*Oscar POV*

‘Okay, so I’ll just activate my floating ability right after I pierce it’s head… come on, just a little closer you over sized turd!’

It’s been an hour inside of this tree, and the birds seemed to not like handing over their territory for the first half of it before they started getting real cozy with me being here.  No clue why though and Monk is less helpful with that kind of thing than I expected.

A bear came for the bait about three minutes ago and that’s when Gung decided it was high time to come back to the material plane.  It was a little disappointing because I wasn’t paying attention and he just sort of showed up in my hands.  My brands however, they seem to have gotten seriously smudged now that he isn’t present.  Guess it’s cause he is ‘out of the building’, so to speak.  

I’ve been waiting for the bear to get into place and every time I feel like it’s a good time to jump down, Monk stops me and whispers to wait.

The bait also works differently than I expected.  It is essentially catnip for bears.  No seriously, the damn thing is rolling around the place like my neighbors cat after getting too much ‘nip.  It’s freakin weird.

Monk whispers to me to go, and I finally let go of the tree.  I’m falling down like an angel of death when…

‘Where the fuck did the bear go?!’

A huge, dark blur shot out of nowhere and snatched the brown bear that I was going to skure.  I start floating immediately and try my damndest to stay upright, and thankfully I do.  What I see is a bear that is about twice the size of all the bears I have seen thus far.  It’s fur is blacker than pitch and covered in scar that look like they are made of fresh blood.  When it turns around, I catch a glimpse of the remains of the brown bear before it’s gone again behind the mass of black fur and muscle.

The Black Bear has a mouth full of blood, guts, and fur.  It didn’t even waste an instant before it started gorging on the it’s prey…

‘No…

My prey!’

I start feeling an unusual amount of rage at the prospect of this damn bear taking what I went through all this bullshit to find and kill, just for it to steal the sweet sweet satisfaction of achievement.  I don’t really know what this feeling that is causing the rage, but I don’t waste time to find out.  The bear is on me in an instant, not wasting time to growl or shoo me away from its kill like a normal predator.  It’s eyes have a deep red haze covering them, something that reminds me of my mother's when she was on crack.  Time seemed to slow down considerably while I made my plan.

‘His eyes are like a junkies and he isn’t even trying to show superiority like a normal predator would after getting enough meat to feed itself for a few days.  It’s not thinking straight, which means that something, or someone, is screwing with it’s thought patterns.  This could also work out for me.  If it’s not thinking straight… I wonder if that tree would like to be properly introduced?’

I get a sinister grin as I float up ever so slightly to make the bear miss me on its jump.  With nothing to collide with, the bear hits the tree that was behind me full force without my body to cushion it, resulting in a large thunk sound, and a few cracks forming on the tree.  It doesn’t move all that much, probably dazed, but then again, it’s not like I gave it much chance to recover after all.

I get on the bears back and, with reckless abandon, shove Gung’s spearhead, unceremoniously, into the bear’s neck repeatedly.  I won’t try to make it seem like I know how the fuck to properly use a spear, but doing a ‘you shall not pass’ motion over and over again on the bear’s head doesn’t require that much skill on my part.

Eventually, when I am absolutely sure that the bear is dead, I stop destroying what's left of it’s head.

[hahh, you really take after your mother, you know that?  Been centuries since I last saw one of your Caste’s berserks, but that was especially lucid.]

“Thanks?” Oscar

[Never mind, just steal the damn thing’s mana already and let's get a move on.]

“Steal the who now?” Oscar

‘Does he seriously not realize that I have no understanding of magic?’

[Sorry, forgot you can be kinda retarded when it comes to magic, eat it’s heart and you get it’s aggregate Mana Nodes.]

“You always this grouchy?  And do I get to cook the heart or must I eat it raw.  Please tell me I can cook it.” Oscar

[Just put it in front of your mouth and let instinct take over.]

‘That sounds ominous.’

“Umm, one quick question, how do I get the heart out?  Kinda missing a carving knife, and I doubt your current form wouldn’t take kindly to being used as one.” Oscar

[Gimme a second.]

I look down at Gung and see that some of my brands are starting to straighten up while parts of him are cracking and falling apart like he’s aging a thousand years in an instant.  At the end, all that’s left is a pile of dust, some not-as-smudged brands, and a hunting knife!

“Huh, that's a neat trick.” Oscar

[Polymorphism is a pretty common gift among relicts.]

“I’ll keep that in mind then.  So can you become any weapon?” Oscar

[Long as it has a blade and handle, it should be possible.  Though knives and spears are easiest for me.]

“Also useful info.  Can you guide me through this?  Growing up in the suburbs did not help my survival skills.” Oscar

[Fine.]

The next few minutes were spent trying to get at it’s heart, and not cut my hand off in the meantime, which, according to Gung, I was intent on doing.  Eventually though, I had the damn thing in my hands.

‘Alright so just put it in front of my mouth, and let instinct take over?  How am I supposed to-- OH JESUS THAT SMELLS GOOOOOD~!!’

I then proceeded to cram my face with the bloody organ.  It tastes like the best cut of meat in the world, and it’s not even been cooked!  When I finally had control over myself again, I was literally a mess of blood and dirt.  If I don’t catch a disease, I have no idea what the bacteria on this world are doing, but I’m basically asking for it at this point.

“Hahh~... shit, I really hope I don’t come across anyone right now, I must look like a fucking monster with all this crap on me.” Oscar

“You do, to be perfectly honest, you do.” Male Voice

I tense up immediately and swerve my head around so quickly I wouldn’t be surprised if I got whiplash.  What I see is some very, very small people.  It’s a pair, a man and a woman.  

The man looks to be my father's age, however he only stands at roughly 5’6”, blue eyes, brown hair and rugged features.  The woman is much younger, probably around the age of eighteen, however is even smaller, about 5’2”.  She is very pretty, for want of her petite body.  She has blue eyes like her fathers, though silver hair instead of his brown.

There was a fairly awkward silence and I was slightly embarrassed that I was naked in front of two strangers.  I mean, my man parts are missing, but it’s still embarrassing.  Also how the hell am I supposed to explain that?  After a while I decide to end the silence.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“Hi…” Oscar

“Hello.” Man

The silence continues for a few minutes.

“Nice weather we’re having.” Oscar

“It is.” Man

“Do you want to keep doing this for the next hour or should we get to the part that I’m covered in bear blood?  And also naked.” Oscar

“Yeah, was meaning to ask you that.  Are you a eunuch?” Man

“No, it’s a long story involving my dad being an unfaithful bastard and a witch.” Oscar

“What did the witch give you a magical chastity belt?” Man

[Nice cover, just say that the hearts helped lessen the curse.]

“Yeah, but eating hearts helped lessen the curse’s effects, now it shows up whenever I need it to.” Oscar

“Oh good for you… so why are you naked?” Man

[Pixies.]

“Pixies.” Oscar

“Ahh.  That must of sucked.” Man

[Oh thank Odin, Loki wasn’t pulling my leg.]

‘Did he just bank on info from a God of mischief?!’

“It did.” Oscar

Silence reigned again for a minute.

“Well, I’d offer you some clothes, but I’m pretty sure there isn’t anything large enough in the entire kingdom, sooo…” Man

“Seriously?” Oscar

‘Well this is different.  Not like I don’t mind being the largest man in the country, though.’

“Yeah, pretty sure that pixie screwed with your size.” Man

“And location.” Oscar

“And location.  So, names Tyrone, and this is Delilah, my daughter.” Man

“Oscar Wylt.” Oscar

He looks at me in disbelief.

“Never heard of that clan.” Tyrone

“Equally long story, and I don’t know all the details myself.” Oscar

“You have a pretty weird life, you know that?” Tyrone

“Ha!  Just wait until you meet my monkey!” Oscar

“Wait you mean this thing?” Tyrone

He takes a step to the side just for me to see that Delilah is cradling a shivering Monk like he were some baby.  Monk then turns around to me and flashes a shit eating grin before wrapping his arms as far around her torso and giving Delilah puppy eyes.  She takes this as a sign that I’m apparently a bad pet owner and hugs him closer to her upper torso while shooting me a disapproving scowl.  I can’t help but sigh at the display.  

It seems that Tyrone also caught the shit eating grin and is now livid.

“I knew it!  Delilah, get rid of that damn thing!” Tyrone

She looks at him in disbelief.

“Daddy?!  What are you talking about?!  His owner clearly abuses him!  Why else would he latch onto anything other than him?!” Delilah

I pinch the top of my nose in exasperation.

“Oh he’s latching onto something alright.” Oscar

She doesn’t understand what I’m saying before her face goes red and she realizes that Monk’s been groping her this whole time.  She then grabs Monk by the neck and throws him at the nearest tree like I did not so long ago.

Guess he just has that effect on people.

However, I am standing between Monk and that tree.

It’s almost like she is throwing Monk at me?

‘Oh shit!’

Monk’s head collides with my own and we both go tumbling back into the corpse of the bear.  It doesn’t take long for him to recover though and almost instantly he’s on my head, just sitting there, no doubt with a shit eating grin.  I look at Delilah, a little ticked.

“And you threw him at me because...?” Oscar

“YOU’RE BOTH PERVERTS!!” Delilah

“Now honey just calm down, I’m sure Oscar had nothing to--” Tyrone

“I’m sorry you must be mistaken, it is obvious that I’m a bad pet owner after all.” Oscar

I flash her a smile, sending her over the boiling point.

“Oscar, my daughter is a little excitable so please don’t take anything she says to heart--” Tyrone

“HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME YOU DEMON!!” Delilah

“DELILAH!!” Tyrone

She goes silent after being shouted at by her father.  Daddy’s little girl I suppose.

He looks at me a little flustered.

“Sorry for my daughters insolent behavior, but please don’t take it to heart.  She’s just a little excitable is all.  Always had a warrior-woman's heart but never a weapon with which to exercise it.” Tyrone

“It’s fine, so anything else?” Oscar

“Oh!  Right!  Well, that bear had a bounty on it from the village so they will want to reward you and we’ll probably be having a feast, so, wanna follow me over to the chiefs home?” Tyrone

I look up at Monk for a confirmation, he is essentially my coach at this point.  He nods and I get up from the pool of blood that's formed underneath me.

*Vira POV*

“Hey, is it just me, or is it eerily quie--GUHACH!” Guja

I turn to look at him and my expression shifts to one of horror as I see the primitive like javelin that had gone through his chest.  The world stops for an instant before a hail of javelins with similar makes go through every single one of my companions, I myself didn’t go unharmed.

After all, something had to be pinning my leg to the horse, or else I would have fallen off from going limp like I have just now.  I may have been training to become an Acolyte, but I didn’t really have the stomach for it.  If they hadn’t taken us at childhood, I would never have even thought of becoming one.  I also wouldn’t have been here.  

Nothing was really registering.  

Time was turning in a strange fashion, one second I’m on my horse, next I’m on the ground, then I’m looking at the strange man wearing cloth that covered his entire body.  He was tall, very tall, easily 6’.  He leaned in closer to me, placing a finger under my chin.  I couldn’t see his face, but I could see his eyes.  They were green, though a red glint was taking it’s place in the whites of his eyes.  They were filled with rage.  He then looks up and turns into a blur as a few javelins race past over my body.

At least I’ve been avenged.

I think?