After they returned the kayak to the cabin where Bridget was happy enough to hear that the glow worms were still glowing and then took the hire car back to the train station, they enjoyed a smooth ride back into the city as dusk was settling in. They braved the crush of rush hour foot traffic as they left the station which emptied out only a ten minute walk from the CBD.
“Everyone’s out for a good time,” Joshua paused at the mad intersection where cars were flying to get past the lights before they turned red and the pedestrians had right of way, “this is why I don’t drive in the city…it’s like…”
His words disappeared into the thrum of noise around Ally, her gazed turned upward as the blood in her veins chilled. One of the giant digital billboards, which had been promoting a new social media app, switched to darkness. Then Aloy’s face appeared, facing the earth, her long, red hair streaming out behind her, the stain of purple hue wicking up the strands. Written through the dark shade of eggplant were the words ‘Horizon Nemesis’ and beneath ‘Aloy’s final chapter coming soon’.
Anger, fear, betrayal, horror, despair, sorrow…Ally was overwhelmed.
It was as though the purple in the sign was pouring out, snaking its way across the CBD, through the people, around the cars until it stabbed into her, her soul stained and ruined.
She pressed her hand against her chest, so much emotion coursing through her body she was nearly sick. It hurt…it hurt so much…
All her plans, her desperate act to escape the agony…it returned to her with such voracity that Ally didn’t even think. She didn’t question or say anything.
Joshua was on the other side of the road, the lights going green further up. Ally hadn’t moved, still standing on the edge of the pavement. She looked right and saw a bus, with bright lights trying to cut through the dusky haze, steaming towards her.
Ally could hear Joshua yelling but she couldn’t tell what it was he was saying…
…when she stepped out in front of the bus…
…and was hit in the chest, knocked backwards, striking a wall of people, Joshua’s body colliding with hers, throwing her from the road. The bus brakes squealed and hissed, the large bulk screeching to a halt well beyond where Ally had been standing. The people that were knocked down by Ally and Joshua yelled angrily, some frightened and concerned but mostly annoyed, thinking it was a clumsy or rude act.
Ally pushed herself onto her elbow.
“Ally…Ally talk to me!” Joshua had a graze on his chin from the tumble and his eyes were filled with concern and fear. “Are you alright?”
Ally was struck by a surge of fury. She pushed him off and stood up.
“Why couldn’t you just let me die? Why couldn’t you leave me alone! Why did you have to make me feel again! I don’t want to feel! I don’t want this pain! I don’t want this anymore! I hate you! I hate you so much!” Her fists struck his chest and she yelled over and over, not caring who was watching or the spectacle they made. Joshua took her blows, his arms around her, refusing to let go.
Ally’s rage ripped open the well of sorrow she had capped inside of her and the grief poured from her body so hard it felt as though it would tear her apart.
“I don’t want to live…I don’t want this anymore…” She wept. “I don’t want to feel…I don’t want this…please…”
Oddly enough it wasn’t hard to get away from the scene they’d created. Most people were more interested in their Friday night plans to spare any worry about an attempted suicide. And because the crowds were so dense, Joshua only had to walk Ally safely across the street and into another crushing group before they were lost altogether from sight.
In his apartment Ally sat on the bed, her body aching from where she was bruised by the fall. Joshua sat on the edge, the graze on his face red and angry.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “the hardest part recovering from where you were is the onslaught of all those emotions you were trying to escape from.” He tilted his head, trying to catch her gaze. “They’re all there for a reason…the good ones and the bad ones…”
Ally lifted her head, her eyes red and her jaw wobbling as tears ran down her cheeks.
“Why couldn’t you just let me die?” She croaked. “This hurts too much…”
“What does, Ally,” Joshua urged gently, “what hurts? Who hurt you?” Ally’s lips pressed together and she shook her head. “What happened, happened…not talking about it won’t make it unhappen or reinforce that it did happen.”
“It hurts…”
“I know.”
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Ally shuddered, sniffing hard. “I…I wrote the first two story plots for the Horizon series and for the first game, I wrote the DLC.”
“What’s a DLC?”
“It’s a game add on, a way to extend the story with new locations, characters, story…” Ally licked her lips. “Frozen Wilds was Zero Dawn’s DLC and it was a fully integrated story, able to be played within the game itself. It had purpose, showing background as to how Gaia was able to be programmed so quickly by using Cyan as a blueprint and really fleshed out the Banuk tribe. I loved it.”
“That was the first game’s DLC?” She nodded. “Did the second game, Forbidden West, have a DLC?”
Ally nodded, tears flowing anew. “It was right after Kingsbury announced he was lightening his load to prepare for the wedding and I was feeling really…lost and broken hearted. Fred Farrows was put in charge of the game as an interim CEO. He said I’d done such good work that I should take a month off.” She put her hand over her mouth. “I didn’t know it at the time but he’d been listening to the focus group about what society wanted and had the think tank writers come up with the Forbidden West DLC, Burning Shores.”
“They wrote part of the story without your knowledge?”
“And announced it while I was away,” Ally sobbed, “I came back to discover this new chapter, that was slapped on the end of the game as though it was an afterthought, was now part of the ‘Horizon’ canon.” She grimaced, her chest paining her terribly. “The story was awful, it contradicted some things that occurred in the Forbidden West game, Aloy was…she made decisions and supplied FOCUSES to revolutionary characters…and they gave Aloy a love interest…her name is Seyka.”
Joshua stared at her, blinking slowly. Ally turned her head aside. “I…it made no sense! Aloy is a strong, independent character…and she turned into this puppy half pissing itself over a woman who was searching for her sister. She had nothing on Aloy yet Aloy was suddenly fixated, questioning everything…”
“They rewrote her according to what they wanted her to be…not who she was.”
“Aloy doesn’t need someone the same as her. She needs someone strong, quiet…who is always there even when they don’t understand. Seyka questioned her, fought with her, condemned her…it was like Aloy fell into an apologetic relationship!” Ally closed her eyes. “They took my work…my characters…”
“Ally…”
“That’s not the worst of it.” Ally’s words were tumbling out now, unable to be stopped. “After the DLC came out there was a huge backlash of negativity. Gamers said the story was lame, the characters were unbelievable and there was a lot of criticism over Aloy and Seyka. Farrows and Simons paid off the right people and made it so you can’t leave negative reviews about the DLC on a public forum. And as the game is a digital download, you can’t leave feedback on their website either…” Ally shrugged. “They keep flogging the same news stories, well done Horizon for becoming woke with a lesbian lead character…but they’re months old! It was Commando’s press conference coverage that praised it and there’s been nothing since.”
Joshua closed his eyes. “What a mess…”
“So when I was writing the plot for the last game, which I was under contract to do, I was told I had to be faithful to the ‘canon’ which included Burning Shores DLC.” Ally began to sob again. “Because Farrows and Simons couldn’t make the Seyka angle work…they said it would be better for Aloy to die in glorious sacrifice, a martyr for the earth just like her mother…because how could she ever have a future now that they screwed it up!” She stood up and paced. “I hate them! I hate them all for what they did! They took my work, my characters…my family…I don’t recognise any of them anymore.” She pressed her fists to her eyes. “I did what I was told and handed in the final showdown with Aloy being fatally wounded by Nemesis yet able to destroy it before it would render life extinct on earth…then I bought a bottle of vodka and tried to kill myself…because if Aloy’s doomed to die, following in her mother’s footsteps…”
Joshua stood up and grasped her arms. “You are not your mother and you are not Aloy!”
“I wanted to be!” Ally exclaimed. “I wanted to be my mother so much! She was bright and brilliant and wonderful…and then I wanted to be Aloy…now I don’t even know who I am anymore!”
He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her to his chest as she sobbed so hard her chest felt like it was going to break. She tried to stop but the dam had broken. “Cry as loud as you like,” he rubbed her back, “no one’s going to hear you and get upset.”
Ally clung to him tightly. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…I saw that billboard and it all hit me…all over again…all at once…I thought if I could just die then I wouldn’t have to feel any of it…” She closed her eyes, pressing her forehead against him. “You could have died…oh…you could have died…” Her knees gave way at the thought and she nearly slipped out of his arms. He knelt with her, still holding on. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…”
“Shshhhh…it’s alright. I’m fine.” He looked down at her as she pulled back, her fingers hovering over the graze. “I used to box. Trust me, this is nothing.”
Ally stared at him. “You could have died! Why? Why risk your life to save mine?”
Joshua brushed some of the red strands of her hair aside and stroked her face. “You smiled today…and laughed…both of those are more precious than anything. They’re worth fighting for…so is your story.”
Ally shook her head. “It’s all in the contract. Commando can do what they like…”
“Then write your own ending. Hell, rewrite the Burning Shores DLC and make it worthy of being called canon and then write the ending to Nemesis the way you want it to be.”
Ally blinked. “But…Commando…”
“It’s fan fiction,” Joshua insisted, “it’s not canon, not real or true to the story or in line with the story’s creator,” he gestured to her, “they can say and do what they like…but in the end you’re the one who decides.” He cupped her chin. “Give Aloy a life you’d like to live. Give her a future beyond other people’s opinions…don’t let them rewrite her and certainly don’t ever let them tell you who you are.”
“Who am I?” Ally asked quietly.
“I can’t tell you that.” Joshua smiled. “But I do know this, the Ally that was full of life and hope…and colour…she was her own person and not someone’s attempt at breaking ground by being trendy and socially acceptable.” He stood up and helped her to rise.
“I feel…lighter.” Ally held onto him, swaying on her feet.
“All the poison is draining away.” Joshua took her to the bed and peeled the covers back. “Sleep, Ally.”
She slid between the top and bottom sheet, Joshua laying the doona over her body. He leaned over her to grab the pillows he’d take to the lounge where he had been sleeping. Ally grasped his wrist.
“Please…stay…”
“Ally…”
“I won’t ask anything or do anything…” Ally promised. “I just don’t want to be alone.”
Joshua studied her then nodded. He walked around the bed, kicking off his shoes and climbed in the other side. Ally lay on her back and looked at him and smiled.
“Thank you.” She whispered.