Chapter Nine

Staring up into the planetscape above me I was frozen in awe. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. I had read that parts of Earths atmosphere goes out past the moon and that it is just at such miniscule amounts that it can only be detected by instruments. Here I could see that wasn't the case. I wanted to say it was like I imagine looking up on Jupiter from one of its moons must be like, but I can only thing that would be similar from a matter of perspective. There were some swirling storms that I could see, but they entire surface of this massive planet looked to be very similar to pictures of Terra that I had seen from space. Not as much ocean that I could see and no polar caps on either pole, also there seemed to be towering clouds billowing out into space and going out and enveloping two of the other moons that I saw on the horizon. One of these other moons looked to be a dull red while the other one almost looked to be a burnished gold or bronze color. Both of these moons were of a size that I would think was similar in size to the moon I had grown up looking at and dreaming of visiting in my childhood. Staring back at the planet above that seemed to be taking up a full one third of the horizon I couldn't help but marvel at its magnifificence and wonder how big it actually was. Everything about size is a matter of perspective and how you are viewing it. If our own moon was smaller, but closer to us, it would still look bigger, while as massive as our sun and jupiter are they both appear to be smaller than the much more tiny moon. As I stood looking up at the new sky above me I found my self growing sad with the realiztion of what this likely meant. Standing frozen, staring at this awesome new reality, looking at the Chaos and Order streaming up to the planet above I realized I was very likely never to see my children again.

Forcing myself to turn slowly around, not being willing to deal with that aweful thought yet, I saw that I was no longer on an ocean shore. Instead, the contents of the ball seemed to have been transported into the side of a ridgeline. Now, no longer flat, the ocean water was driving its way down over a cliff in a roar of force that could no doubt be heard for miles around. I could only thank luck that the ball hadn't rejoined this new reality in reverse. As I would no doubt be plummeting over the edge myself, unconsciously falling to my death. As no doubt many of the fish I had hoped to catch, were doing themselves.

I made sure to carefully look around at the edges of the little bit of Terra that came with me, our ball had clearly been jammed into the surrounding grassy landscape half hazardly. Seeing nothing that seemed to be a threat, just a few fish flopping on the now bare, sea floor. I tried to look further out into the demarcation line between the ball of seaside and the not-so-alien landscape, that the ocean water removed from its fuller self, seemed to have swept through on its way down the cliff face. Clearing it in a tidal wave of salty force, trees lay broken and flung around further down the cliff face. I can only breathe out a sigh of thanks once again to the new lucky stars above me. If that ball had oriented any number of other degrees other than the way it had before opening, I would have found myself being battered and torn as gravity tore the water up and over me. I might have even found myself on the underside, with the entire spanse of bedrock closing off the sky to me forever!

Continuing to turn, I looked up the hillside, looking past the beach and to the native grassland farther up. I pushed my gaze to where I remembered the black bear was, from my Chaos vision. Actually able to see it now, as the orientation seemed to have tilted to keep the ground at the same angle as the former ground of the mountainside we had replaced. I saw it running, not content to deal with its emotions from being ripped from Terra like I was. It was galloping uphill towards the new world we had found ourselves on, in that terrifying charge of a bear that I can only be happy was leaving me in its dust. Quickly going to my pack, I pulled the bear spray off of it and clipped it to my belt. Regret came cutting through the sadness, I could only hate the part myself that didn't want to deal with the hassles of bringing my rifle with me. Legally allowed to carry if you are going fishing, I just hadn’t wanted to deal with the annoyance that might have happened had I been pulled over or gotten into an accident. I could only hope that if this was a case of the entire earth being pulled apart and jammed into another planet that my kids would have been taken from close enough to my house, they could make it there and arm themselves in an effort to stay safe.

Finishing the circuit with my gaze, and not seeing anything that I could recognize as a threat, I let myself sit down in grief. It came up through me quickly, as reality settled in. I was almost certain to never see them again. Tears welled up into the corners of my eyes and I let them fall freely. Tumbling down my cheeks, they were soon joined by a river of their brethren. Breathing deeply, I laid back onto my pack and stared at the planet soaring majestically above me in the sky. Cursing in my mind, I could only scream silently in my head. If I had had my kids here with me, this would be the most amazing experience, completely unreal and only possibly envisioned by cgi in Hollywood. I was now having to deal with the reality that my kids being, if not dead of old age back on earth, were almost certainly scattered far enough away from me, that I was almost positive I would never see them again. A part of me screamed that this can't be real, this isn’t how the story goes. You have been through so many unlikely scenarios in your life, that this can't be how you lose them. You have to fight, you have to use what you have been given to get stronger, do whatever you must to gain the power you need to tear yourself through time and space to be with them again. Tears continue to come forth, I let my mind take itself down that path. It was easy, I had the steps written by so many authors whom I love and many more who I didn't. I could become an anti-hero, a murderhobo. It would be easier to justify to myself, I was already a hunter and fisherman. All I had to do was start with the weak non-sentient life around me and kill them indiscriminately, then I would take those gains and move onto stronger beings.

I know myself, I am not a good person. I have always known this about myself. I wouldn't say I am evil either, but if I ever was put into the position of choosing between a random stranger and my kids, it wouldn't even be a flicker of thought. It sounds trite and almost everyone I've ever known would agree, but no one ever thinks about that statement in terms of good and evil. Choosing your children over the greater good is selfish. I don't think telling others about this would ever make it change their minds, I've always known it wouldn't change mine. If I had to do something that philosophy would consider evil to do, I wouldn't hesitate; and I don't think any other parent out there back on either, the whole of Terra Firma or the fragments of it scattered here, would do anything differently. I have just been okay walking that path knowingly.

Taking another heaving breath, I felt my tears starting to dry up. Reality has set in. I know myself, I might not be good, but I'm also not evil. If I was certain that slaughtering millions would save my children, I don't know if I could do it. One or two people,I could probably justify killing… if I was one hundred percent certain I could save them. I would deal with the occasional nightmare. Knocking down an old lady and breaking her hip to save my kids from an impending disaster, I wouldn't even bat an eye. But I wasn't looking at that future. I was looking at three major unknowns and countless smaller ones. The biggest three being that one, I don't know if they had made the trip over… I didn't even know the fate of the rest of the world, if it had broken up and been transported over here, I had no idea where on this world they might be, if they were even here and hadn't been sent on to the main planet or other moons. Two, maybe Earth hadn't broken up, they could be back on home blissfully unaware of what happened to me for now. Three, if they were back on earth, who is to say that time stood still for them, just because I was frozen in order before I broke it down into chaos doesn't mean that time stood still for them as well. I have never liked time travel as an author trope, but with this trip that I had found myself unwillingly taken on, while it had expanded my horizons of what was possible, didn't do anything to convince me that time travel was part of that realm. If it wasn't and I slaughtered worlds in a quest for power searching for it. Then I had no doubt that the me I am currently, wouldn't be able to live with the person I would have to become to make that future happen. While I was sure that future me who followed that path would be okay with the steps taken as he grew more and more callus. I couldn't stomach it right now, so I strangled that future off in its cradle.

I have lived a lifetime or two in that ball of energy, all that had been keeping me going was knowing I would see my kids again. Now, that hope was gone, I didn't see a path that was going to get me there. Not a path I could happily take the first step on. Getting back to my feet, I realized I was going to just start having to start putting one foot in front of the other. I know intellectually that I am going to get through this. Well maybe not the living through being trapped on another world part, that was certainly going to be iffy. But, I have lost my grandparents, my dad and a sibling before this, and while with them I knew that they were gone. Here at least I had uncertainty propping myself up. I could buoy myself with the notion that they had lived full lives and I had a multitude of descendants back on Terra. Or maybe they had been brought to this new world as well. As long as I kept those thoughts in the back of my mind, they would make it much easier to keep the sadness at bay, because following along on that thought chain meant that any of the paths I could be wishing for.. would be worse for them. If given the choice, I certainly wouldn't want them to be standing next to me. Despite what I thought before about how amazing it would be to have them standing on a new world with me. Looking around at the bareness all about me, I had no doubt that if there was even a civilization around to find here, it would be miserable keeping myself alive while trying to get there. With no magic readily available, as the Order and Chaos had finished disappearing into the sky, on their run to the planet above me. With only the meager supplies in my pack that were supposed to last a day or two, them being castaways here in the unknown with me just upped the chance of them dying in front of me, skinny as they were. With only two options ahead and never being one for the Big S, that only left putting one foot in front of the other until I got through it. I would never forget them but I was going to have to tuck them back away in my mind, like the few now treasured photos left in my wallet, compared to the multide on my phone which had no guarantee of lasting in this new environment. I would only bring those memories out when I have less pressing issues such as starvation, and death by exposure, on the horizon. Hope is such a bastard of pandora's, but as they say who knows, maybe the horse will learn to sing and I will see them again. But to get to that point I needed to be alive for that to happen

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I am not obsessed enough with the genre to know if I have been Isekai'd. On one hand, I wasn't hit by a truck, nor was I reborn into a baby’s body. On the other hand, I still remember Terra and I seem to be on another planet. Unfortunately, instead of being brought into a town or village, I seem to be in the middle of nowhere. Being an avid hiker and just beginning a fishing trip, I had a good idea of the struggle I was looking forward to. Most authors think that if they drop their MC into the middle of nowhere that they would have no trouble surviving for a short amount of time and then use plot armor to back it up. They look at hikers that go from Canada to Mexico on the Pacific Coast Trail and think that if they can hike over a thousand miles in a couple of months, then it isn't that hard. That's not reality, it's not so simple, they are part of a team and have helpers and groups placing supplies for them. Even then the weather can go against them and they can still die. They spend thousands of dollars on ultralight equipment to keep the weight down, so that they can maintain an insane pace that had no chance of being maintained if they weren't one hundred percent certain that they had supplies waiting for them. I couldn't rely on an author scripting the perfect scenario to get me through this. I might gain powers in the future, but with no sign of civilization anywhere nearby, I wasn't confident I would last that long.

Looking down at the fish still flopping around on a now, waterless, ocean floor, I realized that I had managed to properly stuff my feelings down rather quickly. I was sure they would spring back up again, but for now I needed to ensure they had a body to take over later. Even if all of the fish died immediately, with the coolness of the mountain air that I had now flowing around me, the fish would take a day or two before they started rotting. Leaving my most likely source of food alone for now, I decided to unpack and quickly get rid of everything that wasn't going to be one hundred percent necessary for the immediate future. For a three day, round trip hiking and fishing expedition I was set and happy with the extra weight. With my future looking more like a trapper from the eighteen hundreds, I was going to have to ruthlessly get rid of a lot of accessories.

Pulling everything out, I started putting everything into two piles to keep or to leave. Taking out the biggest things first, I pull the tent, hammock, and sleeping bag, which go straight into the keep pile. Despite their non ultralight nature, there was no way I would be willing to get rid of them, with shelter always being the most important thing in any survival situation. The foldable kayak I had brought for the purpose of setting out my crab trap, I had to take a beat on. Eighteen pounds was a lot of weight, it was also a lot of bulk strapped to the back of my pack, but ultimately I decided on keeping it. If I found a river, it could be invaluable for saving days or weeks off of finding civilization. Building a raft out of driftwood is never as easy as literature makes it seem. The paddle I quickly toss to the otherside in what would soon be the trash pile. Pulling my knife out, I cut off the ropes that make up the trap, taking the biggest pieces while leaving the rest. Next I pull out the solar panel and battery pack. This one is hard, I have a couple of offline apps on my phone that describe plant life, camping and knots not to mention the thousands of photos and videos of my kids on it. I know from being here that I've already hit the lottery in that the atmosphere hasn't killed me. If you go statistically looking out at the universe, I shouldn't be able to breathe here or I should be burned to a crisp, so maybe there might be plantlife further out in this new world that might still be analogous to Terran life. Looking up though, I wasn't even sure if the panel would even work, with whatever sun this system has, being swallowed by the glow of this giant that was taking up most of the horizon.

Knowing exactly how bad it is when a lithium battery explodes, I walk a good fifty yards away downwind before hooking everything up to begin my experiment. After taking a couple of steps back toward my pack, I quickly reverse course and turn around to place my smart watch, earbud headphones and gps on the pile, no sense taking a chance. Walking back to the pack and piles, I quickly return to my winnowing. My freediving fins I look at slowly. I loved them, but I just couldn't justify the space or weight with no ocean in sight, while my wetsuit, hood, gloves and wet boots were also a lot of bulk. I doubted I would have a use for them and I was already bringing the kayak. The fins I slowly place into the leave pile, while my diving mask and case I send into the bring, my neoprene also goes into the take pile as they can double as cold weather gear if I get to the point of needing it. They mask is small and light enough that I justify the weight, it could still be useful in a creek or river in conjunction with the three collapsible fishing spears I had brought with me, which I promply send to join everything in the keep pile. Pulling out my small camping stove and propane fuel supply, I move to place it in the keep pile, but stop upon noticing something strange. Something strange is never good in a survival situation, I don't want strange, I want predictable. Feeling the propane canister, it seems to be much warmer. Propane coming out of a pack especially in cooler weather normally feels cold. This felt warm, unsure if it was my imagination, I decided to not take a chance and threw it down the hill decisively. It wasn't worth the possibility of an explosion, at most I would get four or five meals worth of heat out of it and I still had my back up matches and cotton wax balls which I left alone in their survival pouch after putting stove bottom into the discard pile.

Next was my combination hatchet with its saw blade in the handle, definitely a keep. I didn't even put it in the pile, leaving it next to the bag to put on my belt when I was done packing. Water bladder and water filter as well are no-brainers, I wrap them in my spare shirts and pants for extra protection. The amount of trouble that it would cause if those were damaged would be life threatening. Charcoal and sand filters, while are theoretically known to me, the amount of pain it would be setting them up would only be useful in a stationary camp. Disposable bag with a roll of tp again is an easy choice, wishing I had brought ten times as much, I am sure I would make the decision to keep those as well if given the option. Same with the two bigger collapsible buckets, no chance I am leaving them behind. Collapsible fishing pole goes next to the spears with its tackle binder next to it. I think about taking out the weights, but in the end decide to leave it trading the weight for convenience. The sewing kit is another easy take, I'm so glad I just tossed in my full kit. I had used my normal smaller baggie that held a needle and several lengths of thread after ripping my pants while tripping on some rocks on my last trip and had forgotten to replace it when I had arrived home. When I had remembered the gaff upon going through and packing my backpack last night, I had lazily just tossed in my normal binder, rather than taking the time to separate out a smaller amount. While some future repairs would undoubtedly look peculiar with mismatched thread, but with no more overnight deliveries, I can only be sad I left my needlepoint hoops at home as well.

Thanking my lucky stars that my paternal grandmother had beaten it out of me that there were no such things as male or womanly skills. I could once again be grateful as this might keep me clothed and warm as opposed to just being a useful hobby. With most of the pack empty, I don’t even bother taking out the paracord bundles I left in the back. Instead, as I reached for the ropes I had taken from the collapsible crab pot to add to them, my body ducks and covers reflexively, as an explosion come ringing out from where I had thrown the propane canister downhill. Getting back up and brushing myself off unharmed, I continue to pack away the last of the rope as I resolve to ignore my electronics. Nothing on my phone was valuable enough to be worth the risk of it going the way of the propane later. While I would miss the photos, most of their lives were stored on hard drives and the cloud at home anyway, and I still had a few physical photos in my wallet. With the main pack now fully empty except for rope on the bottom, I leave the side pockets alone. Everything stored in my side pockets, with the exception of the now empty pocket that held my electronics, were all useful items. Which was why they held the easy access spots.

Repacking my pack in a slightly more deliberate order than I had thrown things in the night before my fateful hike. I left out the waterproof bag that I had brought along for the purpose of keeping the fish I had been planning on catching. Wanting to keep them seperate from my gear on the hike back to my ice chest, which had been left back at my car. Buckling the ax onto my belt next to where I have the bear spray clipped on, I quickly put one of the spears together while tucking the pouch with the other two into the former electronics side pocket. I thought about building all three, but there seems to be enough open space that if I were to run into anything that the initial spear, my ax, the bear spray and my knife can't take care of… I doubt the other two would do any good either. So rather than risking them breaking them prematurely, better to leave them tucked away where they would hopefully be safe. Clipping the kayak, buckets and fish bag onto the outside of my pack, I look at the cooler with its five beers left. With a sigh I zip it up and add it to the outside of my pack. I am undoubtedly going to be spending a day or two trying to smoke as many fish here as possible, so hopefully the ice will last long enough to finish them off while they are still cold.

I hate warm beer…