"Then, Vastoria will fly us all up to my home." Energy reiterated for good measure, "Do NOT stray away from me. Only I know what is safe to touch inside."
"Meh, not like we can die." I shrugged, "What's there to be oh so worried about?"
With a deep sigh, he gently placed his hand on a seemingly random, grittier part of the wall. A trap activated that sent a log swinging full speed towards me, punting me three streets back. Though it hit my front and not my spine, I still felt a ton of discomfort as I rolled on the ground for the last third of the strike. Walking back with a lousy limp only made the embarrassment worse.
"You still believe there's no reason to avoid setting the traps off?" He asked smugly.
"Could've proven it on yourself, jackass."
"You wouldn't learn from that." He smirked, "Besides, I wouldn't wanna go through what you just did."
Gramps is being quite harsh with his discipline. Guess that's just how they taught their lessons back in the day. That being said, I'm more the type that learns better with praise, not punishment. I'll bet you everything he's never even heard of such coddly behavior.
"Vastoria, you're not gonna say something?" I complained.
"Say what?"
"Ah-? Your friend here just thundercunted your girlfriend three streets away!" I repeated the scenario angrily to her, "And you're not even the slightest bit pissed?"
"Well, I don't mean to get in between family affairs..." She twiddled her thumbs innocently.
Just great, she witnesses domestic violence and sides with the abuser because he's her in-law. In any other scenario, this would make her the least likeable person in the world, but since it's Vastoria I'll give her a pass. Besides, I can't argue with the facts—I sure as hell don't wanna touch any more traps after this.
"Vastoria, bring us up." Sheep nodded.
"On it." She replied, swooping us all in her embrace as she flew us to the house's entrance.
Again, even where she would land had to be dictated to her by the house's owner. To think that he would even memorize which floor tiles were booby trapped and which were safe... He's one sick, paranoid man. Eh, but that schizo is also my family member, so who am I to judge. After she let us down gracefully, we followed in a line the exact steps Energy took to reach the doorway.
"I will knock in a specific rhythm. If you don't do the same, barrels of dynamite will drop down from that window up there." He pointed.
"There's absolutely no way to avoid the blast hitting our golden parts..." Sheep shivered.
"Then let's do our best to not set it off." I rested my hands on my hips.
Carefully, Energy knocked on the door to the house twice, then three times, then four, and then a fake-out.
"Eh? Did I not hear your last knock there?" I asked behind him.
"No, that was deliberate." He explained, "Pretend like you'll knock on that last one, but pull back at the last second."
The doors briefly opened for him for just a second, which was enough to let him pass before the doors shut for the rest of us. How secure, I'm almost impressed. That is, I would be, if it wasn't damned annoying. In any case, I was up next.
"Two, three, four, hup!" I faked the last knock, prompting the door to open just for a moment, "Phew! That almost squished me!"
"Good job, but watch your step as you make way for those two." He pointed to my feet, "Follow the marked tiles. They are safe."
"And what happens if I step on the non-marked ones?" I asked with a jokey smile on my face.
"You fall to the basement below, that crushes you from all sides." He stated in a matter of fact tone, "Regardless of where your gilded parts are, you'll surely feel the pain."
"I swear, you're a sadist." A worriedly hopped away from the entrance, following the marked path, "Or wait, you live here, so more like a masochist."
"So long as I'm the one alive, I'll take any name you call me."
Admirable, but incredibly tedious all the same. After me came Sheep, with Vastoria jumping the gun and squeezing right after him without doing the puzzle herself.
"What are you doing!?" Energy hissed.
"I have my wings, so I can make it in time before the doors close." She proudly answered back.
"No, not that." He pointed down to where she landed, "Due to your haste, you didn't step on any one of the marked tiles."
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
"...The what now?"
The ground shook, opening a hole for her to fall in right where she stood. It closed right after, the walls audibly squishing together underneath us. Vastoria... had wings though, so she didn't fall down there. Extremely lucky as well, since I don't think any one of us could survive such a horrible fate had it been us who activated the trap door.
"..."
"...Yeah." She glanced back at us dumbfounded after a short pause, "I think I'll stick to flying for the remainder of our stay here."
"I should've just done this by myself..." Energy facepalmed, the echoing sound activating an arrow trap he easily avoided with a nonchalant ducking motion.
He... He just did that. And without even batting an Eyelid. Scratch that, I don't even think he realized what it is he did. There's like a very real chance he ducked purely out of habit, or like instinct or something. It looked awesome, or at least it would have if the arrow didn't hit Sheep right in the chest after it missed him.
"S-Sheep!" Vastoria and I panicked.
"Hm." He daintily pulled the arrow out without any bloodshed, "Lucky my chest isn't golden, am I right?"
I swear to the Gods, this group is too lucky for our own good...
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***
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"Okay, I'm being serious here." Energy lectured us, "Do as I say, do as I do. In and out, we get what we came here for, and get out!"
"Wait, what DID we come here for?" I realized.
"Migu, gosh darn it..." Vastoria put her hand over her Eyes, "Weapons! We need weapons to make our Shrine exploration easier."
"Can't we just use Gale's mandible blade?" I pointed to Sheep, who still held onto it, "It served us well enough, plus with a guy like Energy, I'm sure it'll be in good hands."
Energy and Gale are on pretty similar skill levels when it comes to overall competency, so I assume that translates well into swordsmanship as well. Hell, even Sheep was the one that killed Throne with the thing, so it's not like it takes a genius to at least know how to use it.
"Oh, I don't know how to use swords." Energy shook his head as he plainly stated, "I'm much more into mallets."
"Just say something normal for once, please!" I begged, "What the hell do you mean mallets?!"
"As in... hammers?" Vastoria was worried by this news as well.
"Bigger hammers, the ones used for hitting larger parts in place." Sheep corrected us, "Though even I'm puzzled on why one would ever think to use them as weapons."
As we all turned with questioning gazes at the lone Energy over this query, he returned an annoyed groan, followed promptly by a curt explanation.
"Must I explain everything to you?" He rolled his Eyes, "Mallets have a wide area of attack, can smash most any Rotted without any resistance, and can push the stronger ones away to buy you time to run. It's also the easiest one to wash off and maintain, as unlike blades, it doesn't require resharpening."
"Pheh, so you're saying you just use it to run away from the monsters?" I snickered.
"Wash off? In an apocalypse, does it matter how clean your weapons are?" Vastoria stifled her laughter as well.
"I'd still pick like a machete or whatever over a damned hammer any day of the week." Sheep brandished the mandible sword proudly.
"...Migu, you would die from getting overwhelmed." Energy snapped, "Vastoria, you would turn from getting infected by the bacteria imbued in your own weapon."
"Huh?" We stopped laughing as we listened to his morbid predictions.
"And Sheep..." He stared him down the hardest, "Anyone can swing your own blade against you, but mallets are surprisingly heavy to pick up as a first-timer."
The last sentence sent shivers down our spine. Of course, he lived in a cursed era. As people born and raised in a world protected by society, we completely forgot that there exist eras in which the very same has fallen. With no society to protect people from betraying and murdering one another, it's very obvious to us now that Energy has probably killed a fair amount of people in self-defense, just as he has these "Rotted". And for him to give this example to Sheep... means he's probably seen a fair amount of people get their blades turned on them and die because of it.
"Then, the weapons shed is this way." He silently led us up the stairs.
"R-Roger." We nodded.
Opening the shed for us, we were greeted by a glorious sight. Swords, maces, nailed bats, bows, crossbows, even some weapons I've personally never even seen. And of course, the mallets were there too, positioned in a nice row. But one thing stuck out to us immediately.
"Hold the phone." Vastoria cocked her head back as well, "Where are the guns?"
"Guns...?" Energy tilted his head.
"You had to have had guns back then, come on!" I chimed in, "Even a standard grade AFP would do, or an AK, or something!"
"You two..." Sheep, the one that came long after Energy's era, asked naively, "What's a gun?"
Oh, oh Gods, no. These guys lived in the pre-gun eras!? I knew they were ancient, but what the hell! Such primitive technology, and they dealt with flesh-eating undead?! Talk about playing on hardmode! Holy hell, now I see what Energy meant when he put priority on keeping his weapons clean! Melee was the only option available back then! Ah, I'm ignoring bows and crossbows because, seriously, if the monsters don't kill you, the wind up and reload times certainly will.
"Well, this was a massive waste of time." Vastoria gave up, "I thought we were going to get guns, we could blast the bat roaches from a distance with ease that way."
"Yeah, I agree—Screw this." I threw my hands up in resignation, "Gimme a mallet and let's just leave."
"It's too heavy for you." He shook his head, "This is way better suited for your strength."
"You calling me weak?!" I took the... whatever the hell made-up weapon he gave me was and pocketed it immediately, "Shut up and gimme a mallet, come on!"
"Sigh..." He tossed me his own, the sheer weight of it sending me straight to the ground.
"Oof... N-Never mind, you can keep it..."
It appears he really doesn't like to hyperbolize his words. Those things are HEAVY. And he lugs it around like a claymore, too! Actually, I think it's the constant pivoting and working with the momentum of the swing that makes it look so easy for him. True technique, that is. As for me, I abashedly accepted the weird looking weapon he gave me, and Vastoria just grabbed a bow. Guess she really doesn't wanna get in close against those things.
"Sheep, you're not gonna grab anything?" I asked.
"Where would I put it?" He answered with a question of his own, "I already have the mandible blade."
"How selfish, to not carry as many weapons as possible." Energy growled, arming himself to the teeth, "If you die, the person looting your body will get nothing out of it but a lousy pincer!"
"...Who hurt you to think like this?"