That was when a dashing fellow walked out and greeted me. “Hello there. I am Hispanic Two.” He knew the giga-chad way, capitalizing his own name. While he followed the way of the giga-chad, there could only ever be one giga-chad.

For two giga-chads would cause a gravitational collapse into a singularity, from which no one would ever escape, ever again. It was a very good thing that would never happen. Yep. Not going to happen. Stop worrying about. There is only one giga-chad around here. Now back to the story, I mean adventure.

“Why hello there human being. I was just doing some murder around these parts,” I said with a smile. Not a Joker grin since DC was coming for my ass with a lawsuit. At least it wasn’t Disney. Even giga-chads gave a nod to the Mouse God.

“I see that. And it looks like some great murder.” He kicked the woman I had gutted as she screamed helplessly. I frowned a bit. I just liked murder, not all the suffering that went with it. That was not the giga-chad way.

“And what do you want?” I asked and wiggled my body to communicate non-verbally.

“Why I am going to be the Boss around these parts. You know what. I am the Boss now.” My eyes went wide. He was a boss. Not like a game boss, but a mafia boss. Those people were really cool and nice. Since he was a mafia boss type of Boss, I would have to listen to him.

“Impressive that you are a Boss.” I replied showing kindness and vulnerability. For even a giga-chad needed to show his soft side every so often. Purely to enhance their giga-chadness.

“Indeed. Look at me pose,” Boss Hispanic Two said and flexed in various poses. He did not burst out of his shirt. Only a three out of ten.

“Your poses are indeed powerful and your appeal to me has worked. I shall allow you to assist me in murders. For murders should be shared with everyone,” I said with maximum levels of generosity.

The Boss gave me a nod of respect. For I was the giga-chad. While some people may claim that I say that word too much, they do not understand my brilliance and intelligence. Their criticisms were like water’s off a duck’s back. That is why I did not listen to anyone in the slightest.

Perhaps I was zero point one percent duck and ninety-nine point nine percent giga-chad? Oh, I just realized, being a duck and a giga-chad were not exclusive. Instead of wiggling, I would now waddle to enhance my non-verbal communication skills.

I waddled away from the Boss to search for more murders. Everyone had run away unfortunately and the people I had cut up had died. Well, they didn’t matter in the slightest, since the only thing free in life were murders and bad advice.

As I waddled through the city, I needed to fill up the word count; I mean transition time. That was why I thought about how I could do more murders and maximize my murder efficiency. I needed to calculate the precise ratio of murders to personal happiness.

It wouldn’t do to waste murders even though they were free and I handed them out. Honestly, I should be Saint Michael Murders for how much generosity I was showing everyone by allowing them to participate in being murdered. People were just ungrateful and not giga-chads like me.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

My best guess was one thousand murders to one thousand moments of happiness. That was the optimal murder ratio. Many people would think that the ratio should be one to one or something small like that. When you are a giga-chad you supersize everything.

Just like my obese body. You probably forgot about that, so I am reminding you right now. It is an important character trait I have to keep mentioning, since I am the most unique, amazing, and beautiful person in the entire universe.

I frowned a bit. Was this place still in the original universe? It did not matter. I would claim it regardless for my glory was blinding as the giga-chad of this story, I mean adventure.

I passed through the not gate that was really a hole in a wall and back into the forest. I made my way through the forest murdering slimes. But that didn’t do it for me.

Murder was about progression. I needed to murder different things. Otherwise, it was butchery, not murder. And my name was Michael Murders, and I was no butcher.

I waddled through the forest. My obese bulk moving around the trees. You probably forgot my mastery of non-Euclidian geometry. I told you not to ask, but you should remember. Even if it was only three chapters ago, I mean very long ago, that was important character development.

You had to pay attention to these little details.

Like this pit in the ground I just stumbled on. I waddled into it, but it was dark. Even with my sparkling grin, the pit did not light up and no one could see my glory.

For now, I left the pit alone. I sensed there was great murder potential inside. I paused and lowered my pants.

“Urrrrrg!” The shit came easier this time. Even though it was a solid bar, it was a pit. And that was where the shit should go. I let the shit flow, unleashing a rod from my ass.

I finished and looked around proudly. I had just claimed this territory, and all now knew it.

With my claiming done, I left the pit and made my way through the forest. That was when I stumbled across another type of slime.

A brown slime. It was very uncool and looked like liquid diarrhea that gushed forth from both ends. After murdering the brown slime I looked at the crystal it left behind with a bit of skepticism. I poked it with my shoe.

I carefully picked the crystal up and sniffed it. Well, it could be a pure ass crystal. Since it came from a diarrhea monster. Diarrhea was not something that a giga-chad like myself wanted to deal with. Perhaps I could trade the crystal to the merchant who resided in the plaza.

Now that idea clearly showed my genius. No one else would have ever thought or done something like that. It was a breakthrough of understanding on the level of Newton and gravity, Einstein and relativity, and Hawkings and blackholes.

With a firm nod I confirmed my mental, intellectual, and big brain superiority over everyone else. I then waddled off in search of new and exciting things to murder.

Now many people are probably wondering about trees. Why don’t I murder the trees?

That is deforestation and not murder. One had to be clear about their specialty. While I would happily chop one down to improve my sword hacking skills, murder involved things that breathed.

But trees breathed through their leaves. And what about a monster tree? These were the great philosophical problems I had to ponder as a giga-chad. It was never easy and exhausting work. For if I did not use my vast intelligence to come up with answers to these questions, then they would forever remain unanswered.

That was the great burden I had to carry. Many people thought being the giga-chad was easy, but it was hard work to be as awesome and brilliant as I was every moment of every chapter, I mean every day.

A wolf rushed at me. I waddled to the side and dodged the attack. I was Michael Murders, and I murdered others. Others did not murder me. I waved my sword and the wolf easily slicing it to ribbons with my skills.

I picked up the crystal left behind. This was much better than the diarrhea crystals that I had collected before. I would feel much better about putting this one all the way up my butt. I didn’t want to risk contracting diarrhea if I could help it.

I kept murdering the wolves and collecting non-diarrhea type crystals. Clearly these monsters did not understand who was boss. Or were they animals? Another great question for me to ponder endlessly. It really helped fill up the chapters, I mean pass the time.