I needed more gear. If I was going to go into that pit for some excellent, magnificent, murder, then I need stuff. Well, the best place to get stuff besides my cavernous ass, was back in the town or city. I wasn’t sure what it was.

There were nine layers of hell. We were pretty far down already, but not completely at the bottom. Got to show my knowledge off here and make me look important. Also, that religious demographic, I mean customers; I mean people trapped here was a big thing. So, I needed to pick a name everyone liked.

That was why I went with Fraudulent, the Eighth Circle of Hell. It was wordy for a city name, so we could shorten it to either Fraud or F.U. since the ‘u’ sound was so prevalent in Fraudulent. But I wanted to keep the word count up, so I was probably going to stick with Fraudulent, the Eighth Circle of Hell. That was the only reason I picked the name. Anyone who says otherwise is clearly trying to scam people as a fake physic.

As I waddled into the city, using my part ducky nature, I saw some people begging on the side of the road. Well, beggars can’t be choosers, so I ignored them. Also, all other people can’t be giga-chads like me, so I ignored most of them as well.

I reached the convenience store called U-Buy We-Supply at the center of Fraudulent, the Eighth Circle of Hell.

“Hold up there, Michael Murders,” Boss Hispanic Two suddenly showed up and began flexing to get my attention.

I wiggled my very wide hips at him dominating the conversation as my weight dominated the local gravitational field. I had to make sure the plot kept orbiting around me.

“I heard you named the city,” the Boss said dramatically, since it could be the hundreds of other people that weren’t around.

“Why yes. I, a giga-chad and Michael Murders, so I gave myself naming rights. And I picked the classiest name of them all. Fraudulent, the Eighth Circle of Hell,” I shouted out the name, loudly, so that all would hear of my amazing naming skills.

“It truly is a great name. I must incline my head, only slightly, for such prowess.” Boss Carlos tipped his head the slightest of fractions. A great sign of respect since he was the boss.

I immediately turned and left since the conversation wasn’t interesting anymore and I wanted to get to those murders. My name was Michael Murders, not Michael Conversations.

“My dear customer, how can I, a shop butler assist you today,” the shop butler said. I tilted my head slightly to the side to signify what I desired. Butlers always knew, that was the butler rule.

“Of course, I can get you some torches. We require a lot of crystals for them. I hope you have them on hand.” I pulled out my baggy I kept stored in my ass and put it on the counter.

“I have the finest crystals right here.” I liked pulling things out of my ass. It was a strategy that only giga-chads employed. I can sense the curiosity so let me share.

Every time any currency passed through my hands, I would stick it up my ass and spend it. That way I knew that everyone I did business with was touching things that came out of my ass. Like taking a shit in the woods to assert my dominance over a location, this allowed me to assert my dominance over other people.

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“The finest ass crystals you deserve,” I said and thrust my chest out to demonstrate my giga-chad powers. The shop butler gave me a long look before picking up the baggy.

“Of course, sir. Only the very best for our very best customer. Have some of our finest torches.” He laid out two of them on the counter.

“My dear shop butler. I am a giga-chad. A giga-chad does not carry his own torches. I need something to carry them for me,” I explained slowly because he might be stupid despite being a shop butler. I liked to assume everyone was stupid that wasn’t me.

I mean, they hadn’t mastered non-Euclidean geometry and weren’t giga-chads so it was a safe assumption.

“You!” I spun and pointed at Random Person Z.

“Me?” Random Person C pointed at themselves.

“You are now my servant. Carry my torches. I am a giga-chad.” I gave him a wink. He reeled back from the powerful blink.

“I don’t-“ I pulled out my sword faster than light. So fast it went back in time retroactively and changed what he was about to say. “-happily carry your torches for you.”

I nodded at Random Person C, who was becoming RPC for short. Since they were carrying my torches some of my giga-chad aura had rubbed off on them, which was why they got capitalizations and a nickname.

“Let us depart RPC!” I said with gusto and waddled away.

“That isn’t my-“ I pulled out my sword faster than light. So fast it went back in time retroactively and changed what he was about to say. “-always was my name.”

While it might seem to be a repeat of an earlier situation, it was uniquely different and one should not question or critique the ways of the giga-chad.

We made our way back into the forest where I had found that pit that tingled my murder senses. I took a quick peak inside of it and then looked at RPC.

“Oh, the torches, yeah,” he said and quickly lit one up. I waddled into the pit, and he followed me. I noted that he stepped on my shit from earlier, thereby giving me complete domination over him.

More of those slimes came at me. I danced and waved my sword about, quickly murdering them all. That was when Mama Slime showed up. I stabbed it and it started having an abortion on the spot. I could tell it was an abortion since little slimes poured out of it.

I murdered them all too, since my murder philosophy was, murder for the many. Mama Slime let out a wheeze and died. I flourished my sword after killing it through a medical procedure to demonstrate my medical, ethical, and giga-chad superiority. Also, to stir up controversy to get readers engaged, I mean enraged.

There were more slimes that showed up, but they were easily dispatched. There were a couple of dead ends in this pit, and I always took the right-hand path, and they seemed to be blocked off with shit. That was no surprise. Anyone would want to assert their dominance in a murder pit.

I finally came to some doors and kicked them open. A giga-chad always knows how to make an entrance. It was an entire family of slimes. They were the diarrhea slimes, which were disgusting. I murdered them all of course and started rummaging around.

When murdering a family, regardless of the type, monster or human it was important to steal the valuables. That way you always had mementos to fondly remember the murders that happened. After a lot of poking about my treasure sense, I have a lot of special senses, pinged off some treasure.

I bounced over to the location and there was a shiny crystal. A bit larger as well. I picked it up and immediately shoved it up my ass. Since it was a possession and not a diarrhea slime crystal.

“Urrg,” I let out a masculine groan.

That was a lot of crystal. I suddenly knew of a special and ultimate giga-chad move I could do. The pose and point. My giga-chad nature had leveled up. That was when RPC ruined this moment as I basked in glory.

“The torches are almost out. Maybe we should-“ I pulled out my sword faster than light. So fast it went back in time retroactively and changed what he was about to say. “-take our time you glorious giga-chad.”

I began posing and pointing everywhere. Not like any anime since I wanted to avoid copyrights. Those were quite deadly and annoying. Like herpes, which I have never had. Nope. Never. Never ever never. Just one more to get the point across and make sure there is no confusion…never.

It was time to explore more. The murders around this place had grown stale and soft. I liked my murders fresh and hard. The harder and longer the better for me to savor them. I liked long and hard murders.