My dream is on the verge of total collapse.

Getting my hopes up was a mistake.

Who's the goose that made pouches so heavy? I'll peck them!

Earlier, 30 minutes ago... after hearing my request, Bartlon had unstrapped the leather pouch from his waist and pulled out several jars of blue liquid so that he could wrap it around me. Apparently he didn't have a pheonix-sized bag, so we used his, but anyways... After many awkward minutes of trying to tie it around my neck, back, belly and even legs! We were finally able to secure it around my chest with the straps fastened under my wings.

Very uncomfortable.

The straps were forcing me to keep my wings slightly apart, which I never knew could feel so awkward and exhausting! Keeping your wings tense at all times is horrible! But this was the only position I could wear it, so I had to endure, and to be fair. if that was the only issue, I wouldn't of minded too much, the happiness of portable food wins over the sadness of tired wings.

The nail in the coffin, sealing my fate of never owning my very own bird-pouches, was the insane weight of the leather bag!

In the instant after Bartlon had finished securing the buckle at my back and let go, I fell down and bonked my head on the boat's wooden floor. Ouch. I had thought it would be lighter because it was empty, but no.

Then, while trying to stand back up, I didn't account for how top-heavy I'd become and lumbered forward a couple steps, only to bonk my head a second time on the boat's side, even harder than the first time. Double ouch.

After a few minutes of adjusting to the weight later, I tried flapping to the boat's seat off the floor, an easy 20cm, more of a hop then a flap really, but even this was too much. Much like the first two head bonks, the added weight of the pouch completely ruined my perfectly flight-proportioned body, causing me to nose dive to the floor from above, even harder then the second bonk. Triple ouch.

And that was an empty pouch. They're just too big and heavy! What's the point of a pouch if I can't fly while wearing it?!

However, the most embarrassing and demoralizing detail of this experience, was Bartlon's constant laughter. It hurt more than any bonk ever could.

The man who I once thought was a saint, was laying on the floor, crying and gasping in his hysterical state, struggling to catch even a single breathe. Each time he started to settle down, one look at me glaring at him would send him back into renewed uproarious laughter. The process repeated for at least 20 minutes, during of which we sat in the middle of the lake making no progress whatsoever.

So now.

I'm giving him the silentest, silent treatment in history.

"How about a cloth bag huh?' Bartlon begs to my tail feathers, no doubt with his wrinkles arranged in a pleading manner.

"That won't be as heavy and much softer too! If you cheer up and talk again, I'll make you one as soon as we get back, it'll take less then 10 minutes. Promise" he continues to beg.

That's right Bartlon, keep rowing, keep apologizing, keep making promises, and maybe, in a hundred years, I may forgive you. What kind of bully laughs at someone for 20 minutes straight? That's excessive. Maybe a hundred years is too lenient, make it a thousand.

"I could even buy some seeds from somewhere in town and fill up the bag, a small gift from me, you'll like that right?" he adds to the offer.

He must've realized that a handful of simple 'sorry's won't suffice, because now he's just offering random things to appease me, almost anything he thinks I might like.

And I do like seeds.

"OH! Of course! How could I forget? I have coins!" Bartlon cheers from behind, lurching the boat in his glee "I've never seen a bird that's not fond of gold's golden glint! Even had more than a few coins plucked directly from my fingertips by thieving birds, they're drawn to the shinies like moths to a flame!

Coins? Gold's glint? Shinies? Hey! I'm not a thief!

"Surely you'll talk to me now, right? I haven't heard a single peep in the longest time, so you can cheer up now ok?" Bartlon beseeches in his hoarse voice.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

I ruffle my wings and continue to face the placid waters without sparing him a glance. Why does he think these 'coins' are more desirable than seeds? What a joke! Has he even tried seeds before? They're the most delicious thing in the world! Even better than blanket legs! What could compare? Unless.. maybe... could these 'coins' be a tasty treat I have yet to try?! They must be! What else could they be?! Oh yes! I changed my mind! I want coins!!! Gimmie Gimmie!!!

"Got a handful laying around with nothing to spend them on either, so don't worry about old me, parting with one or two is no hassle at all" pushes Bartlon.

I slowly turn to face the begging man, making sure to seem hesitant and reluctant in my actions so he doesn't think he's off the hook just yet. After all, 20 minutes of being laughed at isn't easily forgiven or forgotten, I need him to suffer a few minutes longer, despite how interested I really am.

I lock eyes with the squirming, puppy-dog eyes of Bartlon for several tense seconds before I finally break my pouting disguise and answer.

"I will accept the cloth pouch and two coins as tribute" I tweet with a huff, a sentence that brings great joy to Bartlon's face, possible the happiest I've ever seen him. "But don't laugh at me again! It was really mean! I won't forgive you again!"

"Thank Escal for your forgiveness. Yes yes, I'm so very sorry for laughing at you, it was mean of me, and it will never happen again." Bartlon apologizes with a bowed head and huge cheesy grin "I'm just glad to hear your voice once more".

Good good, he seems sincere enough, as he should. Now. Should I ask him what coins taste like? Hmmmmm, perhaps not! It might be nice to keep it as a surprise this time! Nothing beats tasting new foods for the first time and being shocked by how yummy they are! Maybe it'll be something sweet or sugary? I can only hope!

C'mon Bartlon, row faster!

Row faster he does. Even without my need to ask, the conclusion of my silent treatment motivates Bartlon's wiry arms to new rowing speeds! His zealous rowing guides the small, brown boat through the water like a graceful swan, leaving behind a V of ripples where the afternoon sun glimmers prettily. That's the spirit! We could be back on land in less than 10 minutes and then I can have my coins!

"So tell me" begins the hardworking captain between rows "I know you found that nut in Harou's Tree-sorry-Haroune's Tree, but what else were you doing there? You weren't there just for the nut were you?" he asks, looking at me with childlike curiosity.

Muahaha. A simple question.

"Obviously the first thing I did was jump into a big pile of leaves! They were even softer than I imagined them, so that was great!" I cheer loudly while noticing Bartlon's expression of wonder change to a smirk, a change that I choose to ignore as I continue "After that, I leveled up Cinders while fire-flapping to the tree and I got some Affinity! Did you know that Affinity gives you more Mana? Affinity is the best! Anyways, after that I flew allllllll the way up to the highest branches to see if there was anything cool up there, but there wasn't. Turns out it's actually really boring and scary, but I did find the nut, so it wasn't a total waste"

Bartlon nods along while listening to my story but starts to cough slightly towards the end, a cough that sounds strangely similar to a muffled laugh. Is it my imagination?

I give him an accusing look, and he responds by taking a hand off an oar and motioning for me to continue while settling his cough with a few pats to his chest.

Must be my imagination.

Eyeing him suspiciously, I resume recounting the mostly boring events from hours ago. "I also went down into the trunk, and even though it was scarier down there than up in the canopy there wasn't anything down there other than a big, stupid skull, can you believe that?! So that was a huge waste of time. After that, I flapped allllllll the way back up to the branches, and then I got my nut, and then I flapped allllllll the way back down, and then I had lunch, and then I had a nap, and then I starting coming back, and then I heard that tiny man's voice, and then I saw you, and then I almost got caught, and then I ran back to the boat, and then that's it... Oh!... and then you laughed at me" I can't let him forget that.

Whoopies, I wasn't supposed to mention the nap part, hopefully he didn't notice.

Bartlon raises an inquisitive eyebrow as he digests my quick recount "Hmmm... *aha*... *cough*... yes.." Bartlon stifles desperately "So uh.. how'd you fly up there? I thought you couldn't?" he asks semi-casually, in a way that makes me think he's trying to buy time to get his laughing under control.

Seriously! It hasn't even been 5 minutes since he promised not to laugh! What's so funny anyway?! Why would he even ask me what I did in the tree if he's just going to chuckle under his breathe! Grrrr!

"I couldn't fly this morning, but now I can because I'm the best, I just need more mana to fly for longer!" I chirp in a lower octave, hoping to convey my anger. The promise isn't quite broken, only bent, giggling isn't laughing, but if he laughs for real...

My angry words only seem to only encourage his poorly hidden amusement, bringing him to an infuriating snicker. What. Is. So. Funny?

"Oh *snicker* how... please... stop glaring at me... please, I'm going to bust" he gasps, doubling over and placing both his hands over his eyes to block his vision.

He's laughing because I'm angry?!!!! That's so stupid! That just makes me even angrier! And now we're barely moving because he's too busy silently laughing at me! What am I supposed to do about it?! Does he need a larger dosage of silent treatment?! He must! Gosh GOLLY! How dare he make fun of my anger!

I fix my eyes to Bartlon's shuddering torso in attempts to cook him alive by mentally pushing my frustration towards him. Nothing too serious, just enough to make him reeeeally uncomfortable and hopefully he learns his lesson.

Nothing happens.

A full minute passes before Bartlon regains control of his own body and looks up from the palms of his hands. He silently grabs ahold of the oars and stares off to the giant blue tree behind me, leaving me totally ignored. "Ahhh, sorry, I thought of something funny that happened earlier and couldn't help myself. It wasn't you." he speaks seriously, but the words are undermined by his guilty smile.

I'm 100% sure that he admitted he was laughing at me earlier and now he's pretending he never said it. Shameless. What a hopeless man, this isn't the same saint I met this morning.

Bartlon keeps his eyes firmly trained on to the 'Harou Tree', as I think he calls it, as he diligently rows, and I do my best to make him feel remorseful without glaring by aggressively humming a tune. It seems that he isn't fully recovered from laughing at me because he hasn't said a word in minutes, but at least we're actually moving again. My patience is only being held together by the promise of coins and another try at wearing a pouch.

I still can't believe he was so immature.

Aren't pheonixs' feared by all? Shouldn't I be adored? Am I not deserving of the upmost respect?! Isn't the mere sight of my form believed to bring good luck?!! All these things were said by Bartlon himself!!! What happened since then? Am I not a real pheonix in his eyes? Am I too weak? Is it because I can't fly without Cinders? It could be any number of reasons!

I would ask him how a real pheonix is supposed to act, if only it wasn't so embarrassing. Maybe I should focus on level ups from now on? Figure out how to get more skills? Learn to understand the squiggles? Fly by myself? I don't want to be treated as a laughing stock forever.

No! Stop!

I can't get distracted by these silly things! I already have important goals that I must achieve at all costs! I must remember and strive towards the three B's of happiness: Beds, Blankets and... Big... amounts-of-food! Who cares if I can't fly when I'm all snuggled up in a big pile of soft, fluffy blankets? Not me! And that's all that matters. Fear and adoration can come afterwards.

Buuuut, before that...

"Are we there yet?" I eccentrically chirp while staring at the approaching sandy shoreline and the thick, towering jungle trees behind it. The birdsong filtering through the vast, lofty branches sounds so loud after spending a day without it! Much better, everything is right again.

Bartlon chokes down a laugh at my sudden question and spins around to check for himself "We are, and it's about time too, even my old bones were starting to get restless" he groans as he twists back, eliciting a few concerning cracking noises from his back.

How can his bones be restless? Whatever. These coins better taste amazing! I can't wait!

"You look pretty excited" smiles Bartlon in a knowing manner.