No post on Sundays.

Harry Potter's uncle Vernon had once infamously proclaimed so, with his wiry moustache wriggling on his beefy red face, tiny chicklets for teeth baring with a satisfied grin.

Wrong he'd been, oh how terribly wrong he'd been.

What Vernon did not realize before his fireplace had exploded with an angry horde of Hogwarts acceptance letters, is that Sunday is the most important day in the wizarding world for postage.

Well it was naturally the most efficient day of the week to mask the unusual flocking and flapping about of thousands of owls. Given that muggles tended to hide in their homes and sleep late on Sundays, they stood less of a chance at noticing the sky blackening out with supposedly nocturnal birds. Not that it was the only day to send an owl, but it was by far the most popular.

Hogwarts usually followed this structure when scheduling student mail days, putting a little verve back into closing weekends and the dread of the coming Monday.

However it was a Tuesday, and the Great Hall was jammed with aeronautically inclined fowl. Being that it was the Quadrivial Tournament, and so many visiting students required mail earlier then Sunday, an exception had been made.

It was sheer, unexpected chaos.

Owls were not often emotional or sympathetic creatures, and could hardly care less if they smoked people in the head with their own packages; turning parcels into missiles, breaking things, or landing ribboned jollies into soup just to splatter some poor radius of victims.

The worst was the droppings.

Guy's silver spoon clattered onto the wooden table top as a blob of slimy excrement flew just past his nose.

He frowned clownishly down at his soiled breakfast, "Right in my porridge, I dunno why I bother to eat on mail days and I dunno why we weren't warned of this catastrophic agenda alteration. Imagine if I hadn't noticed that, blimey. Would've been best off feckin' sleeping in."

He glowered hideously, hungover from the Loopy Lizard with a skin tone just about as green as one, slumping his bony cheek against his outstretched arm. His purple gaze blinked suspiciously up at Audette who was sitting across from him equally as unrested from her own wild adventure, yet it was not apparent at all in the way that her spine was perfectly straight and her energy positively vibrational. She was smiling like a lunatic, twirling a metallic spoon around in her coffee and sporting a jovial spirit.

She'd gone straight to Orgasm Heaven and back to Earth the night prior, and it was showing in every facet of her figure.

Cosmos narrowed his eyes, "And where were you last night and this morning Miss Peachy Keen? Why are you so dressed up - it's Tuesday, and we've got Cuthbert Binns for Ghoul Studies and that ought to murder any brevity of excitement for the entire afternoon."

"Well I probably shouldn't mention that I was sleeping in elsewhere. And can't a girl dream to dress dashingly any old day of the week, or is it only the days that you permit Cozzy?" she smiled coyly, ripping apart a croissant like a cat pouncing on a mouse.

She raised her viridian eyes to glitter them in the direction of Draco who was two tables across in the formal Ravenclaw section, returning her momentary glimpses of amorous cheek.

Guy groaned and sloppily stuck his nose over the mountain of his musty robes to investigate her flirtatious absorption. "Don't you Cozzy me. You were sleeping in with the devil himself, and now you've shown up late today all dolled up for Malfoy to gawk at. Sweet lord, spill the beans, every last one," he perked up slightly.

Audette had shown up as adorable as possible, having propped up her luscious blond locks with a thick velvety green headband smack dab in the middle of her skull.

She'd loaded her face with expensive makeup, delicate still, but much more than the usual nondescript application. And it was working; he couldn't stop stealing glances. In all honesty his burning interest was probably a combination of both her soigné, and the unforgettable intimacy of the night before.

Surrounded by ten of his eager friends and multiple Durmstrang boys, Draco's captivatingly bright eyes flickered back on multiple occasions to meet Audette's, the corner of his mouth curling upwards in a tickle of a smile to insinuate that he was in an uncharacteristically joyful mood about the circumstances.

The rowdy boys around Malfoy kept shoving into his shoulders, all generating sexually suggestive noises and sparing glances at Audette over their school hoods. Draco was not making a single effort to diffuse the hyperactive gossip about their hookup; snidely laughing, showing off his pearly white teeth and lifting his animated eyebrows interactively.

He would pause to soak up attention before once again gliding away on inaudible tangents, his gaze cool and slick as it travelled between his friends and Audette. She could make out two distinguishable words ebbing across his fluffy lips just then, fucking hot. He shut his eyes and lolled his head back, then opened them again on Audette with blistering, icy intensity.

Pansy turned from the riotous display of masculinity to raise her eyebrows at Audette, "Careful. He's bragging, and I'm sure he's being as vulgar as possible."

Audette shrugged off the uninvited input, pouring more coffee from an ancient kettle that kept fighting with her to pour itself instead, "Of what worry should I have that my boyfriend is bragging? Let him brag. He had the chance to be far more vulgar with me and he didn't take it."

"Boyfriend!" Guy stood from the table, absolutely squealing with delight. Across the way Draco paused what he was saying, his eyes flaring judgmentally at Cosmos. It would appear that more than half of the room was now peering at the outburst, and peering suspiciously between Audette and Draco.

Daphne's hair trailed into her breakfast as she leaned forward dramatically, "Did you sleep with him last night? How was he? Is he big?"

"Well no actu-hang on, what do you mean was he big? Haven't-"

Audette was hardly permitted to respond for herself, as Pansy strictly cut her off when she aggressively responded to Daphne, "Don't be silly, we'd know right away if they slept together."

"And how would you know that?" Audette narrowed her eyes at all of the feminine Slytherins who glanced away from her piercing green gaze. Even Guy looked down into the miserable mess that was his remaining porridge. Surely she was having a stroke.

Filled with suspicion Audette let the strange conversation slide, petting her Consciaur who was sat up on her placemat in his little knit sweater. He'd been clutching at a butter knife for a good ten minutes, wielding it like a sword with naughty black orbs. It must have looked verifiably terrifying to literally anyone else other than Audette who had sole permission to see the bear.

At his own table Draco had just finished unpacking several packages of his own, his Eurasian owl poise and posh at his side with it's nasty orange eyes trailing on everyone in the vicinity. It had a god awful reputation for randomly attacking anyone who looked into it's face for more than a few seconds, resulting in a crowd of boys all leaning far back on the benches.

Draco paused, his expression growing deeply satisfied as he drew out two small black boxes from his robes and tied them onto the bird's raised leg. He dared to whisper instructions to the hostile animal, which took off just hardly over the elevation of diner's hairlines and soared directly into the crown of Guy's hair.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

The bird viciously clawed at it's latest victim before Guy managed to shake free of it's slicing talons. With a shrill shriek the owl deposited the mess of boxes between them, then with a flap of it's powerful wings it disappeared through a propped open aperture in the highest level of the Great Hall.

"What in fecking tarnation, he did that on purpose, Malfoy that gigantic arse," Guy seethed over his shoulder at the group of roaring Slytherin boys, patting at his tattered lavender hair. It was small indecencies such as the owl attack that had resulted in him switching towers long ago, having grown exhausted by the constant male harassment.

Audette bit her lip as she reached for the presents, "Well look here, he's sent one for you too." She pushed the smaller black box at Guy, labelled with Draco's spidery cursive; Metamoron.

Catering to his lesser intelligences Guy dove straight for the velvety gift which ought to have been an obvious trap, tore open the box, and was instantly blasted in the face with an explosion of colourful potions. Within a matter of seconds he'd been transformed into a human paint palette, coughing and spluttering in outrage.

It was so funny and startling that even the angelic Beauxbatons could be caught giggling at the sopping boy. Audette pulled off the little silk bow Draco had placed on hers, foolishly faithful that he hadn't armed an identical assault for herself. He'd written a small note for her on the outside, simply inscribed Audette, without cause.

She pried open the top, and just like that a slew of the shiniest pennies she'd ever laid eyes on bobbed up into the air before her, charmed to form a glimmering, floating heart. Magic directed the flawless pennies to stack in a tall pile right at T-T's toes, who showed more energy and enthusiasm in his body language then Audette had personally witnessed. The bear gasped in joyful disbelief before proceeding to gnaw on the first disk of currency on the very top.

Thank you, Audette mouthed to Draco, who winked at her in return.

He stood, and several of the boys stood with him.

"Oh, if he thinks he's coming over here and I won't smother him with these potions he's gone positively batty," Guy commented immediately, glaring through the dripping glaze on his face.

Audette on the other hand hoped otherwise, only to be paralyzed the instant she comprehended where exactly Draco was going. With all of his closest comrades hooting and shoving behind him he walked authoritatively over to the Gorgon within the watery diaz, a torn piece of ivory parchment in his fingers.

No. The tournament was a death wish.

All of the blood in her body seemed to have disappeared, leaving her with an icy dread.

She'd just gone and fallen for the boy only for him to toss himself into a lethal contest. Audette's hands started to tremble obnoxiously at her sides as she slowly rose in horror, ignoring Pansy's cruel giggles at the look of despair blossoming on Audette's face, "Uh-oh, someone didn't know Malfoy was planning on entering the tournament."

The energy in the hall evolved into one of prospective curiosity; the first possible champion to enter from Hogwarts. Low murmurs erupted from the Hogwarts students, some hissing hatred towards the elegant Slytherin prince, others cheering him on. The Russians in particular caused a ruckus at the Slytherin table, knocking over items and banging on the wood.

Dumbledore watched through hooded, sideways eyes as Draco Malfoy stopped before the Quadrivial goblet sporting far too much arrogance. Without hesitation he dropped his inscribed name in the goblet which lit up with excited purple sparks.

He was eighteen, and he had every right to compete. The Gorgon made no move to punish the entry, and Draco spun around with a handsome, snarky smile.

"Ah, shite, the lunatic," Guy shook his head sympathetically when he saw the obvious distress Audette was suddenly under. Sadly there was no time to process what had just occurred, as they were all drawn to the angry shouting of Theodore Nott barging down the central aisle in one of his crispy black suits.

"Girlfriend? GIRLFRIEND?" he roared at maximum volume, his dark blue eyes glinting with the promise of murder. He walked straight up to a giggling Draco and twisted his hand in the front of Draco's school uniform, "You're breaking every rule, Malfoy. This is not a fucking game, it's war now."

Draco didn't seem phased in the slightest, seemingly of the impression that there was no danger to be heeded from the interaction. They were both tall boys, standing at around the same height, and Draco laughed directly into Theodore's crinkling nose, "Not even in the slightest Nott. You and I both know no technicalities were crossed."

"How dare you touch her. Back down or I'll end you," Theodore raged.

By this point several teachers had stood with extreme worry in their eyes. It had gone from a typical, sleepy Tuesday morning to a total madhouse of owls and arguments. Audette started to creep down the aisle, only to receive a swift hand motion from Snape to stay back. Like a gigantic bat he'd also crept closer and positioned himself a few meters away, his eyes thin and watchful.

Draco popped his eyebrows mockingly, "Define end me. I do apologize but the threat is so vague I'm not certain how to scale my concern."

"I'll snap your fucking neck. End it with her, or I'll end you," Theo growled.

Draco's facial expression flattened, his icy eyes darting between Theodore's inches away, "Ah so we've graduated from rearranging my face to full-blown quadriplegia. Are you confident that is what Audette wants? If last night provides any indication, I'd say she's very pleased to be my girlfriend."

"THAT...is...enough," Snape stepped forward with his wand extended directly between their scowling faces. "The only thing that will be ending is this foolish balderdash. You have both been warned to steer clear of one another. There will no snapping of necks. If you cannot resist your emotions Mr. Nott, then I will have no choice but to expel you."

The entire room was so quiet Audette could hear her own breathing.

Draco blinked at her momentarily over Theodore's shoulder, "Sit down, Audette, before this psychopath comes at you too."

Slowly, Theo unwrapped his fist from Draco's white dress shirt in defeat. He turned, shaking with rage, and upon seeing Audette standing there he completely lost his mind.

A nearby Ravenclaw literally jumped out of her seat when Nott lashed out in her direction to grab at a quill she'd been writing out homework with. He tore a corner off her parchment, scribbled onto the paper, and then swung around Draco to toss it into the goblet.

"Oh, this is going to be interesting," Guy clapped a hand to his mouth somewhere underneath all of the hardening potions on his face.

Theo stopped next to Draco, glancing once at the hovering, defensive Professor, "There's no rules in the tournament and no one to protect you in there, Malfoy. I'll see you inside."

"So you will," Draco responded darkly, almost with a look of disbelief at the extremist gesture.

Audette hadn't held high expectations for Theodore to handle the news of her new relationship with Draco very keenly, but nothing so extreme could have been anticipated.

As he walked past her with a scalding glare in his eyes she faltered, wishing she could reach out to him but knowing she couldn't. Little tears swelled in her eyes at the look of betrayal and ruination in his oceanic orbs.

Audette shot into hyperdrive, stomping towards Draco as the rest of the room went back to normal blathering and eating. "What did you just do?" she failed to mask her panic, blushing up at him as her temperature soared.

Draco grabbed her arm roughly and dragged her away from his howling friends, "Relax. I was planning to enter into this tournament for years. Don't think I would miss my only opportunity for a girl, even one as important as you. What is done is already done."

"I'm important?" she asked breathily, her heart rate reaching a level of dangerous discomfort.

"Yes, obviously," he sternly responded with an eye roll.

"Well if I'm so important why can't you find a means to act civil with Nott for my sake? You could both be killed, I cannot fathom what I will do if something happens to either of you," Audette began to whimper childishly.

Draco dug his nails into her arm where he was still clamping onto her, "So you still care about that fucking prick, is that what you're telling me to my face?"

"I don't want anyone to die," Audette choked on burning air.

Draco scoffed impatiently, "This is exactly what I knew you would do today. Predictable panic attack. I warned you that you were rushing with me. You listen to me; I won't die-"

"-you don't know that with complete confidence," Audette baulked, wishing that she wasn't catching sight of Harry Potter's nosy face in the background. He was paying far too much attention to their private conversation, and it was making Audette's skin crawl.

An angry line formed down the center of Draco's forehead - an infamous feature of his when he was genuinely enraged. She had seen it before many times, coupled with a furious sneer. He puffed out hot air, "I can personally guarantee that I will not die, and your boyfriend is the only person you should be worried about dying. I am your boyfriend. If Nott is idiotic enough to come for me out there then he'll be digging his own grave, Audette."

A sharp look of intrigue flickered across Harry Potter's expression, and Audette saw him lean towards Ronald Weasley to whisper something. Perhaps it was out of concern for Draco's wellbeing, but Audette figured that the chance of that was about one in a million.

Draco kissed her forehead, pinching her cheeks on either side. A hundred shades of blue filled her vision as he peered at her seriously, "Now I don't want to be left with a sour taste from you again. You promised me you were over Theodore Nott, so allow me to deal with his hysteria. Is that clear?"

Audette nodded, but the nod was a lie. The only thing that was clear was the sheer fright of Theodore dying over her decision to move on with his former best friend, and the possibility that she would never speak with him again.