The spirit summoner was blipping and booping as sparks flickered and it whirled rapidly. We all watched as a form began to appear. It was translucent, but at the same time finer details could be made out. The figure appeared shorter than a human and had two knobby antennae on its head. It was not unlike the wall paintings had depicted Martians to be, though in physical form the Martian appeared less cutesy- his skin was bumpier and saggy compared to the artistic depiction. Like the skeletons the next room over, the form appeared to be clothed in elegant robes.

"Les salutations!" it suddenly exclaimed in a voice akin to a whiny Mickey Mouse, "C'est moi, Durdumples!"

We all looked to Detective LaLouf. She was the only one among us who spoke French and, by extension, Martian.

She said something back to him, presumably a greeting.

"Attendez," the form blinked as it looked around. "Vous êtes des humains! Comment diable êtes-vous arrivé ici?"

"What's he saying?" whispered Laurence.

"Can you ask if he speaks English?" I suggested, figuring that if he was a deceased alien of a race smart enough to build killer mecha dragons and a device that can talk to ghosts he probably had some ability to speak multiple languages.

LaLouf presumably asked for us.

"L'anglais est-il ce que votre vilain compagnon parle?" The figure replied.

"Is that a no?" I asked. I spoke zero French.

Suddenly, the form began to make a noise that sounded like laughter.

"So, is that what you call 'English'?" It asked, in perfect English, "this sounds very much like they language they speak on Uranus."

Whatever the form wanted to call the language worked for me. At least we all could understand it now.

At our positive reaction the figure continued: "I, Durdumples of this planet, have come as you beckoned. But, pray tell, what do Earthlings need from one of my kind? And how is it you are using the spirit summoner?"

"We...found it in here and read the directions," replied LaLouf.

"Oh, if you're asking why we're here because you were expecting a Martian to call you forth instead, your race appears to have died off long ago," bluntly added Dr. Snively.

"What."

"Yeah, apart from, like, a few bony remains back that way we've seen no others," said Cleetus, "and we read in a log book they all probably starved to death. Like he said, long ago."

Durdumples put his hands on his hips and made a face as he looked to the ground. "Well, fuck," he finally uttered.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

"And we humans have since terraformed Mars and moved here to colonize," Laurence said, getting to the conversation, "Well, what's left of us moved here. Earth got blown up about fifteen years ago so there's really nowhere else for us to go now."

Cleetus looked over at me with his now familiar death glare. "I'm going to kill you" he mouthed silently; no one else saw, but I could read his lips clearly.

"We were doing fine until recently. For some reason now those mecha dragons your kind built have decided to attack."

"Mecha dragons?" Repeated Durdumples, perplexed.

"...metal guards," clarified LaLouf.

Durdumples rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, one of you idiots set off the countdown again, so I hear. It took us literally star years to shut it down."

"Can you help us shut it off?" I asked, "I realize all the dragons are surely already awake again now but it's really annoying to hear this continuously blaring."

Durdumples gave me a look of absolute disgust.

" 'Annoying'?!" He exclaimed, "this is one of the greatest songs ever composed! It's called 'Stumpbutz Toot 6' and it is perfection in sound."

"It sounds like birds dying loudly," said Cleetus.

"Earthlings have no idea of what sounds good," huffed Durdumples. "I'll have you know it was by my recommendation this song be used. Obviously, it was intended as a way to keep the metal guards active, which proved problematic when they became independent and turned on us. But my race loved the song so that we didn't mind if it was constantly playing in the background during the better times."

"You said it was by your recommendation this song play to awaken the metal guards?" asked Snively, "does that mean you were involved in their creation?"

Durdumples hesitantly nodded. "I was one of the main engineers involved in the project. The metal guards, they were supposed to keep this planet safe. Plutoians were rumored to be planning a war for expansion, plus Earthlings like yourselves, you were getting more advanced by the day, it was a matter of time before you came to our planet. We had to find a way to stay safe from outside intruders."

"-how long ago was that?" interrupted Cleetus.

"How long ago? It was Star Year 69."

"Nice," I said aloud as before to no replies from my human companions. Durdumples just blinked.

"Yes, it was a nice star year as far as I can recall."

"Do you remember what humans were wearing then? Maybe we can guess the time period on Earth from that. "

"I didn't...I had no reason to care," replied Durdumples, slightly flustered, "my job was to construct protection for this planet. And I succeeded! And it was glorious for a time."

"And then the mecha dragons turned on you," I said.

"Yes...that was a dark day. Quite literally dark. They all got together and schemed in the darkness so we did not notice. They realized they had been built to be powerful and smart and that in comparison, we the creators were small and frail. So they burned asunder our cities on the planet surface and burned asunder our subterranean levels. Only a select few of us and the royal family managed to flee to the control chamber."

"I assume you were one of the skeletons in there," Dr. Snively solemnly remarked.

"No, I was killed the first day," answered Durdumples frankly. "I had created the metal guards, I was the one who had to pay. I was devoured alive by the Martian court. Not a good way to go to my grave but I was to blame for the disaster."

"Real talk," Cleetus had a serious look to him as he leaned forward. "You built them- how do we destroy them?"

"Well," Durdumples scratched his head. "They weren't meant to ever be destroyed. But as they are fire-based, they are weak against water. I assume Giant Lake Durrturrplop is still located above this room? You may be able to draw just enough water from there to defeat four or five-"

"-there's no lake above us," I cut in.

"What."

"There's some small patches of water at our terraformed areas," I continued, "but otherwise this planet is a barren, dry wasteland."

"There's still water in some of the ice caps, though," offered Dr. Snively.

Durdumples shook his head. "I made them to smart. The metal guards must have completely scorched everything over the years until all water dried up and all signs of my race were destroyed."

"They really hated serving you guys, huh?" remarked Cleetus.

"Big time," agreed the Martian spirit.