my damn scenes, and that made me want to smack him again.
“So,” I said through gritted teeth. “You’ve heard nothing?”
“Nate, let us know they were on their way to Stacy’s a minute ago. He said he didn’t think they were being followed anymore, but it was hard to tell. And he didn’t want to talk for long because they’re trying to avoid suspicion.” I looked at him questioningly. “Evidently the car he stole was actually a U-Haul, which now has about twenty changers in the back, including some who are hurt. If they get pulled over, it won’t matter if they are being followed or not.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
I was still angry at him. And myself. I was still thinking of Sean, which made me think of Nate, which made me feel worse, and then I remembered I was going with Agent Knoll in a little over twelve hours and had not thought out a plan. I couldn’t take much more.
“If you’re going to puke, go over there.” Ben moved his chair away from me.
“I have to…”
“Take a breath Jemma.” His fierce whisper got my attention. “You got us in this and you are the only one that can get us out.” He visibly took control of himself before he went on. “And I think you can do it. At least if anyone can, it's you. But you need to focus on what is important right now. It’s not Nate, and it’s not Sean. It’s nothing but that meeting tomorrow.”
He was right. I tried to push it all away. None of it mattered if I screwed this up. “You’re right.” I got up. “And thank you, Ben.” He raised an eyebrow. “I mean it.”
“Yeah, I know.”
I moved away from everyone, but I didn’t dare leave the room again. I wanted to be there when Nate called. I wished that was my only reason, but I was hiding from Sean as well. I don’t know what had come over me, but I did not not want to risk it happening again, so I sat cross-legged in one of the overstuffed theater chairs. It took as much effort to push back unwanted thoughts as to form any kind of plan for tomorrow. I don’t know how long I sat there, silently staring at the dark screen and battling with myself. I jumped when Kennedy said my name. “What!” He was right next to me.
“I didn’t mean to startle you.” He looked at me with concern. “You should be in bed, Jemma. It has been a hard day for all of us, but for you especially. We can handle anything that happens here.”
“Thank you Kennedy, but I’m ok, really. It’s still early. I just need to think for a bit. I’ll get some rest, but just not yet.”
“Well, how about some dinner?” His cheerfulness returned quickly. “I hear Fletch whipped up a stew of some sort. I’m going to place an order. You want some?”
“Sure, thanks.” I said it more to ease his mind than because I was actually hungry. “You better be careful, though. You know Fletch doesn’t like bringing food beyond the dining room.”
“Ah, don’t you worry about me. You’re not the only one who knows how to negotiate.” He chuckled to himself as he left, closely followed by Stephen, as usual. He was only gone a few minutes when I heard Nate’s voice on the radio. I bound out of my chair and rushed to Ben with everyone else.
“...made it to Stacy’s. No trouble so far.”
“Is everyone ok?” Ben asked.
“Yes. Colin is awake. Stacy is checking him out. There are some injuries, but I don’t think anything is serious. We are going out again to dump the truck, but I need some answers first. Colin is going to want to know what we are doing here instead of home.”
Everyone turned to me, so I sat down and explained everything to him. I tried to keep it short, just hit the major points. I tried to sound confident; I managed to not sound desperate. When I finished, there was silence for so long I thought I’d lost the connection with him.
“That’s brilliant!”
“What?”
“I mean, there is no way you’re going with them alone. But if this works, it could solve most of our problems. It is more than we could have ever hoped for Jemma.”
I couldn’t answer him. I felt so grateful, so relieved, and so damned ashamed. I wanted to be there with him, to tell him I was sorry for thinking he would hate me for this, to tell him how wonderful he was, to just look at his face. I was crying. Tears streamed freely down my face.
“Jemma...did you hear me?”
“Yes…”
“Ok, well, I have to go. We have to get rid of this U-Haul. They’ll be looking for it soon. We’ll talk over the details later.”
Ben took over for me. I didn’t hear anything else. I was shaking and I couldn’t stop the tears, no matter how hard I tried.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” I hadn’t heard Kennedy come back. He quickly put down the tray he was carrying and rushed to my side.
“Nothing. Everything’s ok. They made it there ok. I’m sorry.” My voice was steady, but I must have looked a mess because Kennedy looked at me more sternly than I thought possible for the cheery man.
“You’ve had enough.” He raised a hand to stop my protest. “No, Jemma. You need rest. Now. Come on. I’m taking you to your room and I am going to put you into that bed if I have to.”
I surprised myself by laughing. I really loved these people. All of them, even impossible Ben and his haughty Mel, even Stephen who had not spoken over three sentences to me since I’d met him. Even Kennedy, who was standing with his hands on his wide hips, telling me he was going to put me to bed like I was five. I loved them all so much it made my heart ache and it made me laugh with joy because until that moment, I realized I had never really loved anyone before.
“Ok, ok. To bed then.” I walked to the door, but stopped and looked back at Ben. He gave me the slightest nod. He would let me know if I was needed.