Lauri had to follow an incessant number of long and tedious 'simple steps' as well as the most stupid of questions in trying to lodge his request for help. Then he was hit with goddess awful info dumps about similar problems and solutions before he was asked if that had solved his problem, which it hadn't. Finally he was told that if his matter wasn't a System flaw then they were currently too understaffed to get to this matter immediately and that if this delay didn't result in his death they would respond as quickly as possible... so Lauri went back a step, toggled it to a bug and tried again. [Someone will get in contact with you shortly. System adheres to a zero bug policy. Warning: Falsely reporting bugs will result in severe penalties.] Lauri was alarmed by the warning and tried to cancel his request but that wasn't an option for some reason. "Why didn't you warn my beforehand?"
[I am not sapient and this question is beyond my understanding. Would you like help?]
"No! Cancel. No help needed. What's wrong with you, you stupid system!?"
Suddenly standing beside Lauri was a being his eyes and mind was not able to properly understand or perceive. It passed him red cellophane glasses and putting them on helped a lot but also made the being appear a transparent red, not that his eyes could quite perceive its colour before. "It sounds like you are having troubles with your system?"
"Oh, um, there's a translation bug." He was careful to call it a bug because he didn't want to be severely penalised, at the least he could try playing ignorant.
"Is that all?"
"I consumed a skill book but the knowledge I received was very different than what the book read. Definitely a bug? Yeah? If not then don't mind me."
A copy of the book that had been consumed rematerialised in the beings... pseudopods, maybe? "Please show me."
"Well, here it's megalophobic magic, which is magic from fear of greatness, but the translation only reads meta-magic."
"That had better not be all."
"Entire chapters are wrong or missing. Like this chapter on the different humidity's and temperatures for storing different types of paper, leather, papyrus. There's countless other differences."
The being slaps the book shut. "I see."
"I don't even know what a bug is, please don't penalise me."
"The problem is that you received the translation for 'Guide To Dungeon Keeping' but this is 'Guide To Dungeon Keeping: Books And Lore Edition'. A different edition with no available translation but..." He paused as he looked around at the library. "What sort of barbarian world allows knowledge to decay like this?"
Lauri gave quick though and felt that he could exploit the situation. "I only took over management today and you can see I've already gotten started," he points to the shelf he had renewed. "I'm sure my predecessors did the best job they could. It's kept as well as our skill allows. Actually, with the edition I translated, it feels crazy amounts too damp in here? Dungeons are damp places but not libraries, if the System translation is incomplete." [+1 Potential Destiny]
"This is a flaw indeed. Who knows how many libraries have died, ironically due to lack of knowledge. I applaud you for reading instead of simply relying on the System."
"Okay. Leave me to it."
"You're volunteering? Being quite well read myself, I WOULD do it, but I'm so busy with bugs. We're very understaffed due to murder sprees so I shall gratefully accept. Please translate the book into every language you know. Catalogue the differences and lets get this information to everyone who downloads any edition of the book. I have located other editions specific to other dungeon types which also incorrectly use the single 'Guide To Dungeon Keeping' translation. If you'd please, translate those as well and compile the differences into indexable standalones. You could create a thesis delving deeper into the true meanings of the original text, more words translate better than few. Once that's done I can help you access language courses so we can spread this knowledge to as many universes as possible. Of course I will carefully select languages, as to maximise the number of current translators who can then translate into more languages yet. Even if each translation will be less precise for each iteration, it is the most efficient way of spreading the knowledge as quickly as possible. Then there are other books available in Greek but not Pidgin English, that you could translate into your Creole English for your worlds access."
Lauri stood there and blinked a few times. He hadn't intended to volunteer, only that he'd look after this library, if he could. Also this being kept going on and on and, "what was that about murder sprees?"
"For every quantum choice a universe splits into two universes, one for each quantum choice. One universe usually being fine while the other suffers catastrophe."
"So for example, there's one universe where I chose to take a math quiz and one where I never took the math quiz?"
"Hardly. The choices of individuals don't matter. Quantum choices are more to the scale of whether or not reality, as it is know, is fundamentally torn apart."
"And this leads to staff shortages because?"
"Lets say that waves of unstoppable monsters could intrude into the split-off universe and were going to slaughter billions of innocents. Then a group were sent there to give everyone the power to fight back. A chance for those people to survive what would otherwise be their genocide. The power to try and save their loved ones or try to impress someone they like. What do you think they would do if they managed to force their way into the groups Staff Room?"
"They'd thank them of course?"
"In practice they kill all the staff there."
"What? Why would they do that?"
"Because the methods used to give those innocents a fighting chance is to make a System available to them and then use it to guide their survival and growth. Usually via what's translated as quests and rewards."
"What's wrong with someone getting their System?"
"Usually sapient creatures of universes with so many dimensions understand by now. If you don't, I'm not sure what further to say. I'll set you up as a moderator."
"What's a moderator?"
"A System moderator, it will provide you with the access you need to add translations. They'll be proof read, of course."
"Does your universe has less dimensions? Not more?"
"Mature universes always have less dimensions. More is inherently primitive, possessing logics too nonsensical to be understood by higher beings."
"So, where you come from, there's like, no left or right?"
[You have been made a moderator. Please take the tutorial before accessing the new screen or any dangerous knowledge unlocked for your availability]
"At the speed of light time passes instantly, everything becomes flat, there is no backwards or forwards. From the perspective of light one arrives instantly, not perceiving any time passing."
"Oh. No backwards, no forwards and no time? Though other creatures can perceive those things so they still exist in the universe, don't they?"
"At the heat-death of the universe there is nothing left except for infrared light, such as myself. Left, right, up, down, backwards, forwards, time, space. All of these dimensions cease to exist the moment the last particle of matter ceases to be. Despite lightspeed travel being instant, at certain distances the universe expands faster than the speed of light, meaning entire civilizations were completely cut off from each other, seemingly forever. Then that suddenly doesn't matter as distance doesn't exist and everyone is all together. Until someone or something recreates matter, then its an infinitesimally small place and, no matter how little was created, it's comparatively infinite matter. That creates an explosion so great that a new universe is born. After that happened to my people... we found ourselves homeless."
"Umm. Yep. I totally understood all that," Lauri used an expression, not exactly of sarcasm but which, none-the-less, meant the opposite. Apparently this didn't translate.
"Excellent. You are the most intelligent 6-dimensional creature I've ever met and I must say it's a pleasant change of pace."
"Oh but, no, I didn't understand."
"Didn't understand why primitives would kill those who helped them? As if any truly intelligent being ever could. I must be going now but I hope to meet again." With that said the being was gone and the book dropped to the ground. Possibly left for translation purposes.
"Red light is able to hold books?" Only silence answered him. Lauri headed to the second floor and from there to the hoard of goods. He dropped his drains, drank a power potion and drained his Ladybug again, allowing him to start renewing any item with an even remotely interesting description.
[Pacifying Pacifier: While you suck on this dummy you can nerf a single skill of a target so that, when used by them, the target is treated as level 1 for skill scaling. Prerequisites: Level 10, Sealer Profession]
"Not my aesthetic but against the right enemy. Renew just in case."
[Gatling Wand: For 10 seconds spells have no cooldown. Don't spend all your mana in one shop. Prerequisites: Level 50, Mage Class]
"Cure Wounds is my only spell. Wait, mage? What's this even doing in Harry's stuff? Could be totally OP for a future teammate. Renew."
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
[Masochistic Dagger: Every 60 seconds can be triggered to deal additional damage equal to the damage taken within the last 3 seconds. Prerequisites: Blood Profession]
"This could chain well with my chain. Hah. I can't become a Blood Ritualist without a profession change but who knows what the future will hold. Renew."
[Thorny Red Rose: Life Steal skill heals double for damage inflicted with this rose. Can be thrown and can be useful for dramatic entrances. Prerequisites: Blood Profession]
"Needs a specific skill to be useful. I wonder if Harry was a Blood Ritualist? Renew just in case."
[Chekhov's Gun: Agile ranged weapon. The principle postulates that any seemingly unimportant element introduced into a story should later have relevance. Just like the gun that principle was derived from, this too defies that principle and will never have relevance to the story.]
"A ranged weapon with no restrictions? Nice! Renew. I'm definitely going to make use of this once I figure out how a gun works. Strange description though."
[Perverted Mage Nipple Tape: All skills that consume resources are perverted into being spells. They still use their original resource pool. Prerequisites: Level 10, Sexy Magic profession]
"This must have been paired with that Gatling Wand from earlier. Everyone likes exploits. Renew."
[Mile In Your Heels: This item, which is totally not cursed, allows a man to appreciate the difficulties faced by women every day. Prerequisites: Male]
"Totally cursed, without a doubt. Won't renew." Lauri's getting mentally fatigued by that point. "I need to find at least one good item. In case anyone from the church asks."
[Kid Gloves: These epic-rare gloves will ensure that none of your rituals, skills, weapons or other abilities will harm creatures the universe views as children. For humans this is usually anyone younger than 18.]
"This will do. Ritualists stand in the large scale at which rituals can be prepared and the resulting area of effect." He goes to check the Market for skill-books but is reminded that he's in a dungeon so responds by heading back with the gloves.
After he's out he spots White Wrath party and goes over to ask them a question, passing by others seated around. "Hello again."
"Hello."
"What's a good skill for a Sealer to damage a large area all at once?"
"There's none I know of. Sealer's aren't damage dealers, kid."
"I'm actually over 18. How about weapons then?"
"There's some generalist weapons, and some available to the wider Ritualist class, that go as far as a 20 meter radius but that's small compared to some skills and specialised weapons."
"Then how about any sort of harm to a wide area?"
"Forbiddance maybe? Whirlpool. Quicksand Whirlpool. Entangling Vines. They're higher level skills but good to aim towards."
"Ah. What's the largest area skill I can learn at level 1 that I wouldn't want harming kids?"
"Um. That's a strange question, isn't it?"
"Oh, Kid Gloves, I'm wondering if they're worth equipping."
"Sleep and Jelly Legs but without specialty weapons they're also a 20 meter radius."
"Say, if I equip a cooldown reduction item then could I sleep control a group forever?"
"Hmm. I don't know of any items but in theory you could. Check the Market or Scouts Guild, they monopolise those types of items. Sleep isn't useful at higher levels, except for stealth."
"Thanks."
The market listed no cooldown items so Lauri dropped by the Scouts Guild. There was already a ruckus before he entered and he walked in to see one of this years newbies being kicked around. Going over to the closest spectator he nudged them until they stopped laughing and heeded Lauri's prods. "What do you want?"
"A cooldown reduction item but why are they fighting?"
"Because the boys a Thief."
"What did he steal?"
"Not that. The profession, dimwit."
"Friendly or death duel?"
"Oh, it's 'friendly'. Looking for a 'friendly' duel yourself?"
"No, I'm looking for cooldown reduction items."
"You're talking to the wrong person, get on your way."
Spotting the guild recruiter from last time, Lauri avoided him and found a cute receptionist to ask. "Hello, I'm Lauri. I'm hoping you can help me find a skill cooldown reduction item."
She was all smiles to Lauri. "I'm Sophia. It's so good to meet you. Are you one of our guilds new recruits?"
"No but I might be joining later, me and the recruiter over there talked about future opportunities."
"How wonderful. We have all sorts of cooldown reducing items. I assume it'll need to be low level. Are you Rogue class or otherwise what profession?"
"Sealer."
Her smile drops, "no joking?"
"Yeah, so I'm thinking something generalist, that anyone could use?"
"There's no generalist cooldown items. They used to be the number one go-to for breaking the System and they got balanced out of existence. Each profession has cooldown gear tailored to that profession. Rogues are the only ones to commonly use a Class type restriction."
"Hang on, Gatling Wand is usable by the whole Mage class."
"I said commonly and, yeah, Gatling Wands are super beyond rare and expensive. I don't know if they even drop anymore. Also, it's for spells only, which are inherently limited by mana. Burst damage once and then spend the rest of the time drinking mana potions. Can totally be worth it if you can wipe the board but in a long fight actual DPS doesn't increase."
"DPS?"
"Damage per second."
"So, Sealer items with cooldown reduction?"
"We have none."
"If I changed professions, any available to any Ritualist professions? Blood, maybe?"
"None. Why Blood, are you evil or something?"
"I though your guild monopolised cooldown reduction items? Nothing? Seriously?"
"Look, someone needs to actually go out and grind monsters for items to drop and no Ritualists are out there grinding. Even if someone tried to sell one we wouldn't buy it because we try and make a profit. Who' would buy it?"
"Me."
"Exactly. So if one drops for you, we don't want it, since you're the only one we could sell it to. If they exist at all. Only cooldown manipulating item I've heard of for a Ritualist is one that causes the cooldown to be 10 times as long."
"Who'd use that?"
"I'm talking about Decafire Chalk. Fire skills deal 10 times damage and double the range. Anyway, good luck grinding."
Lauri watched the fight, 1 against 3, the boy now lying on the ground while being repetitively kicked. His opponents seemed to be using damage-to-pain converting abilities, good for locking down targets who fail to grit their teeth through the pain. There was still a little damage though and eventually the boy hit 0HP, ending the duel. The three opponents walked off, leaving the boy lying on the ground. Lauri went over to him, "why did you accept such a one sided duel?"
"You wouldn't understand."
"I accepted a one sided duel against someone way over leveled compared to me, for the purpose of letting them wail on me. Also we're both from this years ceremony."
He looked up at Lauri, "why did accept?"
"You first."
"They said its better to fight and learn now, with a friendly duel, than later on a PvP floor."
"Learn what?"
"First, why did you accept your dual?"
"Because he was dressed in mega-ant armour and I had a Chitin Cracker Warhammer."
"Ha ha, that's an even worse reason than mine. Bet you got your arse kicked worse than I did."
"What were you supposed to learn?"
"Not to be a Thief. They said Thief gives all Rogues a bad name."
"Why did you go Thief?"
"I wanted to grab the skill 'Use Magic Device' before swapping professions to Ninja."
"Is 'Use Magic Device' worth it?"
"I found out the hard way that it's not. With it someone can ignore all Class, Profession, race, and level requirements for magic items. Sounds great in theory but apparently in practice it sucks."
Within his head Lauri practically jumped with excitement. "What did you say your name was?"
"Kenneth."
"Kenneth, I'm Lauri, and you need to quit this guild and join my party."
Kenneth got up and marched off, making Lauri think he might have insulted him. Now that Lauri thought about it, Kenneth wouldn't have needed to quit his guild to join a party with him. Still, just learning of this skill was a huge boon. Once level 11 himself he was thinking of using his next any-skill for this 'Use Magic Device'. His level 1 exploit was nice but he couldn't increase Destiny like that and didn't have another way of changing professions available to him. His reset granted a huge Charisma but for some reason his starting Charisma didn't feel as impressive anymore. Toughness was now his main advantage so maybe he could swap to a profession that could better exploit that, such as one with tanking skills. Lauri considered that if he funnelled all his attribute points into Toughness, then the 5 other attributes could be boosted by 30 points each using a total of 150 potions. He'd need level 11 for his second any-skill, so 10 more levels worth is 1,500 potions. The average of those potions were 8,000 SP so that's 12 million SP... "well crud..."
"IT'S THAT SORT OF BEHAVIOUR THAT GIVES ROGUES A BAD NAME, NOT ME! Do something to punish them or I quit!"
"Quit then!"
*SLAM* "There's my member card, I QUIT!" Kenneth stormed out of the guild hall and Lauri chased after.
"Well done."
"I'm so dead."
"Why?"
"They're going to come after me, out of town or in a PvP dungeon."
"And irreparably damage their reputations? Not likely."
"You don't think they will?"
"Not only do I not think they will, but I know of some nipple tape that'll have you kick their arses if they try."
"Oh goddess, I've just made the worst decision of my life, haven't I?"
"That or the best."