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Lazy Lying Lauri
Liar Liar Pants On Fire

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

As the party continued up the forking paths small insects became prevalent across the walls and some ant hills were seen on the ground. Lauri checked with Sophie "you don't have a problem with insects I hope?"

"They're not monsters. Those are more like decorations."

"Good good. I suspect a theme though. Expect lots of insect monsters ahead. Hopefully more ankheg. I love ankheg."

"Then I do have a problem with bugs. Can you fight them?"

Rounding a bend they came across a rhino beetle. Without missing a beat it charged at their group. Hero lifted his shield and charged it back, hitting it with his shield as hard as he could... Before being completely overpowered, knocked back and trampled over. Losing 1,800 shield points, he only had 200 left. "Hero you can't stop something that big, and with that much momentum, that way. Get up quick and get close so it can't build up speed again."

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Hero "meditated" as he leapt up and charged over.

"Sophie, shield Hero again."

"Still in cooldown."

"Use the group one to shield him?"

"Can do." She started casting.

As the beetle turned around it was being struck by Hero's mace, as well as a gunshot deflecting off of its exoskeleton. Soon everyone but Lauri was attacking it as the beetle faced Hero directly but clearly couldn't charge at such short a distance. Lauri saw the monster was wide enough that he could get a swing in but it started doing something strange with its neck, so he hesitated. "Everyone get back! Hero cover yourself with your shield." Lauri's feeling was right, as the beetle spewed burning liquid, like napalm. Thanks to quick movements only Hero was caught by it and only part of his pants caught aflame. The damage ignored shield points so, even with a new shield coming up, he was taking direct HP damage of about 1% every couple of seconds. "Put it out! Put it out!"

"Everyone fall back. Take your pants off." Lauri passed by him as he used Drain Level on the beetle, reducing it from 20 to 15 while boosting himself to 9. Two wacks with him hammer reduced it to a sliver left of health bar but it appeared about to spew flames again. Lauri strafed around and as it shot out burning liquid he had to leap to clear its area. Lauri dropped the Drain from it so that the others would get its full level worth of EXP before he finished it off with an overhead final swing. The beetle disappeared while dropping 6 gold and a flaming spear. "Hey, it dropped gold. 60 system points worth." He looked over but Hero was too busy running around screaming and the others were wacking the flames with their own pants that they'd removed.

"Hero, drop to the ground! You goose." Hero actually did so. Being the farthest away, Lauri instructed the others "take off his boots then pull his pants off by its legs." Within seconds they got the pants off and Hero stopped taking damage, with 10% HP still left.

{

Lauri: Level 4, 100% HP, 2,800 SP

Sophie: Level 9, 100% HP, 2,800 SP

Hero: Level 10, 10% HP, 2,800 SP

Billy: Level 9, 100% HP, 2,800 SP

Ted: Level 9, 100% HP, 2,800 SP

Ken: level 10, 4% HP, 2,800 SP

}

"Room for improvement but good work everyone. We all handled this situation adequately."

Hero had a go at Lauri again. "You didn't help me at all! Is my life of no concern to you?"

"Maybe you were panicking too much to notice but I definitely helped."

"Liar."

Sophie didn't seem to have noticed either, "helped by telling us what to do?"

"Well, if we're specifically talking only about helping Hero then, exactly. By the way, why didn't you take your pants off right away?"

"What just put my hands into the flames to unbuckle?"

Sophie winked, "I did."

"I see the problem," Luari mused. "Well, thanks to my leadership we got it sorted in time."

"Ken, Billy, Sophie and Ted helped me. Not you. And you want to take credit?"

"Team effort. Once again, good job everyone."

"Screw you!"

Lauri sighed and let a moment pass before he continued. "I get this is a profession thing, or something, but you need to calm down and work with your team. Especially if you want to become an effective team leader for your future party."

"I'm never going to be as worthless as you and I'm taking lead of this group right now."

"No. If you want you can hand my stuff back and leave right now but this dive is my 'dog and pony show'. I recommend sticking with us until we're out and then it's safe to split."

"Why would I split? You should be the one to leave."

"Because it's my party and you're the one with a problem. Now, let's press forward."

"We're not heading back?"

"While hungry and injured? Maybe you haven't seen that sign over there?" Lauri pointed at a sign at the end of the tunnel, where it opened up. The party had to move closer before most of them could read it. "24 Hour Safe Zone Past Here."

As they made it out of the tunnel, and into the safe zone, they found themselves on a ledge at the top of a cliff. The snapping of claws could be heard like a rhythmic beat and they looked around to see giant crabs within recesses in the walls. There was a ramp down into an insect filled maze, that from up there looked like a terrarium, full of rooms and paths. Though no paths lead to the crabs up the walls, on what seemed like balconies. They were more like an audience and looking at their levels, 100 and above, one would hope they were only spectators. Maybe they could leap down? But at least in the 'safe zone' their party were safe, for now.

They made a basic camp and Lauri pulled food out of his bad for cooking. The others looked into his bag with greedy eyes... full of all those 8k potions and gold. After eating Hero suggested "we should dissolve the party and reform it after we've rested."

"Huh? Well, I noticed those who are still level 9 have full HP. So how about I take them down the ramp and kill a few more bugs while you rest here with Ken?"

"What for?"

"So that when we continue onwards tomorrow everyone but me is level 10."

"Fine, if they want."

"Okay, you and Ken going to leave the party then?"

"Why?"

"For EXP share reasons. Wait, why were you suggesting disbanding the party?"

"So that it's a new party tomorrow as we can decide who is the leader of the new party. Duh."

"What's your problem?"

"I don't know. What's yours?"

Ignoring the seeminly childish retort to his quite serious question, Lauri went with Sophie, Ted and Billy down the ramp. He stopped level sharing and used Drain Level from two spectator crabs to bring himself to level 14. "Say, Sophie, you can put your pants back on now."

"They're too badly singed."

"Hmmm. And here I'd thought the Sexy Leather of Skin Showing would have to be less revealing on a woman. Yet the groin strap is somehow thinner." He emphasised 'less' as couldn't help checking Sophie out.

"You're the one who dressed me like this so you've made your bed. Now sleep in it."

"At least it let's you wear pants. No shirt was problem enough but this is too much a tease."

"You'd better keep those eyes in control or I'll show you such a tease your balls will go blue."

Restraining himself best he could, they arrived at the bottom of the ramp in a room with a level 15 ankheg. Ted rushed to the front and held out his spear. Lauri rushed passed him while saying "I thought you joined as ranged only?" Before Ted could respond the ankhegs head was already flying off. "Too easy. I thought it would take 2 hits."

"Wow!" Sophie was surprised. "Where'd this come from?"

"I love ankheg, it's just that Hero was in the way last time. Otherwise you'd have seen this before the beetle," he picked up a potion drop.

"What about the beetle?"

"Yeah... You took your eyes off it, didn't you?"

"Goddess above," she face palmed, "I was so distracted."

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"Even as a back-liner, best not to forget the presence of an enemy. With that said, it just proves how much you trust me."

"I'll never be so naïve again, but how, pray tell?"

"You followed my orders, to a T, to the point of leaving me to deal with the big threat with such faith as to even forget about the threat."

"Right. Lesson learnt. Don't forget the enemy, even when teammates are burning alive."

"Um... I would have given further orders if I didn't have that situation in check."

They headed into the next room where there were 4 ankhegs. Lauri rushed forward and killed one. The other three rushed all the others instead of ganking Lauri, in moments they'd grappled Sophie, Billy and Ted. Lauri noted to himself that Hero had done a much better job keeping the front line than he did, as he used Sleep then behead each ankheg. As they disappeared his party were freed and he picked up 4 more potions. "You all level 10?"

"Yeah. Could you kill all the bugs here solo, if you wanted to, or something?"

Lauri looked around at the crabs and considered he could get all the way to level 100 if he wanted. "Yeah. I could kill all the bugs easy if I wanted. So long as you understand that crabs aren't bugs."

"They're level 100 so no duh. Basically the whole time you've only been watching you could have killed anything with one hit?"

"Hah. No. This here is Chitin Cracker Warhammer and, suffice to say, a lot of the monsters weren't covered with chitin," he emphasised the last work.

"Ah, I get it. Anyway, I can pick a profession now and Sexy Magic is there. Should I take it."

Lauri took a wand out of his bag. "This is a Gatling Wand, with a level 50 requirement, but can be used by any Mage. The question is whether you think the tape is worth it and whether you want to pair it with this wand when you can use it."

"Definitely. I've selected Sexy Magic. I can feel the tape tingling as I equip it. My shields now count as spells, though I don't think that's going to help. Also I gained a profession skill called Charms and Suggestions with two spells. Dominate Monster and Seduction."

"Well, let's head back to camp then."

They arrive back at camp to see Hero doing exercises and Ken roped in, with obvious disgruntlement. Hero called over, "come join in everyone."

Sophie wasn't feeling it, "I'm just going to lie down."

"No slacking. Exercise is vital to every adventurer. Come join in."

Sophie might have been trying to 'not be naïve' but that's apparently not the same as growing a backbone, as she joined in, same as everyone. Even Lauri joined in as he had his new strength training exercise. Getting into position for a sprinting start, Lauri dashed forward with all his might. Wanting to activate his fast-twitch muscles, instead of the normal slow-twitch muscles used normally, he pushed himself far beyond his usual. After 5 seconds all his muscles were burning, but the goal was 6 seconds, so despite everything in him wanting to collapse he forced himself forward like his life depended on, finishing the 6th second. Then he slowed before lying down. [+1 Potential Agility]

Hero was immediately on his case. "You don't think you're done already, do you? That was only 5 seconds."

"6 seconds. I counted. But yeah, I exercised and now I'm finished."

"That's not finished."

"It is for me."

Sophie goes to finish but Hero stops her, "don't any of you think of learning bad lessons from that lazy sod."

"You can't force them."

"I'm the leader, they do what I say."

"You're not the leader. In fact Sophie is still in my party so, Sophie, go rest up. That's an order from the party leader." She headed into one of the tents. Hero looked livid but after standing there for several seconds Lauri says "I should move into one of the tents as well."

"Leader takes first watch."

Lauri shrugged. "Sure, why not." Hero grabbed the others and headded into the same tent as Sophie. "There's 3 tents you know. You should all spread out... ah, whatever," Lauri decided to ignore Hero's antics.

Instead, now alone, Lauri challenged the system. "I'm doing strength training exercises for fast-twitch muscles. How's that Agility? How is Agility and Strength even different? How do I train Strength then?" He sort-of got an answer, or more like a response, [-30 Agility, -31 Agility Potentiol] [+30 Strength (Fast-Twitch), +31 Strength (Fast-Twitch) Potential]. "Okay. Thanks, I think. I'll try and figure this change in stats out." He dropped all his levels and drank a few potions to fully recover. Then he Drain Level a few spectator crabs until he was at level 21 before checking his stats.

{

Class: Ritualist

Profession: Level 1

Effective Level: 21

HP: 10,500, SP: 2,800, PP: 10,314/11,660, MP: 58

Strength (F.T.): (1,260) 1,281/1,281, Toughness (S.T.): 1,050, Agility: N/A, Memory: 294/630, Reasoning: 168/630, Charisma: 651/630, Luck: -21/21, Destiny: 21/84

Skills: 7

}

After a few moments thinking his stats were looking a bit messy, Lauri realised Hero had been in the tent with everyone for too long and was probably plotting against him. Instinctively he grabbed his warhammer and stood up but then Lauri paused. What was he even going to do? He looked over the edge of the cliff and could see lots of bugs swarming around. The first two rooms were now clear but the one just below him must have had 40 bugs and a crab. So... there were crabs with the bugs after all? Still, this crab was level 20, not level 100 like the spectators. There were a few ankheg within thir numbers and one of them were starting at him. Just standing there staring, like it was calling him out. Maybe he was imagining it as some sort of past trauma response but Lauri started to see his nemesis in it. Like death was down there, just waiting for him, and this was the ankheg to take his life if he didn't do something.

"Hey, you okay?" Sophie placed a hand on his shoulder as she asked, snapping him out of it. He hadn't even noticed her come over and that was unlike him.

"Who knows. We're all in a dungeon, lives on the line. We can't take that lightly but Hero is too busy trying to measure dicks. What was he saying in there?"

Sophie removed the Ankheg shoulder plates and started rubbing Lauri's shoulders. "You're really tense."

"It's a heavy warhammer. I should probably do stretches or something. What you're doing really helps, thanks."

"Are you a virgin by any chance?"

"Yeah. Aren't you? We both got our blessing only recently."

"Now who's naïve? I turned 18 half a year before the ceremony, personally."

"Oh. Then I don't need to wait for Sarah to get her system to ask her out. Only until she turns 18?"

"You don't have a girlfriend then?"

"Not yet."

"The idiots are all still bunked in one tent, how about we claim a tent for just the two of us and take off what little I'm wearing."

"I don't want to cheat on Sarah."

"You're in a relationship with a minor?"

"No. We're not in a relationship."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I'm... waiting, I guess."

"You don't want to die a virgin do you? Let me share this with you, won't you?"

"Sorry but then I'd need to tell Sarah..." Sophie walled up beside Lauri and pressed up against him. He looked her up and down.

"A girl can't be upset about something that happened before you ever started dating."

Lauri quietly cursed Aphrodite in his head, for designing such a lustful piece of armour. "I'm on lookout."

Sophie stuck her tongue out and winked before talking Lauri's hand started to lead him away while she called into the populated tent, "Hero, you're on watch. Nobody disturb Lauri and I."

Lauri blushed bright red but pulled back. Sophie gave him a pleading look of confusion but Lauri just turned and tossed his warhammer down the cliff. It hit the ankheg that had bothered him and killed it, [+1 Potential Destiny]. "Okay then, let's go share a moment to be remembered."

"What was that about?"

"Destiny, apparently. I'll fetch my hammer when we go down there"

Hero got upset and yelled "aren't we heading back after we rest?!" Ignoring Hero, Lauri and Sophie headed into an empty tent together.

45 minutes later Lauri exited the tent, not wearing his Ankheg Armour, or anything at all. All Hero did was to give a shit-eating grin. Sophie existed just after, back in her Sexy Leather. "Look at all the bugs below." Lauri walked over near the edge and looked down at the bugs before she cointinued. "Would you go kill them all for me?"

[Warning: You have been seduced. Spell cannot force suicidal actions. Resist spell?]

["Yes"] Lauri though at the back of his mind, somewhat in a daze.

[Failed]

Sophie looked at Hero. "There, you have your answer. He's not moving."

Here tilted his head, "so?"

"So, he can't really kill them all. My skill can't compel suicidal acts."

"Hah" he laughed and walked behind Lauri. "He just needs a little push." Hero kicked Lauri in the back and sent him flying off of the cliff, towards the crab and swarming bugs below.