My life is an odd one, no getting around that.  So if I were to explain it, I would have to start at the beginning.

I’m a war-orphan.  Nobody knows who my birth parents were, because as far as any record and evidence suggests, I appeared after a bomb exploded.

In Iran.

Kinda weird place to find an Irish orphan, if you ask me.  My dad was actually the soldier that found me, he was a marine.  He said that I practically fell out of the sky, though I don’t really understand what he meant by that.

Anyways.

By the way he told the story, his convoy was going through a relatively safe area, before there was this big explosion.  The entire convoy got into defensive positions and my dad along with his best friend, my pseudo-uncle Jackson, were supposed to get a look at the situation, and then report back.

That’s when my dad heard a baby crying, and said that I literally fell out of the sky.  I always thought he was being euphemistic, but Jackson said that that’s really what happened.

I really don’t know what to make of that.

After that, nobody knew what to do with me.  The base needed orders on what they were supposed to do with me, and so the duty of taking care of me went straight to pops.  Uncle said that he was pissing and moaning about coming there to fight, not change diapers.  However, by the time that I got registered to go to an orphanage in a safe zone, my father offered to adopt me.

After that, it didn’t take long to become a civilian again, and then he became a high end body guard.  And by high end, I mean he was the type of Bad ass that James Bond would steer clear of.  He hired a maid to take care of me when he was away, then married said maid, and my little sister was on her way not long after.

I was a toddler at the time, but it felt like things were nice.

Then came the crack, or was it cocaine?  I always get mixed up with which one came first.

I always did my best to hide things for the few times that my dad came back home…

That’s when I fucked up big.  

I was only twelve at the time and my brother and sister, the twins, only got screwed up with her.  My little brother found friends in the middle school football team, and became a sports fanatic, my little sister was always a pretty girl, so she just escaped from the dark reality by basking in the boundless attention offered to her by the boys in town.

I wasn’t any different, I suppose, I found sweet release in reading, reading every book I could get my hands on.

But my ‘mother’s’ influence just got worse and worse.  She had now delved into the world of heroine, my sister didn’t have any boundaries set, and before I knew it, she was the class piss fountain.  My brother wasn’t helping either.  My little sports maniac of a brother had also changed while I was burying myself in my books.  My little brother had become a douche.

I did what I could, I even involved my dad.

But low and behold, the jackass had went and started drinking, he even had an affair going on with one of his contractors.

She was a female senator.

He was the talk of the town after someone blackmailed her and she refused to cave.

Then he started drinking more.

And everyone in the house got super bitter.

I wasn’t much of an exception.

I was always sort of an ass, however the declining state of my family didn’t help in the slightest.  People thought I was a bitter, reclusive sibling of the jock and the local slut.  My siblings alone had a repulsive effect on most, however my previous behavior just acted as a bug repellent, except with people.

People repellent.

Anyways, now we get to right now.  I just got caught up in that weird light.  That ornate spear that was covered in golden Norse runes, even a few Gaelic strangely enough, was vibrating all over the place and the tail was floating.

Then, after the blinding light dissipated, I was left in a white room.  In front of me was an Irish woman clad in black silks and linens, inlayed with spiraling ruby designs.  She had black fairy wings on her back, raven black hair and was very beautiful.  She even had pointed ears.  Her eyes though, those were blood red.  She had a smile that was both bone chilling and heartwarming, it could be taken as either or and I doubt that either would be an incorrect interpretation.  

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Standing next to her was a man who, for all intents and purposes, looked like an older version of me.  It was weird as all hell, I mean, even his freckles were similar.  His hair was a few shades lighter than mine, but goddamn is this weird.  He was clothed in a grey cloak with a blue undershirt, both had the same golden inlay as the woman's.

Am I related to this guy?

The woman starts speaking, her voice more entrancing than a singers.  She is looking at the man.

“Are you sure this is going to work Myr?” Woman

He looks at her with a reassuring smile.  He speaks with a voice that, low and behold, is the exact fucking same as mine.

Definitely related to me.

“All the precautions are in place, my Dear.  Now, I believe the recording has started.  Hello there, Oscar, if you’re seeing this, it means you’ve been found by that bastard monkey, your benefactor.  I just want to get this out there, the monkey has your best interests at heart, I just don’t like him.  Now, you have probably tried talking to us, but know that we aren’t actually here.  I took a quick peek at the world in the future, so just think of this as a recording, just very, very much more complicated.” Myr?

The woman pipes up this time.

“You might know about us in the future, or you may have never even heard about us.  However, your father's name is Myrddin Wyllt, or Merlin.  My name is Morrigan, or Morgana Le Fae.  The second name is what we are, pretty sure, others will call us in the future once we’re dead.  Sorry, my future sight isn’t always all that reliable, I mean I once tried to kill your uncle and father because they would take my son away from me, didn’t see this coming though.” Morrig-- MOM?!

“Now, you are what's called a Fae-kin, normally you would just be a human that has an unnaturally high aptitude for the mystic arts, but you are both my son and your mother's son.  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is standard for you.  You are the only remaining Fae in existence, the son of the most powerful Fae queen in history, and a druid that even the Tuatha De Danann offer not but respect.  So yeah, not sure what’s going to happen to you once you get your magic back.  Suffice it to say, I hope you’re not too attached to the clothes you're wearing right now, because that is going to be torn to shreds by your wings.  That is the only thing I’m certain you're going to get.  Alright, you gotta get going now, remember this, doesn’t matter where you are or who you become, your mother and I love you.  Also I left a few more of these messages as mile stones for you gaining power, so do that.” Dad?!

Both start waving to me and I feel a tugging sensation at every fiber of my body, and I’m a bit too shocked to actually try and resist it.

I blink, and when I opened my eyes, I was surrounded by nothing but forests.  

I was kneeling, the wind was blowing and it seemed to pierce through my clothes.  Actually, why does it feel like--

“WHY THE HELL AM I NAKED?!” John/Oscar

I hear someone snicker to my left, I turn to see him.

It’s a fucking monkey with oddly familiar fur…

…

“Mother fucker!  You’re the monkey that tail came from!” John/Oscar

He snickers again and speaks in an amused voice.

“Close, in reality, I’m the tail this monkey came from.  Anyways, look behind you, being nude isn’t the only new addition for you.” Monkey

I turn to look at my back.

My brain stops working all together.

“Great… I’m fucking tinker bell…” John/Oscar

‘How can any of this get worse?’

“GRAAAAARRR!!” Bear

‘Oh look…

…

a bear….

…

Fun.’