I waddled out of the pit, RPC right behind me. The torch flickered and died at that precise moment. I knew it would since the plot had to orbit my gravitational pull of my immense obesity. See how I combined several references into one, only amazing giga-chads like myself could do that.

“Those slimes were screaming. Maybe we-“ I pulled out my sword faster than light. So fast it went back in time retroactively and changed what he was about to say. “-absolutely right to kill them.”

Good old RPC always getting ideas and saying things to enhance how people viewed me. Now was the time to went off and explored for more murder to commit. The slime murders were unsatisfying since it was part medical procedure and not one hundred percent pure murder.

I picked a direction and waddled off that way. It didn’t matter, since I felt safe no matter which direction I went with my armor I had named Plot.

The classical forest turned into some barren wasteland.

“RPC, go out there and explore first,” I used my new giga-chad skill and posed while pointing. I inflicted critical damage on RPC’s mental state. They stumbled into the wasteland.

There they were promptly killed by a giant scorpion. I nodded at this. It was the role of lesser people to entertain me. I strolled forward with confidence now that the scene had been set, I mean the information gathered.

I used my one move old, giga-chad move once again. I posed dramatically and flexed at the scorpion. Its eyes went wide as my giga-chad power swept over it. Its eyes burst and it melted. Horrifically like that Indiana Jones movie when they opened that box. My giga-chad aura was like the light from that box.

The scorpion finally melted away completely, not leaving behind any mess. I waddled over and picked up the crystal. It was slightly larger and perfectly ass shaped. That was where I put it for safekeeping. One could never be too careful with their stash, especially a giga-chad.

I continued on my way forward. All the monsters being easily murdered by my giga-chad skill. We didn’t need to go into this part, since it was repetitive, and I liked my murders long and hard. These were short and soft, almost flaccid.

“Hey there traveler!” A group of people greeted me. I was no traveler, I was Michael Murders the giga-chad. I waddled in their direction and then informed them of such, since they were clearly stupid and lacking in any kind of intelligence of brain cells.

“I am Michael Murders, the giga-chad.” I posed and pointed off into the distance demonstrating my skill so they could clearly understand the difference between us.

“We were just traveling along and just wanted to say hello.” The group of people said.

“One does not simply walk up and greet the giga-chad.” The disrespect was no longer amusing.

“That is fine, we will just be on our way. It was nice meeting you. Have a good day.” The group of people said.

“Wait! There is something suspicious about you.” I peered closely at the group of people and then I realized what was wrong. They were all naked and in a pile together. Also speaking at the same time. I then used my super intelligence to realize that this was no person, but a monster disguised as a group of people. It was trying to use its charms to make me lower my guard.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

Unfortunately, the monster made three critical mistakes. I did the murdering since my name was, is, and always will be Michael Murders. The second mistake was that I am the giga-chad. And a giga-chad is always on guard.

“You are no group of people! You are a monster!” I proclaimed and pointed at them. They just stood there as I moved into my pose and unleashed my giga-chad skill fully upon them.

“Ahhh!”

“We are melting!”

“The pain is graphic and horrific!”

“Ahhhh!”

“My flesh is pudding!”

Even now they were trying to confuse me with their nonsensical cries of mercy. But I persisted, and they melted away, murdered, under the strength of my giga-chad powers.

There were no crystals left behind, but that was not a problem. The real goal was murder, not shoving crystals up my ass. I was Michael Murders, not Michael Ass Crystals.

I continued to waddle my way around looking for more things to murder. Unfortunately, nothing new showed up. Well, I used my incredible gamer knowledge and intelligence to figure out what to do. When there are no more quests, just head back to town to fill up time, I mean get quests; I mean check in on things.

I waddled my way into the town. A guard was in front of Market Monopoly and raised a hand towards me. One does not bounce the giga-chad. The giga-chad bounces others. “You have to pay a tax to use this store. Boss’s orders.”

“I am the giga-chad. I don’t pay taxes or take orders,” I declared dramatically and wiggled my hips at the guard.

“Ahhh! My eyes,” he screamed as his eyes burst out of his head from my sheer giga-chad powers coming through. They were just that hard to contain since they were so much.

I went into the store, and the store waiter greeted me.

“Hello most valuable customer. What amazing selections can I serve you today?” she asked.

“I noticed your store got an upgrade. And I wanted something better to murder with.” I only explained this since I needed to have an occasional conversation and to set the scene. I mean take up words, I mean build up the plot.

“Business has been quite good. All these crystals circulating around is good for business.” I smiled at that. Everyone was handling my ass crystals allowing me to dominate them in all things. “I have prepared this mechanized throne for you to ride around in. To assert your giga-chad powers.” The store waiter revealed the device in question.

It was amazing. I walked up and sat on my throne. It came with a built in toilet that would deposit my shit behind and could roll around everywhere. This was perfect since I would no longer have to walk. My character trait morbid obesity coming in handy once again.

I hit the button to start it. The button was shaped like a circle with points radiating off of it but was cut down the middle. Almost like half a star, but I couldn’t be sure even with my immense giga-chad intelligence. Another mystery of the universe to ponder over why the button was shaped the way it was. There would be forever no answer. I would have to struggle onwards like I always did and persevere. For I was a tragic figure, comparable to my hero.

Their name had been stricken, but they were the giga-chad before me. The one who I modeled myself off of.

A noble and majestic person. With a positively glowing skin tone and the perfect giga-chad strut down escalators, I would endure my own struggles just like he did.

I hit the half star start button, and the engine roared to life. I quickly pushed down on the accelerator blowing through the shop wall and not paying. I had showed a moment of weakness, that was more than enough payment.

I came to a quick halt. A crowd of people had gathered with weapons and uniforms. The Boss strutted forward.

“Even giga-chads must pay their taxes. I invoke the IRS!” the Boss cried out dramatically and posed at me. I felt the overwhelming attack and staggered as I caught my breath. He had channeled a fraction of a fraction of the power of a true giga-chad.

This was no simple confrontation. I stood up from my throne and gathered my giga-chad power for an attack. After a deep breath I flexed and pointed at the same time. A double attack with synergistic multiplicative exponential off the chart properties.

If it had been just a flex or a point and pose, by themselves that would be different. But by combining a flex and a point, the attack was off the normal scale and went into the giga-scale.

The soldiers were instantly vaporized but the Boss still remained standing and strong. I was in shock. My giga-chad powers had finally met their match. I would need to use my giga-intelligence now to win this fight. While a giga-chad never loses, I needed to make it seem effortless to impress everyone reading; I mean watching.