Kyran
The past few days have been fucking tough, trying to manage my duties here while my mind gets buried deeper in suffocating darkness as each hour passes has been nearly impossible. After Selene never responding to any of my messages and then walking away from me, I lost all hope of the chance of having a relationship with her. Fuck the mate bond, I would’ve been completely content with just having her with me. A low rumble rattles in my chest from Valdr’s growl at my thoughts and I wave him off, pushing myself warily out of my bed to take a shower.
The commencement ceremony is tonight at midnight when the full moon is at its peak in the sky. I spent most of the daylight hours ensuring everyone had what they needed for the week-long celebration, begrudgingly walking through the bustling villages as thousands of high-spirited wolves roamed eagerly, mingling in the hopes they would find their soulmates. The whole purpose of the Convocation is centered around just that, unmated wolves bonding with their fated soulmate, as well as for the alphas to convene and make amends between packs. I could not find it within myself to take part in any of the celebrations these past few days, merely just playing my role as hosting alpha to the five other packs on my territory.
Castian and Mira welcomed a healthy baby girl two days before, I had met with them once Eir informed me everything went well. I refused to hold her when Mira offered, mostly out of fear my carefully erected wall of ice would crumble in the face of the infant werewolf. They named her Eudora in honor of the gift of life the moon goddess blessed them with.
Yesterday morning, alphas Marx and Luric of the Southwest and Midwest regions arrived with their packs, the latter of the two having met his mate within a few hours of being here. She is a sister to Felagi through his mate bond and he was glad to see her bonded with a fair male, especially with Luric being an alpha. Unlike Marx and Daine, he is a reserved man with a stoic demeanor. I’ve never heard of any ugliness spoken about him in the three hundred years he’s been an alpha. Luric took his position shortly before my father’s demise and they had a positive standing with one another, a relationship that has continued with me to this day. We aren’t friends but we don’t hate each other, so at least there’s no animosity between our packs.
Marx, on the other hand, has a violent nature and has tendencies to act without thinking in tense situations. He’s been the alpha of the Southwest region for over five hundred and fifty years, brutally laying waste to anyone who has the balls to challenge him for his position. My father wanted to take him out for political reasons, having a friend in the pack who’s son ‘would’ve been a better fit for leadership and as an allied alpha on his side’. He pitted me against Marx once, sending me out to provoke him into a fight with the intent to kill him and portraying it as the other wolf’s doing to get him into power.
It was a fairly even match between Marx and I, though his cockiness led to a few small mistakes that allowed me to eventually get my teeth around his neck and I would have followed through with his death without a second thought had that kid not begged me on his knees to let him live. Marx is only alive today because that wolf adamantly refused to take the place as alpha when he did not earn it himself, though he was too afraid to challenge Marx on his own. Seeing him yesterday was fun, his pissy glares at me throughout the afternoon hardly registering as I blatantly ignored his presence. He is damn well aware I could have claimed his place a long time ago, and I am fucking certain the result would be no different now.
A couple hours ago around dusk, Daine arrived with the least amount of unmated wolves out of all the packs. It’s no wonder since all they do is fuck and fight, and fight while fucking. His pack in the Pacific region is nearly lawless, they terrorize humans for sport and often infiltrate other packs around the country in their own search for mate bonds, resulting in many conflicts and straining the balance of powers between packs. A lot of his wolves end up dead before they reach three hundred years of age due to their reckless lifestyles, often getting overwhelmed with berserkers and having a lack of support from the other packs.
I’ve known Daine since we were pups, our fathers were friends in the early days of their lives until my father had to kill his mother from the disease. Daine was only a hundred years old at the time and lost his mother a little bit before I did. He turned hateful toward our family afterwards and killed his father while he slept out of spite for being weak by letting his mother get bitten instead of himself. He’s been an arrogant asshole for as long as I’ve known him and I intentionally greeted their arrival late to show my lack of respect for him as a man. I made him wait for me in the village square for an hour until my only acknowledgement of his presence was to walk past him in wolf form and piss on the ground in front of his feet.
Valdr commended my greeting though he said I should’ve pissed on his feet instead. Daine couldn’t retaliate against me as being the hosting alpha for the Convocation, an act of violence against another alpha would equal a declaration of war during this week, and tensions are running high already because of it.
As I step out of my shower, I grab a towel, swiping it over my body as my phone vibrates on the lone remaining bathroom countertop and I step over the debris still laying around the cracked tile floor. I haven’t bothered to clean up the mess I made a few nights ago, figuring if I was to lose control again, it might as well be in here since shit has already gone to hell in this room. The only new addition to the destruction was my shower door last night. I couldn’t contain my thoughts from overwhelming me in the shower and in my frustration, I smashed the door to pieces in an attempt to get the fucking awful feeling outside of my head.
My shame is trying to creep up to the forefront of my mind about my lack of physical control but I honestly cannot prevent myself from seeking physical release with the mental agony the thought of losing Selene brings. I stuff it back down deep as I reach the sink and pick up my phone, tapping the screen to find a text from Selene.
My heart constricts at the sight of her name and I lean my weight on a hand against the sink, staring at my phone for a moment before hesitantly tapping on her message.
Kyran, I’m sorry for being so distant,
things have been difficult for me this
past week…I know you must be busy
with the Convocation tonight, but if
you have a free moment, I need to
talk with you. You don’t have to get
me, I can travel on my own. Just let
me know when you have time, I don’t
mind how late it is.
My stomach drops out as I read her text a second time, my heart kicking into a shallow racing beat as I realize what this means. I try tapping out a few different responses and erase them all, at a loss for what to say. Carrying my phone into my bedroom, I sit on the edge of my bed and rest my elbows on my knees as I stare at the screen. Realizing I have to say something, I tap out a short reply and hit send before I erase it.
I have the commencement ceremony
in half an hour at midnight to perform.
My brow scrunches as a pang runs through me when I tap out another reply, backspacing on the last few words before sending it.
You can arrive at any time though
I want to tell her that I’ll find her, I always will, but I don’t want to sound pathetic so I leave it at that. I toss my phone onto my bed and it vibrates as it flies toward the mattress. My hand snaps out to catch it before it lands.
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Okay, thank you. I’ll let you
know when I’m there.
I drop my phone and place my head into my hands as trepidation washes over me. The yawning pit in my gut fills with cement as my heart feels like it might splinter into pieces. Valdr grows restless within me, undoubtedly feeling as uneasy as I do and I grip my fingers in my hair tightly. I don’t think I can do this, I mutter mentally as I shake my head. I swallow thickly against the tears that threaten to fall and take deep, shaky breaths to try and slow my pulse.
Kyran? Kyrre’s voice floats through my mind quietly.
Yeah, I mindlink back flatly, not bothering to mask my dejection.
The ceremony is supposed to begin in five minutes, where are you? her voice is pinched with concern and I ignore it.
Shit, I’ll be there in a minute, I sigh.
Not realizing how much time just passed, I drag my hands down my face with a low growl and shove to my feet to stalk over toward my closet. I hurriedly pull on a pair of jeans and dark leather belt, grab a black dress shirt, rolling my sleeves to the elbows and buttoning it three-quarters closed as I shove it into my pants haphazardly before stepping into a pair of dark leather boots. I snag the towel off my bed and swipe it over my hair quickly as I wrench my door open and take the stairs three at a time.
Darting through my empty house, I push out the front door and jog over toward the Great Hall in time to see Kyrre stepping through the side entrance toward me. Her smooth, rusty colored dress compliments her darker glamoured complexion and I would’ve complimented her on it had she not scowled at me like a hag.
“Where the fuck were you? We have less than a minute!” she hisses under her breath, her fingers like iron daggers on my biceps as she loops her hand beneath my arm.
I just grunt in response, not entirely caring about anything at the moment. My only focus is on keeping a grip on my sanity just so I can get through this fucking bullshit and leave to have some time alone before I willingly pulverize my heart to smithereens. I step robotically over the threshold and plaster a mild expression on my face, mentally preparing to put on a show. My teeth are clenched so firmly I’m sure one is bound to crack as we approach the raised dais and I let Kyrre step up first to stand with Treyvar before I take my place at the front.
Raising my gaze, I look out blindly over the sea of thousands of people sweeping through the Great Hall and out the enormous double doors that are opened to the fields beyond. Massive bonfire piles lie in wait to be consumed with flames, just like my soul tonight. Tearing my gaze away from the fields, I pretend to make eye contact with the many people closest to me in the crowd as I begin the fake as fuck speech.
“Tonight commences the twenty-fifth Convocation that I have hosted as the Alpha of the Rocky Mountain Region pack,” cheers erupt throughout the crowd and I fake a grin in response as I continue, “I am honored once more to ask our moon goddess to bless us with the gift of our soulmates,” I fight back a grimace as I refuse to use her name and raise my arms out widely, tipping my head back toward the sky as I raise my voice. “Let our cups never run dry and keep our bellies full as we fill this week with bonds, joy, endless feasts, and celebration!”
A raucous cheering erupts and I lower my gaze back to the riled up crowd to finish my bullshit performance. “Set aside the invisible barriers and give way to divine fate, let her light guide you, may you find your mate!” I throw my head back and howl wildly at the full moon, streams of my pain and torment filling my voice as everyone screams and follows with their own echoing cries. Lowering my head, I don’t bother to watch as the crowd buzzes with excitement, people moving outside hastily in their enthusiasm to begin celebrating and I turn to step off the dais.
My intentions are to go back to my room but Kyrre snatches my arm and drags me out around the building toward the fields flooded with wolves. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, so I swallow down my misery and trudge along next to her chipper steps. The field is aglow as the bonfires ignite, sending embers swirling up to dance with the stars and the hundreds of streaming lights flicker as music blares to life around us. People pass by endlessly, often gliding their hands out to graze people as they go in an attempt to feel a connection. I instinctively flinch away anytime a body steps too close to me, grateful for my size as an alpha to stand above most everyone here as it gives me a sort of bubble that most people respect.
Kyrre brings us to a stop near a bonfire and Trey appears holding a few beer bottles, handing one to the both of us with a wide grin. He claims loudly over the din that this year is his year, he’s sure he can feel it and Kyrre gives me a sidelong look as she takes a swig and rolls her eyes. He says this every Convocation. I pop off the cap and drink absently, my eyes unfocused on the large dancing flames before me. I can hear Daine and Marx’s voices nearby and I slide my gaze toward them, not wanting them anywhere near my sister and sneer at the cocky looks on both of their faces.
They stand surrounded by a drove of women who reach out to pet them and writhe around to the music as the alphas behave like they’re the goddess’ gift to earth. Daine’s shit brown gaze meets mine over the fire and I glare back at him unblinkingly, not holding back any of my disdain for him. He holds my gaze for a few breaths until a woman steps in front of me, blocking my view of him as she says something I don’t care to hear. I look over her shoulder at him and find that he’s turned away, pretending to pay attention to someone else and I huff a dry laugh with a shake of my head.
“So, what do you think? Wanna give it a try?” the female before me asks in a whiny voice and I silently turn away from her without even looking at her.
I don’t want to fucking be here, I grumble as I stare down at my full beer bottle. I notice Kyrre leaning around me to speak with someone and I turn my face a bit, glancing over my shoulder. My gaze catches a pair of young females’ eyes and they yelp as they turn tail and dart away into the crowd. I swipe a hand over my face when Kyrre gives me a sympathetic look as she turns back to talk with her friends. I’m about to tell her I’m needed somewhere when a clammy hand grips my forearm and I whip my head around to find the female from before who apparently can’t take no for an answer.
Pissed that she disrespected me by touching an alpha without permission, I wrench my arm away from her forcefully, sending her careening back a couple steps. A deep snarl rips from my throat at the contact as Valdr hovers near the surface and snaps my teeth in her direction. Her pinched face fills with terror and she stumbles back a few steps before running away past the other alphas. Daine glances over, following her trail and his eyes meet mine again, narrowing with a smirk as he lifts his beer bottle toward me.
“What’s the matter, Kyran? Ya’ get rejected by your mate?” he tauntingly calls out to me, his obnoxious laugh carrying over the noise and Marx joins him, clinking their bottles together.
I react without thought, hurling my full bottle straight into his dickhead face and it smashes into pieces on contact, soaking him in beer. He lets out a roar as Marx’s gaze latches onto me and I bare my teeth at him in challenge. Fucking try me, I dare you, I mindlink him directly and I sense his tension as clearly as I can see it straining over his body.
People cry out in cheers at the sound of the breaking glass, the violence nothing out of the ordinary on a night like tonight. With the energies running high, people get testy competing to find their mates—especially the males—and fights break out often throughout the week. It’s almost expected.
I continue to stare Marx down, my heated gaze unwavering and the look on my face must display how vicious I feel because the fucker drops his gaze and turns to his group as if nothing happened. Coward, I mentally call out to him and I watch as his shoulders raise tightly, though he doesn’t turn back around. I could’ve said these things out loud for everyone to hear, but I couldn’t give less a fuck what other people thought. Both he and I know who he really is, someone who preys on the weak to make himself more powerful. A reason why I will never respect a leader like him, and his asshat of a friend.
Daine is still seething, undoubtedly wanting to start a scene as I glance back over at him. I just narrow my eyes at him and cross my arms, silently daring him to do something about it. With the way I feel right now, I’d gladly go to war with his pack if it meant wiping out the filth that disgraces our race. Valdr growls in approval as Daine averts his gaze, clenching his jaw and throwing his bottle into the fire. I turn around to find Kyrre staring open mouthed at me, gesturing wordlessly in a ‘what the fuck’ manner. I just shrug a shoulder at her and Trey bursts out laughing, clutching his belly with one hand as our sister throws her hands up with a growl. My mouth tugs at the corner in a tiny smirk when my phone buzzes in my pocket.
I nearly fumble my phone in my haste to pull it out, reading a text from Selene saying she’s outside my house and I take off without a word, stuffing it back in my jeans as I run. It’s difficult to maneuver through the throng of people, wincing as I accidentally knock over a few as I go and once I push free of the crowd, I break into a sprint. I have no idea what I’ll say to her when I see her and all I can think about is trying not to beg her to stay. In my mind, I prepare for the worst and tell myself that no matter what, I’ll always be here for her, to be someone to care for her unconditionally and to always have her back because it’s what she deserves. I vow to accept whatever it is she says without lashing out, knowing that she’s coming from a place to better herself and not to hurt me intentionally. When she goes to leave, I’ll place my heart with her because I know it belongs nowhere else.
Crossing the field in seconds, I dart through the trees of the forest near the Great Hall and come up to the back of my house, my boots sliding along the grass as I round the corner and stop dead in my tracks. Selene stands there, gazing up at the sky in a silky dress that flows around her like water. She looks like pure moonlight poured from the heavens as her gorgeous face lowers and her stunning eyes meet mine, piercing straight through my ice wall and directly into my soul. She is breathtakingly beautiful, I choke up as my chest constricts like a vice at the sight of her.
Selene gives me a soft smile as she turns toward me, knitting her fingers in front of her as she chews on her bottom lip. I want to reach out and smooth my thumb over it, to wrap her in my arms and never let go. Instead, I just stand there, helplessly waiting to watch my life disappear.