I’m in trouble… and big one at that! Completely drowned in shit, all the way in. I’ve put myself in such a mess that I lost all chance of getting out. You know, that’s not something one would come upon by mere bad luck, nor something one would cause by a simple mistake then blame the heat of the moment thus forgetting it… … no, now that I think of it, IT WAS!!
“We are here today to finally state a clear verdict regarding the charges brought against the accused.”
A small inadvertence.
“As a reminder, after having received all complaints and claims, collecting proof from witnesses, and retaining on file all pieces of evidence, It was decided to stop the indictment to further examine all elements in detail. Furthermore, the court held a closed door debate to discuss the different course of actions available to our choosing. ”
A mere oversight that every man in my shoes could have made.
“It has been agreed that each victim will receive satisfying moral compensation, as well as financial support according to the amount of ‘conséquences’. Moreover, the indemnity will be guaranteed by this here international court, and several other parties. To name a few, the Saint kingdoms of stainless soul, the Northern Union, and of course, the Rana empire who instigated the case.”
It’s just that it has happened too often. Way too often!!!.. If not all the time...as far as I can remember, I don't even know If I had ever NOT done it once… … Have I?
“The court has already finished its deliberations and is ready to rule… ”
So, how often would you Ask?
Well, with once or twice per working day as a basis, let’s say one and a third. 2 or 3 times per week. To which you add one resting day, with a good standard of 2?... no, let’s not be barren here, two and a half.
Oh yes, we must not forget public holidays! How many again? 6? 11? yet I distinctly remember about twenty or so… or was it even more? Bah, there's no point in counting them anyway, there were many times where my presence was sufficient and justified one more.
Simply showing up in a town made it have a festival. So I guess it was a little higher than that.
Let’s say 50.
“The accused is found guilty of all counts! We therefore decree that he and his future official lineage will have to pay off the upcoming debt up to full reimbursement or otherwise decided! ”
Modulo the times I was too busy or couldn't make it, but let’s not bother with details,
For a total of approximately 425 times a year, and for 3 years and-half...
I'd Say around 1500.
Wait, it seems I miss something, holidays likely replaced working ones in most cases so I should remove…
“All 3723 victims up to date shall receive 58 silver and 33 copper coins a month for a total sum of 7 gold coins per year.”
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Oi Oi Oi-i...WAIT A MINUTE. IS that even possible?!!
“In addition, extra aid will be procured for victims with multiple issues in the amount of 3 golds a year for each addition, up to three, then 1 gold for any more than that.”
Hey! 7 Gold is already worth an average physical worker's annual salary! you can't give that much, can you? Anyway, they don't need it!
“Cases that have more than 3 will be given special care and additional help in the form of favors. accommodation, food and clothing will be provided free of charge by your respective kingdoms, according to access criteria that are yet to be determined.”
Anything else? You don't want to pay for their vacation while you're there either? Tell me, you're not going to do it, are you?
“I’ll take this opportunity to mention that I’m well aware of these troublesome specific cases with an abnormal number of issues which goes up to 7. I shall assure you that we will not let you alone in your torments and will and we will do everything in our power to give you personalized assistance.”
Did he just say seven???? SEVEN? Are you sure that’s not a coup monté? OBJECTION!!! Your grace!! Wait … …Now that it crosses my mind, I don't think they took into account the ones that are yet to be...did they?
“Moreover, a budget will be secured to relive all future potential victims that are yet to be discovered, do not worry!”
Nope, no they didn't! But at least there shouldn't be much left, given the time spent in the cell… I should be happy that my debt is not likely to increase.
But really, how did the total reach this much? Again, how IS it even possible, even if I did it every day it doesn’t account for this many. Unless....
Ah! Alright... It’s true that I inadvertently forgot these times that counted double...or triple...or…
I think I should stop here, I can’t figure how high the multiplier goes. And I don't want to!!.
OKAY j'avoue! It might be possible that time like those (x5) would add some to the balance.
Or those rarely seen (x10) or Even that Time I can't remember well with 29 or so (it should’ve been more but 4 were inept, I’m sure of it!)
And maybe, I said maybe, in slightless possibility, that there are moments I don't remember at all, for no reason, black holes in my memory. Perhaps, those could exceed that number, but that is very unlikely!
In no way....
“The perpetrator shall repay throughout his life a total yearly debt of at least 41 133 gold coins accounting for current approved child care and moral support, to with accommodation and future victims add 25 000. Considering the hero’s help and diligent work over the years, altogether, it will be reduced to 65 000.”
Arggggg! This is the equivalent of duchy income! Do you truly want to be repaid, or to push me to suicide? Be honest!
“For a minimum of 15 consecutive years, with a rate of 1,5% per year of the unpaid amount.
Moral compensation will be reassessed every three years from today onward. Note that a moral support plant is currently under discussion too, so the final amount may vary to an extent.”
That can’t be real, with these numbers, it’s the same as if I was a natural living assisted reproductive technology (ART) with a 100% fertility rate!! And what about infantile mortality! Ah…. Right, with healing magic it’s practically impossible to die during childbirth… not gonna be helped from that part too bad...
How the FUCK did I FUCK myself into this (these) FUCKING situation(s)!
Like... Literally…
I should have taken mom’s words more seriously and used contraceptives after all.