Aurelius' couldn't reach them. Those depths of himself that bore his innocence and vibrant eyes. At some point he'd divorced himself from them so thoroughly in order to do what needed to be done that when he now reached out to them, they escaped him.

Meditation became a frustrating hell for him. When he confided in Solomon, he suggested isolation. And though there was likely no problem Solomon wouldn't have suggested isolation for, Aurelius took his advice and set off, looking for a cave.

He traversed the snowy mountains during a watery orange sunrise that tinted the sharp, white peaks. After a few hours, he reached for his bag only to find that it wasn't there. He snapped his head from side to side before roaring. He pondered a bit before concluding that he didn't need it. He wasn't going to be long.

And so he continued until he found a nice cave to hole himself up in. First, he made sure it wasn't the home of any animal that would like to tear him apart. That had sometimes happened in Arkryk, but it wasn't much trouble when you could slice a beast in half with the wave of a hand.

Making sure he was safe, he turned away from the entrance of the cave, sat down cross-legged, and settled into meditation.

He dove into his mind, reaching through the times. Some memories were the blossoming flowers of his consciousness, while others were like corpses being dragged on nails. But those were all from the past three years. He yearned for what was beyond.

Alas, he came to that barrier, which turned him away from home. The paper of his memory had been cut and stained with blotches of ink. He remembered what some things looked like, but what they felt like, he could not tell.

What was essential to him when he had first discovered it? What had it felt like to first have it course through him? The paths of essence he'd seen, how had they developed? If only he knew that, he could repair them. If he could once again feel what it was like to sense the world for the first time, he could once more grasp the ethereal.

If only—

Perking up, Aurelius turned to find that the day had passed and the outside had been swept into a dark blizzard. He rushed to the entrance, wondering how he hadn't noticed. He couldn't see anything through the lightless fog. The blizzard raged as Aurelius held his head.

'Will I make it through that?' he pressed himself.

He hadn't tracked his steps that closely. Even if he survived the conditions, there was no way he could follow his track back to the villa, and he surely couldn't see it.

For a while he paced around the cave, mumbling.

Then, coming to the conclusion it was hopeless, he slumped down, ready to wait it out. His stomach rumbled. He laid a hand on it. He could eat snow for hydration, but as for food...

"No man with essence feels hunger," he consoled himself, reminiscent of Solomon.

He chuckled and rested a little before getting back to meditation.

***

Aurelius woke up on the floor of the cave. He looked with blurry eyes at the entrance and found daylight. A man entered. A man he hadn't seen in almost seven years.

He pulled his white hood back, his dirty blonde hair falling. He smiled at Aurelius with his bluish green eyes. "I had a feeling I'd find you here."

"G— Gabriel?" Aurelius asked.

He tried to get up but slumped to the ground, made feeble by the pit in his stomach.

Gabriel hurried to his side.

"I'm fine," Aurelius said. "Trust me, I'm—"

'Wait,' he thought; he recognized that smell. That pungent smell. Lightning struck, and in the same, Aurelius saw Gabriel turn to Gadreel.

"I knew I'd find you here," Gadreel said, a wide, inhumane smile on his face.

Aurelius screamed, but before he could escape, Gadreel opened his maw and ate him.

***

After waking from the nightmare in utter darkness, Aurelius scrambled to get his back against a wall and curled up, shivering. He wasn't safe, yet he had no courage to scream. The blizzard raged on. He was trapped in perpetual fear with no escape.

At times he felt there were skeletons wrapping their bones around him, whispering in his ears.

He wondered how far away Gabriel must've been now that he was in the west. Close compared to before, but still unreachable. What would Gabriel—as his first mentor—have said if he'd found out what state he was in?

Cold and alone, so scarred he was afraid of the dark.

Maybe it wasn't for him to save the world or anything for that matter. What had kept him alive through everything was the hope that even if he kept suffering, he could help others. But alas, it seemed he who couldn't help himself couldn't help others either.

"Aren't missing something?" An abstract voice of authority said. Aurelius lifted his head to see a long, gaunt figure in the darkness. It was looking at its own palm. "Or have you not realized, long ago nature herself decided those who cannot help themselves shall not be helped."

"You... Who are you?"

"We haven't met." The figure crouched. "You will—" The figure faded away.

'Those who can't help themselves... don't deserve help?' Aurelius pondered alone.

Aurelius didn't stay lonely for long.

"Your father wouldn't have wanted this," another voice said from beside Aurelius. "But you're already here. You have to kill him." His figure was upright and regal, but his voice was coarse underneath.

"What?" Aurelius put his hands to his head. "What are you even—"

"I need the Ender of Reigns."

"Argh, shut up."

"If you let me die—"

The figure was suddenly gone just like the last.

Aurelius looked toward the entrance. He wanted out, but the blizzard still howled, and he couldn't see. He was alone with the shadows of his mind that had long ago stopped making any sense.

Next he saw a younger figure with a sharp jaw and disheveled hair. "Disappointments to our mothers, the both of us." Aurelius pursed his lips as the figure raised a hand. "Cheers." It faded.

'Why is it that I do this?' Aurelius asked himself.

Why come all this way just to fail? Why not stay home and stay satisfied? All this effort for nothing. All these questions for a world that simply did not care to answer. Why was it that he had to try?

"It's in your nature to strive, Aurelius." A familiar voice said. It was Gabriel. His figure was crouched over a tome with a pen in hand. None of the figures seemed to pay him much attention. "Just like it was in your father's."

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

"You never told me anything about my father. Never anything real." Aurelius looked down. "I don't even know my father."

"You wouldn't have accepted many of the things I would've said."

"You didn't give me a chance."

"A chance too early is often worse than none at all."

Aurelius put a hand on his eye. It was small like a child's. Gabriel faded, and another shape appeared. He recognized her instinctively but denied it until he heard her speak.

"Aurelius, you're so far away." She held her hands to her chest, looking up. "I can't believe it. My little boy." Her voice broke slightly, shaking Aurelius at his core.

"M— Mother?"

"Why did you leave me? You've gone so far. I don't even feel you anymore."

"I..." Aurelius looked down. "Had to go further away so I could one day return."

Like everyone else, she faded and was replaced.

"I wish you would've listened to your mother." The figure was looking straight at him. He was tall with a compact frame and a calm gaze akin to that of Solomon.

'Father?'

"You should've stayed home," he said, his disapproval as deep as his voice. "That was my wish for you."

"But... if I did that..." Aurelius's voice shook under his father's gaze even as he averted his eyes. "I would never have met Cade."

"You once said you hated her."

"I don't," Aurelius snapped. "I love her. Like you loved Mother."

"What do you know of love?"

Aurelius tried to answer but hung his head in shame.

"And look what you have done with your hair."

Aurelius ran his fingers through his black hair. The dye was fading, but he didn't want it to return. Not like this.

"Father, I..." Aurelius began. "I love you," he said, looking up, but he was already gone.

Aurelius laid a hand on his forehead. And slid down to lie on the cave's floor. The blizzard raged on, and he was no better for it.

***

The next day, Aurelius continued his meditations, trying to forget about his hunger. He couldn't. Truly, he had never felt that kind of hunger. Oftentimes he'd starved himself, like after his first kill, but on those occasions, he could've eaten whenever he wanted. This time he was trapped with the hunger, helpless and hopeless.

'I'm at your mercy, nature," he thought, gazing at the entrance where there was only thick fog and a storming snowfall. 'Is this what you want? Do you want me to beg? Well, I'm begging. Please, please, please, let me possess your powers.' He slumped down. 'The war rests on my shoulders. If I can't stop the Conqueror, he will take over the world.'

Nature didn't answer, indifferent to his self-important babblings. It was all a waste of energy. And as his energy went down while the blizzard went on.

As he meditated through the day, he realized the longer he waited, the more likely it was that he would die. Either by starvation or by starvation and the blizzard. Maybe he should've left before.

"I'm not very smart, am I?" he asked the cave that only echoed his answer in complete darkness once again.

Then he heard laughing. A familiar laugh that didn't startle him. It was Balgair. He was smiling and came to keep him company.

They talked. He told him how much he missed him. Then he imagined how it could've all gone so very differently.

If Balgair lived, he'd have come up with a better plan in Arkryk. Hell, he could've even seen through Gadreel. Aurelius laughed, imagining what Balgair and Solomon's banter would be like. He got sullen when he thought about everything they could do in Arkryk. If he'd lived, their children could've been like brothers and sisters.

Most of all, Balgair could've talked sense into him when he needed it. He was gifted with essence as well. He'd been able to teach Aurelius mini supplies in no time at all. Maybe he could've helped with the true nature of essence as well. And maybe he could've helped Aurelius face Kendrick.

Maybe he would've seen how terrified he was.

"I'm so lost without you."

***

The sun came up, and Balgair faded as light shone from the cave's entrance. He wished he could've seen Amadeus again as well. There were times when he would've done anything to hear him play again. To be drenched in dreams of love and forget how far from him they were.

Alone, Aurelius was left staring at the entrance, wondering calmly whether nature would let him live. He no longer shivered. The cold invaded, and he let it.

Alas, the blizzard calmed, and Aurelius wandered outside. By that time, night was falling. Endless rows of dark clouds on the horizon were tinted with light red as he set off. His eyes lingered on the sight, neither dark nor light. In them, there was a hint of vibrancy once more. The glint did not burn like it used to, but it was something more authentic.

It lit the path.

Through it, Aurelius found his way back to the villa and walked like an orphan. His shoulders were slumped, and he held his hand on his stomach like that would've helped.

He made it back to Solomon's villa close to midnight when the northern stars shined. Trying to be discreet, he opened and closed the door slowly. Only to scream slightly when he found Solomon staring at him in the dark.

"Any progress?"

"I'm alive."

"Is that all?"

"I'm alive, and he isn't," Aurelius answered absently. "Nothing more."

Solomon seemed to understand the meaning behind his words. "That's fine. A good sculptor hits a piece of marble a hundred times before seeing any change but doesn't think of any hit as a waste. Be that sculptor."

"Right. I'll grab a bite and go lay down now," Aurelius said, yearning for his soft, warm bed.

Solomon stood and walked to the staircase. "I told Cade you were in the basement, if you were worried."

"Ah..." Aurelius hadn't even thought about that. Was he really that selfish? "You weren't worried, though, right?"

"Because you left your supplies? No. What do I care about a stupid brat dying?"

Aurelius chuckled, though he couldn't tell if Solomon was joking. Telling by his eyes, he wasn't. Aurelius' chuckling waned. Then he asked, "The basement? But I'm not allowed there."

"You weren't. You are now." Solomon took an oil lamp and headed down the spiral staircase and waved at Aurelius to follow. "Come with me."