There is a strange place on planet Zelen, far to the west of the Round Woods, located just where the dry plains of the desert lands start. The mountains with towering firs and clear running streams have ended and the landscape has flattened into dry, windswept plains.
Empty prairies of cracked earth and occasional rustling grasses have replaced the lush landscape. Some small animals thrive in that harsh desert world. Humans are not acclimated and do not try to survive there. This lack of population has turned out to be a blessing due to a problem specific to these badlands.
The problem is that strange items randomly crash down from the heavens.
It seems there is a portal that opens and drops items into this area. There is no rhyme or reason to the miscellany that falls through this portal. The stuff just falls and clutters up our pristine lands.
Our theory is that the portal extends through many universes. Its edges must be unstable so that it swings around and pulls in items from many worlds and many time periods.
The odd graveyard of curious and unwanted items fills up slowly but regularly. A group of us planet dwellers who value a tidy and natural look get together once in a while to clear out the junk. We simply fling the unwanted items out into space towards our sun.
But before we start flinging, our primitive hoarder instincts kick in. Before our grand housecleaning begins, we give the debris field a good going-over to see what bounty we would like to pick up and move into our own domains.
Rau’u, the gnome who cares for the eastern seashore, has taken home many items. She has been able to repair and use small boats, oars, buoys and even some life preservers and colorful beach toys.
She has passed along to the mermaid queen some colorful glass marbles to decorate rocky ocean caves. The swirled hues are marvelous to behold. Their shifting shadows bring rippled light into dark ocean hollows.
The fairies have an ever-growing assortment of items for their guests. Their high cavern walls are decorated with paintings and tapestries. There are even tablecloths, silverware and place settings for the odd assortment of slightly damaged dining room tables.
I rarely take anything home since my needs are few. I did pick up some clay pots that had crashed into a shallow lake. They were well-packaged, so not badly damaged. They are useful for ferns and other plants that I like to start and transplant. Some handy shovels and buckets have made their way into my forest workshop, too.
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Phyler has a great sense of humor so you can imagine the fun she has had gifting her friends with strange and unlikely objects, tucked into odd places for us to find at the most inconvenient times. We have learned to tread carefully and not startle too badly at the pranks she has set up for us.
The manna from the skies inspired her to a legendary height of prankersterism: Phyler decided to surprise me with a particular item she found in the portal lands. But “prank” is a bit of an understatement. It was a complex and well-coordinated surprise that we all enjoyed a lot.
First, Phyler had a magpie fly by me and caw at me, telling me to come to the main meadow quickly. There was something strange there that I needed to see. I hurried over, concerned.
I was even more worried when I came upon an entire crowd of gnomes, fairies and local animals waiting for me in the middle of the grassy area. The Grove of the Ancients is located along the edge of that meadow, so all of the massive and serious-looking primeval trees also had their attention turned to the meadow.
The residents who were not permanently bound to the earth stepped aside and made a path for me. I couldn’t imagine what was going on, but became aware of suppressed grins and small giggles.
As I headed up the rise to the top of the meadow, I suddenly saw a plaster gnome in the very center of its intersecting paths. I just stopped and stared at it. It looked like me! The gnome’s clothes were very similar to mine, but it had the tall red hat that I coveted so much and was working hard to earn.
Not only was there a statue of me, but it was raised up on a Roman column so everybody walking through the open area could see it.
I had to stop and stare for a bit. Phyler flew over and landed on my shoulder. She told me that a group of local beings who were cleaning the portal lands had found the gnome statue. It had been only lightly damaged, so they fixed and painted it, then hid it until they could transport it here as a surprise. The column had crashed down just as they were ready to leave. Everyone agreed it was perfect as a base for the statue.
Now I am a rather serious gnome, so when I came upon this short gnome on top of a tall column, with its bright red hat and holding a basket of cheerful flowers, I stopped in my tracks. My mouth fell open. Everyone paused to see my reaction.
I started to laugh. I laughed and laughed. It struck me as the funniest thing I’d seen in many lifetimes.
We all enjoyed the joke that day. I was touched by the effort that went into the lighthearted presentation and accompanying party.
Plus, I really enjoyed seeing myself on top of a column more than I care to admit.
It’s been over 200 years, and the gnome statue is still there. Phyler and friends give it a new coat of paint every now and then to keep it bright and attractive. It is now the center of a series of gardens and gives a focus to the many plantings that radiate out from it.
The story has become a legend throughout the solar system. When contemplating a practical joke, the question is always asked, “But can it beat a surprise party to present a statue of a gnome on top of a column in the middle of a meadow?” The answer is always no, and a great many annoying jokesters have had wiser thoughts and skipped their pranks. At least, they skip the mischief until they can check out what’s crashed down lately in the portal lands.