That night, Kotallo could not sleep. Gaia had warned him that attaching the new arm, especially without the same kind of drugs and preparation that the old world would have done, might cause some nerves to sting and twinge. She said the database spoke of phantom limb pain and of an adjustment phase and to not be discouraged by it.
So Kotallo wasn’t discouraged…
…but he also couldn’t sleep.
Eventually he couldn’t stand it anymore and got up, slipping into the common area. It was dully lit as he crossed the floor, padding silently in bare feet to the counter. He had watched Zo many times preparing food and drink. He hoped he recalled enough to be able to make the drink that helped him sleep in the past.
There was a cold cupboard where meat and milk could remain fresh for days within. Kotallo found what he was looking for inside and poured some milk into a pot that sat over a heating element. He tried to be as quiet as possible, knowing that they all needed to rest.
He was focused on his preparations when he heard his name called softly from behind and turned to see Aloy standing in the middle of the common room floor, looking at him concerned.
“Aloy?”
She was without her usual armour, preferring to sleep in her soft Nora styled tunic and leggings when at the base. It was a softer, almost vulnerable look to the usual battle ready warrior.
“What are you doing?” She asked softly.
“Oh,” Kotallo hesitated, “I…could not sleep. Zo would sometimes make me a beverage that helps me to sleep.”
“And here I thought you might be sampling Erend’s Oseram brew.”
“No, it is not ale…” Kotallo grimaced. “It is milk.”
“Milk?” He saw her raised eyebrows.
“Goats milk.” He explained further and saw the corner of her mouth curl up. “It is not what babies drink…”
“I didn’t say a word.” She insisted though her expression said otherwise…yet Kotallo found her countenance conflicted. Her mouth smiled but her eyes were red rimmed and there were shadows beneath.
“Would you care for a cup? To help you sleep?”
“Why do you think I’m having trouble sleeping?”
Kotallo blinked. “Because you are not asleep.”
Aloy closed her eyes and shook her head, her red hair drifting over her shoulders. “Yeah…I walked right into that one, didn’t I? Sure…I’ll have a cup.”
Kotallo guessed the amount of herbs needed to go in the milk and when it was warmed he poured it into two cups and handed her one.
“It’s pungent,” he reasoned as she sniffed it, “but the flavour is not…Aloy?”
She seemed to be lost in her thoughts as she gazed at the white liquid inside the cup.
“I’d forgotten…” She whispered then looked up, her eyes glassy with unbroken tears. “Rost…he used to make me this when I was little and couldn’t sleep. We even had a goat. I think he got it from outside the Embrace before I was born…but it died not long after I turned six.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I forgot that.” She sipped it and licked her lips. “My goodness…it’s like…coming home.”
Kotallo had never been good at reading people. They were either attacking him or not. He learned to recognise tension, aggression and anticipation…but what Aloy was giving off with every pore of her being was deep grief and sorrow.
“Aloy,” he said softly and she looked at him with eyes that made him want to weep, “what happened in Thebes?”
Her expression turned guarded and she began to shake her head. “You already know.”
“Yes…but what happened to you in Thebes?” Kotallo studied her. “Gaia said you ‘pulled rank’ and refused to make what happened in Ted Faro’s bunker available to all.”
“It’s…no one needed to see it.”
“You saw it.”
“The CEO did…then he was killed.”
“So you bear the burden alone…”
“It’s why I was made…” She was getting angry but it was a brittle rage covering something deeply traumatic.
Kotallo reached out to her, not realising he was physically doing so as he urged her, “allow me to share this with you…bear this with you…”
“No.” She backed away from him, clutching at her cup. Kotallo gazed at her, his hand falling down by his side. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like…you’re just waiting for me to fall apart…to be at my worst.” She swallowed down the emotion. “I’ll be fine.”
She began to walk away. Kotallo watched her go.
“When we first met,” he called softly and she paused, “I was rude, arrogant, angry, discouraging, critical and sullen. I followed you into battle against the Tremortusk, not because I thought we could win...but that it would be a relief to die and end my existence.” She wouldn’t meet his gaze. “You’ve seen me at my worst. I may be maimed…but I’ve got strong shoulders.”
She blinked and tapped her FOCUS, scribing through the air and almost flinging something at him which connected immediately to his FOCUS.
“There…are you happy?” She said, striding back to her room and closing the door.
Kotallo sighed, sure he could have handled it better and opened the file. He breathed in and out several times before tapping the button for the footage to play. He watched from Aloy’s perspective as she unlocked a door, under the threat of the Quen and the unstable CEO behind her and went deeper into Thebes…to discover the distorted, disfigured…grotesque form of Ted Faro, still alive but barely able to be called human. His facial features were stretched out, his body bubbling like it was on the verge of boiling and a dozen limbs, wrapping themselves around the source of Thebe’s power.
Then the grotesque face with uncoordinated eyes, rolled around and looked at Aloy…and there was recognition in them as its slack jaw fell open and a voice whispered,
“Elisabet…”
Kotallo closed his eyes, turning off the playback. As a warrior he had seen many terrible and grievous injuries…but nothing compared to the horror of what Ted Faro had done to himself. It was a level of evil that not even the Carja had sunk to. He breathed through the unsettledness in his heart and approached Aloy’s door. He brushed his hand over the control to open it and the doors slid apart, casting dim light into the room onto where Aloy was huddled at the back, mostly in shadow, sitting against the wall. Her eyes flickered to his then turned away.
Kotallo walked over to her and, without asking permission, sat next to her on the mat Zo had woven for a bed. Aloy’s chin was trembling as she clutched as the cup of milk.
“Now you won’t be able to sleep…” She whispered, staring at the mat.
“I was already awake.” Kotallo said softly. “Drink your milk Aloy and sleep.”
She gulped down what she could and he took the cup from her.
“I don’t think I can…”
“I’ll protect you.” He offered and urged her to lean on him. “No arm to get in the way…”
“Kotallo…” She breathed, her body rigid. “I’m not sure I can…”
“I’ll chase the nightmares away and bear their burden with you.”
The herbs were strong and Aloy was exhausted. Eventually she succumbed to the invite to lean against the left side of him, his warmth mingling with hers. She put her head on his chest and sagged.
“I…I’m not like this…”
“I won’t tell a soul.” Kotallo whispered. “You are safe with me.”
He didn’t know why she believed him but when he heard her rhythmic breathing and felt her relax, he was relieved she did. His own eyes fluttered but not until he knew she was sleeping soundly did he allow himself to slip into slumber. When he woke, several hours later, stiff from sitting up, he eased Aloy onto her mat, still asleep and covered her with a blanket. He crept out of her room, taking his cup but forgetting hers. He decided not to intrude upon her rest in order to retrieve it and put his on the counter.
“Kotallo?” He saw Zo approaching.
“Can no one sleep tonight?” He asked.
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“I had to relieve myself, if you must know.” Zo said tersely.
“Ah.” Kotallo nodded. “I’m going to get some more rest.”
“I might as well stay up.” Zo offered as he walked to the sleeping quarters. “How much of the herb did you use?”
He thought frantically. “I…wasn’t sure if I put in enough.”
“Hmm,” Zo raised her eyebrows, “well…you should sleep soundly now.”
He did. The milk, herbs and the broken night meant Kotallo was the last up of the companions which invoked no little teasing from the others. He ignored them as best he could.
“We can’t really tease Kotallo on being the last to rise,” Varl pointed out to Erend, “after all, Aloy is still asleep.”
“Wha? Really?” Erend turned and looked at the closed door. “Huh…that’s…unheard of.”
“Give Aloy a break,” Zo said firmly, “she must be exhausted from doing all that she does.”
“She seems tireless,” Alva shook her head, “but I would not want to over tax her abilities.”
“That’s why we’re helping out with this Gemini, capture Hephaestus business.” Erend declared.
“That reminds me. Beta said I ought to show you all how to use the pulse generators.” Varl urged them to watch his demonstration. “It’s not hard and I’m not going to set it off now cause we don’t want Zeniths snooping around here…but you basically press this button and it’ll light up. If it doesn’t there are a couple of things you might need to check.”
As Varl explained the generators, Aloy’s door opened and she appeared, already dressed in her armour.
“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” Erend called.
“I can’t tell if that’s an insult or a compliment.” Aloy remarked, putting her cup on the counter. “Those herbs are strong, Zo.”
“Herbs?”
“In the milk.”
Zo’s eyes widened and she looked at Kotallo, who tried not to meet her gaze before she glanced back at Aloy, revelation dawning across her expression.
“Ah, yes…well…we all need a little help getting to sleep sometimes.”
Goodness knows what Zo had inferred from the evidence that Kotallo and Aloy had been together at night. There was nothing to suggest anything had gone on and Kotallo made sure not to add fuel to Zo’s suspicious fire. He embedded himself in his room and kept his distance. Being able to share some of Aloy’s burden was a precious gift. He wasn’t going to betray her confidence.
So when she came to his room he acted as though nothing had happened…for nothing had.
“Aloy, are you well?”
Aloy seemed to be doing the same.
“Had a bit of an issue with Beta…it’s better now.”
“Ah…I’m not surprised.”
She studied him. “Really? Why not?”
“I once knew a warrior who discovered he had a brother late in life. It was deeply uncomfortable for him.” And the situation was compounded because one was from the Lowland Clan and the other, taken when he was a child, was from the Desert Clan. Kotallo had been summoned as a Marshal to preside over the claim that they both had for their father’s headdress and their mother’s spear after they fell to the Carja and their belongings were returned at an embassy years later.
“Did he ever get over it?”
“In time…but not before the two siblings nearly killed each other in a single combat challenge.”
“Ah,” she nodded, “well, at least I avoided that.” She cleared her throat. “Were you able to finish the new arm Gaia was helping you with?”
“Indeed,” he paused, “I was hoping to discuss it…if you have a moment.”
Stupidly all this could have been said last night or early this morning.
However, Kotallo realised that it had not been the time for such a request.
Aloy had needed to lean on him.
For that, he would put all his personal requests aside and simply let her lean.
“Ask away.”
“It’s time to test it,” she nodded, “and…I want you to be there.”
Aloy smiled. “Okay…how are we doing this?”
“Not how…where.” Kotallo felt the corner of his mouth trying to curl up but he forced it down. “Will you go met me where we felled Regalla’s Tremortusk…right where the river bends?”
Aloy’s eyes narrowed. “Sure…if you want but I’m not sure I understand.”
“You’ll see when we get there,” he bowed, “I promise.”
“I’m headed to where Erend believes the Sons of Prometheus are based. I’ll come back through the north and contact you when I get close.”
“You have my thanks, Aloy.”
“And you have mine for getting Alva through Tenakth territory. I suppose she talked your ear off and asked a million questions?”
“The Quen is peculiar, nothing like the Tenakth. Her mind is sharp, that much is certain but it is hard to imagine her surviving in the wilds.”
“Trust me, she’s tougher than she looks.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“Well…I should get going.” Aloy headed for the door.
“May the Ten guide your way.” Kotallo sent her off firmly and he was going to return to his studies when he realised she was in the doorway. “Aloy?”
“I…” She looked back at him. “Thank you, Kotallo.” She opened her mouth to continue but seemed to flounder in a manner most unlike her.
Fortunately Kotallo knew exactly what she was trying to say.
“You are welcome.”
She nodded and left the room.
Two days later he received word from Aloy that she was heading to the rendezvous. Kotallo immediately set out with his artificial arm stowed securely in his swag.
The valley was drenched in a downfall of snow and the trees were bending in the bluster. For Kotallo, it was a sign that he was close to his former home but he hoped Aloy had not had to wait long in it. Her red hair was a beacon against the black, grey and white landscape.
“Aloy,” he greeted, coming close, “I hope you have not been waiting long.”
“Not really,” she opened her arms, “maybe now you can tell me what we’re doing here?”
Kotallo smiled slightly smugly. “Not just yet,” he began to walk away, “follow me please.”
She jogged a couple of steps then fell into stride with him.
“Someone’s being awfully mysterious.” She remarked.
“You took your sweet time telling me what you wanted to do to the Bulwark,” he returned her light banter with equal brevity, “consider this…my revenge.”
“Fair enough.” She said and continued to follow as he led her up the path and across a bridge that kept their feet from becoming immersed in ice water.
“We know from Erend that your routing of the Oseram stronghold was a success.”
“As Zo would say, we cleared out the rot…now maybe something good will grow there instead.” She held his pace with ease. “Are you nervous? About the upcoming mission to capture Hephaestus, not your arm, I mean.”
“If I live it will be in victory. If I die it will be in battle. What matters most is that you achieve your objective.”
“I’ll…do my best.”
“You have never done otherwise.”
She was quiet for a time. “It’s what I was made for…just as Elisabet did what was needed…so I do too.”
Kotallo swallowed. “Though I do not know all that she accomplished…I wonder if, at times, you compare yourself to her too much.”
“She’s my benchmark, my standard I try to live up to.”
Kotallo stopped and turned so abruptly that Aloy nearly ran into him. “Do you not know just how your deeds have changed the world around us and how your words have so much more power because of them?” He leaned towards her. “You reunited the clans of the Tenakth, killed Regalla’s champion, resurrected Gaia and reunited her with the missing parts of her soul, you saved Meridian against a metal devil, caused the land of the Utaru to bloom in prosperity again and brought down Oseram tinkers who were giving overridden machines to a Tenakth rebel intent on killing anyone who disagrees with her. You are…extraordinary.” Aloy’s eyes widened in surprise. Kotallo suddenly realised he was speaking out of turn and more passionately than he meant to. “I…I apologise…I’m hardly qualified to give such an opinion…” He cleared his throat. “We…are close to where we need to be.”
He moved away quickly and hunkered down against a large boulder covered in snow.
“This is it.” He announced.
“What am I looking at?”
“You’ll see.”
The sound of metal, of weapons fire and a deep throated growl reached them from where they were.
“Alright, talk to me Kotallo.” Aloy challenged.
“I wish to test the arm,” he jerked his head towards the machine that was scratching at the hardened ground, “on that.” It was the Scorcher he had been told about. A machine with the speed of a Stalker and the fire capacity of a Fireclaw. It lived up to its name and the soldiers who went up against it were often charred corpses by the battle’s end. “It has menaced the valley for sometime…and killed more than a few of the Sky Clan…but no longer.” Kotallo was grieved for the loss of the names he had heard relayed at Scalding Spear of the Scorcher’s kills…including one that had meant a lot to him. Despite the years since he had shaken his obsession with her, Kotallo had still felt pained to know that Olenka had met her end so violently and without triumph to mark her sacrifice.
Aloy looked up at him and smiled. “I’m honoured.”
Kotallo nodded then retrieved his arm from his swag. He had made sure to protect the stump and his upper arm with plating that he had marked with blue and white, as well as tying on some beaded adornments which helped make it his own and not an artificial component. The straps locked into place and he bit back the hiss as it joined to the stump, the circuitry, as Gaia called it, seeking out the ‘nervous system’ so that the artificial arm could respond to his commands.
Kotallo knew Aloy was staring at him as he flexed his fingers in and out then made a fist and pressed it into his right hand. He looked at her and smiled with a nervous air. He wondered what she would think. She nodded and made an impressed face.
He cleared his throat and, using his left arm, gestured towards the Scorcher.
“After you.”
With Silent Kill in his right hand and his left needing nothing except the strength of a machine it already possessed, Kotallo was ready to fight. Aloy was primed with her bow and arrow, sending several frost arrows at the Scorcher to cause it to turn brittle and slow its movements. It was already dashing towards her even as she loaded more arrows but Kotallo charged at it in response, smacking it across the snout with his metal hand, slicing at its neck with Silent Kill.
“How do you like the taste of metal?!” He roared at it, slugging it again, raking his blade across its belly, hearing it snarl and roar in response.
“It’s reaching critical! Get back!”
Kotallo lunged out of the way as the Scorcher’s blaze cannisters, fractured by the frost, exploded, setting the Scorcher on fire.
“Not so fireproof now, are you?” Aloy taunted.
The blaze quickly burned away allowing Kotallo to get in close, ripping its weapon from its back with a bellow that matched the machine’s ire.
The battle was fierce and fiery…but over quickly.
Its body slumped to the ground, ticking over hot and twitching with the vain attempts of its insides to try to repair the damage. Blue sparks flashed brightly before dying off.
Kotallo walked up to the Scorcher and looked down at it. Using a piece of metal he tore from its body, he scratched the number of Sky Clan soldiers it had killed into its hide. Then he put his foot on its body, plunged his left hand into its chest and ripped its heart out. Not only was the violence of the action in retribution for the deaths of his fellow Tenakth, but Kotallo also felt the removal of the old life and fantasy he’d had with Olenka. It was gone.
“Well, I think it’s safe to say the new arm works fine.” Aloy remarked.
“Agreed.” Kotallo nodded then used his right hand to press the two pressure points which unlocked the arm from its grasp upon his body.
“Then why are you taking it off?” Aloy asked, understandably confused.
Kotallo gazed at her, a revelation having occurred while working on the arm.
“This is what I am now,” he gestured to himself, starting with the missing arm, “what I overcame.” So much had happened to him since the loss of it and now that he looked back, he realised just how far he had come. “Anything else feels wrong…like a disguise.” He wouldn’t hide behind self pity or shame any longer. “I’ll use the new arm when I need it,” to do so otherwise would be foolish, “but the rest of the time…I will simply be myself.”
Would she understand what he was only truly coming to grips with even now?
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She said, her eyes conveying that she did.
“You have my thanks for doing this with me.” Kotallo bowed. He was aware that she had much to do in so little time and didn’t want to take away any more of it. “I’ll be going now.”
He strode past her, grabbed his swag and slung it on his back.
“Kotallo,” she called and he turned and looked at her, “I’ll see you back at base…”
She stood on the rise of the path, the wind blowing her red locks, her eyes slightly troubled.
“Indeed,” he said, “the Ten be with you.”
He turned and walked away.
And with every step, the final words of their conversation continued to repeat over and over in his mind. He found himself obsessing over them, prying them apart, searching for the hidden meaning.
He was distracted all the way back to the base, even missing a herd of Grazers nearby and needing to jog to get out of range of the Burrowers that protected them.
“For goodness sake, Kotallo,” he muttered to himself, “you are not some rookie…focus!”