I look to my left.
"....Hm?"
I look to my right.
"Huh."
Then I look up.
"Nothing."
I then look down.
"Whoa."
Before me was a unique sight. The color White, its purity blinding. I was in the sky, it seemed. Or more like, above it. No matter where I turned my head, I only found blinding rays and shiny White colored buildings. My first instinct was to call it a town, or more like a Holy Kingdom. Nonetheless, the symmetric shape of all the plots of land was kind of disorienting. Quite literally blocks of land stretching out in all directions as far as the Eye could see, some taller than others, but all still strictly pertaining to their boundaries.
"Whoa!?" Someone's voice yelped behind me.
"And you are?" I turned to face them, only to pull back in fear myself.
The man's face... No, that thing isn't a man. It's pure White, but not the kind of blinding White the rest of this freaky place has. This thing looks like a human jumped into a bucket of White paint, with the only thing making it even resemble a man being, well...
"A-Ahem." I turned around for his privacy, "Cover yourself up, please."
"Oh, well would you look at that, at least my thing's still here." He looked down as if admiring it, "That being said, you're no different, sweet cheeks."
Sweet cheeks? Wait, don't tell me... Eek! By the Gods, why am I naked as well!? What the hell, where are my clothes!
"Looks like we're joined by another friend." The guy turned to look at another pure White being.
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" The third guy screamed like he was being brutally massacred, "No! Stop, it hurts, arrrrgh!!!!"
"..."
"...Oh, it stopped. Phew." He looked at us confusedly before breathing a sigh of relief.
"What happened to you?" I asked, still making sure to try and cover myself up with my hands as much as possible.
"Honestly? No clue." He shrugged, "I was screaming, then I closed my Eyes, and now I'm here with you guys. By the way, where are we?"
"Heck if I know." The second guy replied, "Hey, you think we died?"
"Whoa, what?" I jolted, "No, come on. If I died, I think I'd remember it."
"Then what do you remember last?" He refuted.
"...Nothing."
Yeah, come to think of it, I have no clue who I was before I opened my Eyes. I can talk, and I know basic stuff like how being naked is usually frowned upon, so I must've been SOMEONE before this... But who? Looks like these guys don't know their past either, which makes it doubly—scratch that, triply suspicious.
"Why jump to death as your first answer?" The third guy asked, "It's equally as possible that we were just created."
"What do you mean?" I tilted my head, "You mean like we're just born?"
"Not we, but our souls." He explained, "When a baby is born, that's its body. So, I ask, when does it become sentient?"
"...When it gets a soul?" The other guy replied with tons of uncertainty.
"Yeah, and so my theory is!" The third guy raised his finger up high, "While our souls wait to get properly implanted into our bodies, we just sit here!"
"...Nah, no way."
"Yeah, I agree, we're definitely just dead."
This guy's theory is just way too stupid to be the case. Come on, souls waiting to get implanted into children? I mean, just look at this place! We're in Heaven, through and through.
"Believe whatever you want, but if I'm wrong...!" The third guy got hurt, so he decided to bet on it, "May God personally correct me!"
"Yeah, you're wrong." A divine voice called out from above us.
"I was joking!" He sobbed.
"New guests are left clueless regarding their whereabouts and situation... Okay." The voice sounded like it was jotting something down to be corrected later, "I guess that's for Selz to fix later, for now though—Welcome to Heaven 2.0!"
"Heaven... 2?" I raised an Eyebrow.
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"As in, the long awaited sequel to the massively successful Heaven?" The other guy asked as well.
"When's Heaven 3 coming out?" The third guy joked too.
"It's 2.0! With a point Oh at the end!" The voice roared, "And yes, the Heaven you may know of has gotten too cramped, so we had to upgrade. This is a complete overhaul on the system, fixing many bugs and exploits to hopefully give our believers the best post mortem experience possible! Rejoice, for you are the first three to get the opportunity to join us in this new and improved Heavenly Realm!"
"Cool."
"Sounds lit."
"You guys... Sigh, alright. Well, that explains WHERE we are, but we're still left with WHO we are." I noted.
"Right, we'll be sure to explain that to any future guests that may arrive with like a divine message or something, but for now, I'll have to give you the basics." God stated, "Back in Heaven 1.0, there were humans that chose to meet each other here as angels and exact revenge upon one another. Imagine someone killed you, and you and your killer got placed in the same cell together. It doesn't really make sense, right?"
"Wait, you're comparing Heaven to a jail cell?" The first guy frowned.
"It's just a metaphor!" God fussed, "Geez, you guys are annoying."
"Wait, so why solve this by putting the killer in Hell?" The third guy made a valid point.
Right? What's this about some killer being allowed entry into Heaven? What's even the point of Hell if that's the case?
"Ah, that's because..." God was a bit embarrassed to reveal this to us, "Hell... doesn't exist anymore."
"Eh?" I cocked my head back, "Well what happened to it?"
"I kinda-Err, ahem." He cleared his throat, "It just doesn't exist anymore. We sealed it away, closed for business."
This guy does not sound like a capable leader. So which one of the Four is he? Auros? Allucius? There's just no way he's Selzion.
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"In essence, that's why we came up with the solution to erase all your memories of the time you spent in the world of the living." God continued, "A fresh, clean slate where everyone can love each other without prejudice. It's also why we made you all look the same."
"Did you seriously have to do that?" The other guy asked.
"Sadly yes, you humans really like to hate on others for being different." He made a point.
"And what if I say I hate this girl here for not showing me her privates?" The first guy dared to point me out as the bad guy.
"Wha-!? Then you're a pervert!" I shot back.
"Nah, that's your business I think." God explained briefly, "We did our part to make you get along, but we're not forcing you."
"Ah, that's fair." The guy stopped pointing, "By the way, I was just stating an example. I don't care about your body."
"As you should!" I hissed.
I'm already hating the fact people like this aren't shoved straight down to Hell. What were the Gods thinking? Ugh, whatever...
"So are these plots of land like, ours?" I pointed down below.
"One per guest." God explained.
"Wait, what happens if there's more guests than there are plots of land?" The first guy pointed out.
"Impossible." God explained, "We have separated a plot of land for every possible human ahead of time. Every person that lived in the past, that is living in the present and that will live in the future. Indeed, time is irrelevant in Heaven 2.0."
Holy crap, that actually sounded sick just now. Well, as to be expected of the Gods, they sure do know how to create worlds. But wait, if time is irrelevant, what about our natural sleep cycles? Seasons of the year? Does none of that apply up here? Days and nights, nothing?
"You'll figure out the rest later." The God sent us to sleep with just these words, "For now, let us fix any imperfections your bodies may have."
"Imperf...?"
Down, the Eyelids went. The sudden contrast from blinding White to pitch black was jarring, but I'll admit it helped cure my headache a bit. Aches... Right, I faintly remember my bones kind of being sore while I was awake, but now while I'm asleep, they feel fine. Wait, how am I even conscious if I'm asleep? Does that mean I can wake up at any-
"-time?" I opened my Eyes, only to find myself in a dark and dreary room, "This place is...?"
Cramped, and kind of nostalgic in a weird, messed up way. The gray walls aren't at all welcoming, and the giant saws and sawblades I'm surrounded by should be making me screetch in terror by now. However, I'm at peace with this. Why? Hm, I guess that can be attributed to the saws not being pointed at me.
"Ack!?" I felt something tearing through my spine, "What the hell is-!? AAAOOGH!"
A saw was behind me, and since I was bounded to stay in one place, I could neither see nor react to its spinning blades digging deeper into my back. This was a trap, I knew it. Gods, Heaven 2.0? What the hell was I thinking, believing that crap? Whoever made this elaborate thing must be one twisted bastard...
"So why am I not dead?" I asked myself out loud, "Moreover, why am I still calm and at peace?"
The steel from the machinery in front of me was so smooth I could use it as a mirror to look behind myself. A large yet careful robotic arm pried itself into my back and took the spine straight out. That was the last thing I saw before falling unconscious out of nausea once more. It was too grotesque for my Eyes to look at anymore.
"...Ah, finally." I looked around to find myself lying on a comfy bed, "Looks like that was just a bad dream."
I was in a Yellowish tinted room. It had some children's toys around me, how odd. My body, it's still White though, meaning I must still be in that Heaven 2.0 thingy. Damn, that means...!
"Crap." I ran to find the nearest mirror in the room, only to turn around and see a large scar made of pure Gold straight down the middle of my back, "This... wasn't a dream."
It was then when the God's words hit me for real. "Let us fix any imperfections your bodies may have." My body was stiff and sluggish before the saws, but now I could actually move and jump around as freely as anyone. That must be what he was talking about, he took out my no good back and swapped it out for a gold plated one. Sick.
"So if I'm still in Heaven..." I turned to face the door of the room, "Does that mean this place is my house?"
Exiting the room, I found a long hallway. Walking down slowly, I reached a staircase. Down there, I found the front entrance, from which I reached the yard outside. Indeed, I was in one of the plots of land, but there was one key difference.
"Oi! You there, finally awake?" The first guy from back then called out to me from his own yard across from mine, "Check this out! The Gods gave me some sick gold plated scars!"
"You're still naked." I noted.
"Same for you, missy! Ah, but bad news." He slumped forward, pointing to his nonexistent crotch, "Looks like they took away our privates..."
Indeed, I was too focused on checking my back out in the mirror that I completely missed the front. I looked down and... Yeah, no nipples. Nothing down there either, guess the Gods found those to be imperfections as well.
"And to think I was this excited about living in a world where I could freely ogle all the female angels scot-free..." He kept sobbing in his yard.
"You really deserve to get Hell reopened specially for you." I smirked.