(The first chapter is written in the POV of one of the major characters, Haxamanis Hayat.)

TW Violence

I woke up but my eyes wouldn't open. I wanted to keep escaping into my past, wanting to see that distant scene again and again. A fragile frame, long black hair, thick curls. Laughter and smiles. A spirit never to be seen again in my village. On that day, we were just exploring the whereabouts, exploring places far from the village. We were adventurous, making up our own worlds. There was not a thing that could stop us.

If only I could , I'd not only dream about this day again and again - no I'd relive it. I was stuck in a place I didn't like , and yet this dream made the feeling of being here better. To a certain point at least. Until the event that changed her fate, mothers fate, fathers fate and my own.

We went from laughter to screaming in a second on that day. My body trembles as I remember. A kick to my gut, another to my face. Forcing me down immediately. I was only 7 years old. As much as I tried to fight back - I stood no chance against two adult men. I used my fists, my legs to stop them from pulling at her. There was nothing I could do, all that I earned were more beatings. My body didn't want to give up - I knew I had to save her, it was my duty. I tried again, getting up, hitting them.

Eventually, they punched me unconscious.

———————-

"Haxamanis!" My eyes opened as a knock was heard on my door, someone calling my name.

"What is it?" I ask, sure to sound rather chilled and stoic, ignoring what I just remembered.

„We have a mission. There's a wedding at Kamara today. Approximately 5000 guests. We're going to be 6 men, me and you included. Get ready, we're leaving in an hour."

„Understood." Was my simple reply to the announcement.

It's been 5 years now since I've been in this organisation. A rebellious fraction that fights to convert the free lands into a rule of the Holy Book of Alatuarion- the one true God of Mercy - yet also the God of Destruction who orders his followers to slaughter anyone who acts in contrast with his rule.

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

In the book it says that man is not meant to live free - that his sole duty is to serve Alatuarion. That there's no joy in life and that you live to die. Becoming a martyr guaranteed a man of faith eternal life, surrounded by harlots who would serve his every wish.

Frankly speaking, an utterly stupid religion. It was not the religion I believed in, yet pretended to.

It was the power and information I desired. And this organisation gave me plenty of that in the years I worked for them already. It didn't matter if I had to kill thousands of people, behead women or children. What would it change? I couldn't become any more traumatised than I already was from losing her on that day.

The person I loved the most, my little sister, my Aries. Taken by three men who ambushed us on that ordinary, peaceful day. Just playing, laughing. I'll never forget the sorrow in her eyes when she begged me to save her, calling my name again and again. And yet I couldn't do anything for her. I was weak and useless.

I would never forgive myself for that day.

Just as my parents never have. They've hated me since that day. My father would beat me up everyday, and my mother would sometimes refuse to give me food. I was a failure - no longer their son.

Eventually mother died of what the hospitals called a heart attack - but people of our faith said it was the wound in her heart expanding so much that it made her bleed out from the inside. A slow death by sorrow so to speak.

Father died a year later. He was found floating in the river. Supposedly it was no accident but suicide. The man who always boasted about being strong - whose fists abused me day after day , did he kill himself because he couldn't take anymore of our sad tale?

I'd never find out but it was no longer important. I stopped having a family when I lost Fauzia. I had a fake family for a short while, another villager, Rhoozbheh Saidi, took me in.

The time spent at his place, with his nephews, nieces, sons and daughters... Those were some of the kinder moments I remember from what life was like after I lost her.

I finally stood up, picked up my weapons, two swords and a few daggers.

It was time already for our mission. Killing thousands to increase fear. To force the Rulers into submission. To assimilate and to forcefully convert. These were not my ideals, but I'd follow them until I found her.

In the meanwhile, my blood rose as I felt the excitement. It was like after so many years of sorrow, I finally had the opportunity to let loose.

I was frustrated, angry, blaming myself. But I would never end myself. Not before I find her and bring her to safety. To do that I'd kill - and I'd enjoy every moment of it. Their screams gave me what I seek.

Relief to my pain.