Aurelius was a tortured man with a face of agony. It had been four days since he woke from his slumber. In those four days, his mind had barely engaged with the outside world. He just kept repeating those last moments. That moment of silence he shared with Gadreel as he'd ripped out his heart. After seeing into that man's soul, he no longer knew if he could live the life of a human being. It all seemed so fabricated and false.
He hadn't talked much to Cade either. On many occasions the thought had occurred to him that everyone would've been better off if she hadn't come to save him. Perhaps he was afraid he'd say that out loud and destroy whatever there was left between them.
In all honesty, he had no motivation to do anything. Eating was his worst enemy. He was radically malnourished from only having been fed soup for the last month, so Cade wanted him to eat a lot. They had numerous arguments about that. All of which ended in Cade's victory, usually by physical means. She pretty much shoved the food down his throat.
Even though the food was intentionally made soft, every little bite shot his jaw to hell. It sent a spasm through his body that was riddled with wounds, of which the ones on his face were the most sore. The throbbing in his face never left, and the headaches he experienced—mostly radiating from his eye wound—were almost unbearable. He couldn't sleep because of the pain, but he didn't want company either, so he just lay in that familiar dark room and reminisced about better times.
He had no hope for the future. There wasn't any single moment where he realized that the state of his legs and essence weren't temporary. The obvious truth was a deep void he gradually sunk into. Then he was just forced to accept it. He'd taken almost three enhancers even though he knew that meant certain death for almost anyone but him. Of course there would be a price to pay for that.
Despite that, it was all one fucking nightmare. He yearned to weep but felt that he couldn't. Not ever. Not anymore. That night when he had cried in Damian's home, he'd still had something human in him. Now he was a pale husk with hollowed-out eyes, covered in filthy wounds and wrapped in bandages.
He smelled terrible and couldn't even defecate by himself. If he could have killed himself, he would have. But he couldn't, so he reached for the painkillers Cade brought him three times a day. They took the edge off the mind-splitting pain that stung and tore at his muscles, joints, and bones a hundred times a second.
Broken was he like all those he himself had broken. The world did him violence in the same manner he had done to others, so perhaps all was well. He didn't need to get better if it was meant to be. There was solace in that. With that, he sank into a mindless state where he could hope to forget his own existence, for what good was a powerless monster?
***
One of the first conversations Aurelius was forced to have with Cade was about enhancers. Specifically, she'd made him promise he would never touch enhancers again. It was obvious why she was so adamant about that, having lost her father to enhancers. Aurelius, understanding that, had made the promise.
She was being emotional, though. Aurelius needed to regain his control over essence. His connection to it had been broken somehow. If his experiences with enhancers had taught him anything, it was that his connection to essence was never stronger than when under the influence.
It was clear to him what he needed to do. He was sure his belongings were somewhere in Aleyah's place. All he needed to do was find the leather strap where he had kept his vials and consume the rest of his third enhancer.
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For this, Aurelius waited for a time when both Cade and Aleyah were gone to make his move. It took days of waiting, but finally he got a chance.
He tried his legs first, of course, and collapsed loudly, his legs as limp as could be. Some of his wounds seemed to reopen and stain his bandages, but fortunately he was already on a double dose of painkillers he'd stacked for the occasion. Not that his legs needed any.
Aurelius gritted his teeth and started crawling across the floor, dragging his lower body behind with painful exertion. The patheticness of his task wasn't lost on him, but desperate measures were needed. Nobody else understood. He needed it.
It took so long to get out of the room and into the hall. He leaned against a wall in exhaustion and reminisced about a time years ago when he and Cade had fought. He barely remembered what it was about. Something about Cade not allowing him to accompany her because of his injuries. Aurelius laughed at the memory. Compared to his current state, those injuries were so inconsequential that they might as well have been non-existent, but still they'd fought over something so small.
After gathering himself, Aurelius began making his way again. It took tens of minutes of searching before he found it. The outfit he'd used for the past year lay in an old wooden cabinet in Cade's room. Even his lone remaining crimson glove was there. Most of all, the leather strap was there with the vials.
He quickly went through them, aware that Cade or Aleyah could be back any time. Then he found it. The remains of his third enhancer. Approximately one fourth of the vial was taken up by the thick black substance from the heart of nature's purest creature.
Aurelius uncapped the vial and looked at it intensely, considering things for some reason. It was dangerous, but if he succeeded, he would be the same again. He'd regain his power.
He exhaled with a huff before taking in a quick breath and downing the vial. The first thing he noticed was the taste. It was different from before. It seemed like his whole being was rejecting the substance. In spite of that, he swallowed.
However, right as the substance was about to enter his system, his throat closed up. He didn't even notice what had gone wrong at first. He just sat there with the vial in hand, unaware. Then his throat began to spasm, and what followed was some of the most excruciating pain he'd ever felt.
Despite his thoroughly broken body, the pain sent him into a series of seizure-like movements. He simply couldn't sit still. By instinct he began spitting out the substance. He couldn't stop. The more he tried to keep it in, the more he spat out.
Aurelius was sent to the floor in a fit of spasms, his arms rigid at his sides. He rolled over from his side to his stomach, the black substance flowing out of his mouth and onto the floor. Tens of gold poured into cracks in wood, the last of his hope wasted on nothing.
The pain didn't stop. Aurelius rolled over again, his rigid spine bending in agony. His mouth opened in a silent scream. There came an old voice from the back of his throat, saying nothing.
Something cold flowed down his throat. Just a droplet. Of what, Aurelius wasn't sure. The enhancer was lukewarm, but the droplet was cold. Or maybe his senses fooled him.
What didn't fool him was the flash of pain that followed as the droplet got down his throat and into his system. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, his spine bent, and a loud gasp escaped his mouth as all his muscles seemed to spasm all at once and leave him in complete paralysis.
Suddenly, he was no longer of the world. He was in blackness. Then he saw a faint blue beam in the dark from where it spread in opposite directions like lightning from nothing, striking the sky and ground simultaneously. Numerous strikes followed. They seemed to grow farther and expand into some complex shape.
He realized what he saw was his own body where the paths of essence were revealed to him. But at his lower spine the paths of essence had degenerated and distorted. Furthermore, it seemed to be spreading.
In the next moment, Aurelius was back in Cade's room and heard someone rushing in. He tried to gather himself, but quickly noticed that his mouth was foaming and his body was still wholly numb and spasming. He couldn't bear to see or hear Cade, so he just closed his eyes and wished it all away even for just a second. Fortunately, his disoriented mind was quick to grant his request, and he passed out.