I looked at the sword I carried by my side. It wasn’t just a sword, to me it was a friend, the companion I trusted most. If I told them secrets, they would never be spilled. Knowing a lifeless object gave so much trust made me grin. And yet, it was ordered to do something terrible, I didn’t want to do it. I was about to enter home through the balcony when I saw my sister Lapis taking a seat outside.

‘Lapis, you are home.’

‘Obviously I am.’ She seemed annoyed, but I couldn’t tell why.

‘Are you sick?’

‘None of your business!’

Ugh, it was going to be tough to find out what was going on with her. But really, it was concerning whenever she acted like that. It’s not like she was a kind and caring sister, well she might actually be deep down, but she never was the cheesy kind of girl who would talk openly about her feelings. I looked her over then, trying to see what was wrong.

‘What is that?’ I pulled up her sleeve and realised her arm was bandaged.

‘I just told you it is none of your business, brother!’ She slapped my hand away.

‘Lapis who did that? What happened? You know if someone hurts you, you can always tell me! I will protect you!”

‘Is that so brother? If you are so protective then why did you willingly make yourself the slave dog of the Dominus Generis?’

‘This isn’t what we were talking about!’

‘Oh yes it is! I can not trust someone like you. To me, you are not a man! You’ve lost your manliness when you decided to be their slave. What are you doing it for? To earn money? Do you really think it is the only way to make money? Stupid! You are a man, a warrior at that! If you wanted, you could conquer the world!’

‘I have no desire to do such a thing. I am content with my life.’

‘Then why did you look so gloomy the other day? Why didn’t you tell mother what happened at work? I should be the one worrying about you, something seems to be bothering you.’

‘There is nothing…’

‘Oh brother, you need to practice lying too! Do you want me to give you some lessons?’

Damn. She really was too smart for her own good. I looked down. I really was bothered by this issue. I had only a few days left. And I knew for sure that I didn’t want to kill anyone.

‘You would only mock me if I told you. There is indeed something that is bothering me, but I already know what you would say if I told you. So there is no point in telling you.’

‘Nonsense. I might be your little sister, but I’ve proven several times that my mind is superior to yours and to that of big sister Sanaaz even. So go ahead, I might be able to give you a useful piece of advice, Dog of the scum.’

Oh, how kind of her. She was encouraging me to open up to her by insulting me. Feels good, eh? No, not really. I’ll need to be careful. At some point I might end up a masochist. Because of my own sister, that would be weird.

‘They want me to kill a man I have no quarrel with.’ That was all I had to say. There really wasn’t more to the story was there?

She raised an eyebrow at me. There was an odd silence. This isn’t what I expected. She was always very talkative, so why was she quiet now?

‘Hahahahaha!’

‘Huh?’

‘Hahahaha!

Oh, Brother! Really now? That’s it?’

‘What do you mean that’s it?’ I didn’t understand, what was funny about this?

She stood up and patted my shoulder. She was short and had to look up at me, and yet her determination could frighten anyone no matter the size.

‘If you were smart, you would have known this would eventually happen. Or actually, isn’t that what you have been doing all this time? Fighting their battles, to what end? What was your gain from it? They are not our people, there never was any reason to fight for them.’

I see, so that was her motivation. If I wasn’t careful, she might start lecturing me about the so-called Gods and what not. I didn’t want to hear about such myths now. I had much bigger problems.

‘I am an honorable soldier for them.’

‘Correction, obedient dog. Paid killer.’ She smirked at the last remark.

‘Sister.’

‘A killer who kills for the wrong people. All the strength you possess could be used so well to reclaim our Pardesia, and yet you are here wasting it on helping our oppressors. You know what? You have two options here, kill the one who gave you that order, or just leave the army.’ She shrugged.

‘You don’t know what it means to be in the army, sister. If I killed my higher up I would be imprisoned and killed myself. Why would I want that?’

‘Alright, then kill the man they ordered you to kill, and you will forever be an obedient dog. Of course, going by what the Gods teach us, that will also mean you will never be granted eternal life. Are you fine with that?

I think, if you kill the oppressor who gave you that order, you will set an example, and many will follow you. ‘

‘Of course sister! As if they all would start killing their comrades! We are men of honour!’

‘No you are not. Let them think they are that, but you brother, you are different. Why do you refuse to accept the truth of your identity?’

‘Because there is no confirmation. It is all just stories being told from generation to generation.’

‘It is our history and the reason we live!’

‘I don’t believe in stories told just to sugar coat our own nation.’

‘You are unbelievable brother! You are a disappointment. Not just to me or the family, but to our Gods of Pardesia and Milat too.’

‘Maybe I am. But I know one thing for sure. And you can doubt me as much as you like even after I said it, but I will never kill a man I have no quarrel with!’

My sister crossed her arms and shook her head. I left her there in the garden and took my leave, there was no point in discussing this with her further. I was wrong thinking she might have been of help. She doesn’t really know what it means to be in the army, or what it means to fight with honour.

So in the end, this would remain my problem alone it seemed.

—---------------

I walked around aimlessly. I didn’t have any work to do today, and I didn’t want to be home either. I didn’t want to be asked questions by no one. And sisters' comments hurt my head enough already. While walking around the city centre, I saw a man speaking to a gathered group of people.

Huh? What was that about? I was curious and decided to move closer to listen.

‘Citizens! What is your purpose? Why do you live? Does life have a meaning? Apparently, it does not. We are born into this world to die. But what do we do on our journey? Who do we live for? Just think about your daily routine. You get up early in the morning and you go to a place they call work. You are away from home, from your family for hours. You are to obey, if you disobey you could lose your work, your income. But do you really work for yourself? To feed your family?

NO YOU DO NOT! You work for the ones who call themselves leaders! The pig who calls himself Preseas and sits in a villa surrounded by gold and silver! GOLD AND SILVER YOU EARNED FOR HIM! They tell us life has no meaning, but that is, citizens, a lie! Try to get your hands on books from the ancient days, they tell you the truth about us humans! We are more than just an existence meant to die. And we are to enjoy our life, not to work so those calling themselves leaders can live in luxury!

I hereby declare! If you all want to live a life in peace and harmony, do stop going to what they make you believe is your ‘work’! Do stop making money for them! DO STOP MAKING THEM RICH! Show them, we the people are the power AND THAT WE DO NOT NEED LEADERS!”

The man standing in the center was quite charismatic. After his speech, the group surrounding him clapped. They liked this kind of cheesy talk? I didn’t even listen to most of it, it was just loud to me. Though he seemed to get quite a lot of attention, and they all seemed to admire him.

A woman walked up next to him then.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

‘Citizens! Open your eyes and look around you. Carefully. How many of our children have gone missing lately? How many of them never came back? How many parents don’t even know if their children are still alive? Connect with your neighbours, and find out. Because children go missing every day, forced to be killed as a sacrifice, or forced into prostitution. Citizens, we MUST BE NOISY TO STOP THEM! LET US NOT-’

Suddenly, electric beams were fired at both the man and the woman, and the group surrounding them. There was shouting now, everyone tried to run away to save themselves.

There was chaos. As a soldier, I probably should step in. I hesitated at first but then I saw one of my comrades, a senior General, Roy Rigg.

‘What you standing here around for, Dawood? Already a useless punk, are ya?’ He pushed me forward, telling me to help out with the motion.

‘Common, we are to arrest these four. They are nothing but trouble to our nation. Fuck them,’

‘Understood.’

Tch. I was sure a gathering like that wouldn’t end well, especially with all the lies they spread about our country, the Preseus wouldn’t just allow that to happen.

I unleashed my sword and went through the crowd. I didn’t really need to put up a fight, I was just moving through a group of civilians after all. However, when I neared the four people standing in the center, the two speakers and two others who seemed to belong to them, I saw that they were fighting with our soldiers. And well, they were fighting them with just their fists, no weapons.

Oh bloody hell.

How bold and reckless?

‘FUCK OFF! LET ME GO!’ I was surprised to see that even the woman fought with her fists. They were struggling for quite a while. They punched at our men again and again, but they just ended up being punched back harder. I didn’t really want to bother punching them. They didn’t have any weapons, they were no threat and most of all they were civilians. Aren’t we supposed to protect the civilians?

I was disappointed to see Roy and some of my comrades beat them up really badly. Should I step in? Haha, that wouldn’t even help. I mean.. my comrades were fired up and angry now. They’ve been punched by them and they started unnecessary chaos in the city. They got what was coming for them.

Yet… I did feel bad when I saw the two women bleed from their nose.

The guy who spoke was punched unconscious. That wasn’t a nice sight either. It didn’t really need to end like that did it?

‘Bastard, just standing around letting us do all the work? I’ll let Dominic know this.’ Roy yelled at me as he cleaned his bloody nose.

‘You really handled them well already. They were rather defenseless against so many of us, so I didn’t really need to step in.’

‘Well go and bring the loud bastard into his cell at least then. And make sure he doesn’t have a good time there. You’re on duty to look him over. Even if it’s your day off, don’t slack off, brownie.’ Roy laughed and walked away, leaving me baffled with one of his discriminating slurs. It wasn’t unusual for him and I was able to shrug it off.

I helped a comrade carry the loud guy into his cell. Strange. His charismatic voice didn’t match his statue. I thought carrying him might be tough, but he was actually not heavy at all. He was so thin, I was able to feel his bones. He wasn’t short, but extremely thin. No muscles either and his face was all bones. I wondered how such a man could build up the courage to rebel against our leaders?

We moved into the cell and I was left alone with the thin guy. Well, what a day. First the argument with my sister, now I no longer have a day off. I am on duty just because I decided to go into the city centre. And I didn’t even know for how long I’d need to stay here.

He was out of it and all I could do was stare at him. What an entertaining day. To think that I was actually just about to go and eat something nice. Gah, what a shame.

‘Nghhh..’

Huh? Really now? He was already awake?

‘Ugh, fucking bastards.’

‘Enough with the swearing and shouting already, you are no longer in the city. And if it wasn’t me with you here, you’d be getting more punches.’

‘Oh hey slave.’

‘Huh?’ Almost sounded like my sister speaking.

‘Slave to the Dominus Generis, that is all you are. You don’t have ideals of your own. Pitiful, you live for them and you will die for them. Hit me as hard as you want, it won’t change my vision! It won’t change the truth of the world they try to hide!’ As he shouted that out, he almost seemed crazed.

‘Calm down would you.’

‘Calm? What is calm? Who decides what calm is? You? Who are you to decide?!’

‘I think you should sleep some more.’

‘I won’t sleep until I deliver the truth.’

‘Well, as you noticed today, that doesn’t seem to go too well for you and your friends. They were all beaten up and imprisoned. Don’t you feel bad for them?’

‘Tch. We are used to it by now. This isn’t our first time doing this. And we will continue doing it. To shut us up, they will have to kill us.’

‘Well, I don’t like my comrades hitting women though so you should probably stop taking the women to your shouting gatherings.’

‘I can’t stop them from coming. We know no rules. A human is only free without rule.’

‘That is not true. If a human is not following rules then he will do whatever the hell he wants, even killing someone.’

‘Haha! That is what you do though. But tell me, why is it right of you to kill someone? You are following orders without questioning them. If I kill someone, I am a murderer and I will serve a life sentence in prison. If I am lucky that is. Most likely, I will get the death sentence. You, on the other hand, will be celebrated for committing murder. Why is that? Do you know, slave?’

‘A situation of war is different.’ Yeah that was true. But strangely, this guys comment remembered me on the unhonourable task I was given last week, to kill a man without reason, just for the Preseus’ entertainment. That was wrong. But it wasn’t the norm and he still didn’t figure out why such a thing was asked of him.

‘How is it different? Are the ones you kill in a war not human?’

‘Well.. ‘ He had a point. But it was obvious wasn’t it? That is how wars are fought. Always have been.

‘You have no answer to that because you are blinded. They fed you all their lies. History, religion and creation, are all lies, nothing they tell us is true. Research and learn the truth. If you won’t, then you will forever live a miserable life and die serving them.’

‘It is a soldier's duty to die for their country.’

‘How can you die for a country? Can a country speak? Foolish! The orders given to you are given to you by another human being. So a human being orders you to kill one of his own. If you believe in any Gods, do you think this is what they would have wanted if they created us?’

‘I don’t believe in what is not proven.’

‘You can not prove the existence of Gods, but you also can’t deny their existence, because you don’t have any proof for that either.’

I didn’t know how to reply to this, he was actually right. I had no proof to support my claim that there are no Gods. But at the same time, there was no proof of their existence, there were just stories, tellings, myths.

‘Tch, you soldiers are all the same. You just refuse to learn. You want to continue living your dull life. So keep on getting up early every morning to work and feed your leaders. They would let you die in the blink of an eye.’

I didn’t know how to reply again. My mind was too small to process all of this. I never heard someone say stuff like this. My sister wasn’t like this either, she was all about the Gods and our nation being the greatest, basically she was the Dominus Generis but as a half Perdiesian and Miltrafian. But hey, she should never ever hear I thought this.

For some reason, this man made me curious.

‘What is your name?’

‘Acipe Verum.’

‘Nice to meet you then, Acipe Verum. My name is Dawood Saidi. Know that I am not the type of soldier here to beat you up. I am just going to keep watch over you until they tell me to leave. Simple as that.’

‘Hah, a good slave you are. Come on, beat me up. I am sure they’d be happier with you. You might even get a reward.’

‘No. I don’t enjoy hurting others without meaning.’

‘There is no meaning in hurting others whatsoever.’

‘Well, you did hurt my comrades. General Roy Rigg had a broken nose. Did you do that?’

‘Oh, do you mean the old bald guy? Yeah I did that, he was just annoying. Thinking he can rule us and looking down on us. I’ll have none of that.’

‘Well, he’s always like that.’

‘And you allow it? Well, I guess he is in a higher position than you are, leaves you no choice. You were taught to accept a hierarchy. Foolish.’

‘Well, I don’t see a point in arguing. Life is short, so we should enjoy it to its fullest.’

‘You can enjoy life when you kill innocents for your leaders? How can you even sleep at night?’

‘Like I said, I am not a killer.’

‘You are exactly that. It’s what you are getting paid for,’

‘My duty is to protect the land, even you are protected by us soldiers.’

‘I don’t want to be protected by those who keep me in a cage.’

‘A cage? You really are into this too much. I think the one rejecting reality is you.’

‘You stupid bastard. Think what you like. I am not here to waste my time convincing idiots like you. My words are for those ready to wake up. The great awakening is near! And the world will change forever.”

‘And you will be the one to do this?’

‘Me and others, there are many high spirits within our movement. But I won’t talk about it with you.’

‘Saidi? It’s your day off today isn’t it? I was told to send you off. I will be watching the prisoner. You go home and enjoy the day with your family.’ Another soldier, named the Blue Joe, came inside to take my place.

I leaned in to Acipe, whispering something.

‘Try to just be quiet so you won’t get beaten. I really do think you aren’t a bad person. I don’t want you to be hurt, okay?’

I stood up. Acipe just grinned at me.

‘Oh, I will embrace any kind of wrath. I will fight until I can fight no more, for the truth and for the children.’

I sighed. That man couldn’t be helped. Hopefully, he wasn’t secretly a masochist.

I left then. I had a bad feeling, likely, the other soldier would punch Acipe. But what could I do? There really was nothing I could do. Things were as they were meant to be, and there was no changing that.

—-------------------

I was hungry and it would be wise to go and eat something, however the talk with Acipe just a moment ago lingered in my mind. I couldn’t forget his words, his spirit. I was taught that it was important in life to become someone. But it wasn’t easy to become someone for just everyone. Sometimes, it wasn’t even possible. I never had any special talents but to fight, and even when it came to that, there’s people who were better at it. For instance my older sister Sanaaz. As a woman, she was a better fighter, with more skill and experience. And then there was the boy who used to be my best friend.. Haxamanis. Actually, I still considered him my best friend. It’s just that I didn’t see him in a long time. I didn’t know what he was doing. I just knew that he wanted to find his missing sister. Fauzia was her name if I remember correctly? I didn’t know her, but I always thought she was a poor girl. Hamza confidently thought she’d still be alive. It was unfortunate but I believed she was already dead. I never told him though.

Just as the woman who was with Acipe in the city centre preached, children go missing all the time. It was a mystery. These children never returned. What the woman said then, could it be any true? Hah. No way.

I looked over at the river. I wasn’t really sure anymore if this life was worth living.

Keeping in mind my task for the coming days, my thoughts became more uncomfortable.

I probably would allow myself to be killed instead of killing the man from Torikia. I just couldn’t bring myself to kill anyone just for the Preseas entertainment. So again, this made me a failure. I wasn’t ever going to be what I wanted to become. I thought that I became a soldier of honour, but if I can’t obey a simple order like that, then I wasn’t honourable at all.

Acipe called me a slave.. Lapis called me a slave. To them, me being a soldier meant nothing. To my parents however, well I at least do think to them it means something. I thought they were proud of me and believed I was protecting them and the country. But when I thought about it more deeply now, I realized my father didn’t even once praise me. My mother did, but mother praised all of us equally. She never made a difference between us as father did. For the longest time, I was an idiot to my father. I sometimes even thought he hated me. That man wasn’t able to show us boys love. Kian didn’t get any of his attention either.

I sighed and sat down by the river. It seemed like I wasn’t hungry anymore. All these thoughts upset my stomach.

But what was most important to me was.

I didn’t want to kill the man.

No, it was greater than just that.

I WON’T kill that man.

I clenched my fists and rose to my feet.

I wouldn’t go to eat. That could wait. There was something more important I had to do.

I was fired up now. I was walking at a very fast pace. My determination was great.

I pushed the familiar doors open and entered, finding my Officer Dominik. He stood at a table with more of my comrades. Roy Rigg, the Blue Joe and older female soldier, Susan. The Blue Joe was a proud and muscular man. He was about 190cm tall. He trained a lot of us, not in the art of sword fighting, his speciality was fist fighting. He loved the country and the Preseas, and he was extremely loyal.

Susan was a rather chubby woman, she had short reddish hair and kind of an ordinary face. I never really got close to her. She seemed cold and reserved, often mean even.

Roy Rigg was a choleric man who would shout at the smallest of issues. He was easy to get violent too, but at times, he had a good sense of humour. Out of the 4 present, Roy was the one I got along with most.

‘Saidi? What brings you here on your day off? Can’t stop thinking about the damned prisoner from before?’ Roy asked, giving a chuckle.

That being asked, since Joe was now here, I wondered who else was in charge of looking after Acipe.

‘Well. There is something I need to discuss with Officer Dominik.’

‘You want us out? No problem then.’ Joe shrugged and got ready to leave.

‘No. Dawood, our comrades can be trusted. Why do you want them to leave?’ Dominik asked.

‘Well, I don’t really want them to leave. I just thought what I had to say wouldn’t really concern them. But I am fine with them staying.’

‘So then, what is it you want to tell me?’ Dominik raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

‘I have a message for the Preseas and I want you to deliver it to him. I was ordered to fight a man from Torkia for the Preseas entertainment. Hereby, Officer Dominik, I reject the task. I will accept any punishment.’ I closed my eyes, bracing myself for what was coming.

…………..

There was an odd silence.

‘HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!’ Roy was the first one to laugh.

‘HAHAHAHAHAHA!’ Joe joined him, then Dominik too and lastly, Susan.

Huh? I didn’t tell a joke or anything like that. I was serious.

Their laughing went on for what seemed like hours. I just stood there baffled. I felt so stupid, not knowing how to act or what to say.

At some point, their laughing stopped slightly, though only Dominik could stop it completely.

‘Very well then, Dawood Saidi. Your message shall be delivered.’ Dominik finally spoke, still panting from how much energy he needed for his laughing.