“How is this possible?”

They refused to return my Kai collection back to me...

...Don’t they realize that I have saved some rare sightings there?

Who knows when the next time she’ll do something funny and bold, like accusing one of the great dukes to being a pedophile in the middle of the street...

I mean, they did return back the secret information...but not my collection, the most important thing!

“Sigh...”

It’s been three days since that monstrosity and the dog died...and, well, they were replaced pretty much immediately.

Not only that, the new head priestess is also aiming for me.

At least, this time, she looks a lot better than the previous one...to be honest, anyone would be better looking than her.

And of course, those annoying bastards are still trying to make me marry that girl.

Hmm...Alright, so be it.

“Uncle, bring in Kai.”

Uncle Audrey smiled, “Are you sure that it’s safe enough?”

“Are you being sarcastic, Uncle? Actually, you move in here as well.”

I’m done playing around with the church.

I’m done playing around with the corrupt!

I will make sure to wipe them out...and take back what is rightfully mine.

“I shall take back my Kai Collection!”

As for the empire? It’ll naturally return to me as well, as a result of me getting my hands back on my Kai collection.

----------------------------------------

“Alright, miss, since you’ll be moving into the palace soon enough, I brought you a magic teacher to teach you a little bit.”

“A magic teacher...? Why do I need a magic teacher, old man?”

The old man shook his head, “We both know that Angel is pretty much useless aside from bullying old men.”

“Hahaha! So you admit that she’s not doing her jo-- o-oh, wait a second...was that an attempt at a joke?”

I don’t remember her doing anything to the old man after all...she only knocked out the Pedo-beast after all...

“Well, either way, we just want to make sure that you can save your own self or at least buy enough time for someone to come save you, alright?”

I nodded, but then a question popped up in my mind.

“Why can’t I get an aura?”

The old man laughed, “It’s true that anyone can get an aura, but it could take from an hour to even a century to fully absorb an aura! It all depends on your body and your affinity to the crystal.”

“So let me guess...because it might take a long time, you won’t let me try and learn it?”

The old man nodded, “Yup. As for your new magic teacher...well, he’ll visit you in a bit.”

And as if just in time, a knock was heard from the door.

“Oh, speak of the devil!”

The old man got up and ran to the room’s door, opening it.

“Miss, I want you to meet the second best mage in the empire, Saint Mage Leafless Stark!”

The one who entered the room was an old man made from bones and skin. He looked to be over two centuries old, to be honest.

His flabby cheeks rose slightly, making his already small eyes disappear, “Nice to meet you, young lady.”

I bowed slightly, a little bit creeped out to be honest, “H-h-hello, Mi-mister Saint Mage.”

I realized that my greeting isn’t the best, but...well, it’s the best one I can give right now!

After that, the old man took both of us outside for training.

“Well then, I shall leave the both of you here and be on my way. If you need anything, just walk past that corner and you’ll find a guard, ask him whatever you need.”

The place he took us was his beloved garden, filled with both grass, roses, flowers and pretty much girly plants.

We both nodded to the old man, and then he took his leave.

The Saint Mage laughed a little bit like a skeleton, which scared the shit out of me, before saying, “Well then, young miss, what is your vision of magic?”

What is my vision of magic, is it?

Hmm...

“U-umm...I-I think...I-it’s uttering i-incantations a-and sh-shooting out s-spells...”

To be honest, I wanted to answer ‘You collect magic power and then shoot it out like pew pew pew!’ just to mess with him...but, I can’t do it.

The old man smiled again, and his small eyes disappeared again.

Dude, stop doing that, it’s super creepy!

But of course, I can’t say that out loud.

“Ha-ha-ha, my granddaughter once replied with the same answer!”

Well, of course she would.  

It was, after all, the generic answer to that kind of question!

Although, it would be more fun if...

“My daughter on the other hand answered with, ‘It’s shooting pew pew pew out of your finger!’ ...Yeah, she wasn’t really that much of a magician. Well, luckily enough, my granddaughter turned out fine.”

Alright, this old man just read my mind.

I was about to think, ‘It would be fun if the granddaughter gave my imaginary answer...’

“So where was I...oh yes. Your answer is correct, young lady. However, that thinking is really old fashioned.”

...Wait a second, did this old man just call me old fashioned?

This skinny, bone on skin, two hundred years old man?

“Well then, I’ll introduce you to the future, young lady. This,” The old man took out a staff from god knows wear--it was taken from his black robe, by the way-- and continued, “Is my master piece. The magic wand M.K. Ultra five thousand!!!”

His old voice ran out loud, and then broke into a fit of coughing, “Cough, cough, cough!”

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

This old man...he sounds like a fishy salesman!

A super bad fishy salesman!!

“U-umm, Mister Saint Magician...you aren’t trying to sell me anything broken, are you...?”

After calming down, the Saint Magician looked at me like I offended him, “You don’t trust me? Then here, hold on to it and see for yourself.”

He handed me the staff, and as soon as I held it I noticed something.

There are five colored buttons on the staff.

Blue, red, green, yellow and purple.

As I was inspecting the buttons, the old man puffed his skinny chest in pride, “This is my own invention. It looks like a normal staff. In fact, there isn’t any crystal on the top, right? It is actually logged in the middle of the wood, not on the surface at all, so it looks like the cheapest kind of staffs out there!”

I nodded, not really listening to him at all.

“Those five buttons represent the five spells installed within the staff! One is for...”

He continued to babble about, and I didn’t really listen at all.

"One is for disarming, which is blue. The red shoots out a class three magic spell, laser. The green reverses the blue, while the yellow heals. As for the purple, it's the self destruct button!"

While he was talking, I tried to test it out a little...

I pointed at the old man as he spoke, totally not noticing my action at all...and then I pressed on the blue button.

“W-W-W-W-WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!?!?!?!”

Without a sound, without some sort of beam, without a warning...the old man turned butt naked.

His boney, disgusting, creepy body in full display. Of course, it also included his flabby wiener...! THE HORROS!!

“H-huh? E-eh?! What have you done?!”

The Saint Mage quickly shouted.

“Is something the matter?”

A shout was heard from around the corner, perhaps from the guard that the old man told us about earlier.

The Saint Mage quickly shouted, “Hurry up and press the button next to the blue one!”

And as soon as he said that, I pressed the button next to the blue one...which is the red button.

“N-no, the gr----------”

And a red, thin stream shot penetrated the naked old man’s skull, as a tranquil trail of blood swept down.

“D-did I...j-just kill him...?”

As soon as I realized that, I ran to the old man’s corpse.

This isn’t the time to think about useless things such as guilt!

I immediately lowered staff and made the old man’s cold, limp hand grip the staff.

The guard who was around the corner walked toward us slowly, and as soon as he noticed the naked, disgusting body of the old man, he ran with all his might.

As soon as he arrived, his first action was throwing up.

After that...well, it took him a while to adjust to the naked old man’s body.

“W-what happened here?!”

“To hell if I know?! He held the staff to his head, and then pressed the blue button!”

The guard--who looked to be an honest, middle aged man--Quickly grabbed the staff and pointed it at his head.

"Hmph, do you mean like this?"

Is he trying to scare me by reenacting what happened? Or is this somehow for him to report back to his master--the old man--correctly?!

“Wait! Don’t do it!!”

The old man smiled, “Don’t worry, I don’t have magic power so I can’t really use any spells!”

As soon as he said that, he pressed the blue button.

And...well, he turned naked.

The staff won’t take magic power from the caster’s body, but rather from the crystal! I think!!

And just like that, the old guard lost his armor and also turned naked.

“H-huh? W-WHY?!”

The middle aged man shouted, compeletly suprised.

I quickly shouted, “Get your hands off the staff, the thing is cursed!!”

The middle aged man didn’t seem to listen to my warnings, shouting, “Hurry, young miss, tell me how to return my armor back! It’s my only one, and it was a gift from my late wife!!”

Oh...fuck, there goes a death flag!

“No, no, no, no, no! You just raised your own death flag, I won’t be speaking anymore!”

The middle aged man seemed to be holding back his tears, “But...I promised my daughter to give her this memento from her mother when I retire!”

More death flags!!

“I can’t, I can’t, and I can’t!”

“Quickly, or I’ll mishmash all the buttons!”

I quickly gave a sigh, “It’s the button next to the blue one. Not the re--”

“--So it’s the red one!”

“W-wait, n-not the re--”

Thud!

And the second naked victim fell right next to the first one!

This one, however, truly held the staff with it’s tight grip.

I quickly made my way out of there, and when I was questioned at a later date about the incident...well, my answer was, “The Saint Mage requested that I leave when the guard appeared, so I don’t know what happened next...” and thus it was named the ‘The Eaten Apple Double Suicide’ incident.

The ‘Eaten Apple’ part probably meant that they...well, tasted each other before killing themselves.

Ladies and gentlemen, you should never try to take any kind of shortcuts when trying to learn magic--or else you’ll turn your teacher naked and have him dead! ...Oh, and also gay!!