A few days ago, on a bright and sunny day...
“Uhehehe...UheheHAHAHAHAHA, GAHAHAHAHAHA, ARHGUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
A shrieking, manic laugh was heard from a certain receptionist table, giving everyone around a spook. They almost immediately thought a specter haunt the guild's building in sheer daylight.
When they look around, they notice that it comes from someone much, much worse.
“KEHAHAHAHAHAhaha… Ahem, here’s your reward, Great Adventurer~! We have confirmed your completion of the quest, and grant you the completion rank of B-~♥”
“T-Thanks you, now if you excuse me…"
"Come again later, you B Minus-ranked Adventurer, You~."
"Ugh…"
Eating a stray shot to the chest, the poor B Minus adventurer drags his metallic full-body armor slowly toward his usual group of adventuring peanuts hanging out at their usual table, his head hanging low in dejection.
Still, that was considered to be unusually light.
“(Even her venom felt mild…Usually, you would be subjected to a direct social neurotoxin to the ears, if you dare to be that mid.)" (Peanut 1)
"(Would you get off my back, please. I just suffered a bit of a bandit raid during that last escort quest, that’s all...Anyway, for her to cackle like a witch like that, does she finally get a chance to be promoted out of this place?)" (B Minus)
"(Fat chance with that attitude… Nah, I take a peek at the letter she read earlier, it look like the Trio are going to come over here a few day later for a registration.)" (Peanut 2)
"(Oh, the Transcendence Trio of the Beginner Dojo… make sense.)" (Peanut 3)
Peanut 3, a typical elf archer wearing a green tunic and brown leather pants, secretly scopes his eyes over to the table from afar, taking a look at her erratic behavior, still squirming around like Popper Worm.
“Ihihihi, for the illustrious Roadside Rose to personally ask me for help… As expected, she knows who is the best receptionist in this branch-No, in the entire Adventure Guild, A Ha HA!"
"(More like, she most likely just sent it to this branch in general, and this penny pincher pinched it out of that poor mailman’s package the moment she got a whiff of gold… He was looking like he got helplessly violated)" (Peanut 3)
“(Lucky bastard, tsk… Either way, she most likely will be the one meeting them as well, by hook or by crook.)” (Peanut 2)
“(Actually, I personally saw her going around giving her colleagues some sort of “paid vacation” just now, trying to dissuade them from coming over in the next few days. Apparently it's a set of tickets to Heroland, the brand new Hero-themed amusement park.)” (Peanut 1)
“(Just where does she get the money for that? If I remember correctly, those thing sold out in the first hours or so, and the reseller price have been risen up to triple digits in gold…)” (Peanut 3)
“(Triple digits!? I better ask her, quick!)" (Peanut 2)
Peanut 2, an entrepreneur scantily-dressed catgirl rogue, immediately jumped over to her side, asking for treats with her paw cutely holding up.
Needless to say, she got waterboarded with vicious mockery.
“(...So, does that mean they will be facing big trouble, this time?)" (B Minus)
"(Eh, this isn’t the most shittiest thing this game had to offer… but no matter what, being serviced by that bureaucracy demoness isn’t exactly going to be a comfortable experience.)" (Peanut 1)
"(Damned if you’re F-ranked, and extra-damned if you’re EX-ranked. It's practically a rite of passage at this point to get inundated with extra-shit requests from her one after another, then get scammed out of your compensation for every little mistake you did.)" (Peanut 3)
"True that… I have a sneaking feeling that they will somehow make it even weirder, though." (B Minus)
"(Hah, Hah, Hah… Isn’t that a given? From experience, no way anyone that Isekai'ed wouldn't make a big mess.)" (Peanut 2)
"(Ah, you returned...So, how was it?)" (Peanut 1)
"(I get called a worthless catslut who's only good for showing off midriff, but while she's distracted I managed to snatch a few. Ihihi, now time to up-priced it in the black market…)" (Peanut 2)
"(...At this point, I think you’re addicted to bad life decision.)” (B Minus)
While they’re chatting, that receptionist finally manages to "convince" (read: threaten) everyone to leave her job to her, before secretly laughing to herself again with an ominous aura.
“Kehehe… Just a few more steps, yessss, just a few more steps. Soon, just a few more steps to go…"
Lovingly caressing a suspiciously golden set of license cards, her fingers screech and scratch them horrifically, carving out names and ranking like carving curses on a cross. Her back also seemed to get more and more crooked as well, the more she indulged in this.
“Yessss, all I need now are a few things...Just a few things more, and this next set of clients will be mine, Ehahahehe…!”
“Yes, indeed… So close, just a few more days… Ehehe, I promised you, I will give you the best and greatest service in the whole wide world~♥."
"So great, that you have no other choice but to ascend to (promotion) heaven, AHAHAHAHAHAHA, AAAAHAHAHEHAHEHA!!!!”
(...Again, are we sure she isn't actually a witch in human skin?) (B Minus)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Haah, hah… Finally arrived. Am I too late on the thing?" (B Minus)
“You’re just in time actually, they’re just beginning. What keeps you up, btw?" Peanut 2 asked curiously, wiggling her striped tail from one side to another.
“Busy with real-life stuff, nothing much." B Minus answered simply “So, what has happened so far?”
“Take a fucking look.” (Peanut 1)
Following Peanut 1’s pointy finger, the B-Minus adventurer then finally takes a look at the carnage ahead, filled to the brim with oppressive unclean intents clashing against countless formless blades.
“Oh please, I insist, I insisssst~! Think of all the benefits being an EX-Rank Adventurer would be. The privilege, the prestige…(swish swish swish)" (Receptionist)
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“Thanks, but all of that is too soon for us right now (slash slash slash). As people said, slow and steady win the race, not to mention how uncouth it would be for everyone else if we were the only one (slash slash double-slash)" (Rose)
“Oh, not to worry, you aren’t the only one receiving this special privilege (shiv shiv shiv). For more than a decade now, many heroes and great people have received this honor very early in their career, in recognition of their marvelous potential, and the great strength they will provide in the future~… Compare them to you three, however, even this might not be enough, no? (shiv shiv multi-hit attack)” (Receptionist)
“That's even more reason not to (clang clang clang). Even before whether we want this glory and fame or not, to put us before all other pioneers, each of whom must have put great effort between their names, just for convincing us of the spot? We are not presumptuous enough to accept this unwarranted honor (clang cling clang). Rather, it's better for us to start at the bottom, and then prove ourselves on our way to the top. (clang cling cleng multi-dimensional parry technique)” (Rose)
“Oh, you’re too humble, too humble, indeed… This is why you reallly must accept this token of gratitude~❤ (Throwing Card Style: Storm Of Solicitation)” (Receptionist)
"No no, you really consider us too highly, Miss Receptionist. We can’t allow such an important rank to be given unproven (Shadow Blade Art: Barrier of Eclipsion)” (Rose)
Both sides still continue to exchange pleasantries, regardless, like it's just your regular non-lethal exchange. No matter how chaotic and high-level the clashing of cards and blades is, they both are willing to throw words at each other, trying to convince one another of their intent.
However, while the receptionist was clearly getting more and more passive-aggressive as time went on, barely containing her displeasure behind the business smile, Rose still proceeded to keep up the dialogue as usual, like it was just another day of the week. Moreover, she was doing it with complete earnesty as well, which annoyed the receptionist even more.
Somehow, that’s the more reasonable reaction between the two of them.
“Oh no no no, it isn’t too much at al-Ara~, it looks like I ran out of invitations, goodness me (tsk)."
Despite the silent parentheses, anyone with eyes could see the irritated clicking of the tongue, with how hard her vein popped out of her face. The receptionist silently became more beast than woman, as she seemed barely able to keep her shirt on.
All of those things didn't seem to faze Rose whatsoever though, as she continued to talk to her as normal.
“In the first place, isn’t giving people adventuring licenses without proper certification illegal?”
Immediately after, she gives out an extremely common-sense question, cutting through the thick air like a hot knife through butter. It’s so obvious that every peanut in this room is jolted out of their senses.
After all, they're way too used to Isekai logic not caring about law and proper conduct. It’s way more likely for a beating to happen than anything else.
“...Yeah, of course of course. Of course we have done our own screening for you three internally, and decided that-.”
“Chapter 2, Section 5, Subsection 1: All adventurers must undergo testing in a public setting, no matter the circumstance, unless unavailable, or during an emergency.”
“Guh…!”
Before the receptionist could even banter back, Rose hit her with an unexpected quotation, as she pulled out a certain book. With proper hardcover and pristine white pages, it certainly does give an authoritative sense to it all.
“That’s according to the latest edition of Adventure Guild’s Code of Conduct. Surely, that must be the rule which you have to follow, no?”
“Urgh...Where did you even get that, customer? I don’t remember this book is for public use.”
"Well, of course, I borrowed it from the public library in this city. The librarian over there has graciously allowed me to have it for just this occasion."
"tsk, those stick-up assholes...Ah, I mean, for you three, surely I can make an exception, befitting the status of you all-.”
“Chapter 1, Section 13: To permit an exception to the rule, the guildmaster must be the only sole figure to allow it. Any other personnel without the permission of the guildmaster must therefore be subjected to the rule of Chapter 7: Penalty…"
“Urgh…”
Hearing the rule again, the receptionist has no idea what to do.
Between the (obviously right) option of just letting them have their way, and the (objectively "correct") option of continuing to the bitter end for the sake of endless social climbing, she is betwixt by a fierce internal struggle, as if the force of good and evil itself was fighting within her.
From the outside, the scenery of a maiden twisting and clawing herself all over like a maddening depraved beast though, is sure a sight of pure exasperation, no matter how many times the peanut has witnessed it.
“UUUU,ARGHHH,YEEShhh...Fine, you win, my customer.”
In the end though, somehow her professional integrity (?) won out. There is no point in having a promotion if you can’t live up to the job, is how she consoled herself.
Taking a deep massive sigh like she just finished smoking up a cigar, she tidied up her ruffled clothes, before taking out a certain globe from behind the counter. Beneath it is a stand carved with intricate magical patterns, and above are many magic circles overlapping on top of its surface.
As obviously taken, it’s a measuring device.
“As per the Adventuring Guild’s policy, here we must test your internal prowess to determine your rank of potentiality. This is but one part of our evaluation process, but rest assured that it will be critical to our later testing."
“...Hm, it doesn’t look tampered, nor does it look damaged in any way.” (Rose)
"Hmph, what do you take me for? It's the duty of the adventuring guild's staff to keep our properties in pristine condition."
(...That of a witch without blood or tears?) (A Minus)
(That of a heartless demon of bureaucracy?) (Marigold)
“Kyu?(That of a very funny spinster cougaress?)” (Dragon)
“ (Giku) Ohoho~, surely you jest, my draconic customer~.”
Speaking out loud what everyone was thinking, Dragon excitedly climbed up to the counter, and marveled at the shiny sparkling crystal ball, touching all over. Finally breathing a sigh of relief as well, Marigold also looks at it with shine in her eyes, adorably jiggling to herself.
After all, it’s a staple of the genre, why wouldn’t they be excited?
“Kyu~(So, you just need to pour in your magical power in here, and this crystal ball will magically give out it evaluation, correct?)” (Dragon)
“That’s right, dear fluffy customer. It’s a very simple process, but I assure you it is absolutely accurate.”
“Woah...the formation within it is simple, yet it really does its job. I don't want to spoil it too much, but the creator behind it really knows how to simplify and condense a device." (Marigold)
“Indeed...So, no more shenanigan?” (Rose)
“I assured you. Swearing on my honor.”
(((...Yeah right))) (Peanuts the world over)
Considering her previous behavior, no one is ever the slightest bit fooled. Surely she has something up her sleeve, a well-orchestrated trap, a thick coat of spider web full of malice.
Years and years of experience dealing with her unholy witchcraft have steeled them all to watch out for any sign of trouble or foul play...but no matter how much they searched, they just couldn't find a clue.
“(No marking on the wall or ceiling of any kind, at least as far as I can see)” (Peanut 3)
“(No hidden personnel or suspicious individuals around, either. My holy sense would have picked up on it)" (A Minus)
“(Nothing underneath the table as well, nor is there anything hidden underneath her skirt. By the way, the color of the day is-)” (Peanut 2)
Even getting thrown outside the door in a glorious spiral into the nearest trash can does nothing to reveal her insidious craft. Despite Peanut 2’s glorious (?) sacrifice, her wall and absolute territory remain impenetrable.
...Though, having to exert herself that much for the day does wear her out a bit.
“Hah, hah...Ah, excuse me, carry on with your test. There will be no interference from my end whatsoever, I promise you."
"Ehhh, not sure if we can trust that...but well, I can't wait no more! Let me try it first, please~." (Marigold)
“Sure, you can go first." (Rose)
"Kyu~(Go ahead, be our first meatshield)" (Dragon)
Not even Dragon's snide deterred her, as Marigold giddily placed her hand on the top of it. Closing her eyes in concentration, she gently let out her mana toward the crystal ball, as it began to shine in multiple vibrant colors.
(Yes, there is no interference or foul play from me, that's for sure…)
(...For you see, everything has already been done, and you, my customer, are the final piece of the puzzle already, UHAHAHAHAHA)
...And of course, beknownst to everybody, a Grinch-like smile naturally spread across the receptionist's face.