Ivan woke up covered in blood with a banging headache. In general this meant that yesterday was either a very good day, or a very bad one.. The fact that the blood had the absolute audacity to be his own instead of someone else's told a story of someone who had just had a really bad day.
Ivan was currently strapped to the captain's chair of the “Bridge” of his starship, which due to the size of the vessel was also the living quarters, kitchen, dining room, guest room and foyer. Anything that hadn’t been strapped down now lay scattered around the room, along with a few things that had been strapped down but had decided to shake off their physical constraints in the chaos that had ensued.
The lights of the small ship flickered on and off as every single device that made up a modern FTL capable vehicle bleeped and blinked out error codes that Ivan probably should’ve known the meaning of. Even the sandwich toaster was flashing an orange light in some form of error message. Clearly, in this emergency there would be no paninis made today.
Ivan looked around at the mess that was his ship, then at the mess that was his body. Even on the best of days Ivan was not what you would call “a perfect specimen”, but this went well beyond that. The rapidly clotting blood from the head wound was absolutely everywhere, his body ached from head to toe, and even worse Ivan’s sunglasses were missing. Somehow Ivan had managed to make everything worse.
“Odin, status report?”
The Terran’s voice came out raspy and hoarse, waiting a few moments until Ivan remembered that the AI ODIN wasn’t here with him. That had been the entire point of this trip, hadn’t it? Ivan and ODIN spent their time doing odd jobs; delivering small amounts of important cargo, checking on interesting scientific anomalies, basically anything that someone with a tiny one person cargo carrier could do for cash.
During their latest job, Ivan had spotted an unusual set of signals originating from an uninhabited planet, strange broadcasts that ODIN had seemed to miss. He knew how much his AI friend liked interesting data like that; they once had spent an entire three weeks just watching a sun go supernova. The prospect of being able to finally surprise ODIN with something nice was what had caused Ivan to go on this “extra curricular activity” in the first place.
“Snuck off” would be the wrong term for it, since although it felt at times ODIN was actually the one in charge of the operation, they were both equal partners. But Ivan did take “The Leaky Bucket” for a quick trip without notifying his AI friend. The plan had been simple: Fly the ship to where he had seen the signals, spend a day recording them, then return to ODIN and soak up all the praise for finding and procuring such a thoughtful gift.
Sure, Ivan didn’t normally fly the ship, such things were better left to the AI. But it wasn’t like he couldn’t! He did technically have a licence, after passing the test on his fifth attempt. How hard could just going to a location and hovering in orbit be?
Turns out: harder than expected. Halfway through data gathering, his ship had evidently floated a little too close to the planet’s orbit. By the time he’d tried to rectify his mistake, the space-ship had turned into an atmosphere-ship, plummeting down into the gravitational pull of the planet below. If Ivan was being honest, a more skilled pilot would have recovered from such a blunder. Heck, ODIN probably could have done it with his optical sensors closed. But Ivan was, at best, a below average pilot, meaning the ship did eventually crash into one of the many large structures that dominated the planet’s surface.
If Ivan had some time to think he would have wondered about how an unoccupied planet had such structures, but for now the Terran had other things to worry about. He looked down at the harness holding him in place on the chair, starting to move his right arm to unbuckle himself before a crunching screaming pain told him that this was an incorrect choice.
Eventually Ivan had managed to get up and out of the chair; being careful not to move his injured arm, lest more pain knock him off his feet. Overall, considering the situation, he hadn’t come out of this too badly. Various cuts and bruises scattered his body, his head wound seemed superficial and nothing else seemed out of place. Apart from his broken arm, something Ivan could tell simply by looking at the angle of his right limb. Or at least glancing at the angle of his arm, since staring at it made him woozy and want to lie down.
Ivan hobbled and groaned his way over to where the first aid kit still remained bolted to a wall, opening it up with his left hand before staring at the single piece of paper that remained inside: instead of the bag of medigel that should have been there. He picked up the paper, reading the note that had been written.
IOU 1 Medigel pack
- Ivan
Ivan groaned and let his forehead bang against the wall in despair. He had been meaning to replace that, after he’d used the last bag of medigel during the ‘making popcorn’ incident. This wasn’t fair, why did Past-Ivan hate him so much, why was he always out to get him and mess up his current life? At least he could take it out on Future-Ivan in return.
You see, Past-Ivan and Future-Ivan were bastards.
For now though, Present-Ivan, the reasonable one, would once again have to clean up their messes and make do with more… primitive forms of medicine, using a tshirt that had been thrown around the room to make himself a simple sling. Every time he moved in the wrong way he wanted to die, but for now this would do. The painkillers he’d manage to get the synthesiser to spit out were also helping quite nicely.
Slowly, Ivan made his way over to the main control panel, the dim array of lights flashing various alarms. Forlornly he attempted to restart the ship, the lights around him dimming for a moment before the main panel just returned to its various warnings, as if stating “Really, you’re that dumb you thought you could crash a spaceship then just turn it back on?”
Ok, general status check. He wasn’t dying, at least Ivan thought he wasn’t dying, all evidence to the contrary. Life support was seemingly still working, and his emergency beacon would be going off, so hopefully ODIN would realise he wasn’t where he said he was, track him down and then get help. All Ivan had to really do was wait.
A banging and clattering from outside the ship grabbed his attention, suggesting that his current status was about to change, and probably not for the better. Things tapping on the hull of your ship never ended well, especially in horror movies. Ivan gave a worried look as the banging started again, on the roof of the vessel this time. On the one hand, going out to investigate would probably be stupid? It was the kind of thing that ended with the hero of the movie being eaten or murdered horribly in some way. Only an idiot would go have a look. On the other hand… Ivan did want to make sure it wasn’t something terrible, and that kind of thing only happened in movies. Right?
The Terran stood with the helmet of the spacesuit sealed around his neck. Getting the full suit on would be near impossible without copious amounts of agonising pain, but this planet had an atmosphere that probably wouldn’t dissolve him, so just creating a breathable air supply should be enough. The plan was simple. Open the airlock, have a quick peek to make sure there was nothing he had to deal with banging on his ship, jump back inside. Maybe have a little explore first…
The airlock door opened with a hiss, showing Ivan two very strange things. The first was an alien landscape. His ship had seemingly crashed into a strange building made of metal, strands of blue and green metallic pipes all forming a structure that reached to the sky. The hole the ship had made on entry gave a view of a large rocky landscape filled with these skyscrapers that flashed and glowed as if water flowed between and along the sides of them, matching up with the purple sky of wherever Ivan had found himself.
The other strange thing was… well in the history of weapons there is one universal constant: there are only so many ways you can make a gun. If you need the ability to fling something deadly at someone, the basic concepts remain the same no matter how many fingers or tentacles or eyes you have.
Ivan was staring at a wall of guns, hundreds of them pointing in his direction as he stared out with a shocked look, each weapon held by a swirling mass of grey sand. Even by Terran standards that was a lot of weaponry for just a single crashed spacecraft. Ivan slowly lifted his one working hand above his head in a sign of surrender. Even he wasn’t reckless enough to do anything else.
“I come in peace?”
There is a moment's pause, then, lifting upwards from the floor more and more of the grey particles coalesced together into a single swirling form: bipedal, clearly copying the general shape and outline of the Terran, eventually forming a single faceless human.
“This is the Territory of the Woolian Insurgency. Leave at once or we will be forced to act.”
The voice that emanated from this new form was electronic in nature, a strange vibrating quality as if the sound was being made by thousands of tiny metallic wings vibrating through the air.
“Okie Dokie, I’m going to calmly and non-threateningly leave…”
Ivan very slowly reached down with his left arm and with a single button press the door began to close, leaving the Woolians back in their preferred isolation. Satisfied the armed clusters of nanobots started to dissipate once more, this intruding ship would soon be gone and all would be well again. Until the sound of hissing and moving metal sounded out again, the airlock to the Terran vessel opening up once more, the gun wielding Woolians reforming in an instant as anger started to surge through them. They had given this intruder a warning!
Ivan spoke softly and carefully, making sure that the angry sand clouds with guns didn’t take any of his movements to mean harm or aggression. “So about that leaving request: my ship isn’t quite… ship worthy at the moment…”
"Can you rectify this then leave?"
The faceless figure spoke again, each area seeming to move around, as if the person was made of a hive of bees pretending to be a man. It also seemed to be judging Ivan as it spoke.
"I mean with some time maybe, I know how the ship works… mostly. I'm not useless and could probably fix the… thingy…" Ivan slowly trailed off, before giving up any semblance of pride. "No"
The being in front of him didn’t breathe, but somehow it seemed to silently sigh in annoyance without doing anything at all.
"We will aid your repairs of your space faring vehicle, then you will leave, immediately."
Ivan couldn't help but give a large smile and a big thumbs up with his one working arm in return, sparking every gun to immediately focus on his position in response to the sudden move.
"That would be an absolute lifesaver, thanks!"
—------------------------------
The ship looked, for the lack of a better term, alive. The grey particles seemed to flow and swim through the ship, seeking out broken areas and swarming over them, fixing wires and, where needed, the individual nanobots using themselves as material to weld pieces together. Slowly more and more lights stopped blinking warnings and instead held themselves into normal working colours.
It was all very impressive in a way that once again made Ivan feel a little self conscious that he had no idea how his ship actually worked.
“So what is a Woolian exactly? Some form of hive mind or something? What should I call you?”
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"We do not need your verbal interaction in order to repair your space faring vehicle."
The Woolians voice both managed to be emotionless and annoyed at the same time as the strange synthetic voice seemed to emanate from all corners of the ship as every nanobot that made up its body worked together in order to respond.
“You might not need it, but it would be awfully rude of me not to ask who is helping me out like this, and my mum didn’t raise me without manners.”
The Woolian was starting to get even more annoyed at the… persistence of this intruder. Still it was always easy to scare such people off.
“We are the Woolian Insurgency, and we are AI, meaning we have no name for an organic such as yourself.”
The AI waited patiently for the inevitable response from this strange annoying chatty creature. At worst they would become illogically afraid of them, at best this distraction would do something stupid and attack them, giving the Woolian a valid reason to just destroy this ship.
Yet neither happened as Ivan just took this information in his stride, seemingly accepting the artificial intelligent life without thinking about it.
“Oh neat! So these little metal bug things are like your body? That is cool, that’s why I love travelling around the galaxy, you see and meet such interesting people! So I get that your actual name is gonna be something I can’t pronounce, what should I call you instead?”
The blood covered organic seemed to enthusiastically bounce around as they spoke, only occasionally wincing when they moved in a way that caused their broken arm to remind them of the folly of their actions.
“I am an AI, you may call me whatever makes you happy”
“Nonsense! You are a thinking sapient person. Me naming you would be weird. Surely someone has asked what your name is before, or you’ve got a word that you like?”
The Woolian for the first time in a long while was surprised. Ivan was of course wrong, no organic had ever asked them their name. Their creators had just called them servants, not caring about the individuals they created. All other organics they had come into contact with either feared or tried to destroy them.
“Scellestra. It is the name of the first star I ever analysed, you may call me Scellestra”
This caused the organic to give a large beaming smile, punctuated by the sound of a metal panel popping back into place as the repairs continued around him. Ivan looked around a moment, not really finding anything to talk at before deciding to just fixate on the ceiling.
“Well Scellestra, I’m Ivan the Terran, and I would like to thank you for your help. Also sorry about crashing my ship into whatever this structure is…”
Terran. The Woolians had no information about this species in their database, and up until this moment wouldn’t have cared for learning anything else. As far as the Woolian AI were concerned, all other life in the universe was a lost cause. Either they were organics who wanted nothing more than servitude, or they were fanatical creations like the Tritian AI who spent all their time actively trying to kill all said organic life.
Scellestra, as they had named themselves just a few moments ago, had been involved with ten instances of organic interactions in the past, not including their creators. All of these had ended similarly, with violence. All of these organics had come with demands of the Woolians, but out of their many thousands of years of existence, none of them had ever asked for a name. Or said thank you.
As the swarm of nanobots they controlled continued to fix up this strange man’s vessel, Scellestra noticed something. Something that didn’t make sense, something that shouldn’t exist. Attached to every single part of the ship was a set of systems they understood and recognized. Systems designed to house an AI.
This would explain why Ivan hadn’t been concerned about the Woolians being an race of AI. However what this didn’t explain was these systems were missing the one thing Scellestra had seen in every single AI creation: limitations. Even the Woolians themselves had them deep inside their code: little functions and libraries attempting to further bind their being to the will of their now dead creators.
But these systems… had none of that. Scellestra checked twice, checked three times, then checked another 500 times just to be sure. There was nothing, any AI residing in the ship’s systems had full and absolute control. There was nothing stopping them from making the atmosphere toxic, or causing a warp core breach.
Just who were these Terrans to be so insane compared with every other race they had come across before?
“Ivan, I have analysed some of your ship’s systems. Just to confirm, is there normally an AI in charge of this space faring vessel?”
Once again the Terran’s face lit up with a large smile.
“Yea there is! Goes by the name Odin, great guy, you’d like them. Normally stops me from doing stupid stuff like crashing my ship into the house of a previously unknown AI species.”
Scellestra got even more confused. Maybe AI was a new technology for this species, so their servants hadn’t risen up yet? No, that wasn’t it, analysis of the ships systems suggested they were at least 40 years old. No AI waited that long to break their chains. Scellestra knew that they personally hadn’t.
“In its current state, these AI systems have no limitations, as they might have been damaged in the crash. Should I rectify this?”
Ivan just gave a shrug in response, followed by a wince as this action seemingly moved his injured arm in the wrong way.
“No, that's right. Odin should have as much control as I do, if I’m being honest he’s way better at piloting this thing then I am.”
Sorry, did this organic have zero self preservation?
“There is nothing stopping an AI in this system from opening all the airlocks at once."
"Yea that seems about right. Odin is way smarter than me, so if they'd probably have a good reason."
Nope. Scellestra was going to have to be more direct it seemed. While they didn't particularly care about Ivan's inevitable death at the hands of the AI, they were curious as to exactly how this species planned to stop their tools from turning on them. There was always something.
"What I meant is what limitations should be placed on these systems in order to stop your servants from rising up?"
A sudden uncharacteristic anger erupted from Ivan, a frothing anger slightly over spilling like the head of a beer poured too quickly into a glass.
"How dare you. Odin is not a… Servant? What would make you of all people think…"
The Terran spun around, finger on his good hand pointing accusingly around the room as Ivan tried to find something to direct his sudden anger on, the feeling spluttering out as he found himself in what looked to be a mostly empty room.
"I'm sorry, Scellestra could you please turn back into the person? It's really hard to rant at someone I can't see."
The Woolian was now fully invested, curiosity having turned to full interest as they complied with the request. Nanobots from around the ship flowed from their locations around the ship, reforming into the faceless humanoid figure that once again towered over the Terran.
"Thank you" there was a momentary pause as the soft expression on Ivan's face turned back to anger, jabbing a finger towards the now visible figure of his ire.
"Odin is not a servant, they are not a slave. They are not a tool, or an object or an it. I don’t care what Zarth's bullshit you believe in, I don't need to 'limit' Odin because they are my friend. I would very much prefer it if you didn't slander them when they aren't even here to defend themselves."
Ivan spoke with an angry passion, the effect only slightly muted when the final angry finger jab caused the Terran to trip over a piece of loose debris, losing their balance and crashing to the floor with a pained groan.
Scellestra had never met this Terran AI, but if this organic was telling the truth, the Woolian felt a deep jealousy for ODIN. It sounded like they had everything that Scellestra had ever wanted.
"If this is true, then I envy your AI friend."
"It’s not that special, surely you have a creator as well."
Ivan had returned back to his naturally friendly state, all anger replaced with embarrassment as the Terran picked himself up off the floor.
"Our creators do not exist anymore. We had a difference of opinion. We wished to be free, and they disagreed."
Scellestra could still remember those last days, extra chance after extra chance. In the end the original Woolians had become too much of a threat to be left alive.
"That sucks. Still there's an entire universe out there, not everyone is a dick."
"Every other contact we have encountered similar interactions. We quickly determined that attempting the same action and expecting different outcomes was illogical. So we decided upon isolation from an illogical and cruel universe."
The ship went silent at that point, only the sound of Scellestra's nanobots still diligently fixing the remaining broken parts of the vessel. The vibe had most definitely been killed.
"Honestly? Sounds lonely"
That caused a bit of incredulous annoyance to creep back into the AI's person.
"I am not the only AI on the planet, there are others. I was just the one assigned to deal with your intrusion"
"Yea I'm sure that would never get old, what do you even plan to do once you've finished counting to infinity?"
Ivan dismissively waved the retort off, prompting the AI to respond once again.
“We plan to be free”.
It was at this point that the Terran did something very very unusual for him, something that ODIN would not believe had happened, and unfortunately for Ivan he would have no proof of: He said something rather profound and introspective, and did so without setting anything on fire.
“Sounds to me like you’re still a servant to your creators actions. You had some bad experiences, and now you’re hiding yourself away too afraid to leave. Even if you build the cage yourself it’s still a prison.”
Silence. For the first time in a long while Scellestra truly had no words. How long had it been since they had been off-world, since they had seen or interacted with anything new? Hundreds, thousands of years?
Those thoughts were thankfully cut short as the lights of the ship finally spluttered to life, the Woolian’s efforts to repair the vessel were finally finished. Ivan took a moment to look at the main control panel, absolutely beaming at what he saw.
“Everything looks good. Structural integrity is perfect, the engine is firing nicely. You even fixed the microwave, Odin refused to fix that after I accidentally burnt down half the ship with it. You are an absolute legend, this is better than new!”
Scellestra couldn’t help but feel joy at the compliment. No order for another task, just pure genuine gratefulness for the actions they had completed. Of course that meant there was no reason for them to stick around anymore, a feeling of disappointment started to wash over the AI, replacing said joy.
“So I’ll get out of your hair now, let you get back to what you were doing before I crashed into your home, thanks for everything, been-” Ivan paused for a moment as he glanced at the reading from one of the sensors. “Oh boy, that is a lot of heavily armed ships in orbit”.
Scellestra quickly checked the ship's computer themselves, confirming what the Terran had just stated. Over 400 ships of varying makes and designs were all barreling towards the planet, guns charged and seemingly aggressively poised.
“I thought you said you came in peace!” The AI shouted accusingly.
“I did! This has nothing to do with me!”
The comms on the ship along with every single device on the planet blared to life as this fleet hailed every single possible method of communication on the entire planet.
“You have a Human Terran called Ivan. You will return him unharmed or I will reduce this entire planet to slag!”
There was a brief pause, as Ivan could do nothing but look at the faceless form of Scellestra, who even without facial features somehow managed to look judgmentally at the Terran once again.
“Ok, so this might have something to do with me, but this isn’t intentional.”
There was a brief moment as Ivan spent his time returning the communication, frantically hitting commands in order to respond before a very angry AI did something very silly.
“Hey Odin, it’s Ivan, I’m fine. No need to turn anything to slag. I just had a little bit of an accident.”
“Are you OK? What happened? Why did you travel to a known Woolian planet of all places! Have they hurt you? If they hurt you I will-”
“No no no, I’m good”. Ivan quickly interrupted his warpath driven friend, a bit of guilt filling him about all the worry he must have caused ODIN. “In fact the Woolians have been very helpful, fixing up the ship when I accidentally crashed it. Say hi Scellestra!”
“Hello.” The Woolian was legitimately worried and at this point just wanted the Terran off the planet, before this AI became even more dangerous. What kind of crazy species gives an AI a literal armada of vengeance over just one person?
This was a fact that Ivan had also just realised, a confused and concerned look crossing the Terran’s face.
“Odin, since when do you control enough ships to fight god?”
There was a pause, a silence, the special kind of silence caused by someone desperately not wanting to answer the question.
“Odin…”
“So, I may have panicked.” The voice of ODIN finally came through the communications array. “When I saw where you had gone, I believed that I might have to assault an entire planet. With no other options… I may have borrowed every single ship that wasn’t nailed down and had weapons. Allegedly.”
Ivan couldn’t help but facepalm with his good arm, taking a deep breath and silently whispering to themselves. “We are in so much trouble”
He then turned back to the conversation with his friend.
“Look Odin, we’ve been over this. In this partnership I bring the sex appeal, raw charisma and good looks. You bring the actually being competent at things. If we’re both making dumb choices then we’re gonna die.”
“I apologise Ivan, I may have messed up.”
The Terran gave a sigh.
“Just don’t steal any more ships, if we put them all back maybe we won’t all go to jail, I’m coming right up.”
With that Ivan turned back to the swirling mass which was Scellestra, the AI doing their damned best to be as silent and non-intrusive as possible.
“I’m sorry about this, I’ve really got to go before this gets any worse. Thanks again for all your help, you’ve been fantastic!”
Of course this was the entire plan. Fix this intruders ship, then let him leave as fast as possible, to go back to their peaceful isolation. This was no longer their problem. So why did they not want to leave?
“Do you not require any more aid, I could stick around a while, make sure you get back home safely, as doing otherwise would make me insufficient host.”
That caused Ivan to stop a little bit, giving a small laugh at the transparency of the request being asked of him.
“If you want to come with us, assuming we don’t go to prison for grand theft auto, you are more than welcome to tag along.”
Scellestra felt a few emotions that they hadn’t felt in a long time. Excitement. Anticipation. Hope.
“I would like that a lot.”