"Oof! Hoof...!" Hats barely inched the heavy bed up the stairs, "Hnghhh...! Gah! Elegy~!"

Alas, calling out his friend's name proved fruitless, for Elegy was currently in a heated battle inside the bat roach hive. The only thing that made carrying a whole bed by himself more difficult is the fact that it was a spiral staircase. Each twist and turn meant Hats had to meticulously and methodically go about lifting the bed's legs one step at a time until he would eventually reach the third floor. This was, as one would expect, everything but easy.

"Darn it, didn't you say you would be there for me if I needed help?" He clicked his tongue, "Hmph, screw this! I'm not bringing this entire thing up by myself!"

And so, just like that, Hats opted to leave the bed halfway lodged inside the staircase as he ran up the stairs without it. His plan was to find the slacker Elegy and have him help with the lifting, but even when he climbed to the top, he couldn't find a soul. The lush Greenery of the jungle layer proved as empty as it was vast.

"Elegy~!" He shouted, "Elegy! Where'd he go?"

Suddenly, a grim idea popped into his head.

"Gasp, there's no way! Those b-bugs ate him...?!" He gulped, "Uuu, I-I better go check!"

Rushing forward through the third floor, he ran until he reached the same area Energy and Migu were still resting in—the dead bat roach valley.

"Eugh, I know they're dead, but I still can't get used to seeing them..." He shivered, "Hm? That voice...!? Elegy!"

"Hats!" Elegy shouted from inside the hive, "Is that you, Hats!?"

"It's me! I'm here!"

"Wait!" Elegy stopped him from rushing in, "Did you bring the bed with you!?"

Silence, and an awkward one at that. In times like these, Hats would really come to understand the importance of listening to your elders. He didn't want to disappoint Elegy, but on the other hand, he also didn't bring the bed with him. Yep, it was still stuck inside the staircase, so even if he rushed back to get it, it would take a considerable amount of time.

"Are you okay in there?" Hats thought to ask first.

"Who, me? I'm peachy!" Elegy laughed, "But I'm gonna need that bed, y'hear? I'll hold off the bat roaches while you go back to fetch it, but without it—this fight will forever be in a stalemate."

"Stalemate?"

"Draw."

"I don't have a pencil."

"Just shut up and bring me the bed!" He yelled.

Hearing the calm and kind Elegy suddenly raise his voice sternly at him made Hats break off into a sprint. Though Elegy did say he was doing just fine, it was obvious that Hats really didn't have as much time as he had expected. It didn't take him too long to reach the staircase leading down to the fourth floor, but once he caught a glimpse of the bed still stuck firmly in between the central pillar and walls, his Eyes narrowed.

"Gah, damned thing..." He pouted.

There wasn't any time to be gentle, so he had to resort to trickier tactics. Namely, turning the bed sideways significantly helped with freeing up space, but it had the downside of him scratching the bedframe with each step climbed. This was of no issue in his mind, however, for Elegy's safety was at stake here.

"Hngh... Come on!!" He yelled, "So what if I damage it a bit!? If it's magical, then it should be fine, right!? It can heal all of us, but not itself? My butt!"

Cursing it off until he finally reached the very top of the staircase, this time together with the object of interest, Hats flipped it back right side up before hoisting it over his head, keeping it balanced with his one arm. Eventually, this "balanced" state morphed into an over the shoulder carry due to the heavy imbalance on the missing arm's side, but he didn't mind. So long as he was moving, that's all that mattered.

"Elegy! Eleg-EEP!" He shut himself up, "B-Bug! One's alive in there...!"

After having rushed back to the bat roach valley, he happened to hear the sounds of munching, causing him to stop, dead silent. This roach was the one Elegy previously used to find the hive and subsequently the roach that tried to eat Energy's brain. Though, Hats doesn't know this of course.

"Keep quiet, keep... quiet..." Hats inched around the perimeter of the area slowly, "Don't scrape the walls, don't trip... Ack!"

As misfortune would have it, the mossy floor beneath him gave away. He caught himself quickly enough thanks to his alertness, however the sound all that shifting dirt made would have surely alerted the roach. That is, if it wasn't already preoccupied with another person...

"Phew, didn't notice me." He breathed a sigh of relief, "Elegy, you there?"

"Yo!"

If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

"Quiet!" He cut him off.

"Oh, sorry." Elegy sheepishly apologized, "Did you bring the bed?"

"Yup, it's here." He plopped it down on the floor carefully, "Come here and rest up."

A few seconds later, the most terrifying, grotesque, eldritch amalgamation of man, but and bat emerged before him. Hats wanted to scream, but because he knew that would surely alert the bat roach behind him, all he could do was stand there petrified. Thankfully, he soon learned this unknown being was merely a bloodied Elegy covered in bat roach guts, pridefully carrying a smile on his face.

"Hey thanks! I can always count on you, kid!" Elegy picked up one end of the bed, "Grab the other end, we're bringing it inside."

"Huh? You wanna sleep there?"

"Oh no, not for me." He chuckled, "Say, I should ask again if you're squeamish around bat roaches?"

"Ugh, incredibly so..."

"Oh." Elegy stopped, "Then you stay here. It's best I do the second half of this chapter by myself."

----------------------------------------

***

----------------------------------------

Leaving the poor confused Hats utterly in the dark with his fourth-wall breaking comment, Elegy dragged the bed inside the hive where he previously wreaked havoc. Passing by hundreds of dead bat roaches of varying shapes and sizes, some merely babies and others well into their senior years, he truly chose not to discriminate by eliminating them all equally. Even the larvae were all squished, with the only sole survivor among them being the one giant bat roach that is considered the queen.

"Darling, I'm back~!" Elegy jeered melodically, "I brought you a present, since you're so needy!"

"Bzzt!" The beast scurried around the area violently.

"Laid a dozen eggs already, have you?" He plopped the bed into the center of the hive, "You slut, how'd you manage that when I killed all your suitors?"

"Byahhh!"

Having heard enough of his provocations, she lunged at him with all her might. Some things to keep in mind about this specific beast—she is unkillable. Not just her body, like with the rest of the bat roaches, but her head as well. Anything Elegy tried simply wouldn't work at all, so he had to come up with a different approach.

"That's it, c'mere!" He dodged at the last second, "Oop! No good, no good! You gotta be faster than that!"

"Byahh! Bzztaahhh!"

"Women, am I right?" He turned to face the reader, "You can never understand them. Sigh, no matter how hard you try..."

The plan here was simple—make the bat roach lunge at Elegy, Elegy would then dodge, and the roach would slam itself into the bed. From there, plenty of things could happen, but he had hoped for one thing specifically.

"You eat gold, right?" He asked, "Well, I'm offering you gold. All you can eat, in fact. All you gotta do is provide a bit of it yourself, you see!"

The bat roach lunged at him, slamming always ever so close to the center of the hive, but never hitting the bed exactly.

"Tch, almost like she knows to avoid it..." He grunted, "Wait, that's it!"

Realizing that there was no other way, he came to a rather difficult decision surprisingly easily. Without even skipping a beat, Elegy brandished his sword, slammed his hand on the ground and began to saw the area around his golden pinkie off. If you were to ask him whether or not this ludicrous idea hurt him in any way, he would answer...

"Yeeeooooowwch!!! Yes, it hurts!" He revealed, "But now I got some proper irresistible bait for Miss bug-brain over here!"

One might be hard pressed to understand the reasoning behind his self-sacrificial action, but the explanation is quite simple. Verily, the only two gilded parts Elegy had on him were the tiny scars on his forearms, and his left pinkie. Seeing as he really didn't feel like he was using it much anyways, he didn't at all mind lopping it off to use in this situation. As for the queen, this was the only way he could ever think to lure it onto the bed.

"If this doesn't work, I might have to make use of Hats' other arm..." He grimly noted, "Haha! Just kidding, kidding! It was a joke... Yah!"

"Bzzz..." The queen bat roach stared him down.

"Listen little lady, you're getting on my nerves." Elegy waved the severed golden finger around to make sure it had her attention, "First you refuse to die, then you give birth to more of those freaks. I'm under a tight time limit here, you know? If I don't kill you soon, those larvae are gonna hatch, and that's no fun at all."

After a few more tense waves of the golden pinkie finger, he offhandedly tossed it onto the comfy bed. Immediately, the bat roach lunged directly onto it, securing Elegy his one shot at making this plan work.

"Hah, gotcha now...!"

As the beast munched on the finger, he kept repeatedly slicing at the body of his opponent. These slices were miniscule and barely did any damage, but they were enough to trigger the bed's claws and healing procedure. Holding the bat roach still, the machine-like claws tore into these slices and cuts, replacing them deftly with golden substitutes. The sight was gruesome, yet glorious all the same.

"Byahhh!?"

"What's the matter? You like gold, don't you?" He pointed out the newly golden bits on her body, "Then by all means, bon appetit."

Slowly, anxiously, the queen craned her head to her gilded parts. You could almost see the torn expression in her beady Eyes. One side of her knew what going through with this action would entail, but the other side was hungry all the same. It cared not that feasting upon oneself would lead to suicide, for all it could see was gold. Slowly, it reached out into itself with its own mandibles, and ate.

"Tasty, eh?" He patted the bedframe, "Don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from!"

Just like that, the more she bit off, the more the bed regenerated her body. This in turn led to her eating more and more, yet the more she consumed, the more golden she had become. Eventually, her entire lower body was that of pure, solid gold, but there was of course a catch.

"Are you gonna be able to finish all that?" Elegy smirked, "That's half your body gone, y'know? Now I'm not exactly an expert in neither insect nor bat biology, but I'm pretty sure that's gonna kill ya'."

"B-... Byahhh..." She whimpered before gnawing off her entire lower half, eventually succumbing to her own demise.

Just like that, the queen was defeated, and the Shrine no longer had any means of reproducing the bat roaches. If some stragglers existed, they would have been dealt with not too far into the future, surely. Of course, this included the larvae Elegy had to snuff out as well.

"Sorry, kiddos." He impaled them one after another with his sword, "Not my fault you were born monsters."

After double-checking that every bat roach was properly slain, he met up with Hats to detail his escapade. In spite of Elegy's proud tone over his accomplishment, Hats really didn't want to hear such a gruesome tale.

"Wait, what about the bed?" He suddenly asked.

"T-The bed?" Elegy recalled, "Oh yeah, when she fell on it, it kinda... broke..."

Just like that, two more "Staples of Heaven" were destroyed. First it was the White Monster, then the Bat Roaches, and now even the Bed. They will be dearly missed, some... more than others.