Ivor decided to actually start cultivating, as the outer sect gave a very generous pill budget, 100 a day, and not just that but three spirit stones too! But before that, he had a problem to deal with. He went to the west quarter sect building to ask about it. “Elder Worst, I think I fucked up my cultivation.”
Worst’s eyes widened in surprise and concern. “How so?”
Ivor sighed deeply. “Well, I’ve started to- hack- cough up blood, like that. It happens more when I’m angry or embarrassed, but sometimes it’s random. Also, my bowel movements are literally blacker than pitch. I’m serious, it looks like you’re staring straight at… a really dark piece of- no, I can do better than that. It looks like you’re peering into the soul of whoever invented phone company customer service policy. As in, about as damaging to one’s sanity as a staring contest with a Lovecraftian horror.”
Worst’s expression had grown contemplative. “Coughing up blood is actually quite common in cultivators. It’s caused by the incompatibility of your cultivation technique and organs. Now how to explain this next part? You know what, you probably won’t have time to take classes on Wuxing theory, so I’ll teach you the basics now.”
Ivor’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Is this going to take hours? Feels like it will. Also, are we just going to ignore my extensively profound analogy?”
Elder Worst replied with a smirk plastered across his face. “Yes, it’ll take hours, and yes, we will be ignoring your failure to sound smart. Anyways, the Wuxing is the theory of the five elements and how they’re represented in the universe. So for how it relates to your problem, the Lung is the Major Yin meridian of the hand. It’s metal-aligned. I think you know about the element chart, the whole earth into metal, metal into water thing, that jazz? And water opposes fire which opposes metal which opposes wood which opposes earth which opposes water? Everything is a cycle, you know?”
Worst made an awkward circling motion with his right hand before continuing. “Anyways, there are two problems your lung could be having. If you have a lung ability, it could be expelling something even though the lung is the meridian that absorbs energy. This would be annoying, but it won’t be catastrophic - it’s actually quite common. Second, there’s bad old cultivation poisoning. Did you pick a Major Yin method to cultivate your lungs? If so, you’re a dead man walking. Did you temper yourself or cultivate your lungs in some other way with a lethal poison? Well if you’re still alive, then it won’t be terrible, as it’s mixed with your qi, but it might be… somewhat volatile, so be careful. Did you cultivate your lung meridian with the fire element? Well no, you obviously didn't, considering the fact that you’re breathing right now, but that’s cultivation poisoning too. So how did you cultivate your lungs? Oh, by the way, the whole large intestine thing probably isn’t as big a deal as coughing blood could be. Plenty of cultivators have strange changes like that.”
A drop of cold sweat took form on Ivor’s forehead. “So… it wouldn’t be good if I breathe something out and that something is a lethal neurotoxin that I can exhale because I tempered my lungs with it? I’m guessing not. On the bright side, the poison is from a magic rock, so maybe it’s earth-aligned, which’ll probably help a little. I hope.”
Worst sighed in a mix of exasperation and regret. “But… but why though? I mean, the earth element means that it’ll help nurture your lungs instead of killing you, but still. Why use deadly poison to temper your lungs? You know what, I think I might be able to help you. Give me your six spirit stones from your outer sect budget and I’ll give you a pill to help. I think you cultivate using treasures, and I have a yin-aligned metal-element pill that would be perfect for your kidney: the Dust of Fortune pill. It expels the ill omens from your body and makes you perform optimally, unhindered by bad luck. It doesn’t make good things happen to you, it just makes bad things… not do that.”
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Ivor handed Worst his six spirit stones and received the pill. “Now how to take this? Oh, I know. God, I’m fucking idiotic, but hey, it’s not as dumb as intentionally angering a Divinity Beast, and that’s a fine enough excuse. Hey Worst, get me a healing pill. I’ll pay in energy pills.”
Ivor unsheathed his dagger and stabbed himself in his right kidney, pulled his knife out, and stuffed the Dust of Fortune pill inside of himself. “Ah shit that hurts! I mean, it’s my fault, but… Elder Worst, healing pill please?”
Even without a healing pill, a layer of Ye had formed over Ivor’s wound, although only after Ivor lost a third of a liter of black blood. It slowly colored black with impurities and slid out of the puncture, falling to the floor, before a new layer of Ye formed and Ivor stopped bleeding, although not fully healing. Elder Worst was frozen with astonishment, although parentlike exasperation was forming in his eyes. “What even… do you even need a healing pill? Also, wasn’t all that blood just a direct ejection of impurities? You just opened your liver meridian after stabbing yourself… I mean, you’re not the craziest cultivator I’ve met, but you’re sure as hell in my top ten.”
Instead of trying to get medical attention, Ivor pushed pills through the layer of Ye into his liver one by one, ten in total. “Oh, so it only takes ten pills to fill my meridian if I stick them into the organ directly? Good to know. I guess I should activate the ability now.”
Ivor fell to his knees, clutched his chest, and began coughing up a black fluid… but it wasn't blood this time. It looked misty, ephemeral even, while still being totally opaque. Elder Worst gave a slow clap. “Congratulations Ivor, you activated the pill. You didn’t actually have to stab yourself, but hey, this is a new record for the fastest the Dust of Fortune pill has started working. That strange liquid is the Ill Omens that were in your lungs. You must be right about the poison being earth element, since there would be significantly more otherwise. Lucky you.”
Ivor slowly climbed back up to his feet; his legs were shaking all the way up. “Next is my gallbladder. Do you know a place to find a magic acid thing, Elder Worst?”
Elder Worst nodded. “There should be acids suitable for opening your gallbladder in the treasure hall… but don’t you want a clairvoyance-based ability for your gallbladder? It’s well-suited to them.”
Ivor shook his head with a sad smirk. “Even if the gallbladder is suited for divination, after my purchase just now, my wallet definitely isn’t. Even if I got one, I’m fairly sure that I can only open my meridians with natural treasures, as I’m fairly sure that the opening process is actually just refining a treasure in my body - it’s just that the opened meridian is the treasure. My book on alchemy and crafting says that working with natural treasures is significantly easier than refined ones for making new treasures. My intuition says so too. So unless you know of a divination-type natural treasure that I can access in the near future, I’ll be going with some acid. After all, the gallbladder is wood-aligned. Water may nurture wood, but it’s also the universal solvent; acid is still fairly water-aligned.”
Worst gave a supportive thumbs-up. “Good point! Now go get some; your wound is already healed, and you have to cultivate before the next monster wave.”
Both Ivor and Worst turned grim at the mention of the wave. That was for two very important reasons: first, according to divinations, the next wave would be stronger. Second was because of the hundred million people that had arrived. It was chaos.
Weaker cultivators had started making weak sects all across the island. Speaking of the island, it was twice as large as before. A water-aligned island had fused with the fire island during the wave. There were far fewer beasts now after the tide, so instead of the human triangle being for safety, living inside it had turned into a status symbol, which caused the medium-power sects to establish their headquarters inside it - totally screwing over the people who were summoned in the water area. The big sects established major outposts in said area, and some medium sects did the same, but there was a massive death toll on day 1: over 40,000,000 people died. It was a bit of a foregone conclusion, considering that all the cultivators started in wave one, but it was still a depressing figure to say the least. “Hey Worst… thanks for the help. Sorry for the lack of pleasantries, I just want to get strong fast. I’ll be going now.”