I truly do hate to admit when I like doing the same things that humanoids like. Gnomes are so much more advanced than any humanoid species that I feel like I am regressing back in evolutionary time to cave gnome status. However, I must confess that one of my occasional hobbies after a hard day’s work is watching television.

I wave my hand to activate the TV hologram in the corner of my living room, and it materializes just above my racks of basket-making reeds. I can easily access any television station from around the universes through a basic intergalactic subscription service.

My favorite kind of TV show is the over-the-air kind, specifically from the first century after a civilization discovers how to broadcast electromagnetic waves. To me, that’s the most interesting time period. Civilizations are exploring their new technology but have not gotten so sophisticated that they have moved on to cable or other technologies.

There are hundreds of thousands of TV stations with these type of TV shows available to view. Some are transmitted from historical libraries, but in this galaxy alone there are thousands of early TV stations broadcasting right now.

I enjoy analyzing the wardrobes and hairstyles that are considered fashionable. It’s possible to get a good understanding of a society just by looking at the style of dress, the types of spokespersons, and the facial expressions of newsreaders. After all, TV stations always pick announcers that viewers will respond to most positively.

Sometimes I just enjoy listening to the cadence of the numerous languages and viewing their body language for a while. Eventually I switch into translation mode and start paying attention to the meanings of the TV shows.

I start by watching news programs. Humanoid news is actually rather stressful to watch, since so many members of their civilizations have incredibly poor decision-making skills. There are robberies, kidnappings, and appalling murders. These are followed by sensational trials and inhumane punishments. Who damages whom is a constant theme in most humanoid societies. Every flaw or vice is on display.

Gnomes do none of these things, so it’s a big learning experience for me. There are so many ways for humanoids to go wrong on an individual level. On a societal level it’s even worse.

Imagine poisoning your own water sources with toxic chemicals. Or mining whole sections of underground rock so your towns collapse into deep pits. Early nuclear power is always a coin toss as to how badly it will turn out.

Wars are constant, and are clearly the result of past bad decisions resulting in even worse new decisions. A wise human once said that it’s a good thing war is so dreadful, or we would never tire of it. However, I don’t see that they have tired of it yet.

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The list of astonishingly bad decisions goes on and on. These still-primitive societies achieve ever more damaging actions as their technology becomes more evolved than they do.

Watching news programs for more than a few minutes is just too difficult. Most of these early societies will not mature until they have learned many painful lessons.

I wave my hand to change stations, and the holographic images shift before me.

Cooking shows are enjoyable to me. I am always amused by the chefs trying to persuade people that doing something so tedious would be fun. These humanoid beings must eat, so I admire them for being so steadfast in their determination to make and enjoy a tasty meal. Of course, it’s always shocking to see the ways humanoids degrade their planet and cause pain to lesser beings while they produce the ingredients needed for cooking. I guess they feel they have no choice.

I usually turn to comedies and light entertainment next. The TV shows are not very amusing but are acceptable while I concentrate on carving wood. Situational comedies are at least useful in learning about the everyday lives of families amid the larger society. I amuse myself by looking for gnome statues in the sets of TV shows. It’s surprising how often they turn up, since gnomes are on most planets and humanoids know what they look like.

I particularly like TV shows about the animals on each world. Animal species on rocky worlds are similarly made, and therefore tend to look the same everywhere in the universes. The body shapes and fur patterns are always amazingly beautiful. Animals tend to interact with their natural environments in similar ways, but sometimes there are truly unique behaviors. I am reminded that I will never know everything about animals, no matter how many centuries I work with them.

And of course, I enjoy TV shows that display the longing for a civilization to progress to the stars. Most societies on a planet know subconsciously that this is where their future lies. The desire for a better future always gives me hope. I come back to these TV shows again and again to follow how humanoid imaginations respond to the latest achievements in technology.

My TV hobby gives me a wide-ranging view of humanoid civilizations. I see them at their self-centered worst and courageous best. I often admire these beings who have such painfully obvious limitations, but who keep stubbornly striving. They gradually succeed in making a better home planet or even manage to achieve an advanced place for themselves in the cosmos.

My family laughs at me and considers this TV hobby to be an odd, acquired taste. I admit I have more of a fascination with humanoids than they do. My gnome relatives consider assignments to work on humanoid planets to be unwelcome and quite enough of an education.

Maybe my attraction to viewing humanoid development developed from my days working with Adam and Eve so very long ago, when their world was still new. That ancient project taught me more about humanity’s struggles than most gnomes will ever learn, or most humans for that matter.

I could easily re-experience my time on Earth by taking a quick time-crossing historical visit. I’ve certainly thought about it. But just because I admire the Earth humans for surviving their fall from grace in the Garden of Eden, doesn’t mean I want to look back on that painful time too closely.

Well, maybe I’ll go back again and maybe I won’t. As the humans say, I’ll decide one of these days.