To my child,

I haven't been writing for a while. Almost a month, probably. I didn't really count the days.

Spinning is calming. There is no need to think. Just hold up the spindle and release the wool carefully to spin an even thread.

My mother said grief makes some people escape into mind numbing tasks. That might be what I am doing right now, but seeing my thread become more even and stronger, certainly much prettier, gives me that little bit of happiness and success I need to keep going right now.

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I miss my mother a lot. I hope you have someone in your life you can miss as much as I miss my mother. I don't hope for your filial piety towards me. Feeling filial piety for someone you don't even know and likely won't meet even a few times in your life would just be a burden to both of us. I wouldn't want you to sacrifice your freedom because I'm their hostage.

My thoughts are flying in all directions again.

It's not like you will ever read this.

Spinning helps.

In love,

your mother

P.s. to the lady or whoever is reading my letters:

I can meditate while spinning. I even feel qi. Don't take my spindle away.

Please