“Ugly?” She screeched. “You’re the ugly one here! Actually, calling you ugly is a compliment. You bring shame to the word ugly. You’re so ugly, that when you cultivate, you disgust spiritual energy. When you try to gather spiritual plants, they grow legs to run away from you. When you try to ascend, the lightning tribulations don’t want to touch you. When you breathe, you dirty the air. When you look at goods, you bring down their value. You’re so ugly, burning off your face would be like getting plastic surgery. It’s a shame you can’t, since even fire doesn’t want to be wasted on a valueless person like you!” The guard clenched his fists.

While he wasn’t ugly, he wasn’t good-looking either. He looked completely average, but compared to all the stunning beauties and handsome men in the cultivation world, he felt inferior. Especially when the prisoner that was provoking him was also considered very attractive, even by cultivator standards.

“How dare you insult me! Know your place, bitch!”

“Bitch? How unoriginal. Come back when you can afford insults that haven’t been dug out of a bargain bin.” Siye cut in derisively.

“You too! You need to learn your place!”

“What are you going to do? Spit on me? I’m pretty sure poisoning prisoners to death isn’t allowed.”

“You!” The guard was speechless.

“‘You’? Is that all you can say?” Lu Fei joined in again. “The dumbass looks like a genius compared to this guy.”

Meanwhile, the stranger was completely flabbergasted at how quickly the two had switched targets. He looked on in confusion as the two fellow disciples provoked the guard until he realized what they were doing.

The two of them had been trying to get the guard to attack one of them, but to do that, he had to go inside their cells. However, the cells restricted spiritual energy, so it would be entirely up to body strength if they fought.

After deducing this, he decided to jump in as well.

“They’re right, you know. You are ugly. Your parents must have died out of shame for creating something as ugly as you.” Yun Siye and Lu Fei glared at the other prisoner as the guard turned to the other cell.

“Shut up, Qing Zheng! You're one to talk! No one has ever seen your real face. You always make your face good-looking, aren't you afraid someone will accuse you of compensating for something?”

“Aren't you just jealous of my ability to change my face? And how do you know I don't show my real face because it's too beautiful? Maybe I'm just afraid that people will fall in love with me, but break their heart's because I can't love them back?”

“Shit! Lu Fei, this guy is formidable! Shamelessness really takes you places.” Yun Siye whispered to his Third Junior Sister as Qing Zheng drew the attention of the guard.

“Then we better step it up. We can't shame our teacher by losing to an upstart like this.” The teacher they were talking about was, of course, Murong Yingyue. Their Fifth Junior Sister had cussed them out so many times, they would be stupid to not pick up some insults.

They shared a grin, and turned to the guard.

“Hey, you son of a two cent whore!” Lu Fei started. The guard whipped around to face them.

“What now, you wastes?” He snarled.

“Incredible! You've learned a new insult. Let's celebrate!” Qing Zheng said cheerfully, attempting to redirect his attention again. Luckily for the disciple pair, Yun Siye thought quickly.

“Third Junior Sister, whores are usually attractive! Look at this guy, do you really think that he could have come from someone good looking?”

“Whores don't have to look nice. They could have a hot body.”

“But he looks like a stick! His body reminds me of a misshapen twig! If his mom has a nice body, where is his?”

“Umm... he has a super ugly dad?” Lu Fei offered.

“How about we just settle on him being a freak of nature?”

“You two are courting death! How dare you insult me and my parents!” The guard pointed at them.

“Pfft! Is this guy for real? He can't even say a single original sentence. This life of his is really too pitiful. No looks, no brains, no strength.” She cackled as the guard slammed his hands against the bars and shook them.

“Here, how about you get in here and see what a nice body looks like.” Yun Siye shrugged off part of his clothes, revealing his perfect pecs. Everyone in the room looked at his pecs.

No one spoke.

Then Lu Fei tilted her head up to stop the blood in her nose from dripping down.

“They're really nice...” The guard muttered under his breath.

“Those pecs... are the pecs of legends, able to stop all mortals with a single glance...” Qing Zheng whispered reverently.

The room fell into a respectful silence.

...

“YUEYUE!” Murong Yingyue stood still as her father clutched her legs, sobbing profusely. For anyone else, the sight of the stoic Sovereign Shui, one of the Five Elemental Sovereigns, crying would shock them to the core. However, in Murong Yingyue’s household, it was a common sight.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

“Yueyue, your father has missed you so much! He hasn’t seen you for so long, why don’t you visit anymore? I was so afraid you forgot about your parents...” Another shudder wracked Murong Zili’s body as he clung even tighter to her legs. Yingyue turned to her mother, who had been lounging outside, reading a book under the shade of an umbrella.

Feng Ran looked up from her book to meet her daughter’s pleading eyes. Her eyes moved to the sight of her husband, and then went back to her book.

“And I’ve- Argh!” Her father let go of her legs, flinching back. His hands and arms had been charred, but his clothes had stayed clean.

“I’m not washing your clothes. Clean them yourself.” Her mother said tonelessly. Zili looked down at his clothes, which had grass stains on them from rolling around in the grass, and his sleeves, which had gotten dirty from his burnt arms. Without hesitation, he complained to Murong Yingyue.

“Yueyue, your mother is bullying meeeee! Did you see what she did?”

“No.” While she could see the results of her mother’s attack, she didn’t see her attack in motion. It would be weird if she could, as her mother was famed for having the quickest attack speed in the universe, making her father’s question a very stupid one.

“I’m going to my room now. I want to take a bath.” Feng Ran waved her daughter on, ignoring the desperate glance from her husband.

As Murong Yingyue went inside the house, Murong Zili walked over to Feng Ran.

“Don’t you miss our daughter? Why aren’t you happy to see her, huh?” She stared blandly at her husband.

“She visits when you’re not here.”

Murong Zili: Σ( °Д °)

It was a critical hit. He fell over back into the grass, clutching his heart. Feng Ran stood up, closing her book and went back inside, leaving him lying alone on the ground.

“W-whyyyyyyyyy?” He began to sob uncontrollably again.

He was left there for the rest of the day.

...

After dropping off his juniors at the Purple Emperor's grounds, Di Jinming went to visit his friend. Teleporting directly into his friend's workshop, he called his name.

“Wen Hua.” The man hunched over his desk didn't respond, only continuing to scribble on his paper. He wore long black robes with silver accents that had been dirtied by the ink from his brush, and his short black hair was disheveled, some parts sticking straight up and defying gravity.

Black eyes stayed focused on the parchment, unmoving. Di Jinming frowned at him.

“Wen Hua!” He didn't look up.

“I screwed your girlfriend.” He said casually. Wen Hua still didn't respond.

“I stole and lost the blueprints of your latest project.” His eyes flickered back to him, but otherwise stayed on the paper. Jinming smiled slightly.

“I found someone like you,” He drawled, feeling a sense of victory when his friend finally stopped writing. “Someone who has memories of a different life.”

Wen Hua gave him his full attention.

“Who?” He turned around on his chair, arm resting on the backing.

“My cute little junior.”

“Yun Siye or Lu Fei?” He asked.

“Guess which one.”  Di Jinming said playfully. Wen Hua narrowed his eyes at him.

“Jinming, tell me who. I don't want to play your games.”

“Well who do you think it is?” Wen Hua tched.

“Just tell me who. I already know that it's not either of them, so give me the name of your newest junior.” Di Jinming pouted.

“You're no fun. But since you're my friend, I'll give you a pass and tell you. Her name is Murong Yingyue.”

“Murong Yingyue? Hmmm... I see. So after the Murong Clan was exterminated, the soul travelled to the dead heiresses's body, and took over. You should be careful around her. She's most likely went on the path of vengeance, and it's likely that you might become an addition to her reverse harem. Make sure you protect your mind, and if you find yourself becoming attracted to her, come to me immediately.” Di Jinming blinked.

“She's not the Murong Clan heiress.”

“Then who is she?”

“I don't know. But she was already apprenticed to my master before the Murong Clan was killed off.” Wen Hua frowned.

“Then how did the heiress of the Murong Clan survive?”

“She didn't...” Di Jinming paused. “Fuck.”

“'Fuck,' indeed. Have fun screwing the main character.” Wen Hua turned away from him.

“Wait, aren't you going to help me?” Jinming was back to being ignored again.

“I'll set up a meeting with my junior sister for you.” Wen Hua started to write again. Di Jinming grit his teeth slightly. He would have to bait him more. Perhaps he had pushed Wen Hua too far last time...

He thought back to how he had lured his friend into an auction and almost managed to get him into a irreconcilable enmity with a local power. He also remembered how entertaining it had been to watch his normally emotionless friend panic. He especially remembered how annoyed Wen Hua had gotten trying to reason with unreasonable people, and how he ended up having to fake his death.

(It was completely worth it. No regrets.

It didn't mean that he was willing to let go of his stinginess, though).

“She's from Earth.” He offered the information reluctantly. He hadn't wanted to give anymore information than he had to, since it was the only way he could get Wen Hua's attention.

“Earth.” Di Jinming didn't bother hiding his smile when his friend turned around again. “You're positive? Absolutely certain?”

“She told me she was.”

“Confirm it. Read her mind, whatever. Just make sure. And set up a meeting as soon as possible if it's true.”

“And...?” Di Jinming wiggled his eyebrows. “Anything you're forgetting?”

“...And I'll help you after I gather more information on her.”

“Mwah!” He blew a kiss towards Wen Hua. “I knew there was a reason I loved you the most, baby!” Wen Hua chose not to respond to the weirdo, going back to his work.

“Awww, is my little Wen Hua too shy to show me his love? It's okay, I understand. I'll show you more love to make up for it.” Di Jinming walked behind his friend and placed his chin on top of Wen Hua's head and wrapped his arms around his neck.

Wen Hua froze, before bursting into paper. It spiraled out of Di Jinming's hold and partially reformed as a hand. The hand held a paper colored blade against Jinming's throat. The bits of paper swirled and formed a mouth, which opened and began to speak.

“I may not subscribe to the grudge between talisman masters and formation masters, but that doesn't mean I'll let you see my talisman designs. Now back away from the table.” Di Jinming only pouted, backing off and turning towards the floating mouth.

“It was worth a try.” Wen Hua's mouth frowned.

“Now, if there isn't anything else, get out. You're distracting me.”

“Alright, alright. I got it.” Di Jinming teleported away. The parts of Wen Hua coalesced and formed a human body, complete with his black robes.

“A reincarnator... It's going to be difficult taking them down if they've went on the path of revenge. Good thing I just have to prevent Di Jinming from falling in love and becoming a harem member.” Wen Hua stiffened.

“Why am I saying my thoughts aloud? I never do that. Dammit, I'm doing it again! Shit, don't only characters in a story do this?" He turned to where his friend had disappeared. "Jinming, what did you just drag me into?”