As with every culture, gnome weddings seem designed to whirl the future bride and groom into a confusing muddle: rigid societal roles, prolonged tests of each family’s expectations, judgement on how well the marital couple knows wedding etiquette, and whether the couple’s relationship is strong enough not to dissolve under the pressure.

If the engaged couple pass those tests, they will be allowed to proceed further and cautiously pick out suitable wedding day selections that must be attractive and stylish, yet timeless in design. Well, that is, the couple may be allowed to select from a palette of wedding day choices as long as the outfits, ceremony and reception plans aren’t too fiercely modern or unconventional. The bride’s family generally has the last word on that.

Let’s not even mention the money thrown into paying for this anxiety-producing social event, or the time and heated discussions involved to get all that planning done. It’s a wonder any young couple has the courage to plan a wedding.

Gnome societies are matrilinear, so a groom marries into the wife’s family. He traditionally takes the wife’s clan name. I became “Eden of the Lily Clan, husband of Jaal.” Any existing names may still be used in a gnome’s career. I am still known as “Eden of the Round Woods” on planet Zelen. In the local society on my home planet, my clan name always takes precedence.

In times long past, the groom was presented to his future mother-in-law just before the start of the wedding ceremony. She had to officially accept him into her branch of the clan. Of course this should have been settled in advance, and probably was, but the bride and groom had the fun of surrounding themselves with their own groups of rowdy friends who could loudly pressure the mother-in-law as needed.

If the mother-in-law said no even after the friends’ loud haranguing, the fun ceased and the rejection became real. The friend groups would carry the groom out and transport him to his home for a castoff fiancé revelry. This pity party would make his rejection as painless as possible.

The entire pre-marriage acceptance ritual has been dropped, but the idea of large groups of friends watching over the ceremony remains. Nowadays these friends merely sign the wedding scroll as witnesses, using the traditional goose feather pen and blackberry ink.

Each clan has thousands of marriage scrolls, going back through the ages. The scrolls have been crucial in working out our detailed genealogy charts. It’s true that not everyone gets married, and not every child is born in wedlock, but there are other societal records to fill in those areas. When I say that gnomes are all cousins, it’s true. We can recite exact familial relationships down to the hundredth cousin.

A marriage is for a single lifetime only. The couple may get married again during future lives, but every marriage is new and unique to that reincarnated lifetime. No soul ever gets locked into an obligation from a previous life. Even if two souls do decide to reincarnate as gnomes and remarry, they may decide to be born with different personalities, new clans and even into an entirely different universe.

It hardly seems necessary to note, but of course there are same sex marriages. These gnomes have enjoyable weddings and successful marriages just like anyone else. Gnome societies generally don’t support exotic marriages like threesomes or extremely different humanoid races. We have a simple society and complicated relationships tend not to succeed in it. But these complex relations are not banned, they are just recorded as not traditionally wedded. They are welcome to marry according to the larger society’s rules wherever they may live.

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And obviously divorce exists in gnome society. Each ex-spouse is encouraged to reflect upon his or her role in the demise of the marriage in order to increase their self-awareness. If no reconciliation can be reached, they may then divorce and move forward separately.

In any case, gnome weddings are great fun. Even Phyler and some of her fairy friends have attended Jaal’s and my weddings during many different lifetimes and had a great time.

Gnome weddings are never stiff and fancy. There are no lacy white bridal costumes and no uncomfortable groom tuxedoes. Instead, the bridal couple dresses however they like. Sometimes the bridal couple will wear soft, richly embroidered robes handed down through the generations. Some wear lightweight linens and laces. Some wear handsome new outfits that become part of the wardrobe and are worn to other social events for years afterward. Others just keep their look casual, which is especially popular for small outdoor weddings on a beach or mountaintop. In all cases, comfortable garments for a long day of ceremony, feasts and parties are expected.

Wedding receptions are down-to-earth, full of dancing, singing, drinking and food. It is a community day, full of joy. There are few gifts, since gnome households need little. But attending a wedding means reinforcing lifelong family ties which bring a sense of belonging and enjoyment to all.

Back in olden times the bridesmaids would actually go out to gather nuts, pick fruit, harvest vegetables, and prepare the feast. Wedding foods have not changed much since then: delicate soups made from early squashes, baked vegetables, simmered greens, and fruit pies, all decorated with edible blooms. Sweet or savory spices and just a touch of local honey impart tasty flavors.

Those fine maidens of olde would even bake a wedding cake. The cakes were simple and rather heavy pound cakes. Nowadays, the bridal party rarely assembles the feast. We have caterers to make and serve meals, and bakers who specialize in wedding cakes.

We still love our wedding cakes, but they are made from airy white flour and highest quality white sugar. They are not the overly sweet and layered confections humans would make, but are single-layered, fragrant and fluffy cakes with lightly whipped frosting. The emphasis is on a delicious flavor, whether traditional vanilla, a floral essence or fruit and nuts. A wedding cake is the most decadent thing we eat in our lifetimes, so it is always very special.

Since gnomes normally don’t eat often, and therefore don’t cook much, merely having the chance to sample such a variety of foods is a treat. Gnome wedding menus are reflective of the choices available on the planet where they reside, so it can be a delicious learning experience.

Another attraction for many gnomes is the selection of hard ciders that have been pressed and stored in oak casks. Tapping these barrels always brings a round of applause. Drinking, dancing, talking, and light wedding games keep the evening moving into the early morning.

The Earth artist Pieter Bruegel the Elder really nails typical gnome style with his paintings of peasant weddings. We have the same sense of fun and community, but bear in mind that we are not actually peasants. Many of the guests are highly educated. Intense discussions of agronomy, botany and zoology will be going on at the reception. Simple lifestyles do not mean simple minds.

Dear to all gnomes’ hearts are the wedding’s decorations. Clan medallions are displayed on the head table, surrounded by garlands and colorful bouquets. The bride’s clan flowers are always tucked somewhere into her bouquet. The groom wears the bride’s floral clan fabric in his tie or scarf. A mere glance at the flowered border on a guest’s shirt or cloak will tell you all you need to know about that guest’s heritage and family history.

There are no sweet pale pink and lacy white decorations in the style that has unfortunately taken over the galaxy. Instead, there are warm yellows and purples, or deep orange fall colors, or anything that emphasizes the bounty of nature. There might even be flowers from plant species that were bred specifically to show off blooms on table centerpieces, proudly unveiled just for that wedding day.

Gnome weddings are absolutely a blast, as the humans say. Ah, but I haven’t even mentioned the ceremony, music and traditional games yet. And I look forward to telling you about Jaal’s and my wedding day