For better or worse, all eyes were glued to the next witness.
The woman who slinked into the courtroom had the pale-white green skin of a snake or a bayou dwelling witch doctor.
Her frame was gaunt and she wore nothing but the mask, gloves and bikini all carved out of snake hide. Her jet black hair hung down to her lower back.
Both men and women in the audience had trouble telling whether they should be entranced by this witchy woman or absolutely repulsed.
"I hear you have sssssome questions for me?" she hissed with curiosity.
"Ali Asp?" Ruby said, trying to keep her cool. "I have some questions to asp…err…I mean ask you."
"Very well…" the woman answered. "But pleasssse don't take too long. I'm a very busssy woman."
"Well I do declare!" the judge gushed. "Would you make some time for a good old fashioned southern gentleman afterwards?"
"I'll see what I can do…" Ari answered. "But I am a sssssimple waitress. Not a snnnaake charmer!"
"Coulda fooled me!" Slanders answered. "You've already charmed me and my sna…"
"Ahem!" Ruby coughed. "Miss Asp. So you say, you're a simple waitress? How long have you worked there?"
"Sssssince last week!" Ari answered. "I came out to Toledo because the Ssssnake Pit fits my aessssethic."
"Mighty ssssuspicious," Ruby answered, copying the witness's accent. "Don't you ssssay?"
Miss Asp raised her green hand. "Your honor. Thisss attorney is insssensitive!"
"How so?" Colonel Slanders answered, still entranced by this witchy woman.
"She mocks my sssspeech impediment! I have a lissssssp!"
The gavel pounded faster than Ruby ever heard before.
"Order!" the colonel judge exclaimed. "Any more mockery of the witness's accent, and you will be court martialed, Missy Attorney."
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"Ssssorry!" Ruby said, earning glares from both Asp and the Judge.
"I mean, sorry," she squeaked. "Miss Asp?"
"Yessssss?" the witchy woman asked.
"Did you know the murder victim?"
"Assssside from ssserving him, no," she answered.
Ruby crossed her arms.
"And did you know you were serving him a shot of poisoned liquor?"
The waitresses' snake-yellow eyes narrowed. Ruby wondered how this serpent lady would wiggle out of this. She clearly served Pritchard his demise in a glass. It wasn't Priscilla who did it, even if she had clutched the poison bottle.
"Your honor!" Larry hollered. "It's clear this little lady can't read! The police report said the only finger prints on the snake venom are Miss Prettipenni's. It seems she poisoned the shot and then set up Miss Asp to serve her father in order to frame this innocent waitress!"
Ruby slammed the podium. "But Miss Asp is wearing gloves! It's clear why her fingerprints aren't on the bottle!"
Larry smirked. "Then why was Prettipenni holding it?!"
"To warn my dad…—" Prissy said but she was cut off.
The gavel slammed on the table.
"Order!" the Colonel shouted. "Loathsome Cowboy Larry has presented us with a motive AND the defendant's fingerprints are on the bottle. I'm sorry Missy Attorney, but unless you have some miracle evidence, yer too far down Schitt's Creek without a pooper scooper!"
Ruby trembled and clutched the podium. She wasn't just sweating due to the desert heat! This witness was a complete pain in the Asp. Perhaps becoming an attorney wasn't her true manifest destiny after all.
Her knees wobbled, ready to buckle. But before they did, she heard a voice. Or a squawk more like.
“My my, Miss Snake and Bake! What a lovely bikini you're wearing!”
Ruby’s eyes shot open to see Nathaniel rubbing his long goatee. He leered and marveled at Miss Asp.
“Nate!” Ruby screamed, stamping her feet. “This is no time to be a pervert!”
But Nate disregarded her and continued to smirk. “Say, what's it made of?”
“Thankssss,” Ali hissed with pleasure. “It's made of my favorite snake. The poisonous asp!”
Suddenly, an imaginary candle lit itself above Ruby’s head.
The poison that had robbed Mr. Prettipenni of his life was also snake venom, could it possibly be that…?
She hastily flipped through the court documents, and indeed the venom had come from an Asp!
Her eyes brightened as she dramatically thrust her index finger in the direction of Miss Asp. “Connection!”
“Huh?!” The large judge shouted. “Missy Attorney, don't y’all know I have a liaison with Miss Asp.”
Ruby smiled knowingly. “The only liaison Ali Asp has is with the sheriff and the county jail! For she drained the venom from an asp to make her bikini…and the murder weapon!”
All eyes turned to Miss Asp who was as silent as her murder victim.
"Well then," the judge said. "Can't believe I'm gonna say this in public, but please disrobe, Missy Snake! We need to compare it to the venom "
Asp continued to be silent, but she slowly reached for her mask. With a swift motion, she ripped it off her face. As it dropped to the floor, everyone was exposed to a horrendous sight.
Her lower face was withered and malformed with bright yellow teeth gleaming in the daylight.