They travelled south this time, curling through the mountains that hemmed the city in before disembarking to exchange the train for a small bus.

“Keep your eyes out the front window,” Joshua warned, “these roads are curly.”

Thankfully it wasn’t a long trip as Ally’s stomach was rolling by the end of it. The bus took them to an air bridge walking trail.

“Are you afraid of heights?” Joshua asked then closed his eyes and swore softly. “Sorry, that was a stupid question.”

“Got any vodka?” He opened his eyes and looked at her. Ally was as surprised as he at the attempt at humour.

“Let’s skip alcoholic beverages this time.” He chuckled. “Mitch! How are you?”

“Josh! What are you doing here? There aren’t any school trips booked.” The organiser said, coming over.

“Just the two of us today. Can I take Ally out?”

“I think she already is.” Mitch dolled out the safety gear. “I’d be going with you but Josh’s an accredited guide.”

“Of course he is.”

“I called yesterday. Abby said she’d do me up a day pack.”

“I’ll grab it. It’ll be in the cooler.”

Joshua put an insulated bag into his backpack and looked at Ally. “Shall we?”

She followed him through the forest which was thick with dark green leaves and the smell of wet earth before they began to climb steps built around the trunk of one of the larger trees.

“In spring this place is teeming with students on excursions,” Joshua explained over his shoulder, “Hector likes getting kids in touch with nature.”

Ally concentrated on taking each step, puffing as she climbed. At the top there were a series of rope bridges that wound their way through the treetops. Birds scattered as they walked through the various pockets of sun and shade, a breeze dislodging leaves and Ally could smell the flowers in bloom. They walked for an hour then stopped at a ledge of rock. Joshua sat with his legs hanging over the edge and unpacked the insulated bag.

“Sandwich?” He held two sealed packets out. “There’s ham and mustard or chicken and mayo.”

“I told you,” Ally sighed, “it all tastes the same.”

“Maybe I’m just making sure you’re not allergic to something?” Joshua waggled both packets. Ally almost snatched one and sat down.

“You know you can be a little irritating.” She pried it open and bit into the white bread.

Joshua only laughed, not worried at all. They had reached a high point in the forest, the tops of the trees forming a canopy of green that stretched away, dipping down in the valleys and climbing the slopes of the mountains. Ally felt the sun touch her shoulders and remembered her hair was still wet from the shower. She pulled it out of its plait and used her fingers to comb it, letting the sun dry the dark strands until they lightened into a copper red hue.

“You must get your hair from your mother,” she looked at Joshua who opened a bottle of water, “the picture of your dad has him with really dark, ash brown hair.”

“Where did you see their pictures?”

“On your bedside.”

“Oh,” Ally nodded, “yeah, red hair like my mum…actually everything like her. I heard someone say my parents had made a clone of my mum rather than having children.”

“People can say stupid things sometimes.”

“I dunno,” Ally leaned back on her hands, “I look at pictures of myself as a child and pictures of my mum at the same age…and if it wasn’t for the faded quality or dated fashion, I’d have a hard time telling who was who.”

She gazed at the blanket of green, feeling quiet and calm.

“When did they die?” She jolted and looked at him in shock. “The note to Hannah…not your parents and their photos with you in them…they’re at least five years old.”

Ally swallowed. “Dad was in construction…he was the foreman at a big building site. A crane dropped its load too early. Dad managed to throw people to safety but was killed in the process.”

“Ally, I’m so sorry…”

“That was my dad…always giving…even until it killed him.”

Ally picked a piece off the sandwich and put it in her mouth. It didn’t taste like much at all. She couldn’t even tell which sandwich she was eating.

“What about your mum?”

“She wasn’t around by then,” Ally paused, “not that she’d died…not by that stage.” She sighed and put her sandwich down. “Mum wasn’t happy in the marriage. She was referred to a therapist by a work colleague to talk her problems out. The therapist told her the reason she wasn’t happy was because she was same sex attracted.” Ally pressed her lips together. “Mum told her friend what the therapist had said and her friend at work, Matilda, said she’d known it all along but wanted mum to realise it herself…”

“Uh…the therapist had no business telling your mum what she was,” Joshua shook his head, “that’s not their job.”

Ally shrugged. “Within a week mum had moved out and into Matilda’s home where she could be ‘safe’.”

“Your dad was violent?”

“No, not at all,” Ally shook her head, “he was so hurt…so lost. He thought the therapy would help mum by talking out her problems…he never saw it coming. After it happened, I spent a lot of time at Gigi’s.”

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

“Gigi?”

“A lady who lived in the same cul de sac as us. She was a grandmother to all us kids who needed one. Every time mum would come round to see me, I’d hide at Gigi’s.”

“How old were you?”

“Thirteen.” Ally counted then nodded. “It was just before my birthday. I was so angry at the time, hurt and betrayed. Gigi told me I couldn’t just shut her out so I went over to their home just once…but I couldn’t stand to see them together. I barely recognised my mum.” Ally sighed. “I got out of there the moment I could and refused to answer messages or calls…then she started sending through links to same sex proactive websites and articles on the gender revolution.”

“It wasn’t about gender,” Joshua said softly, “you were hurt because your mum left.”

“In the end she sent this big rant about how we were the same, that I would follow in her footsteps, and I couldn’t deny it any more than I could say she wasn’t my mother.” Ally swallowed. “I think she might have been drunk at the time. Then she stopped messaging me. After a while I tried to reach out, after dad died but all my messages went unanswered. I suppose I deserved it.”

“Ally…”

“I didn’t know she’d died until Hannah saw the news article about a suicide…she’d hung herself.” Ally looked at Joshua and saw there were tears in his eyes. One broke away and trickled down his cheek. She watched it fall, compelled to brush it away.

“You’re not your mother.” Joshua sniffed.

“I’m not anyone really.” Ally brushed the crumbs away and stood up. “Should we keep moving?”

Joshua looked up at her, squinting into the sunlight. “A moving target it harder to hit?” Ally didn’t know what to say. Joshua stood and picked up his backpack. “Want to head down to the forest floor?”

“Sure.”

It was cooler at ground level, the trees blocking much of the sunlight so that only shafts broken through, creating natural stained glass effects across the fallen leaf carpet. Ally walked, her hand running over the trunks of trees, closing her eyes and hearing the dull sounds of a resting forest.

“I keep thinking any moment now a Watcher is going to jump out and raise the alarm,” she remarked, “or I’ll set off a Stalker mine and have to run to escape it.”

“Sounds exhausting. Is this from the Horizon game?”

“Yes. Machines were created to look after the earth and make it habitable again but of course, something went wrong and they became dangerous to humans.”

Joshua walked beside her. “So what does this Aloy do?”

“Helps people, clears out bandit camps…”

“How?”

“Bow and arrows mostly, her spear for close combat…”

“Can you do any of that?”

“Nope.”

“But Aloy…she’s you? Ally and Aloy?”

“I think she’s who I wanted to be.” Ally clambered over a fallen tree trunk covered in moss and toadstools. “Defiant in the face of inevitability, driven by compassion and the unanswerable question…”

“Which is?”

“What was the purpose of her life.”

“And what was the answer you came up with?”

Ally turned and looked at Joshua calmly. “For it to end.”

He didn’t berate her for her answer though she had given it bluntly.

“All life does,” he nodded, “but hopefully there’s lot of laughter, tears, challenges, triumphs and love in the living part. Does Aloy have a romantic interest?”

Ally’s jaw tightened and she looked away. “Is it this way?” She pointed as she put some length into her stride. Joshua jogged to reach her then matched her frantic stride.

“Are your parents in the game?”

“I…yes I put them in there though you wouldn’t recognise them.”

“Aloy’s parents?” Joshua frowned. “Wait…she was a clone, wasn’t she?”

“Of a woman called Elisabet Sobeck.” Ally saw the question before Joshua could ask it. “My mum’s name was Elisabeth.”

Joshua’s mouth made an ‘O’ shape and kept walking. “And your dad?”

“He got two mentions,” Ally smiled, “one as Rost, the man who raised Aloy on his own in exile and I put his name, Charles, as one of the Alphas chosen to help make Gaia, the AI that would save the world.” She put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. “Well…go on then. Freud me.”

Joshua shook his head. “Why when you’re clearly aware of it?”

Ally dropped her hands. Their walking slowed to enjoy the quiet atmosphere.

“What happened to both Elisabet and Rost…and Charles too?”

“Rost died saving Aloy and Charles died when someone betrayed the Alphas and vented the atmosphere.”

“Yeesh. And Elisabet?”

“She sacrificed herself to keep Gaia and the Alphas safe.”

Ally looked at the ground as they walked, following little white stone markers that led the way back to the starting point.

“It sounds as though you honoured their memory.”

“I…I tried to…even if I didn’t agree or understand…”

Ally felt oddly drained by the day. She sat on the sidelines watching Joshua teach a tae kwon do class where he wore a white outfit with a black belt and collar and taught children as young as five up to twelve. A whole host of mothers and a few fathers sat around the outside, watching as their children went through the movements, Joshua showing how to correct their stance and then paired them up to practice punches and kicks against adolescent helpers who operated under his supervision.

“I can’t tell if half the women are here for their children or the eye candy.” One mother remarked slyly next to Ally.

“Eye candy?” She nodded towards Joshua. “Oh…”

“Lots of single mums…and not so single mums brave CBD traffic for this class. Which one’s yours?”

Ally frowned then blanched. “Oh…none of them.”

“Okay…” The mother studied her a little suspiciously.

“Joshua asked me to come watch.”

“I see…” From her tone Ally knew she didn’t have a clue but that was okay with Ally.

The class ended with all the children lining up in front of Joshua and performing a punch or kick that he named and he blocked them then they bowed and the child ran to their parent to put their shoes on. When all the children left the room, Joshua spoke to the teenagers, praising their efforts and the room emptied of children and filled up with residents of the apartment building, eager for the tai chi class. Joshua looked at Ally and jerked his head towards the floor. She shook her head and he grinned before turning to the class and running through the opening poses. It always started with breathing. There was five minutes of just breathing in and out, different poses, different motions but just breathing in and out.

It was rhythmic and hypnotic. Ally couldn’t help but follow along, her breathing regulating with the poses. She closed her eyes and could almost hear the waves moving up and down the sand, the popping of the bubbles in the foam and the rise and fall of the ocean.

She started when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Sorry,” Joshua squatted down, “I didn’t want to interrupt…I thought you might even be asleep.”

“No…I was awake.” Ally looked around at the empty room. “All done?”

“Yeah.” He stood up. “You were out of it.” Ally smiled then paused. She didn’t want to get up. She was so relaxed. “Want to try a few of the moves?”

Ally licked her lips. “Just us?”

Joshua nodded and held out his hand. “No one to feel self conscious in front of.” She allowed herself to be pulled up and stood on the foam mats in her bare feet. “We’ll do a few of the breathing moves first. Stand with your legs apart in line with your shoulders…a little more. There. Now, with your hands we’re going to rise to breathe in and sink to breathe out.” Joshua stood facing her. “Ready?”

Ally trembled, terrified for some unknown reason. She couldn’t master the stance, her body shaking and she couldn’t hold the breath in for long enough, gasping before she could breathe it out.

“I can’t do this…I don’t know why.” She dropped her arms.

“You were breathing with the class only minutes ago. Can you find that rhythm again?”

“I don’t…”

“What were you thinking about?”

Ally blushed. “The waves on the beach.” Joshua smiled and she rolled her eyes. “Shut up.” She said, unable to squelch her smile.

“Then let’s move to the rhythm of the waves. Breathe in…breathe out…waves coming in…waves going out…” He stopped speaking after they both settled into the same timing and Ally found herself moving quite naturally to the organic sound in her head, waves washing up on the sand then retreating only to surge once more.

Without telling her, Joshua changed his motion from simple rise and sink to pushing to the side, breathing in, pushing out then swapping sides.

When Ally lay in his bed that night, staring at the ceiling, she breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. The memory of the sunlight on her face, the brush of a breeze tossing handfuls of leaves about the forest canopy and the cool, secret atmosphere of the forest floor returned to her and she slipped into a deep sleep.