Ivor was standing in front of Daoist Moldvanna. “Hey, I’ve recently noticed a small problem with my fighting style. I have no damn clue how to fight. Can I have a weapons manual or something?”
Moldvanna squinted. “What would suit you best? Oh, I know! You can use a spear! They’re simple enough to learn, and they’re commonly used by people who don’t place much focus on weapon techniques but need them for close-quarters combat. You can have… the One Spear Army manual. It’s focused on defense and breaking stances rather than actually dealing damage, and based on your database entry, you already have some attacks, so this could just make openings for those.”
Ivor was puzzled and slightly furious. “Wait… database entry? Are you collecting my personal information? I did NOT consent to something like that!”
Moldvanna shrugged nonchalantly. “Eh, it is what it is. More importantly, One Spear Army manual. It costs ten spirit stones. Bargain bin prices right there.”
Ivor squinted. “Bargain bin? If it’s just a spear technique, it should go for at most three, right? It’s not like it’s that special or anything.”
Moldvanna shook his head in disappointment. “That’s where you’re wrong. It’s plenty special! Even though the name indicates that it’s just a spear art, but it also includes methods to use javelins, pikes, halberds, staves, and glaives! In fact, the glaive arts are better than the spear arts, but the spear arts are the basics that the rest is based on. It’s a very profound art, and rumor has it that it was actually created during the days of a powerful cultivator during the age of the gods! The ten spirit stones are only for the first volume, which is all this hall sells, but that’s still only a third of the price it would cost outside the sect.”
Over the course of Moldvanna’s monologue, Ivor grew progressively less interested, almost falling asleep while standing before snapping to attention the moment the old gods were mentioned. “I’ll take it. Do you have any shortspears focused on durability worth five spirit stones.”
Moldvanna grinned and began walking towards a door on the wall opposite the treasure hall’s entrance. “I have just the thing. Its tip was forged from a massive kidney stone of a demon, which was alchemically treated to bring out the properties of the kidney meridian in relation to the demon. In short, the spearhead is imbued with the perseverance of a demon. The stave has an exterior of spirit walnut wood baptized in the extract of a spiritual seven-leaf-clover and three pounds of undying sage. It has a core made of… and this is the best part… thousand-year spirit yew! Now you must be wondering-”
Ivor cleared his throat annoyedly. “I used to work in customer service, I know the spiel. Ten spirit stones, take it or leave it. I can buy a cheaper spear, and you’ll never sell this one because nobody wants to listen to a two-hour lecture on witchcraft and florism.”
Moldvanna sighed in disappointment. “Damn, I’ll never sell this thing for fifteen. Tell you what, you can buy it for ten, but only after I tell you what it does. And if you’re wondering how we have all this spirit wood, the sect owned multiple forests before we came here, and there’s even more spiritual wood here, although we’re going to keep planting our spiritual trees from Earth for witchcraft experts. Anyway, the shaft won’t break. Spirit walnut is quite sturdy and focused on protection magic already, but the seven-leaf-clover grants it longevity so it won’t suffer from wear and tear. The undying sage extract is representative of immortality to increase the durability even further, but also slightly representative of wisdom, causing the weapon to fit in the hands easily and be easier to enter a battle trance with. The core of yew contains the power of death, and as one of the attributes of walnut is patience, the synergy between the two allows the spear to collect power over time and release it once an hour when it hits a target. The spearhead conducts the death energy exceptionally well, and has a relentless penetrative power that allows you to embed the death energy deeper than you could otherwise manage.”
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
Ivor clapped his hands twice in a dismissive manner. He slapped his belt pouch full of spirit stones on the counter. “Got it, very cool, give me the shit. There are twenty in there.”
Moldvanna rushed to the back room and tossed out two items: a jade slip and a devilish spear. The haft was a pale dark brown, extending four feet, but that wasn’t the centerpiece. The spearhead was a slightly curved, almost clawlike point. It contained an aura that made Ivor feel like it could pierce through anything if given enough time. Barely catching the jade slip in his left hand, he caught the spear in his right, an enchanted look in his eyes. “All of that witchcraft fuckery was complicated, but I guess normal spirit wood might not hold out if I try to block a greatsword with the haft. On the other hand, if I do that with this, the haft probably won’t even be scratched. This is some great shit. I’m guessing they didn’t sell it earlier because the perseverance of a demon can lead to some heart devils, but apparently I’m being stalked, so they must know that I can balance fire and water. I guess I’ll just read the spear technique now.”
Ivor stared at the jade slip while he was dashing home to practice. The first stance was simple, just hold the spear parallel to your torso, dominant hand towards the tip, with the tip pointing at the enemy, but there were quite a few things you could do out of that position. In addition to the obvious thrust, you could strike somebody behind you with the haft of the spear, you could even lean back and push the spear out to defend! It’s the optimal stance if you want to start and end an attack quickly, making it the go-to stance to exploit an opening with after a parry. It’s not great on the defensive front, but you could still oar block. “Wait… isn’t this super-basic shit? I don’t know, but this feels like it’s just spear 101.”
Ivor was too idiotic to appreciate the truly profound art of the spear, the ultimate weapon better than the sword in every way, shape, and form. “Yeah I don’t really see why anyone would think this is so much better than the sword and that the sword is too romanticized. I mean, it’s definitely the best weapon for a coward like me, but what’s a spearman going to do if a swordsman gets in their face? Cry?”
Ivor heard a voice from the jade slip, one that definitely wasn’t supposed to be there. “Hey, I’m the residual will of literally Satan, the dude who created this technique. No not Lucifer, before you get that mixed up. I’m the snake man, he’s the guy who used the wrong auto translate and paid for it. I’d like to tell you to stop bad mouthing spears; if a swordsman gets close to a spearman, the spearman can pull out a sidearm or knee the swordsman in the balls. Satan out, saying that took up a lot of energy.”
Ivor chuckled a bit before he realized that he had Satan’s spear technique, and that Satan had just talked to him. “Wait, Satan? Also, what do you mean when you say the wrong auto translate? Also, doesn’t a will mean that I have the original copy? Or maybe there are multiple. Oh well.”
Ivor waited a few minutes and there was no response. He decided to shut up and practice his spear technique. Talking with Satan was above his pay grade anyway.