I did not want to stay inside the broken mecha dragon with walls of screaming skitterers for any longer than I had to- per LaLouf's translated directions, I grabbed the core tightly in my two hands and waited.

Apart from the skitterer hum, there was little that happened. The core did seem to warm up slightly but I assumed that to be from my body heat and nothing more. All of a sudden, the core began to turn a bright red glow that made it feel scalding hot; my first reaction was to drop it immediately as Snoop Dogg would have recommended, but something told me it ought to be put back on the plug from which it was picked up. My hands burning, I placed it down in its place of origin, noticing flames starting to grow. Thinking it was my cue to try and flee before the whole insides of the dragon became an inferno, I turned to run- but unexpectedly, a robotic voice rang out:

"Bonjour! Comment puis-je vous servir?"

I stopped and turned back. The core was most definitely on fire, but in a very controlled way just around its surface. Certainly not the fiery wall of death the detective had described.

The skitterers had gone quiet, despite the new source of sound- in fact, it appeared as if they were curious about the lit up core. They crowded around the ceiling above it, as if trying to get a good view. It was creepy as fuck so I tried to just keep my eye on the core and block them out of my peripheral.

"Bonjour! Comment puis-je vous servir?" The core repeated.

"Uh...bonjour?" I said back. I spoke no French apart from a scant few words.

"Bonjour! Comment puis-je vous servir?" It didn't seem to like my response.

"...oui?" I threw out another word.

"Bonjour! Comment puis-je vous servir?"

"Um...English." Maybe I could set the language.

"Bonjour! Comment puis-je vous servir?" Incidentally, it didn't work. But then I recalled what Durdumples had said.

"Uranus...ian," I said, hopeful. The orb made an odd beep as the flames on it danced.

"Hello!" it then said, "how can I serve you?"

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

I grinned like an idiot. Who'dve thought me, an explosives expert-turned-hermit from Fayetteville, Arkansas, would be able to activate a mechanical killer dragon on Mars, let alone switch its language function.

"Hello! How can I serve you?" It asked again.

"Um...options?"

"Loading options." It made a series of beeps. "Option one: start inferno. Option two: change master. Option three: self-destruct-"

"-Two," I chose.

"Option two: change master. Who would you like to be the new master?"

"Me, Cole Rapp."

It made the beeps again. "Please provide override name to make changes."

I thought a second. "Durdumples?"

Beep beep beep.

"Update complete. New master: Cole Rapp."

Well, I was pretty proud of myself again. Me, programming a dragon. I almost wished my middle school crush, Zoe Nesbitt, was here to see.

"I don't like you, Cole," she had told me when I confessed my feelings, "I like Yaohan Nguyen."

"What? Why?" I had asked.

"He can program. I like boys who can program."

Well, if Zoe hadn't been blown to pieces by me when I accidentally exploded Earth years earlier, I would have looked her up to tell her.

"What would you like me to do, master?" The core inquired, returning me from memory lane.

"Um...what other options do I have?"

"Option one: start inferno. Option two: change master. Option three: self-destruct. Option 4: roar. Option 5: aim flames. Option-"

"-how many options are there?" I inquired. We had limited time if this dragon was to factor into our rescue plan.

"There are seven million, five thousand, one hundred and forty seven options," it answered.

"Is there, like, a "free" option where I can just say a command and it happens?"

The beeps returned. "how complicated of a command do you have in mind?"

"First off, I don't want to be burned to death," I replied, "but I would like this dragon to turn back on. And, I dunno, I'd likr me and my friends ride on it, have it breathe fire as needed..."

"These commands are doable. Delayed ignition. Life flame will light in twenty five....twenty four..."

"Wait, is that how long I have to get out of here?" I said, realizing the core was counting down.

"Twenty three...twenty two..." it didn't reply, just kept counting.

I took no chance- I turned and started running.

The skitterers, or at least the bright ones, seemed to sense something happening. Their humming started growing louder as I took off. Some, realizing my actions, threw themselves onto me for the free ride. I was more focused on getting out alive than on what was crawling on me, so it wasn't too bad of a plan on their part.

As I reached the mouth opening the faint sound of "Ten...nine..." echoed behind.

LaLouf, Laurence, and Cleetus looked at me with surprise as I dove out of the dragon and onto the floor.

"Did you get the core working?" Detective LaLouf asked.

"...what the hell are those white things all over you?" Asked Laurence, slightly disturbed.

"Why couldn't you answer me with a simple yes or no?" Asked Cleetus.

"The dragon is gonna ignite to turn on! Get back!" I cried, running away from the opening. The others, caught off-guard, stumbled after me.

When I felt a safe distance, I turned around. For a couple seconds, the dragon continued to lay still.

Then, suddenly, its big red eyes lit up.