Item #: SCP-8077 - The Dead Dealmaker (“Mr. Skelebones” colloquially)
Object containment class: euclid
Disruption class: keneq
Risk class: warning
Special containment procedures: SCP-8077 is to be held within a Standard Secure Humanoid Containment Cell, and is to be supplied with entertainment if requested, barring access to the internet. SCP-8077 is permitted to use the on-site intranet. During transport, SCP-8077 is to be escorted by no less than five armed guards, and use of any form of Restraint Harness is not permitted without direct consent from SCP-8077. SCP-8077 is mostly compliant with tests, and may on occasion designate humans, SCPs, or other creatures to be “under protection”. These creatures are designated as SCP-8077-X, and are to be excluded from any tests that involve high or guaranteed risk of harm. If SCP-8077 requests one of these “protected” entities, they are to be given access to those entities with as little delay as possible.
Additional Information: The agreement with SCP-8077 is as follows:
SCP-8077 will not harm security, researchers, or any other staff within the foundation unless given direct permission from the person, or it is required to maintain an agreement.
No foundation staff will harm SCP-8077 or attempt to destroy, nullify, or otherwise interfere with agreements, unless otherwise stated by SCP-8077 and all other parties.
SCP-8077 will not make any new agreements with the intent to nullify this agreement.
SCP-8077 will cooperate with any tests that do not violate the previously made agreements.
If this agreement is broken by the foundation, SCP-8077 will engage in hostilities, and “due punishment will be served”.
If this agreement is broken by SCP-8077, SCP-8077 will be stripped of its anomalous abilities for one year.
Description: The limited examinations that have been performed have revealed SCP-8077 to be a male skeleton, estimated to be 30 years of age. SCP-8077 is roughly 2 meters tall, and has a definite preference for wearing the clothing it had upon discovery (see addendum 8077.1). SCP-8077 has green flames in the place of eyes, which turn red upon aggravation (see addendum 8077.2). A spherical glowing orb sits where the heart would normally sit that matches the color of SCP-8077’s eyes. SCP-8077 has been seen floating up to 2.5 meters vertically, and is capable of creating invisible barriers, green flames, healing injuries, and teleportation across short distances, claiming to only be able to “warp” to places which are able to see or be seen by SCP-8077. SCP-8077 has stated: “Magic is very simple to get better at, just like most things. The hard part is having the right body, mind, and starting point for it. If one does not have an aptitude for the type of magic that they are attempting, it may cause permanent damage to them and those around them, so one should always perform an aptitude test beforehand.” Whenever prompted as to what else it may be able to do, SCP-8077’s jaw moves as it would when connected to the proper musculature when talking.
SCP-8077 becomes increasingly aggressive the more any SCP-8077-X instance is insulted or verbally attacked within earshot, and enters what has been reported as a “dead calm” by observers upon witnessing any instance of SCP-8077-X being physically harmed within line of sight to or from SCP-8077. Tests involving the injury of SCP-8077-X instances have been forbidden without the direct permission from the local site board and 05-█. Current SCP-8077-X instances include: Agent Jurow, D-170, D-172, and SCP-999.
image [https://imgur.com/b1aFWZd]
in case image doesnt load
https://imgur.com/a/EUwIQ2e
Addendum 8077.1: Discovery
SCP-8077 was first brought to the attention of the SCP foundation in 2006, when resident █████ of the elderly care unit in ████ called the local police about a “well dressed skeleton” in their backyard. Agent Jurow, embedded in the local police force, only noticed the anomalous properties of SCP-8077 when they were inspecting it after hours, when SCP-8077 appeared to wake up.
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[BEGIN LOG]
Brief: Agent Jurow, recently graduated from the academy, has unbuttoned the clothing on SCP-8077, which she reports as having “stayed in place as though there were flesh holding it in place”. Agent Jurow is known to have a stutter. Agent Jurow has been known to record their shift start to end on their bodycam. Agent Crumb is serving as sergeant.
SCP-8077, lying on a steel morgue table: Ma’m, you really should ask permission before removing clothing from another person. It would have been rather suspicious were I still flesh and blood.
Agent Jurow, jumping backwards from the table: Oh god! Sorry! (pauses). Oh crap! (muttering) what is it that I am meant to do again? (speaking up) sir, or ma’m, you are aware that you are in a morgue? (studder) morgue?
SCP-8077: I am a sir, and, well, a morgue would be the logical place for a dead body to be, would it not? (SCP-8077 sits up, and Agent Jurow’s bodycam is shaking slightly). Anyway, I have been wanting to meet someone like you for a while. (Agent Jurow’s bodycam is shaking far more)
Agent Jurrow: S-s-someone like me? (studder) me? What do you want? (studder) nt?
SCP-8077: Nothing much dear, just to meet your superiors. I hear your uppers like to collect… (8077 makes a clicking sound multiple times) oddities? Anomalies? Something along those lines I think. Why don't I just wit here, and you go get someone who I can talk to with authority to negotiate containment. Don't worry about any punishments, (8077’s voice seems to repeat itself three times over, slightly delayed) I hereby swear on my magic and authority that you shall come to no harm that I can prevent, from now until I am either contained or neutralized. (8077 goes back to normal).
Agent Jurow: I don't think you can make that promise, sir. But I don't suppose I have a choice?
SCP-8077: Well, I have already sworn by my magic and my authority that I will not harm you, so I suppose I cannot actually make you do anything. I cannot save you from being fired, though.
Agent Jurow: I guess that’s that then. (into radio) Could we get Sergeant Crumb in the morgue, please?
Agent Crumb (through radio): Coming. Better be good though.
SCP-8077: Suppose I should wait for your friend. How long will he take?
Agent Jurow: Probably only a few minutes.
Agent Crumb (ten minutes later): Now what the hell has happened here? Why is there a half naked skeleton looking at me? More importantly, why are they not restrained?
SCP-8077: Well, for the first question, an old lady called you about me, and then I decided to try and talk my way into containment. Just for fun, really. Secondly, I forgot to redo the buttons. Thirdly, restraints would not work, at least not the ones that you would bring into a morgue, because nobody really brings anomalous restraints to the morgue. Though I suspect that is different for the people who’s entire job consists of dealing with and containing anomalous entities and objects.
Agent Crumb: Fine. Whatever. Not the first time an anomaly has handed themselves in. also, agent Jurow, we will be having a conversation about what happened later.
Agent Jurow: (sad/upset) yes-
SCP-8077: (interrupting, eyes orange) No. Jurow will be under my protection until the agreement has been concluded. Jurow will be free to talk alone with you when I am comfortable with the containment arrangement, and in return I will agree to cooperate with your agents until that time. Am I clear, young man?
[END LOG]
Agent Jurow’s note: SCP-8077 refused to allow me to interact with any armed, authority or otherwise potentially dangerous personnel without him being present, but otherwise stayed out of my way. It was inconvenient for me to have to stay in his containment unit, or otherwise be able to see, or be seen by, him.
Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.
Agent Crumb’s note: SCP-8077 terrified me with just five words. Just by asking if I had understood what he had said I felt like a rabbit caged with a lion, and I genuinely hope that the looneys in lab coats don't make us his enemy.
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Addendum 8077.2: Incident Report
One week after SCP-8077 was contained on site, the Chaos Insurgency assaulted the site, and injured Agent Jurow, who was still being classified as an instance of SCP-8077-2, while she was walking to SCP-8077’s containment cell. The video, audio and all other recording devices reported static for 5.2 seconds (see description). Upon returning to normal functions the recording devices observed 29 dead Chaos Insurgency agents, all of whom had had their ribcages inverted to expose their organs, one surviving Chaos Insurgency agent who did not move, bar breathing and blinking, and SCP-8077 crouching over Agent Jurow, who’s legs had been crushed by the rubble created by the explosive charge set off by the Chaos Insurgency, waving a green, glowing runic circle over her form. After the third time that SCP-8077 had waved the circle over Agent Jurow’s injuries, all traces of damage to her body and clothing were gone and she seemed to be sleeping. All recording devices then proceeded to report static for 4.9 seconds, after which SCP-8077 had returned to a non-aggressive state in its containment cell, eyes returning to their former green state along with its ‘core’.
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Follow up interview
Interviewer: Dr. Franklin Hampter, site 19
Interviewee: SCP-8077, accompanied by Agent Jurow
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Hampter: Hello SCP-8077. My name is Doctor Franklin Hampter, and I have been tasked with finding out what it was you did yesterday, during the attack.
SCP-8077: I don't know what you mean. There is nothing to explain. I have failed to fulfill my end of the contract, and as such I have done my best to repay the damages done due to my negligence, and am waiting for Jurow to tell me what it is I need to do next, to repay my failure.
Agent Jurow: what?
Dr. Hampter: You are aware that you have saved Agent Jurow’s life?
SCP-8077: that does not excuse my failure to uphold my end of the contract. I could have prevented the harm by reinforcing every wall near Jurow, but it was due to my own lack of caution that this occurred. I have also violated the contract by using Jurow’s eyes as transport, and therefore I am required by oath to fulfill one request of Jurow, and am not permitted to agree to more deals, contracts or any such thing until I have repaid the debt.
Agent Jurow: So I have to find a way for you to repay me?
SCP-8077: I am free to make new contracts after you perish, which I cannot allow due to the contract, or one month after the deal has been broken.
Unknown (seems to come from all directions at once): tick-tock. Tick-tock. 29 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes left. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
SCP-8077: And there is the timer. I hope it won't disturb your sleep. Too much.
Unknown (seems to come from all directions at once): tick-tock. Tick-tock. 29 days, 12 hours, 31 minutes left. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
Agent Jurow: Will it go off every minute?
SCP-8077: For the rest of the day. Then it will go off once an hour for the next two days, and then once a day for the rest. It will, however, scream at you if you have made no requests of me by the end of the timer.
[END LOG]
Interviewers note: SCP-8077 seemed rather upset, but was not outwardly surprised by the ‘timer’. SCP-8077 was very compliant, and answered questions before they were asked.
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Observational Log 8077.OL.1 FULL
Subject: SCP-8077
Preface: SCP-8077 was given D-170 (a woman 25 years of age) and D-172 (a man 26 years of age), a day after the ‘timer’ had ended, both at request and to test reactions to other people. Agent Jurow was in medical bay 2, due to being comatose from what appears to be a concussion. SCP-8077 had put on a plain white mask, stating that it “may reduce stress” because “most people are scared of skeletons.” Prior to this log, SCP-8077’s containment unit had only a single bed, a lamp, and a hanging roof light.
Observation notes: Upon entering the chamber, D-170 and D-172 were handed a plate of over easy eggs with crispy bacon, and an eggs benedict with spinach on toasted sourdough bread respectively by SCP-8077. It then proceeded to sit on a double bed, and gestured for the D-class to sit on a leather couch, which was on top of an intricate rug. After 12 seconds of not moving, but blinking her eyes, D-170 sat down, with trepidation. Seeing this, D-172 seemed to give in and sit down. The D-class set their plates on a table with cutlery, positioned to be over their legs at a comfortable height.
Audio log start
SCP-8077: Hello. I presume you two are D-class? Potentially criminals, given the orange jumpsuits… (rubs chin) No matter. You are who you are and no more or less. Please, don't wait for me to eat. It has been far too long since I could, but please do tell me what you think of my cooking.
(D170 and D172 both slowly start to eat, after being prompted by SCP-8077’s gestures)
D170: (after swallowing the first bite of her meal) So, what are you? Clearly not bad for us, I hope. How did you convince the pricks in white to give you all this?
(d172 nods along while eating)
SCP-8077: Before I answer, first tell me something. Why are you here? Hundreds of feet underground, in a complex filled with things that cannot possibly exist by the laws of your world. You don't seem to be here voluntarily, and you quite clearly are skeptical of me, so why are you here?
D172: I mean, I committed a lot of arson. Lots of fire. Eventually tried to burn down the wrong rich fuckers house and ended up on death row. Then the lab rats told me if I served here for twenty years I would be free. Figured it couldn't hurt, and now here I am. The closest to hell I think I will ever be while alive.
D170: I tried to kill the wrong person. Got sent to death row, and then the Lab rats made me a deal I didn't think i could refuse.
SCP-8077: So you ARE criminals. Hmmm. How's this sound? We play a game. A simple one, really. You tell me something you think I cannot do, and if you correctly guess, I declare you under my jurisdiction, and you remain in the cell for as long as you desire under my protection. If you fail, you are out. If you are out, you leave the containment cell. And i do not think that the researchers will be happy with your little stunt.
(Dr. Hampter tells them to deny over their earpieces, saying that it was too much of a risk)
SCP-8077: (amused, laughing a bit as it crosses its arms) tut tut Dr. Nobody but these two can decide whether they play or not.
(all communications equipment shuts down, and the door to the containment unit enters full lockdown mode. The observation glass is replaced with reinforced steel)
SCP-8077: Make your choices, and roll the dice.
D172: Fuck it. I’ll play, if I get to see your face first.
D170: Yeah. Even if it is just a scam, any chance to screw with the pricks in white is welcome.
SCP-8077: (amused) Good. Then I guess the first challenge is to not freeze when you see me.
(8077 removes its mask slowly, showing a gradual reveal of its skeletal face)
D170 & d172: Well damn.
D170: Didn't expect to be meeting a skeleton today. Not a moving one at least.
(an on-site security unit is dispatched to break open the door)
SCP-8077: Better reaction than what i had expected. Ask away. You get two questions before your guess on what I cannot do.
D172: Alright then, how do you move? You clearly have no muscles in your face, but that still moves.
SCP-8077: Good start! Unfortunately, the answer is literally ‘magic’. I animate myself, and I doubt you want to hear me drone on and on about the spell.
(the door shakes as a blast charge is used)
D170: My turn then, I guess. How did you make the door resist whatever explosive they used just now?
SCP-8077: I reinforced it. I transferred materials from their weapons and metal gear, as well as some of the surrounding concrete, to the door and fused them together, making it many times stronger. And that was the second question, so take your guesses.
D172: Fine. I don't think you can make yourself all-powerful.
SCP-8077: . . . Well done. I cannot make myself all-powerful because it would. . . never mind. 170. Your time to guess. You cannot say the same thing that 172 did.
D170: I don't think you can force someone into an agreement.
SCP-8077: Close enough. I cannot force someone without offering greatly increased rewards for them compared to what they give me.
(the door reopens, and the observation screen returns to its regular state. The security attempt to enter the room, but report their weapons being unable to pass the doorframe. Scp-8077 walks into the doorway.)
SCP-8077: You all heard me, didn't you? These two are now under my protection. Your researchers got the information they wanted, and I would rather not get blood on these clothes.
Security officer Jared: Just hand over the D-class, 8077. Then you can go back to whatever you were doing before.
SCP-8077: I literally just told you, didn't i? Those two are under my jurisdiction now. Any attempts at harming them while they are in this room, or trying to force them out will be taken as a violation of contract with the Foundation and I will assume all workers to be hostile, and that wouldn't be very fun, would it, Jared Barron Cristopher?
(Jared’s name seems to be spoken by hundreds of overlapping voices at once)
[remainder of log redacted]
Additional notes: Security forces are to comply with requests made by SCP-8077 as long as they pertain to recorded agreements made with the entity.