Aurelius had imagined it so many times he had somehow forgotten that it could actually happen. It was soft and tender but somehow otherworldly. He didn't know how such a simple thing could make his heart beat.

He closed his eyes and leaned into her. His lips were his being. Her lips were all that he sensed. Everything faded except for the force that pulled him to her. His hands went to her waist and trailed up. He could feel her breathing deep and relaxed through her nose.

But then Aurelius pulled himself away. Cade looked down and batted her lashes before meeting Aurelius' eyes.

"What?" she asked.

Aurelius didn't remember Cade ever having been so shy. Unsure and vulnerable were the last things she was. But she had never been more attractive either. Her glossy dark eyes and lean body tilted towards him. It was almost enough to make Aurelius forget everything else.

But he had to know. "Why?"

"What do you mean, why?" Cade muttered. "I wanted to. That's why."

"But you didn't earlier?"

"I did, but..."

"What changed?"

Cade met his eyes. "I just decided that you don't need to tell me everything. I don't think I realized before today how heavy your deeds weigh on you." She took him by the hand. He shivered from the warmth. "It isn't just regret. You're still there, aren't you? Killing Orpheus and Gadreel over and over." Aurelius turned away, but Cade put a hand to his cheek and made him face her. "You don't have to tell me."

Aurelius fell silent. While he had never felt more affection toward her than at that moment, this wasn't like her. He had forced her to sacrifice her values to be with him.

Aurelius touched her hand on his cheek. "You shouldn't have. You've always been real to me. If I can't be the same way..."

Cade came closer. "But I wanted to be with you."

He could see a longing in her eyes. In the same woman who had taught him how to survive in the world with strength and integrity. Even she could be bent by love. How could he ever use that against her?

"I betrayed you. I lied. I kept secrets. And still..."

"And still I love you," Cade said with a slight hesitation. "No one but you." Then she leaned in again.

Aurelius wanted to accept it but couldn't. He didn't let their lips touch. Instead, he put their foreheads together.

She was confused as he swept a lock of hair behind her ear and closed his eyes. "The truth is," he said, "I haven't been able to talk to you because I haven't been able to confront the thing myself. The past. All of it."

"I... What can I do?"

Aurelius winced. She was so sweet it broke his heart. "My past is my responsibility. You shouldn't do anything."

"But I want to help you. In any way I can."

"I know. It's just..." Aurelius sank into the depths of his mind, and images flashed in his eyes. Cade's image was buried under a thousand slashed corpses. Hatred and rage rose in Aurelius. Not at anyone in particular. He gritted his teeth. "I always run from all my problems. As a child, I escaped into essence. As a teen, I escaped into the outside world. And as a young man, I escaped into violence. I can't escape into love now."

Cade leaned away. "Wouldn't it still be better to escape into love than violence?"

"An escape is an escape," Aurelius said.

Normally Cade would've probably pushed him or slapped him, but now she lay down into his lap. He let her settle there but didn't make contact. She said nothing, perhaps sensing that it was the only way he would talk. Sometimes she seemed to know his intricacies better than he did.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

Then he decided to talk. If she was ready to sacrifice her values for him, he was ready to face his sins, no matter how heavy, and even if just for her.

"In Arkryk, I met a young man named Amadeus. He was a natural at reading people and acting, but he was one of the most authentic people I've ever known. First and foremost, he was a pianist. My plan got him tortured and killed. My blind bloodlust made him suffer the consequences meant for me." Aurelius' lower lip quivered. "He looked up to me." He tried making his voice hard, but it shook nonetheless.

"What happened?"

Aurelius recounted the plan in detail. Lingering on the little things he'd pondered over and over the past half year.

"Uzbec?" Cade asked upon the mention of the name. "The one you're rumored to have killed?"

"Yeah, him."

"What kind of man was he?"

"He was not a man at all. More like a lion in human flesh. Like a cannibal of pain." Aurelius seethed. "I didn't just kill him. I crushed him. And I would do it again and again."

Cade reached up and caressed his cheek. "So that's why you go dark."

"Go dark?" Aurelius didn't recognize it.

"When your eyes narrow so that no light makes it through, and you decide someone deserves something bad and set out to make it happen."

"I don't..." Aurelius glanced away. Then he continued. "Uzbec said something—about people like us having a family so that we can lie to ourselves."

"Us?"

"People who like hurting others."

"But you don't like it. I know you don't."

"Then how come I've hurt so many people?"

"Because you had to."

Cade's words drained Aurelius. His shoulders slumped from the weight of her faith in him. "I didn't have to. That's just the excuse. Uzbec said that we like the excuse. I've started to think that's true. That's why I went to Arkryk in the first place. I was hurting, and I yearned for others to hurt as well. All those images that haunt me now were the stuff of daydreams for me then. I wanted that red mist. I gave in to the impulse. People have died from less. I'm not sure why I'm alive."

Aurelius could sense the hesitation in Cade before she asked, "Do you resent me? For saving your life."

"No, of course not," Aurelius denied it, more strongly than he felt. "But I don't think of myself as a good person anymore. Part of me doesn't even want essence back. I think I'd probably lose control and only do more harm. And then I'll justify it as the best I could hope to do."

Cade went silent in thought. Aurelius sniffed. After a while, Aurelius departed into memory. "Amadeus played me a piece once. The Love Dream. It is the most beautiful thing I've heard. During it I saw you." Aurelius laid a hand on her stomach, and Cade perked up slightly. "You were carrying a child." Cade froze. "Sorry, that's weird..."

"No, um, I've... thought about that too." Aurelius looked at Cade in surprise. She blushed. "I mean, it's crossed my mind... once, maybe."

Aurelius smiled slightly, looking down. His eyes welled up and his breath caught in his throat as he squeezed those hard last words out. "But I don't know if I can ever be a father."

Aurelius couldn't help asking himself if his father had faced the same problems he now faced and if they were part of why he'd left. Did he see himself as a monster as well?

Cade rose from his lap and turned to him. "Before you can see a better world, you have to be able to see a better version of yourself. You should see the way others idolize you as something to aspire to be rather than a false image."

Aurelius opened his eyes. In one sentence, Cade had changed the way he saw Amadeus. Maybe Amadeus hadn't been blinded by idealization but rather had set a standard for Aurelius to aspire to. Just like he now knew Cade did. She saw the best of him. That's how she'd been able to support him through everything.

He took her hand and swallowed the lump in his throat before whispering his thanks. Then he resolved himself, "I want to be what you see in me."

She smiled sweetly. He laid a hand on the back of her neck and kissed her slowly. They separated only to share a smile and laugh before they went down on the mattress. Aurelius almost fell off the edge of the bed, but Cade caught him, rolled over, and swept her hair from her face before kissing him again more deeply.

They undressed gradually, following the moment. Cade traced her fingers along the countless scars on Aurelius' body. Aurelius' hands swept gently along her curves. Under the covers, they laid all their bare skin against each other. Aurelius ran a hand along her body as he watched her eyes. They twinkled up at him. They'd learned to survive in the dark, but now they had a spark to follow.

Their lips parted, breath hitching. Then quiet moans broke the silence. They exhaled in synchrony. Aurelius felt her warmth and nothing else. He shuddered with pleasure. They drew to each other as if pulled by gravity.

It was not an escape. Aurelius did not feel like a prisoner on the run but one who was freed from the shackles of his own mind. He was consoled, his existence accepted.

In her company, he not only loved and was loved but felt he deserved it. He felt it was alright for him to be happy. She was a guarded garden with rows of swaying flowers and tall trees that cast shadows where needed.

He hugged her, pressing his face against her smooth skin. He took in her vanilla scent and kissed her collarbone. She let out a giggle. No matter how much she guessed, she would grasp the depths of his love. But that was true the other way as well.

At least both knew the other would move mountains for them. Because they already had.