Ivor awoke to an alarm in his bed, notifying him that it was five in the morning. He loathed getting out, the world around him feeling dull, like how he felt after an all-nighter, but he had work to do, so he reluctantly got up. “Oh… I think I had a fun dream, but… I can’t remember. Ah well, I should get to work now.”
Ivor walked down a flight of wooden stairs out of his second-story apartment and threw open the door to his car. He got in and drove to his office, walking through the drab hallways and finding a field of cubicles, moving to his own to get to work. Ring! Ring! “Yes, this is Oven Inc. How can I help you? Oh, your phone is defective? How so? You say it’s not able to call anyone but Oven Inc.? Have you checked if you’re behind on your payments? No? Alright, I’ll check… yeah, it looks like you’re behind on your payments. I don’t think there’s anything I can do, I’ll put you through to my manager.”
The phone slammed back into its holder. “What the fuck… who complains to the customer service guy at a phone company because they haven’t paid their phone bill? God, my ears hurt… this one actually deserves to wait an hour on hold. Alright, setting it to go through to the manager if they keep waiting for… two hours, then. See how you like THAT. Shows you not to yell at the damned customer service guy. Haah… I hate that putting people on hold is the most satisfying part of my job. I guess it kind of hurts when we’re in the wrong, but don’t yell in my ear because you forgot to pay your damn bills. Oh, another call.”
Ivor picked up the phone again as he had done countless times before. “Yes, Oven Inc. customer service here… oh, you used discord light mode and the phone broke? Not my fault, that shit burns with the light of a thousand suns… yeah, I know the screen melted. I’ve heard this story like… five times. It’s a big problem, yes, but I’m just the customer service guy. Sorry about that. If you’d like, I can put you through to my manager.”
The phone clicked back into its holder before Ivor started clicking his mouse. “Alright… I feel bad about that one, so… thirty minutes on hold. Wish I could do less, but them’s the rules. Oh, another call.”
Ivor kept on going through calls for the next six hours. The world was fading from his vision, only leaving Ivor himself, a phone, and a folding chair. Ring! Ring! “Yes, Oven Inc. here. How can I help you?”
A strange, gravely voice came out of the phone. It hung up after a few words: “Watch out for the demon… and remember the truth.”
Ivor sighed in annoyance. “Was that a prank call? Watch out? What for? Eh, I guess I’ll try and be careful. Can’t hurt, can it?”
A few more hours passed before Ivor got out of his cubicle and went to lunch break. He hadn’t been able to get the warning out of his head. He went to his own corner and bit into a ham sandwich. It tasted like it had far too much mayo. “I don’t get paid NEARLY enough to put up with this shit. Fuck Oven Inc. and fuck the 10,000 dollar breach of contract fee. Fucking fine print.”
The rest of the day just… went by. In fact, a few weeks passed, but nothing really changed. The same ham sandwich every day, karens hounding him at least thirty times a day, and a terrible sleep cycle. Then November hit.
Ivor walked into the office on a day like any other, slogging through the six hours until lunch break. “No, I cannot give you a refund because your dog died when they ate your phone! I’m very sorry for your loss, but I can’t - company policy. Yes, yes, I’ll put you through to my manager.”
At lunch, Ivor finally had something other than a ham sandwich. This time it was a turkey sandwich with mustard instead of mayo. Ah… mustard, the spice of life. Well, variety, but I haven’t had enough money to go to the market and buy mustard for… how many months has it been now? Fucking mortgage, car payment, health insurance, and don’t even get me STARTED on the fucking student loans. What kind of moron gets a chemistry degree before working at a fucking phone help line? Oh wait, ME. I’m that kind of moron. God… I wish this was a bad dream. Maybe I could wake myself up!
Ivor pinched himself as hard as he could. He didn’t wake up, but he did notice something strange. Something he had been too swept up in work to see. “What is that? Is it just weird black mist or am I missing something? I feel like I’m missing something. Fuck, maybe this is some sort of monster, and I’m in a nightmare, not a bad dream. Wait… shit, gotta run.”
Ivor jumped out of his seat, barely managing to avoid the black mist as it shot towards him. “Ooohhh, so THAT’S what the ominous warning was about! Makes sense. What’s even going on here? Ah well, run first, ask questions later.”
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Ivor broke into a sprint, somehow managing to outspeed the strange mist and ducking through a door into the hallway. His legs pumped harder than he could remember. Wait, speaking of memory… what the fuck. I… can’t remember things? I mean, I can’t remember running this fast, but wasn’t I on my school’s track team as a kid? I know I was, but I don’t really remember doing it either. I know I have a bachelor’s in chem, but… which college did I go to? Okay, I get it, this is a weird dream where I can’t remember my life, I think?
A few minutes later, Ivor was panting, barely managing to outspeed the mist. It would catch up to him in ten seconds or so. Sprinting is hard! I know it’s a dream, but this thing’s stamina is unfair! What even happens if it gets me? I think I’ll just wake up. That would be nice, my legs are getting sore from all this running… oh. OH. I’m an idiot, huh? That thing could very well kill me if it gets on top of me. I’m feeling sensations I don’t feel in dreams - soreness and adrenaline. That’s a fear response. I’m also normally a lucid dreamer. This isn’t a normal dream, if it's a dream at all.
Ivor lunged forward, landing flat on the ground and letting the mist fly over him. But this sensation is familiar - I know I’ve felt it before, just not in reality. Assuming I’ve actually been in a situation like this before, I know two things: one, that there’s a reason for it; something like this won’t happen twice as a coincidence. Unless I’m a demon magnet, but that's a reason in and of itself. Two, if it’s happened before, knowing myself, I would’ve prepared a countermeasure of some sort. I mean, probably not, but I’m fucked if I didn’t anyway.
Ivor rolled to the side, dodging the mist creature as it doubled back to target him. What would it be, though? I don’t know much about my situation. I’m guessing the fix is inside of my own body. What could it be, though? How would I indicate it to myself? Well, what’s one thing that’s been consistent across my life that changes things in my body? I mean… I guess I always use tylenol for my headaches… and now that I think about it, I do have a bit of a headache now… and I haven’t actually used any tylenol since the day of the warning call. Well, it can’t hurt to try, or so I hope.
Ivor threw himself into the wall in a desperate effort to avoid the mist before pulling out the tylenol he always kept on him for migraines and taking one with his saliva. Maybe because of the strange nature of the world, it spread through his system in instants, and he began to feel heat in his liver. Then the world clicked into focus. Damn… I didn’t even notice that it was black and white, huh? Also, soreness saved me? How ironic. I’m glad that I could activate my liver meridian by having my liver process something. Well, Chrono said it would work, so I guess it’s not a surprise. God… this was definitely intelligent design. Shrouding my memories and putting me in a dream for weeks to get me to lower my guard even after Klutz yelled a warning in my ear? Way too devious.
Ivor inhaled sharply, noticing that he hadn’t tasted the air before. The mist was no longer blurry in his vision, its true form of a pitch-black fox revealed. “Heh. I can’t believe that worked. I’m proud of myself for being able to come up with all that. And I’m stronger than normal - three times peak human strength or so. Wouldn’t be worth it if this ability was only useful in dreams, but according to Chrono, it helps me stay focused, speeds up my thoughts, and even gets rid of some impurities. Woo-hoo! And all of that is just a bonus compared to… you know… not dying. Sorry for monologuing at you, fox, but going nearly a month without interaction with anybody but my own subconscious was… hell. What, am I supposed to monologue to myself? And don’t even get me STARTED on my personality! I never knew how big an asshole I was until now!”
The fox was growling at Ivor, but it had no way to properly interrupt his monologue, so it chose to attack instead. It jumped over his right shoulder, but he bent backwards to dodge its claw swipe. Ivor started to sprint forward while the fox turned around. Alright… I’m almost there.
The fox managed to turn around before bounding into Ivor and clawing furrows into his back; not traditional furrows, though, but rivulets of Ivor’s body liquefying and letting off vapor. Ivor pivoted on his right foot before kicking off towards the wall, wedging the fox monster between his back and a hard place, knocking the monster through the drywall before continuing his run down the hall.
Shit, that hurts! Not as much as normal though. Maybe that’s the dream pill helping. Well, I’ve arrived. Ivor had reached his office. He slammed the door shut behind him after entering, making sure to lock it, although it didn’t deter the fox, only delaying it. The fox screeched to a halt in front of the door, crouched, and jumped right through it. Sadly for it, Ivor had been expecting just that. Instead of a helpless victim, it found itself faced with the business end of Ivor’s steel folding chair, and the floor soon after. “Thanks for the idea, pro wrestling. What to do now? I guess I’ll restrain it… oh, I can’t control my dream? I guess whatever weird thing manipulating my Karma learned its lesson last time.”
Ivor slammed the rim of the folding chair into the fox’s head again, cracking its skull and letting the neon pink goo that worked as its brains leak out. In its dying breaths, however, it shot its claws from its left claw, leaving three holes in Ivor’s chest. “Ouch! I mean, I’m on a healing IV, so it doesn’t matter much, but at least you punctured BOTH my kidneys. If you hit my liver, you would have won… bit of a shame that I was expecting it. I mean, you did the unexpected, so… how do you compliment a fox monster? Eh, I guess the usual will do. Good boy. Well… bye bye, little buddy. It’s time for me to wake up now that you’re dead.”
Ivor’s eyes opened and he sat up, hit wounds fully healed and his soul fully connected to his body again. Edwina was waiting for him. “It’s been a full day and a half since the beast tide! Get out of bed and cultivate! You need to make up for lost time.”