Felix landed face first in a puddle of brown sludge that he desperately hoped was just mud. Judging by the smell, the odds were not in his favor. Squirming to a seated position, he noticed a couple of new things about his current circumstances.
First, he was sitting in a runoff ditch of a dirt road. On either side of the road, a looming forest of what looked like redwoods filled his view. The sun was warm, hanging high in an impossibly blue sky. It felt like a balmy Texas spring morning.
This was lucky, because the second thing he noticed was that he was completely naked, save for his boxer shorts and the layer of pseudo-mud that covered most of his body.
So this is Aelor, he thought to himself. Looks nice.
Not even his harsh landing was able to penetrate his giddy mood.
With an intuitive understanding of its workings, Felix called up the translucent user interface again, not even bothering to get up out of the filth. This time, a menu popped up on the screen.
Notifications
Character Sheet
Titles
Skills
Current Status Effects
Inventories
The word “notifications” was blinking rapidly, suggesting he had some new alerts there, but Felix decided to ignore it for now. Instead, he mentally selected the skills tab. Intuitive knowledge was one thing, but he had to confirm that he’d actually done it.
He read his skills sheet with mounting joy.
Skills 3/3:
Porter’s Inventory (basic) - 0%
They say enough quantity is quality, and that’s what this skill is all about. Show me them gains son!
Status Effects:
* +1 strength per character level
* +1 endurance per character level
Standard Effects:
* (Basic) The user can store up to 50 cubic meters or 10,000 kgs, whichever threshold they reach first. Items and materials in your inventory have their weight reduced by 99.75%.
Unique Effects:
* (Basic) Surge of Strength: Once per day, the user is granted a 300% increase to strength for 5 seconds to help him/her lift heavy objects.
Skill Restrictions:
* Gold Capped: Stored items and materials cannot exceed 1 gold in individual value or 100 gold in total value
* Stop you Thief!: Attempts to use this skill as the primary means to steal an item have a 100% chance to fail and alert those nearby.
Felix laughed. Outside of the flavor text, which seemed oddly informal, the skill was exactly what he had read about on the tablet. He’d known that he would get a unique effect for each skill but hadn’t known what they would be. The strength boost was neat, and he could see how it would come in handy, but it paled in comparison to the standard effect.
10,000 kilograms of storage capacity. That was like 5 mid-sized vehicles worth. And he could take everything with him wherever he went. With the weight reduction that would only be… Felix did a little mental calculation… 25 kilograms. That was like 60 pounds, right? Totally doable, at least for a while. For a moment, Felix wondered why this fantasy world was using the metric system.
I guess the US really is the only one that uses pounds and inches. He thought before shrugging it off as unimportant. The gold cap is a bit of a bummer, but I don’t know how much a gold piece is valued in this world, so maybe it’s not an issue.
Aside from the currency value situation, Felix had another reason not to worry about the restriction.
He read on.
Merchant’s Inventory (basic) - 0%
A merchant is only as good as his wares and ability to sell them. With regards to that, this skill is a merchant's best friend.
Status Effects:
* +1 to charisma per character level
* +1 to perception per character level
Standard Effects:
* The user can store up to 2 cubic meters or 200 kgs of materials, whichever threshold is reached first. Items in inventory have their weight reduced by 75%.
Unique Effects:
* (Basic) Item Identification: All items in the user’s inventory will automatically be identified and given a brief description.
Skill Restrictions:
* Full Transparency: Registered security forces of any formal settlement have the right to fully search a list of your goods and confiscate contraband as per their laws. Local sales taxes will automatically be deducted and distributed at the nearest tax office after every sale.”
* Stop you Thief!: Attempts to use this skill as the primary means to steal an item have a 100% chance to fail and alert those nearby.
Whereas Porter’s Inventory gave Felix the capacity for mass collections, the Merchant’s inventory was one where he could keep his truly high end finds. Sure, only having 2 cubic meters and a 200 kg capacity was limiting, and the weight of full capacity would be over 100 lbs, but still, it was the perfect place to store ultra-high end items with complete safety. Afterall, there was no upper limit on how expensive items could be in this storage system.
Plus the identification effect was straight up awesome. As any collector worth their salt knows, accurate identification is the first obstacle to overcome. Being able to recognize and identify automatically was a godsend, especially if he planned to do a bit of buying and selling. After all, he needed capital to fund the rebuilding of his collections.
Felix’s eyes flicked to the last skill on his list. This one had been more of a gamble, as its standard effect was not great, and it had been on a restricted skill list. Still, the skill had already come in handy. After all, it was what had allowed him to make that fountain pen the first item in his new collection.
Rogue’s Inventory (basic) - 0%
The ability to lie, cheat, and steal is necessary for any self-respecting roguish adventurer. Merry Christmas you filthy animal. This one’s right up your alley.
Status Effects:
* +1 to dexterity per character level
* +1 to perception per character level
Standard Effects:
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* (Basic) The user can store up to 0.5 cubic meters or 50 kgs of materials, whichever threshold is reached first. Items in inventory have their weight reduced by 50%.
Unique Effects:
* (Basic) Auto-Loot: This ability allows you to automatically loot any animal or monster that can fit into your inventory.
Skill Restrictions:
* Stop You Thief!: Attempts to use this skill as the primary means to steal an item have a 50% chance to fail and alert those nearby.
Felix frowned a bit, his reaction on reading this last skill was more mixed. On the one hand, the unique effect was everything he’d hoped for. A loot ability was perfect for him! It was true, he could only loot animals and monsters smaller than 0.5 cubic meters.
If I’m converting right, 0.5 cubic meters is a bit bigger than a microwave, so… maybe rabbits would fit in there?
It wasn’t ideal, but it looked like there would be opportunities to further upgrade and advance the skills.
Maybe the inventory space will increase when the skill tier upgrades.
The only reason that Felix wasn’t ecstatic about this last skill was the odd flavor text in the description. It seemed personalized and even a bit vindictive.
I wonder if it has anything to do with taking Arcadeus’s pen. The thought sent a brief pang of concern through him.
Felix went back to the menu screen and selected “Inventories.” Three inventory options showed up, one for each of his skills. He selected, “Rogue’s Inventory,” and sure enough there was one item in there. It simply read, “Golden Fountain Pen.”
With a thought, Felix conjured it out of his storage space, the pen appearing on his outstretched hand. Again, he admired its beautiful craftsmanship, which contrasted all the more with his dirt smeared hands.
A pang of guilt struck Felix at the thought of Arry’s outraged expression, but he suppressed it. He wasn’t lying when he said he’d experienced emotional distress. All of his collectibles were gone. It was only fair that he’d get one nice item to himself in compensation.
Putting the matter aside, Felix decided to do a bit of experimenting. He first tried to will the pen into his Porter’s Inventory. Unsurprisingly, it failed, which meant the pen was worth at least more than one gold coin.
Felix next tried to put it in his Merchant’s Inventory. This time, the pen disappeared again. He pulled up his interface screen, and read the impressively detailed description there.
Arcadeus’s Heavenly Pen
Divine Tier
Description: They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but in this case a nuclear warhead from your world couldn't leave a mark on this thing. This is one hell of a high quality writing instrument!
Given to Arcadeus by [redacted] at his 100,000 year work anniversary, this pen has enormous sentimental value. Despite this, kleptomaniac and ultra-Karen Felix Chandler rudely stole this cherished relic right from under Arcadeus’s sublimely shaped nose.
Status Effects:
* +10,000 to perception when wielded by a god (i.e. not you)
* +10,000 to dexterity when wielded by a god (i.e. not you)
* +10,000 to intelligence when wielded by a god (i.e. not you)
Unique Effects:
* Unlimited Ink: this pen will never run out of high-quality robin's egg blue ink in honor of its former glorious master.
* Hidden Knowledge: he/she who so possesses this pen will have unique access to hidden knowledge. How can they access this knowledge you ask? Is this knowledge useful, or just trash trivia you ask? Wouldn't you like to know? Here’s a hint: it’s already working.
* Binding Words: contracts written and/or signed with this pen have an unusual tendency to become inexplicably binding, sometimes in delightfully unexpected ways.
Wow, thought Felix. There’s a lot to digest here. Firstly, it confirmed his hunch. Felix wasn’t sure who or what was writing these skill and item descriptions, but it was obvious that they were biased towards Arry and against him.
But is it just words, or will this have a real negative effect on me?
Felix began to consider that perhaps he had made a mistake in what he had thought was a minor act of defiance. On top of that, the note about it being a 100,000 year work anniversary present with sentimental value definitely made Felix feel bad. He more than anyone knew how valuable personal objects could be. He’d have to find a way to make it up to Arry. The god had tried to trick him into signing a bad deal, but he didn’t seem like such a bad guy all-in-all.
Still, in the meantime, this was an awesome pen! Indestructible, with infinite ink, and some kind of inherent contract magic in it. Even without any of the stat points it would have otherwise given him, Felix knew this item had all sorts of possibilities. He summoned it back out and marveled at it.
“Wow, that sure is a nice pen you have there, friend,” came a voice from far too close. “Looks… expensive.”
Felix froze, for the first time regretting the fact that he was still sitting mostly naked in the mud of a drainage ditch. He looked up at the newcomer.
It was a wiry man, short, wearing a yellow stained canvas shirt and baggy pants. He was not alone. Next to him, as if intentionally serving as a contrast in proportions, was an enormous heavyset man. Maybe it was their bedraggled appearance, maybe it was the gold tooth Felix saw glinting from the small man’s mouth, maybe it was the fact that he had seen this scenario in practically every isekai anime ever. Regardless of the reason, Felix was almost positive he knew who these men were. Bandits.
Automatically, Felix popped the pen back into his inventory.
“What pen?” he asked, smiling nervously as he showed his bare hands.
Turns out, that was the wrong move. The small man’s smile only got wider.
“Oh ho ho. Nice trick there friend,” said the small man before looking over to his large companion. “Hey Deo, what skill you think that was?”
The large man, Deo apparently, grunted. When he spoke, he said his words slowly and deliberately, like they were wading through molasses. “Looks like Merchant’s Inventory to me, Carlo.”
“That it does, Deo. That it does.”
Felix was beginning to feel like a mouse trapped between two cats playing with their food. No matter how hard he tried though, he couldn’t force himself to move. Terror rooted him in place.
“You know Deo,” Carlo continued, as if this were some kind of casual conversation. “I heard an interesting thing once about Merchant’s Inventory. I heard it’s impossible to steal from. That is, unless you kill the merchant. If you do that, apparently all the stuff he’s squirreled away just comes pouring out like water from a bucket.”
“I heard that too,” said Deo.
“What about you, friend?” Carlo asked. “Have you heard the same?”
Crap. Felix thought. Crap, crap, crap. Felix considered his skills, desperately trying to think of a way to defeat the bandits and live the good life just like in the animes. He couldn’t think of a single damn thing. For the first time, Felix realized he may have made a terrible mistake by only choosing inventory skills. A fireball or a powerstrike would have been pretty useful right about now.
Carlo took a tentative step towards Felix. That was enough to finally break his trance. Felix jumped up and ran for the woods behind him.
“Marie, now!” screamed Carlo.
Something whizzed past Felix, missing his right ear by less than an inch and burying itself into a tree some 20 feet in front of him. Felix screamed - his voice high pitched like a prepubescent girl. A steady stream of curses exploded from Carlo.
Was that a freaking arrow? Was Felix’s only thought. It had zipped by more like a bullet than an arrow, completely invisible to him.
Felix had already been running faster than he had ever before, but that near miss sent every ounce of adrenaline in his body flooding through his veins. Finally, he got to the tree line and began desperately weaving through the trees, ignoring the slaps of branches and vines as they tore at his bare flesh. Soon, he was deep into the woods and out of sight.
Back on the road, Carlo glared at Marie. “What in the nine damnations was that?”
The archer shrugged, adjusting her eyepatch the way she always did when she was embarrassed or self-conscious. “Sorry Carlo. It wasn’t a good angle, and I didn’t expect a fat naked merchant to be so fast.”
Carlo swore again.
Deo meanwhile stood by the edge of the road, looking at the direction that Felix had disappeared into.
“You sure we can’t go in there and get him?” Deo asked. Carlo shook his head.
“You know what those woods are, right? They’re the Labyrinthian Woods. We step more than ten feet off the road into there and we’ll never find our way back. That moron of a merchant is as good as dead.” Carlo kicked at a rock on the road, venting his frustrations. “Such a bloody waste.”
Deo stayed standing there, looking up at the tall, somber trees of the Labyrinthian Woods. Despite the fact that they had been about to kill the merchant, he said a little prayer for him under his breath.
“May your death be swift and painless,” he said. It was an old prayer from his soldier days. A prayer he'd said to far too many friends.