When your job is being a lawyer, you have to know how to bullshit your way into and out of conversations. I can do that pretty easily. Brendan’s... well, he’s useless, and an absolute dumbass. I’m not really the smartest person either, but I at least know enough to get to where I need to go. Time Travel is wacky, but we gotta make the most of the opportunity, right? I can resolve this whole situation without needing to throw a single punch. I don’t have my suit, anyway, so it’s not like I could do much.
I walked up to the front door, it was clear. I could see into the lobby. The scientists were passing into what looks like holding chambers for the kidnapped victims. I took a deep breath and immediately walked in, to which a lady at the front desk immediately tried to say something.
“Are you lost, Sir?” She said, uncaringly.
“Yeah, I’m a new hire. Should be under Cho.” I said, hoping my lie works.
She looked at me, then pulled up a clipboard.
“First name?” She asked.
“Uh... John.” I panicked.
I crossed my fingers behind my back hoping that this person wasn’t cultured enough to know what Harold & Kumar was.
“I don’t see your name on the list.” She said, looking a bit more suspiciously.
“Ah, I was hired yesterday. They may not have put it on there yet.” I replied, nervous.
She looked at the list again, and then looked at me. She sighed, typed a bunch of stuff into her computer, hitting the print button, and handing me a card that came out of a card printing machine.
“That’ll get you into most places in this facility. Go report to Shapiro. He’ll give you your assignment.” She said, handing me a key card.
I took it and thanked her, walking around the corner to the main hallway. It was a bit hard to navigate, as there didn’t seem to be many rooms. Eventually, I came across a card reader next to a bookcase. Hoping it would work, I slid the key card the receptionist lady gave me. Suddenly, the bookcase swung open, revealing a small office that was also a small library, and in the middle of the room, I saw a man dressed like a scientist, reading a book.
“Are you the person I report to?” I said nervously, trying to get the scientist's attention.
The scientist then dropped the book and turned around quickly.
“Christ, don’t startle me like that. I get super into the zone when I’m doing research. What do you want?” The man asked in a calm, raspy voice that sounded like who I heard on the radio at the protest.
Matt.
“I was told to come to you for an assignment.” I replied.
“Mhmm. I don’t recognize you. But you look smart, so I don’t really care. I need you to go to experiment #6’s room, and give her a banana. Trust me, it’ll be hilarious. Take notes, report to me afterwards.” Matt said, walking over to his desk on the other side of the room and picking up a banana.
“I’m sorry, you want me to take a banana to... an experiment?”
“Yeah, her name’s Juniper. Goes by June. She says she doesn’t like sexual intercourse but I mean, come on. Everyone likes sexual intercourse, even my wife, and she hasn’t gotten wet in months. Anyway, take the banana and stick it up her vagina. That’s your assignment. I’ll be watching in the security room to make sure you go through with it.”
Fuck. God fucking damn it, of course I have to be the person to do this. This is despicable. Is this dickhead forcing me to molest someone, while he watches the feed? What the actual fuck is going on here?
“Why are you still here? You should be already on your way to the room. Get a jacket, you look too normal. Chop chop, I’m not repeating myself.” He said, getting a bit more angry, shaking the banana at me.
I angrily walked over there, trying to hide my loud footsteps, and took the banana, walking out of the room. At least I know another name now - Juniper. We didn’t find her tape, so this is new information. I grabbed a coat from a closet close to the main hub area, with a walkway and plants underneath it. I looked around until I found a room with a number 6 on it. As I entered, I could immediately hear Juniper’s call for help.
“Fuckers! The moment I get out of here, you’re all fucking DEAD!” She screamed as I entered the room, banana in hand, “Who the fuck are you? You’re not the normal scientist.”
“I’m not, no. I’m new.” I replied.
“Oh, so the rat bastard king put you up to this cause he can’t deal with me himself, huh? Of fucking course, what a jackass.” She screamed in response.
I walked over to her, looking her over on the table. She was completely naked.
“Have you... been naked this whole time?” I asked.
“Why the fuck should I tell you? What, did Matt tell you to shove a banana up my vagina again? He get bored of doing it himself? Give me a fucking break.” She shouted at me, despite how close I was standing.
“Look,” I whispered, “I’m not technically a scientist. In one month’s time, everyone in this facility will be rescued. Matt has something I need, so... christ, I don’t want to do this either, but if you let me so I can gain his trust, We can stop him.” I whispered, trying to whisper so the audio security recording doesn’t hear me.
She looked at me for a moment, took a deep breath, and started whispering as well.
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“Why should I trust you?” She whispered to me.
“Because if I get what I need, we can save the other 15 people in here, and the rest of the queer community. I’m also on the ace spectrum. I get it, I do.” I whispered back.
She thought about it for a moment.
“How did you know I’m ace?” she asked.
“Matt let it slip out in a fairly bigoted way.” I whispered.
She thought about it a bit more.
“Okay, fine, but if you’re lying to me I’m not going to be so willing next time.” She replied, closing her eyes.
Her legs were already open, as that’s how she was strapped to the table. Then, I took the banana, closed my eyes, and slid it directly up the place Matt asked me too. I could hear Juniper screaming in pain and discomfort as I moved the banana up and down. It was... horrific. After a few brief moments, once I was sure that Matt had seen me, I took the banana out and immediately threw it into a trash can near the entrance of the room.
“I’m really, really sorry. Thanks for your consent.” I said, shivering.
But as soon as I said that, I noticed that Juniper had already passed out. I walked out of the room, hoping I never have to do anything like that again. I made my way back to Matt’s office, opening the side door and seeing that the room was now empty.
Now’s my chance, I entered the room and started searching around the desk for anything that looked like a list. I didn’t find much, though. Just an old letter addressed to Matt from... Dave McCarthy.
I know it’s wrong to open other people’s mail, but lives were at stake. I didn’t have a choice. I opened it as carefully as I could, and read the letter to myself.
Dear Mr. Shapiro,
I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m writing you this letter instead of sending you an email or something like a regular person. However, I do not give a shit about what you’re wondering. I’m here to hire you, as I’m aware of your abilities in the field of fear. I have a list of 16 people attached to this letter. I need you to find them, bring them to a lab I bought recently under my name. If anyone asks, you bought it. The lab cannot be traced back to me. The address will be given to you by Jared Lang. In a week's time, he’ll be thrown in jail due the arrogant decisions he continues to make. That will be the opportune moment to kidnap several of the names on the list. Each one has their place of business on it. Do this, and I’ll reward you with more money & power than you know what to do with in order to bring this world to a true Utopia.
Best Wishes
DM
I put the letter back into the envelope and then into my pocket before walking out of the room... or at least, attempting to, as I approached the bookcase at the same time that Matt entered.
“What are you doing in here?” He said, in a very sinister tone.
“I finished my task and was waiting for you.” I said, slightly more nervous.
He stared at me, dead in the face. I could feel his fear washing over me, taking over every nerve in my body as the bookcase shut on it’s own.
“Y’know, it’s weird. I don’t remember hiring anyone new, especially someone who isn’t white. What’s your name again?” He asked me, slowly moving towards me as I took steps back.
“J-john Cho.” I replied, scared.
“John Cho, hmm?” He said, moving slightly faster, “You mean, the guy from woke Cowboy Bebop?”
“I-it’s a common name.”
“Sure, bud. But you better not be lying to me,” he said, backing me into his desk, “do you wanna know what I do to liars, John?”
“You know, I really think I should be heading out.” I replied, my back leaning further and further onto the desk.
“I treat them like my experiments.” He said, in the coldest voice I’ve ever heard.
I took a deep breath and realized I won’t be able to get out of this situation by normal means, and even if I don’t have the suit... I still remember the moves.
“There’s a difference between these experiments and me, Matt. I can defend myself.” I said, slamming my elbow into his face as when he got close enough and bolted to the other end of the room.
“FUCK!” he screamed, slamming his hand on a microphone button on his desk, “Employees, we have a mole. Whack it!”
I managed to escape, only to be met face to face with several scientists, all of whom took off their jackets to reveal Sinister Gang uniforms. At that moment, Gwen and Brendan ran through the front door.
“Jacob! Are you okay?” Brendan yelled at me idiotically.
“Don’t tell them my real name, asshole!” I yelled back.
Matt finally left the room, reopening the bookcase and walking into the hallway area.
“Oh, cute, you brought friends.” He said menacingly.
“Come on, dude! We have to return to the present!” Brendan yelled again.
Shit, this was bad enough. I was surrounded by Sinister Gang members, blew my cover, and now they know we’re from the future.
“Return to the Present?” One of the Sinister Gang goons said, confused.
“Who the fuck cares about their make-believe bullshit. Don’t let them leave.” Matt said, slapping the fuck out of the guy who said that.
I dropped myself and slid my legs underneath the two goons closest to Brendan and Gwen, running towards them.
“However you managed to bring us here, please do it in reverse. Quickly.” I said anxiously.
As I continued to fight off the Sinister Gang members who were trying to stop me from leaving, Gwen started pushing a bunch of buttons on her time travel dress.
“Hurry up!” I yelled, slamming two of the goons' heads together after dodging their attack.
“Give me a second, I don’t know how I did it the first time!” She complained.
“Wait... Jim? Jim Jeremy? Didn’t we just catch you? How did you already get back into that grotesque outfit?” Matt yelled at us, walking closer as I continued fighting off his goons.
Gwen continued to type in buttons on her dress correlating to the year we wished to go to.
“HOLD ON!” She yelled as we all disappeared, right when Matt tried to grab my head.
Suddenly, we were back at the present day, still at the drag show that was being prepared. I fell to the ground, trying to catch my breath. Lasagna, upon our re-arrival, ran towards us.
“What happened? You were talking and then disappeared for over an hour!” Lasagna asked us, very worriedly.
“Have you seen back to the future?” Brendan asked her.
“Hasn’t everyone?” She replied back.
“It was like that, but we went to the lab. During the month-long kidnapping scheme.” Brendan finished off his thought.
“We didn’t see her past self, but I fought off a bunch of people and also stole a letter.” I continued.
“I can time travel. In this dress. I haven't taken it off, so I don't know if my powers are only in drag. I'm very concerned.” Gwen said.
Lasagna took a minute to wrap her head around everything, then walked up to us and sat down on a bench.
“No more secrets, who are you two?” She finally asked.
“We’re members of the Unreliables. I’m Eye Trace, he’s Buzzkill.” I replied.
Lasagna looked over at Brendan, trying to comprehend what was happening.
“Tell me everything. From the beginning.”
“It’s a rather long story.” Brendan replied.
“I have time. Tell. Me. Everything.”