It hadn't been a lie. I really was exhausted. But when I made it back to my room, I couldn’t find sleep. I laid on top of the comforter, fully dressed, staring at the ceiling. A part of me wanted to go straight back downstairs and tell Colin I was leaving, that I didn’t believe any of his nonsense. But another part, a bigger part if I was honest with myself, knew it was all true and that I was being childish. I’d seen the men chasing me. I’d seen what had happened to Kennedy and Stephen and Sean. And I’d read those papers. I would’ve been an idiot not to believe it.

I thought about what Colin had said, about the Phoenix’s tendency to be loners. I’d had a hard time making friends my whole life and never kept one long when I did. My mom died when I was young. My dad remarried, and I’d hated his new family. I moved out as soon as I was of age and never looked back. How long had it been since I talked to my dad? What would he think of me if he knew what I was? Could it be true this thing had shaped my life, my personality? Who would I have been without it? It made me angry all over again. My own life was beyond my control. My restlessness was interrupted by a knock at the door. I considered just ignoring it, but remembered Colin and his maid had keys, so that would be pointless. I drug myself to the outer room.

But it wasn’t Colin waiting when I opened the door. Nate stood there with a covered tray in one hand. “I saved you something since you didn’t have time to eat.” He wiggled the tray and looked at me sheepishly. “Can I come in?”

I stepped back and let him in. He placed the tray on the table in front of the couch and pulled back the linen napkin to reveal a plate of noodles in white sauce and long yellow beans. I sighed.

“Is this something you don’t like?” Nate asked.

“No, it’s not that. It looks good and I’m starving. Thank you. I’m just more of a cheeseburger and fries kinda girl, you know?”

“Yeah. It took me a while to get used to Fletch’s cooking, too. All his stuff is top-notch, but it can sometimes be a little weird.” He sat down in one of the chairs opposite the couch.

I took a seat too and pulled the tray to me. The sauce was rich and the yellow beans were surprisingly sour, but still very good. We sat in silence for a while.

“Jemma, are you ok?”

I looked him in the eye and saw genuine concern. The honest answer was no. I was scared and tired and angry, although it wasn’t directed at anyone in particular anymore. My life had fallen apart and my reality turned upside down. Still, I was acting like a selfish ass, and I knew it. Nate and everyone else here were in the same boat, dealing with the same problems, and had been for longer than me. They’d put themselves in danger to save people. To save me. And I was stomping my feet and throwing tantrums. I could do better than unloading on him now.

“I’m ok.” I tried to smile. “Sorry about earlier. I just needed…”

Nate raised his hands. “I get it. You don’t have to explain. I can’t imagine how crazy all this must seem to you. Most of us have had a chance to process it over the weeks. But honestly, there are still times when I think this must be some kind of stupid joke.”

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I put my fork down and picked up the napkin that had been covering the tray and began picking at the edges of the velvety fabric. “But it’s not, is it? They’re really people out to get us.” I tossed the napkin back on the table and pushed the tray away. “What are we going to do Nate?”

He sighed and shook his head. “Well, people being scared of us has actually worked in our favor a little. The feds don’t have any problem tracking down newly changed people because of the fires. Makes us easy targets now, you know? But we think they’re scared to come against a big group. That’s why Colin wants us to keep tracking them down. We’re safer together.”

“Ok. I am all for being safe, but then what do we do? Are we just going to sit here and hope they don’t think of a new plan or just decide attacking us is worth the risk? And what about all the people that are already being held, being experimented on? Has anyone considered what to do about them?”

“We are having some trouble figuring that out. There are some people here that want to fight, take the offensive now, with force if need be, and there are others who think that’s suicide and want to try a more diplomatic approach. Try to make people see we mean no harm. As far as the ones being held, Colin has ideas about that, but you'd have to ask him for the details.”

“And what do you want to do?”

He ran his hand through his hair and sat back. “I was a bike messenger before I changed,” he laughed. “I’m not the guy to be making those decisions.”

“You are now. We all are. We have to be.”

He nodded and thought for a moment before he answered. “I would like to make people see us for what we really are, just people and not the monsters they think we are…”

“But?”

“But I don’t think anyone wants to see us that way anymore.” His face fell. “We could talk all we wanted and they wouldn’t hear us. They would still want us locked up.”

“So you want to...what? Force them to accept us? Do you think that will work?”

“No, but it will keep us safe, at least. I’m getting pretty tired of seeing people hunted like animals.”

I saw the logic in what he said, but I still held onto some hope. I had to, or I'd go mad. “But what if we could get people to see us? I am not willing to believe people are so blind or cruel. Easily swayed maybe, quick to fear and panic, but if we use violence to get what we want, we’ll just be making them right. We’ll become what they think we are, monsters.”

“That’s why we have done nothing yet. We don’t know what to do because we put ourselves at risk no matter what.”

I put my head in my hands. Everything about this situation sucked. Nate stood up. “You’re tired. I should go. I have to go sit with Sean in a while, anyway. Get some rest, ok?”

I almost reached out for him. I didn’t want him to leave. It just felt better when he was around, less alone. But I stopped before my hand reached his, afraid of looking stupid again, and stood up instead. “I can help. I should take my turn sitting with him.”

Nate walked over and gave my arm a gentle pat. “You’re the reason he’s alive. I think you’ve done enough. Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

In the bedroom again, I took off my jeans and laid down on top of the comforter despite the cold. My mind was still spinning, and I wanted to think, but I felt myself nodding off almost immediately. My last thought was of poor Sean, who definitely had it worse than any of us at the moment.