Dr. Snively ran over to where Cleetus and I lay wounded on the ice.

"Oh dear," he said, "this is not what I expected at all."

I stared back blankly at him. "Sorry to disappoint? But while we're on the subject, the dragons suddenly exploding and falling from the sky just now were also unexpected."

"Yeah," added Cleetus with a slight painful groan, "did you have something to do with that? Is that why you're here?"

"Well, yes..." the doctor began, only to be cut off.

"-But it was mostly thanks to me!" another familiar voice exclaimed. Both Cleetus and I looked in disbelief as from behind Snively the visage of Durdumples of the Martian suddenly stepped out. He was still translucent and wispy, yet he was solid enough to be there before us.

"I got the spirit summoner working again," Snively said though that was pretty clear to all present.

"So then...you wished the dragons to explode once you brought Durdumples back?" asked Cleetus.

Snively nodded. "Yes, and then I wished to be there with you to see the looks on your faces when that happened but I had no idea the state that you two were in! Perhaps I should have wished for you to be safe as well."

"Well, Durdumples is here, you can still wish that," noted Cleetus.

"Er, it's not...I mean..." the doctor seemed to be dancing around the subject. Durdumples stepped forward.

"My spirit magic is finished," the Martian confessed, "with the wish Sherman Snively made to destroy the dragons, that took a good amount of it. And with his other wishes I used up what little I had left."

"...so you wished yourself here to the polar ice caps," I said, "you didn't actually come by car or anything."

"No," the doctor shook his head, "I was sort of thinking maybe we'd all be well enough to walk back. But I see you two are not at all in that condition."

Suddenly, from behind, there was a horn honk. We all looked over to see Laurence and Detective LaLouf pull up in their jeep.

"Perhaps we can be of some assistance there!" offered Laurence.

LaLouf surveyed the surroundings. "Jesus, what happened? Are they all dead?"

"Certainly are!" stated Durdumples, "it was one of Dr. Snively's wishes!"

"And what were the others wishes?" LaLouf questioned, "to not fart as much?"

Dr. Snively kicked the ground. "That would have been a good one. I did not think to wish that."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

"Well, Durdumples is here now," the detective said, similar to what I had said earlier, "just wish that now."

"I'm afraid I am not capable of granting anymore wishes," the Martian ghost crossed his arms, "Dr. Snively's wishes took care of that."

Laurence and LaLouf looked at Dr. Snively.

"Please tell me you didn't wish for stupid stuff before he ran out of magic," Laurence sighed.

Dr. Snively made a huff sound. "I should say not! You should be thanking me if anything! Other than wishing myself here my wishes were quite noble."

"Such as...?"

"For starters, I think you'll find when you look to the sky a familiar object."

We all paused.

"Wait, did you wish Earth back into existence?!" exclaimed Cleetus with a joy I'd not heard before. The doctor nodded.

"So, you mean...all our friends and families are back too?"

Dr. Snively froze. He glanced over to Durdumples who remained still.

"I mean, that wasn't how he wished it," the Martian confessed, "and I took it literally, so..."

"So Earth exists, but uninhabited," I said slowly.

"Well, not quite," the Martian motioned to himself, "I didn’t know if Sherman Snively had meant bring back all the life forms along with the planet but the magic needed to bring them all back to life would have been too much for me. So I' took the middle ground and brought them all back as spirits, such as myself.”

We all were quiet a moment.

“So,” I finally spoke, “Earth exists again…but it’s entirely inhabited by ghosts.”

The Martian nodded.

I looked over at Cleetus. “It’s better than nothing, right?”

Cleetus didn’t answer.

“And that’s it? No more wishes?” pressed LaLouf.

“Well, no,” Durdumples continued, “after Sherman Snively wished the dragons destroyed and Earth restored, he wished my freedom.”

“Your…freedom?” repeated Laurence.

“I figured it was like Aladdin,” the doctor confessed, “So, after he’d done so much for us, I thought Durdumples deserved his own chance at living on.”

“I did die pretty horrifically,” Durdumples nodded, “so while I do not know what Aladdin is, Sherman Snively’s wish has allowed me to exist outside of the spirit summoner and travel around as if I were alive once more. There’s much time to make up.”

“But to be clear…you’re still a ghost,” I stated.

“Yes. But a mobile ghost!” the Martian was quite proud. “But the price of that freedom is as I am no longer in the spirit summoner, I no longer have any magical abilities. Just a plain old ghost.”

“Well, isn’t that swell,” sighed Cleetus, “so New Earth One, I imagine, is still burnt to a crisp, then.”

“It was still on fire when we headed here to find you, yes,” said Laurence.

“And Earth, populated with ghosts, is not reachable by any of us because the rockets that would have been in New Earth One are completely destroyed now.”

“…probably.”

“And all our terraformed resources would have been burned too.”

“Look, I thought my wishes were good wishes,” grumbled Dr. Snively, “I am one person, I can’t think of everything.”

“I mean, we directed people to hide in the hills outside of the settlement,” LaLouf shrugged, “maybe there’s caves out there we can all live in and rebuild.”

“Or I could just show you where our Martian tunnels are,” offered Durdumples, “you may find them different from Earthling dwellings but certainly livable. And there’s miles of tunnel. They wouldn’t be fancy, but I’d imagine there’s enough space for all of your species to have plenty of room.”

We all looked at each other. “I wouldn’t mind a private Martian tunnel of my own,” I confessed.

Suddenly, from behind us all, came booming voices: “PROVIDER! PROVIDER, THERE YOU ARE!”

LaLouf, Snively, and Laurence all jumped.

“What the fuck are those?!” the detective exclaimed at the sight racing towards us. The army of Boom-Boom blooms were approaching, tentacles waving and numerous eyes blinking, in the way a cat always races over when it is excited to see you.

“PROVIDER!” they cried again and leaped on top of me, doing little to alleviate the pain I was in from my injuries, “WE DRANK UP! WHERE DO YOU WANT US TO PEE?”

“To…pee?” LaLouf shook her head. “God dammit, the story was true…”

We all laughed like it was the end of a sitcom. Ah, humanity was saved! That was what mattered!