Chapter 24

Philly

The bus to Philly left at 6:00am and Sergei agreed to drop me off at the Greyhound station.

I got there early, way too early, and stared at the bare walls, ugly seats. A man sat in the corner, mumbling to himself, a shopping cart next to him. A security guard was napping on a chair. As I walked in with my duffel bag, the guard snored loudly. The place reeked of urine and chlorine. I took a seat and stared at a spot in front of me. I would have passed out, but each time I closed my eyes, I saw a vision of Ryder doing it to Dawn. It made me want to gag.

The bus was completely empty, except for me and the driver. He gave me a cold stare, and I took a seat in the middle of the bus, at random. I stared out of the window, still afraid to close my eyes. We drove like this in complete silence. The driver didn’t make an announcement, and I wondered whether we were even going in the right direction.

The thought that I had somehow boarded the wrong bus and was now headed to Columbus or Chicago crossed my mind. Then I saw the exit to Donegal. And remembered Aunt Molly. The trip we’d taken with April. Just two months ago. I stared at the scenery outside, trying to place the farm where the couple lived. I badly wished to return to that place, to that time, before I’d met Ryder. And Dawn. Before the Lab.

But there was no way back. Time is just a construct. Flashed in my mind. Ryder. I pictured his face on the screen. “I’m okay.” The vision said. Cars, trucks, passed us, there were the occasional stops, life was moving back, and I was propelled forward by the bus to nothingness. What was the point of anything? Nothing mattered. What was real and what wasn’t? I couldn’t tell.

The bus suddenly turned off the turnpike. “Midway Plaza” a green sign with white lettering flashed by. The bus parked and the driver mumbled into the microphone,

“Stop’s twenty minutes.” I stretched and looked out the window. I should get some food. I saw signs for Antie Anne’s and Sbarro. I guess I won’t starve. I got up and made my way out of the bus. I got myself a pretzel, downed it with some water, choking on the salt crystals, used the bathroom and got back on the bus. The driver stood by the door, smoking. I got a closer look at him.

He looked to be in his mid-forties, pudgy, with the gray hair and unhealthy skin of someone who spent too little time outside. A realization hit me. If nothing changed, one day I would be like this guy. Nothing special. Unhealthy. Unattractive. Alone. Making my way through life, counting the days until I was done. Time is just a construct. Bile rose in my throat. I needed to push that dream out of my mind. I needed to stop thinking about Ryder and Dawn. About everything. I nodded to the driver and got on the bus and made my way to my seat. Only it wasn’t my seat any longer. There was a girl, clutching a bag, holding it close to her chest, sitting in the aisle seat, blocking my way to the window seat.

She looked maybe fourteen or fifteen.

“Hi, is it okay if I sit here?” She looked up at me.

I didn’t answer.

“Yeah, I wanna sit next to you. I’m kinda nervous.”

“Alright. But you gotta get up to let me through.” I managed to say.

“Oh, yeah.” She rose, and I saw she was wearing jeans and a long hoodie. Just like I was. She must have noticed it, and we both laughed. It was like we had agreed to wear a uniform. She pulled on her hood and all I could see were her bangs sticking out slightly.

“I was asleep earlier. In the back. I got on in Cleveland.” She explained.

“I’m going to Philly.” I shrugged.

“I’m just heading to Harrisburg. I’m Kelly. What’s your name?”

“Rodion.” I said without thinking and immediately cringed, anticipating the usual reaction. Confusion, then questions. But Kelly gasped:

“That’s a cool name! I wish I had a cool name like that, too!”

“Oh, yeah?” My dark thoughts started to dissipate. Whoever she was, I was grateful for Kelly’s appearance.

“I’m going to see my grandma. I might move in with her.” Kelly shared, “I didn’t wanna go, but my dad sent me.”

“Why?”

The driver got on, and the door closed with a hiss. The bus made a puffing noise, and we pulled away from the station.

“I might move to live with my grandma. My dad started dating this new chick, doesn’t want me around no more.” Kelly spoke matter-of-factly.

“And your mom?” I should have known not to ask, but I needed to know.

“Dead.” Kelly looked away.

“Mine too.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s been.” I started to count. I should have known the number of years Mama had been gone by heart, but I choked. “Almost ten years.”

“You must have been real small then when your mom died.”

“I was. Yeah. But I remember her well.”

“Me too.” Kelly said. “But for me, it’s been just two. Not long. It hurts, like real bad.”

“Yeah. It sucks.” I shared.

“It kinda feels like someone took a bite out of me,” Kelly said. “You know, like a part of me is missing.”

“Totally. So true.” I bit my lip.

We spoke for over an hour until it was time for Kelly to get off at Harrisburg. Meeting someone with a life situation that was as unstable as mine, or even worse, made me feel better about myself. I wasn’t the loneliest, saddest person in the world. There were others like me out there.

“Good luck.” I told Kelly, as she rose, clutching her bag to her. It was a worn blue LL Bean bag with initials MAL on them. Kelly noticed me eyeing the bag.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“It used to be my mom’s. Melissa Ann Lyons.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I use it now. It’s probably twenty years old, but it’s still awesome. It’s like indestructible. And it’s like my mom is always with me.”

“That’s amazing.” I thought of giving Kelly my number, but decided against it.

Kelly waved at me as the bus pulled out of the station. Right after she left, I closed my eyes and dropped into a deep sleep. I woke up to the bus driver shaking me awake. I opened my eyes and saw a bus depot. It looked just like the one in Pittsburgh, only bigger. And right outside was April. She was peering into the dark bus windows, searching for me. I jumped and knocked on the window.

“Easy, tiger. Hold your horses.” The bus driver chuckled. “Don’t forget your stuff.”

“I won’t. Thank you.” I grabbed my bag and walked to the door.

“Rodion!” A huge smile appeared on April’s face. “You made it!”

She looked light and airy, like a patch of the sun in the sea of grime and dirt of the Greyhound station.

“Hi!” I leaned in to hug her.

“No!” She giggled and kissed me on the mouth. A deep, passionate kiss. Someone whistled. “Get a room.” April pulled back.

“I missed you.” She said.

We made our way out of the bus station and to West Philadelphia. I somehow imagined the Fresh Prince popping up to start singing his song, but soon realized Penn was nothing like that. It was a city within a city. Its own thing. April was living in a huge, Victorian-looking place called the Quad. It was enormous, with long corridors and oak doors that looked like they were straight out of Harry Potter. We ran into at least five identical dudes, all wearing Wharton-logo hats and beige pants with loafers, who said hello to April. I didn’t react, though they definitely made me feel out of place.

“All the freshmen live here. Well, most of us,” April said, leading me to her room.

“What’s Wharton?” I asked, frowning.

“It’s the business school at Penn.” April explained. “That’s where my dad went. The best in the country.”

“Oh.”

April had a roommate, some chick from New Jersey, who went home that weekend, and we had the place to ourselves. It was small, not much bigger than my bedroom, and looked out onto the Quad.

“So are you friends with her?”

“My roommate? I guess we got no choice but to get along.” April smiled. “She’s nice.”

“What if you didn’t like her? Like, what if you really didn’t get along?”

“I guess we’d figure it out if that happened. But people are generally nice.”

“That’s not true.” I frowned. “There are some terrible people out there.”

“Oh, Rodion, I keep forgetting. I’m sorry.” April petted my arm. “Here, have a seat.” She pointed at the bed. I sat down and she sat next to me. She turned to face me and touched my cheek.

“I missed you.”

“Me too.” I mumbled, averting my eyes. Dawn had flashed through my mind. “You got so many books.” I pulled back and turned the attention to her cluttered desk. There was a pile of textbooks, some notebooks, papers.

“Yeah.” She moved away and gave me a pointed stare. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I can tell something is wrong.”

“It’s nothing.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired from the trip.”

“Alright. You can nap when I study this afternoon.”

“You gotta study?”

“Yes, I have to prepare. Got my first exam next week.” April pointed to one of the pile of papers as if that explained anything. “Economics.” She said with pride in her voice.

“Alright, cool.” I took another look around the little room and noticed the tiny refrigerator sitting in the corner. It was square, dark brown and produced a buzzing noise. “What’s this for?” I walked over to it, eager for a distraction.

“This is for snacks and stuff. I rented it at the beginning of the year.”

“I see.”

“All the freshmen have one. It’s like, a thing.” April came up to me and put her arms around me. Feeling her body against mine unclenched something in me. I turned around and looked at her. I no longer saw Dawn’s face. I started blinking fast, and was on the verge of tears. I looked away and let out a sigh.

“Rodion?” She called softly. “Come here.” She kissed my face and wiped my tears. “Is everything okay at the Lab? You seem to spend a lot of time there.”

“It’s fine. I like it.”

“Have you seen my dad? What does he say?”

“Umm, Mr. McPhearson doesn’t really come down to the testing site.” I shrugged.

“Not at all?”

“Well, where I’m testing, it’s downstairs in this space. So if he comes by, I wouldn’t know it. I just stay there all day.”

“Are there any windows?” April gave me a concerned look.

“No. Why would there be any windows?”

“It’s just that maybe that’s why you’re not feeling great. It’s probably because of the daylight. You’re supposed to be out during the day, to see the sun. Otherwise you can end up getting depressed.”

“Come on!”

“I’m serious. I read about it. You need to be taking Vitamin D, otherwise, you can end up having mood swings. Like in the winter, people feel depressed, it’s because of the lack of sunlight.”

“Umm, okay.” I shrugged, feigning agreement. If April knew the whole truth about the Lab, she would seriously flip out. I couldn’t let on.

“Rodion, don’t joke. I’m serious.” She brushed her hand against my cheek. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“We don’t have to talk about it, but you should still at least take Vitamin D. We can go to CVS and get it for you before you leave.”

“Alright.” I agreed. And then something compelled me to add. “You know, Dawn also told me to be careful.”

“Who’s Dawn?” April tensed.

“This woman at the Lab. I dunno.” I felt as if stepping into an abyss. Repeating Dawn’s warning was making it real.

“What did she say?”

“I dunno. It was weird. I fell asleep at the Lab and then told her, and she told me I was playing with fire.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” April frowned. “Why did you fall asleep?”

“I don’t know. I kinda like passed out. It kinda creeped me out.” I shrugged.

“Rodion, what’s going on with you?”

“Don’t worry, April. I’ll be fine.”

“Listen, take a nap and then we’ll go to a frat party in later. I got invited by a few people. It’s over on Pine street.”

“Okay.” I fell asleep quickly, still reeling from the events the previous evening. When I woke up, it was already dark outside, and April was getting ready.

“Wake up, sleepyhead,” she joked and kissed me. I dragged myself into the shower, got dressed, and we walked to the frat party, holding hands. It was a crisp autumn evening, the leaves had turned yellow and red, and I felt almost okay. With April by my side, the world was fine. It was a place that made sense. Stable. Predictable. April had an explanation for everything. The reason for my strange dreams was a lack of vitamin D. Only that.

“I think this is the place.” April said as we approached a brown building with three Greek letters on the front. One of them looked like a Russian Ф, the sound for “Ph,” and I immediately thought of Phil. I gripped April’s hand tightly. “Are you alright?” She asked.

“Yeah, I’m cool. Don’t worry.” Inside, the place looked a lot like the Lab. The same layout, a living room, staircase leading upstairs. Is the Lab an old frat house? I wondered. The smell of beer hit me right away. A guy dressed in khaki pants, a blue shirt with a collar, and the Wharton logo on it approached. His hair was slicked back, and he had large blue eyes.

“Hey, April.” He smiled at her. “How’s that quiz? Are you ready?”

“Hey, Jason.” She giggled. “This is my boyfriend, Rodion.” Jason’s smug face darkened, but he extended his hand to me.

“What’s up, Man. You go to Penn?”

“No, Carnegie Mellon.” I lied.

“Oh, great school. Love the Steel City. The keg is right in the back.” He pointed to the kitchen, where a group of people stood with red plastic cups, cackling.

April moved in the direction of the keg and I initially followed. The smell of beer got worse, and I nearly gagged. I let go of April’s hand and stopped.

“Rodion?” She turned to me. “Are you okay? You’re so pale.”

“Listen, I don’t think this was a good idea. The beer. I dunno.”

“You wanna go back to the dorm?” April’s face looked concerned, caring. I felt like an idiot for leaving from the frat party so quickly, but the thought of drinking made me nauseous.

“I think it’s the alcohol. Makes me think of my mom.”

“Oh. I see. I guess it makes sense.”

“Sorry.” I mouthed as we walked out of the frat party and turned back to the dorm.

“I guess I shouldn’t go to places like this,” I said.

“I’m not a huge fan either. But I thought you might like it.” April shrugged.

“So you’re not upset we left?”

“Not at all. I hate beer.”

“So why did we even go?” We laughed at the same time. “You know, the bus drove by Donegal, and I thought of Mike and your aunt Molly today.”

“Oh yeah! We should go see them again.”

“You think?”

“Absolutely. They invited us back, didn’t they?” April spoke with such conviction that I, too, was certain visiting Mike and Barbara was possible.

“I guess they did.”

“We can go when I’m home for Christmas. What do you say? And you can actually do that past life regression.”

“Yes.” I leaned in and kissed her on the lips.