After the fiasco that was the Old Moon Festival, Aida resolved to be productive during the Festival Recess. Get her head back in the game, eyes on the prize, give Levi some space.
She spent the first few days shadowing Healer Luk in her work, asking her questions about being a Healer. Luk had been gratified at the interest, and appreciated the help in preparing herbs and ingredients.
“Most people who express interest in Healing only do so because they want to become combat or field Healers,” Luk told Aida as they ground dried leaves with a mortar and pestle. “They idolize the idea of bringing back someone from the brink of death - and that’s all well and good, but it is extremely mana-intensive to do so. Even the most successful combat Healers spend much of their time preparing potions and antidotes beforehand for their party members, so that they can sustain themselves while the Healer focuses on critical injuries.”
“Can’t the potions be purchased?”
“Of course they can! If the Adventuring group wants to spend all of their earnings just staying alive,” Luk snorted. “Commercial potions are not worth the cost. Listen to me, girl: if you want to make baen and satisfy the urge to call yourself a Healer, become a potion maker.” Luk fixed Aida with an almost threatening glare.
“I would prefer to take a more active role in Healing,” Aida said quickly. “I - if I could ease anyone’s pain, whether it’s through physical therapy or using my own mana in conjunction with potions, I would prefer to do it that way. My end goal is to make myself valuable to an Adventuring group.”
Luk eyed her beadily. “Then it’s good that you’re focusing on Healing. You realize Healing is almost always at odds with Water combat? Every party that goes out for combat has to choose between having a dedicated Water Elementalist and a Healer, just because of the mana expenditure required.”
That put Aida on pause. “Well, I suppose that would make it easier for everyone involved. As long as the job descriptions are clear,” she joked. That was some relief - if she wanted to specialize as a Healer, there were no additional pressures for her to improve Water Cage or other abilities.
Luk’s mood softened. “I’m not trying to deter you from the path of a Healer - it is inherently a very noble profession - but oftentimes, I will see several young Healers become disillusioned with their path. Healers do not get as much acknowledgment as other professions - when everyone is healthy, there is no need to seek out a Healer. When a patient incurs a mortal wound or affliction, and there is no saving them…there is no end to the blame a Healer receives.” Luk’s grinding became harder, rougher. Aida quickly added more leaves to Luk’s mortar, and Luk nodded in thanks as she renewed her grinding with ferocity.
“Additionally, even if you work as a party Healer, that doesn’t mean your only work is to heal up your members after battle. In fact, you have to keep track of your members at all times - a good Healer keeps their party members healthy, but an excellent Healer anticipates and prevents their members from requiring Healing in the first place.”
“With Regen?”
“Yes, Regeneration is a good support skill. As well as Defense Up and Mana Shield.”
“You can cast Defense Up on someone else?” Aida asked curiously.
“Oh yes - a bit more difficult than using Defense Up on yourself, of course, because you’ll have to insert some of your mana into someone else - but done correctly, you can sufficiently protect them so they are still able to keep their feet and avoid the next onslaught of attacks, which means you won’t need to spend more mana Healing them.”
Aida nodded vigorously. “If you don’t mind, Healer…how do you know so much about combat Healing?” She poured the powder she had been pounding into a big mixing bowl that held all the other powders she and Luk and been producing. She added another handful of leaves to her mortar, diligently keeping her eyes on her work so that Luk wouldn’t feel so pressured to answer.
“Like all young Healers, I had aspirations,” Luk finally said. Her voice was somber, less clipped and brusque than normal. “I did my time with an Adventuring group - and learned sooner than most the pain that Healers experience.”
Luk met Aida’s questioning gaze. “There is a reason very few people want to become Healers, Miss Loreh. It takes an emotional toll - not just from losing a patient, but from the amount of mana you must give. Minor to moderate injuries are easy to come to terms with, as you’ve seen yourself - but when you try to Heal a major injury? I’m talking an injury more severe than that silly puncture you accidentally caused to Student Yanomo, or your drowning - I’m talking about…their life hanging balanced between one breath and the next. Very intimate, for both the Healer and the patient. Now…” Luk’s voice trembled, but she continued to gaze with hooded eyes into Aida’s own. “…what if your patient dies, despite your Healing? While you are Healing?”
Aida thought back to when she and Caleb had accidentally mixed their mana: the thrill that ran through her entire being, knowing and feeling someone else was there, that she wasn’t alone; the expanded senses of being in two bodies simultaneously, and the awareness that came with it - the feel of his heart beating in tandem with her own, her blood flow speeding up to match his rate, feeling the smooth softness of her own skin through his touch.
She remembered how empty and alone she felt when she and Caleb finally withdrew from each other. Cold. Newly aware of the loneliness she had grown used to, after having experienced what it felt like being part of a whole. What would having one part of her die feel like?
She involuntarily convulsed as she imagined that secondary mana suddenly disappearing. Snuffed out. Leaving her in that heightened state of sensitivity, without that second soul supporting her. Perhaps she would be so connected that she would feel the oncomings of death herself? Feeling their heartbeat fade, struggling to continue pumping blood but failing to; each breath a monumental effort to keep living, to no avail; the suffocation when their body could no longer breathe, the stasis as the blood stilled and muscles starved of air, the heart beating its last…and trapped alone in a flesh coffin.
Luk nodded mutely, the lines around her mouth deepening. Aida worked her mouth, trying to offer condolences, but realizing how…useless? That would be. Luk had already experienced that pain…what could she say now that wouldn’t come across as patronizing?
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“Not many people realize or appreciate the sacrifices a Healer makes,” Luk said quietly. “All they know is that the Healer supported the heroes who slayed the beast - or they know that the Healer wasn’t able to save someone at a critical point.”
Aida focused on pounding the herbs with her pestle, her cheeks hot. She had already had two close calls lately - she hadn’t been able to Heal Ezra or Caleb in either scenario, and she already felt awful. But what if she had been able to Heal? It was obvious her mana wasn’t enough to sustain a major injury - but if they had been in such a situation, she—
She froze, as all of her friends’ faces flashed through her mind. Knowing the emotional toll Luk had just warned her of…would she still use all of her mana to try to save one of them?
When she first decided on becoming a Healer, she hadn’t realized the commitment the Heal skill required - she just thought it was like all the other RPGs she played, where all it took was some arbitrary resource she could train up the capacity for.
But it made sense - the intimacy of sharing large amounts of mana between two people - Aida felt her face flush again as she pushed her memories with Caleb and Levi away. When Levi first explained the cultural meaning behind sharing mana, she thought she wouldn’t be affected. After all, her parents considered public displays of affection to be acts of intimacy that deserved the respect of privacy, and would never have put their own emotions on display outside. Meanwhile, Annie didn’t consider hugs, hand-holding, or chaste kisses in public to be anything that should be hidden.
But…surely her feelings of affection for her friends were only because their relationships were improving? No romantic feelings - just feelings of friendship and camaraderie, a natural development of being classmates and living in the same area together. I mean, I care about Lily and Vanita, too…
Would she sacrifice all of her mana for Lily or Vanita, in light of Healer Luk’s warning? That answer was easy - no. But she could also easily justify it by saying they would be unlikely to end up in a situation that would cause them to sustain mortal wounds.
What about Sue? She would definitely be the one to end up on the cusp of death. And what about Caleb? Levi? Ezra? Her heart trembled, unwilling to follow through with her questions.
“Miss Loreh,” Luk said gently, placing her hand gently over the hand that had the pestle in a death grip. “I didn’t tell you all this to dissuade you…if you know all of the risks beforehand, you can make a better-informed decision for your future. You can prepare, so that you…may not ever end up in the situation most unprepared Healers enter.”
Of course. Aida released the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. There was risk in everything, and this was just the risk of being a Healer. And Healer Luk had already mentioned combat mitigations; there were certainly more. “So…is this why you spend so much time preparing brews and other treatments?”
Luk nodded briskly, back to her professional efficiency. “Correct. Both because it conserves mana on my part, but also because it provides an emotional buffer.”
Healer Luk proceeded to outline the relationship between mana and herbs - just like Aida had observed during her stay in the Healing ward, the herbs Luk had burned to aid in her recovery during the placement matches still contained some of their own mana, despite no longer being attached to a root. The harvested herbs could be made into healing draughts (Luk recommended a starter book to understand the basics - “And whatever you do, don’t ask Miss Moon to teach you herbalism. She’ll skip all the important fundamentals”) or burned as incense - or even cooked and eaten (“There are multiple ways to harness mana from things no longer alive, you see”).
The emotional buffer Luk alluded to was essentially mixing the Healer’s mana into medicines before handing off that medicine to a patient. Combining the Healer’s mana with the inert ingredients allowed the Healer to use less mana to facilitate healing in the patient’s body, and the separation between the source and the receiver helped to make the “mana giving” more impersonal.
“Recovery is slower this way, but that is how you maintain longevity in this field.” Luk waved Aida over, showing her how much mana she poured into making tablets out of the powders they spent all morning pounding. Mixing measured amounts of beeswax and water into the concoction, Luk stirred thoroughly with a thick metal rod, all the while transferring pulses of mana into the mixture. As Luk shifted her grip, Aida noticed a small gem set in the pommel of the rod.
“That’s not your normal wand, is it?”
“Ah, you’ve noticed - no, this is my stirring rod. Metals are less permeable, so make for better mixing utensils and easier cleaning than wood or clay instruments. If you’re out in the wilderness and have lost your healing tools, anything can work as a focus item in a pinch - but it’s certainly better to use well-crafted equipment.” Luk wiped the end of the rod with a wet cloth before handing it to Aida to examine. “Go on, see how it transfers your mana compared to…this.” Luk selected a similarly-sized glass stirring rod, without a gem in it.
Taking both rods to the open window, Aida aimed the metal one outside. She cautiously sent a small pulse through, and yelped when the pulse boomed out the end.
“Try the other one,” Luk called from behind her. Aida heard the sounds of clinking as she worked.
Placing the metal one down carefully, she pointed the glass one out. She felt resistance as she tried to push her mana through - screwing up her face, she put both hands on the glass rod as she tried to force out her mana. A wheeze of mana puffed out at the end.
“That’s so weird!”
“Any thoughts as to why the metal rod is easier to channel than the glass one?” Luk came over, wiping her hands on a cloth.
“Is it because metal is a supportive element, and the glass is derived from earth, a disadvantageous element for me?” Aida guessed.
“That’s the gist - as well as the gem helping to establish a focal point for your mana exiting your body. The glass rod, even though it’s also made out of earth and also has a precise crystalline structure, is too much earth for us. That’s why you’ll see practitioners with different types of wands or staves - different materials assist different elements. Lloyd has been teaching you to synergize with incompatible elements, yes?” Aida half-shrugged and half-nodded, and Luk nodded back, a small grin on her face. “It is a difficult skill, and most elements have no need to be able to do so - but as a Healer, it is possibly the most important skill to learn.”
“Professor Lloyd’s theory makes sense, but is difficult to put into practice,” Aida grumbled.
“Understandable. It may help to think of it as filtering your mana: everyone’s mana is fundamentally the same, but is imbued with our natural elemental disposition, which is how other practitioners can recognize our energies. The purpose of the synergy exercise is to only extract the raw mana, free of any of your own personal contaminants.” Luk smiled at Aida’s expression. “Let me remind you: only Masters have achieved the level of purity Lloyd is trying to teach to you all. If any of you are able to even connect your mana, that is a significant step.”
Luk bade Aida farewell cheerfully, reminding her to eat a full meal. Aida thought about all of Luk’s words - with everything Luk had shared with her, it was a lot to process. She was fairly certain she still wanted to be a Healer, but being told that she had to learn to synergize her mana with other elements…it was silly that was the factor that would convince her to not become a Healer, after considering the trauma from experiencing death with a patient.
Aida thought back to her father’s pain. Even if she couldn’t do the clutch heals as a combat Healer, she could at least help the regular citizens with their pain - citizens like Grandmama Rylla, and the majority of the population who weren’t mana practitioners and couldn’t recover as easily on their own.
I need to talk to more Healers. Luk had knocked the rose-colored glasses off - during the new sun cycle, she vowed to be more skeptical as she spoke with the Affiliates.